"You only stand to break my heart, I can tell it by the way you runaway"
Remus' POV:
He left me, again. But this time for good. He finally got sick of dealing with my problems, clearly sick of dealing with me. Did he not think of the effect it would have on me? Is he seriously that self-centered? I never thought so. He was a great man..I remember our first "date".
FLASHBACK...
"Remus," he said, his hand waving me while the other one guiding me. The blind fold over my eyes caused excitement within my stomach and heart.
"Come on, were are we going," I ask excitedly.
"Ah, wait my love," he said his thick accent pushing through the cool September air, "Be patient. I will soon show you."
My breath quickened when I realized that he was now standing behind me. I bring my hand up to touch him and he grabs it with his larger hand.
He kisses my knuckles, brushing his lips across it, "Here we are love."
He slowly reveals my eyes. I see a table for two directly in the middle of the Forbidden Forest. Rose petals sprinkled the white covered table and chairs. There were two candles sitting on the table, lighting the dark forest just slightly.
"How, how did you do it," I ask, my breath momentarily taken away.
"Don't ask questions," he replies, his voice as smooth as silk, "Just enjoy it."
The stars in the sky shimmered as if a spell was cast upon them just for that moment, just for me.
With a snap of his fingers a single house elf appears with a cart of food, "Choose what you would like, Remus."
I look at him, my eyes full of adoration, I am sure. I pick up the plate with the reddest meat, mashed potatoes and cooked carrots.
"Ah, that's what I thought," he said with a bit of amusement in his voice, but no laughter, "What else would you expect from a werewolf?"
I blush slightly and pull my silverware out of my napkin. I swiftly shake out the napkin and place it in my lap. He does the same after grabbing a salad with, what I am guessing is, Italian dressing.
While we eat music plays in the background, I do not know where the music is coming from but, like he said, I shouldn't ask questions, but enjoy.
After dinner he lays out a red and white checkered blanket in the middle of the clearing. We both lay down, admiring the stars.
--x--
We used to enjoy just hanging out by the fire, reading books and drinking tea.
FLASHBACK...
"You comfortable," I ask turning my head to face the man that is holding me up.
"Yes," he says placing his finger in his book and turning his head, "If I wasn't I would have asked you to move already." He places a small kiss on my lips.
I love him, I truly do.
I snuggle back into him and open my Defense Against the Dark Arts book.
--x--
But it all changed the day that I asked him a question that had been plaguing me for a while..
FLASHBACK...
"Can I ask you something," I say at the breakfast table.
"You already did, so you might as well ask what is on your mind," he says looking over the Daily Prophet and putting his mug down.
"Do you love me," I ask nervously, my hands shaking slightly.
He slaps down the paper, obviously upset by my words, "Remus, why kind of fucking question is that?!" He stands up knocking down the chair he was just a moment ago seated in. I cower down in my chair at his sudden growth in height and anger.
"I don't know," I say, attempting to force back tears that are threatening to leak from my eyes.
He walks away from the table and grabs his black overcoat off of the coat hanger.
"Where, where are you going?"
"I don't know," He says, "Besides, do you have to know everything?"
--x--
He left that night angry. I don't know why and probably never will. I waited for twenty four hours straight for him to come home. He didn't. I waited a week. He didn't show. I waited to weeks. He still didn't arrive at our flat. I waited a month. Still no sign. It wasn't until three months later that he came home.
FLASHBACK...
"Hey babe," He comes waltzing into the flat and walks over to give me a kiss.
"Um, what are you doing here," I ask, astounded by his sudden return.
"I am sorry, hun, I got upset."
"Upset? You were gone for three fucking months. I didn't hear anything," I shriek out, I am sure that the neighbors can hear but I don't care.
"Shhh," he says rubbing my back gently, "I needed some space."
"Space is sleeping on the couch for a night," I yell, obviously not getting through to him, "What you did was abandon me. You fucking abandoned me!"
"I know, honey," he says rubbing my shoulders, "But I am here now."
I jerk away from his touch, the way his fingers touch me bothers me, "You can't just come in here and act like you weren't gone."
"It was only a while," he says, "Don't ask questions, just enjoy."
"Stop saying that to me," I say tears flowing freely down my face as I hyperventilate, "Why did you leave me?" My voice is now a pained whisper.
"I," he pauses, "I just had to think."
"Well you must have a slow thought process," I whisper trying to calm my breathing.
"Who were you sleeping with," I ask after I can breath at a steady pace.
"What are you talking about," he says.
"Don't play dumb with me," I say rage overcoming my sadness, "Who the fuck was it?"
He walks away from me, tearing my eyes from his. He grabs his coat and leaves, once again.
--x--
I should have gotten accustomed to it. Or followed him. But I was right it was his own fault, he ran away. He came back that night...
FLASHBACK...
I hear a door slam. I get up off of the couch and walk into the short hallway.
I see him standing there with a dozen roses and a sad look on his face, "I am sorry that I hurt you. I am just afraid."
"Afraid of what," I ask, a little more relaxed then earlier.
"I am not quite sure," he says rubbing the back of his neck, "But maybe with your help I can find out."
--x--
He left again that weekend. The story is not worthy of me returning to it. But the following Monday is...
FLASHBACK...
"Remmy," he says smiling and engulfing me into a hug, "I missed you."
I take a deep breath expecting his familiar scent of broom polisher and detergent. Instead I got the unpleasant smell of pollen and perfume.
"What kind of cologne are you wearing," I ask smiling up at him.
"Um, none," he asks smelling his shirt, "Why?"
"It's just that," I sniff him again, "I smell, I think, female's perfume."
"That's absurd," he says his tone aggravated.
"I'm sorry," I say but he has already pushed me away.
He left for the third time that night.
--x--
I didn't see him again until the next Friday at Lilly's party.
FLASHBACK...
"I have some great news," Lilly says smiling widely at the head off the dinner table.
"Out with it," I say loudly.
All of the people attending start to chant, "Tell us," over and over again.
"Well, I am pregnant," Lilly says grinning from ear to ear.
We cheer loudly.
"Who's the father," Pettigrew asks wearing an odd smile.
"James," she says.
My heart stops.
--x--
He came home with me that night.
FLASHBACK...
"Remmy," he says, "I know this may be a shock to you, but you knew it was going to happen."
"The sick thing is," I say wiping my tears away, "Is that i didn't."
--x--
That same exact night he committed suicide. Both wrists slit, a message in blood written on the wall, "I will always love you, my Remmy."
I do not know why he couldn't have told me this while was alive, I wish he had. So I could have told him what I am currently writing with my own blood on my own walls, "I love you too, James."