Author's Note: This is going to be a three-part songfic about Tony and Michelle's reunion in season 4, which is one of my favorite parts of all time. All three songs are by Matt Nathanson.
Disclaimer: The characters and most of the events belong to Fox, the lyrics belong to Matt Nathanson
Who was this rigid, severe woman snapping orders to everyone in the CTU bullpen? No one else seemed to doubt this was Michelle Dessler, but the 'Chelle Tony remembered was nothing like this - professional skirt suit, straight hair pulled into a bun, and those eyes. So closed, so emotionless and invulnerable as she waited, convinced she'd made the right call on where to position the teams. Her outright dismissal of his opinion hurt more than he wanted to admit - didn't she know it was hard enough for him to hold it together with her here? And she acted so businesslike, hardly even acknowledging the memories he could practically taste flowing between them. Wasn't there any part of her longing to at least try making things right, back to how they used to be? Tony's soul ached for it, anger giving way to the passion that had always ruled his thoughts of her. Was there any chance? This was mostly his fault, he knew it - the drinking and cynicism drove her away - but was there anything he could do now to get her back, or at least find out what happened to make her into this hardened version of what he'd loved? He had to try; seeing her like this today started memories of their lives together running through his mind like an old picture show.
And it's amazing, with a look in your eyes
like you could save me, but you don't even try
then you tell me again that everything will be all right
And if I told you that I'm sorry
would you tell me you were wrong
And would you hold me there forever
if I came to you for answers?
I saw
pictures in my head
And I swear
I saw you opening up again
Curtis's voice broke into his thoughts, almost as tense as Michelle's own. "We have gunshots reported four blocks east of the McLennon-Forester building. Our teams aren't on site yet - either the hostiles have turned on each other, or Jack has engaged them in a firefight."
As Tony turned toward her, their eyes truly locked for the first time since she'd walked back into the CTU bullpen and his life. His breath caught in his throat. All desire to say "I told you so" disappeared as he saw her bitterly cold facade slip for a split second. A strange relief overwhelmed his concern for Jack as he caught a glimpse of the woman he'd fallen in love with, underneath the protective shell. The flash of fear and guilt in her eyes sent images flitting through his head - holding her in the back corridor the first time she broke down in his arms, saying goodbye before he was taken into custody, watching through a drunken haze as she cried and told him she was leaving.
All the resolve he'd built, not just over last few hours but the last few months, was gone in that instant. After spending so long blocking out the memories, he could still no more forget about her than forget about breathing. He closed his eyes to keep from seeing hers ice over again, and the time since they'd been happy together seemed to dissolve. Past and future blended together in his mind as he remembered what had been and imagined what could be - if only she'd let it.
The days are
drifting away from me
Still wake up
burning through everything
And I saw
pictures in my head
And I swear
I saw you opening up again
'Cause I would be
heavenly
if baby you'd just rescue me now
Please review and I'll put up the next chapter soon!