A/N: Hi there! This is my first fanfic, but I'm not new to writing. It's about Camaya, basically a redo of BitterSweet Symphony where Cam lives. I know there are other stories out there like this, but this is different. It'll be Cam/Maya dealing with the aftermath of him trying to kill himself, trying to fix their relationship. But after that I'll write chapters about them going to Paris, tieing in recent episodes, even new characters like Miles and Zoe. This fic will probably be very long with a lot of chapters, because they're so many possibilities. I'll probably write up to the end of their high school careers or even after that. I'm writing the happy ending they deserved. Also I'll be updating once or twice a week usually. I don't have days set but as I write more, I'll decide on that. Please review and leave any feedback for me, it'll be much appreciated! This first chapter is basically a prologue because camaya isn't in it. Enjoy everyone! :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of the characters.
Rating: T, may be changed in the future.
Summary: He planned for this to be the end of him, his existence, and his relationship with Maya. But it wasn't, there was so much more in his life to come. This was only the beginning for Campbell Saunders.
Everyone Deserves a Happy Ending|| The Prologue
Campbell Saunders sat on the steps of Degrassi, tears threatening to slip from his warm brown eyes. The last words harshly spoken to him had been branded onto his brain, and were on repeat.
Maya forgave you? Doesn't matter it won't last.
You're a psycho.
And if you cared about her, at all, then you'd get out of her life now. Forever.
Those words from the raven haired boy were poisoning his thoughts. They quickly filled up his mind with irreversible, horrible things. Sitting there he tried to forget it all. He told himself that Zig was just trying to steal away Maya, and was an awful person. But he just couldn't erase his words, them stuck in his brain along with all the other awful thoughts he had collected from his time at Degrassi.
As the first tear drop fell from his face and on to his shaky hand, he realized he was crying. Scanning the area he saw clusters of people everywhere not paying much attention to him, but a couple starting to stare at his now damp face.
Stop crying where everyone can see you, it's embarrassing!
Remembering what Dallas had said just yesterday, he needed to get out of sight. Cam was supposed to meet Maya here in a little bit, but he didn't want her to see him in his state. Standing up hurriedly grabbing his backpack leaving a pair of happy meals behind, he made his way to a place he knew no one would be, the greenhouse.
Cam forced himself to halt his tears to avoid people looking at him as he walked, but he couldn't stop his eyes from welling up. He was seconds away from coming undone, and it knew he couldn't stop it. Walking hastily up to the structure he peeked carefully inside to make sure no one was occupying it before entering. He was positive no one would disturb him here, school was about to start anyways.
Once he knew he was alone he crumbled, breaking down like he had many times before. Nervous breakdowns, panic attacks, he had experienced it all. But this time was worse, everything was hitting him a little too hard now. Sliding his back against the glass wall and onto the floor, his hands raised to wipe his face trying to slow the tears rushing out of his eyes. His whole body was shaking as anxiety arose inside him, the pain in his chest making it difficult to breathe. Slowly he was losing his mind. Usually this only happened for a short period of time, but not today. Today his mind would slip completely, never to be retrieved.
Cam thought about everything.
First he thought about hockey and how the pressure of it was ripping him to shreds. Everyone was heavily counting on him to play well, and his biggest fear was letting everyone down. He could never enjoy playing hockey, because when he was on the ice the nervousness engulfed him.
Second he thought about his family back home, and how he longed to be with them everyday. He thought about how much he was missing out on in their lives, and how much they were missing out on his. There wasn't a moment where he didn't feel homesick, but he never had the nerve to go home. Cam wanted to make his family proud.
Lastly he thought about Maya Matlin, the only good thing in his ill lighted life. Campbell was positive that she was the love of his life, she was his absolute everything. But then he thought about Zig's words, how she was better off without him. Campbell knew something was wrong with him, always feeling and doing crazy things. He started to think maybe he was a psycho like Zig said. Maya didn't deserve to deal with that, he was beginning to be convinced that she'd be much happier without him.
Campbell sat in the greenhouse non stop crying, thinking about these things over and over again. He wasn't happy, he realized he was never happy no matter how hard he tried. With Maya he was his happiest, but he was never fully happy. There was always a lingering sadness in the back of his mind. That sadness to him would last forever.
A half an hour had passed and he still didn't feel any better than he did before. He even felt worse, which he didn't even think was possible. Campbell did the only thing he knew that would make him feel okay again, he harmed himself.
Fumbling with his backpack zipper he pulled out his hockey skates, which he knew had just been recently sharpened. Holding the fresh cold blade to his wrist he shook even harder, throwing his head up back against the wall, shutting his eyes tightly bracing himself.
As he cut himself he couldn't help thinking how good and reliving it felt, making more nasty marks up and down his wrists. Usually at this point he would stop himself, but not today.
I'm only going to let everyone down, I'm just a crazy person.
Everyone is better off without me, especially Maya.
I'm in so much pain, and I just want it to all go away.
I'll never be happy.
That wasn't the first time those thoughts had crossed his mind, but there was something different about them today. He actually believed them.
Taking the blood covered blade off his arm and setting it down, he took out his phone to text Maya. What was he going to say? How was he going to explain what he was about to do? Was there even any way to explain it? He went through a cycle of typing something out, erasing it, typing something else, and repeating it all over again. Finally he decided on something that didn't explain anything to her, just ended things. Like he was going to end himself.
I'm not coming. Sorry. It's over.
It was the hardest thing in the world for him to send that text, but he told himself to remember it was for the best. Picking the blade back up he went at it again, mutating his arm merciless. Everything was so wrong. He was wrong. This was the only way to fix it all.
As hours passed, the color red surrounded him. The cuts vertically and horizontally all over his arms were bleeding out immensely, and he started to feel woozy. Not from the sight of the blood and not from the tears in his eyes, but the blood loss. In the back of his mind for a quick second he doubted what he was doing, but it was too late. Seeing spots, before he knew it he was passed out on the cement greenhouse floor.
The very last thing that crossed his mind was Maya. Her cute laugh whenever he made a bad joke, her radiating smile when they were spending time together, her innocent face after she would jump on his back surprisingly from behind. He thought about how she was his definition of perfection, how she never failed to make his rock bottom days better. Maya was one he would love forever, but the one he decided to leave behind.
He planned for this to be the end of him, his existence, and his relationship with Maya. But it wasn't, there was so much more in his life to come. This was only the beginning for Campbell Saunders.