Mitarashi Anko walked up to the classroom door. Warily checking the area for any booby traps, she slowly nudged open the door with her right foot. Then, ever so carefully, she placed the aforementioned foot through the little crack, just one step into the classroom, and tapped the floor experimentally.
Nothing happened.
Anko tugged at her violently purple hair, furrowing her brow. Something was wrong. In one huge, sweeping movement, she shoved the entire door open and jumped back. As she flew through the air, she watched a bucket of paint spill onto the ground in front of the door. That was such an old, old trick.
Then, when she expected to land on her feet…
She crashed into a net, which closed up, dangled her about six feet off the ground, then dropped her down and dragged her into the classroom.
She felt a class-full of bulging eyes belonging to the various shinobi-in-training in the room.
Someone choked, and the whole class erupted into laughter.
Anko let out an exasperated breath. Next time, she would send a clone out first. No, two clones. In case the first one was destroyed.
She whipped out a kunai and cut herself out of the net. Standing up, entirely unruffled, she sent out a killer glare at the kids seated around the room.
Abruptly, the laughter stopped. Nobody missed the evil, murderous intent pulsating through the room. The "scary snake lady" was scarier in real life than in the stories Naruto had been telling them.
Not relaxing her offensive stance for a second, Anko strutted over to the black board, picking up a piece of chalk. Holding it up close to her face, she examined it curiously. Did she have to use this thing? Dropping it back into its tray, she turned back again to the dead-silent audience.
Clearing her throat, she said, "Good morning class. My name is Mitarashi Anko, and I am here for your, ehm…Family Life course."
The students exchanged clueless glances.
Heaving a gusty sigh, Anko perched herself on the edge of the desk. "Okay then. I'm here for your Sex Education unit."
The class looked like it was close to erupting into laughter again. Apparently, nobody had told them about this. Curse Kakashi and his stupid idea.
Anko closed her eyes wearily, willing herself to stay calm. This was a Chuunin job, not a frikkin' Jounin's! What was Tsunade thinking????
She opened her eyes, making sure that the students could feel the cold death threat emanating from them. The students got the hint.
"So, let's start. First, I will make it clear that I am here against my will. Hence, I am currently holding a huge grudge against all of you, especially because of that added offense of a childish prank. I thought that that kinda thing would be below Konohagakure's wonderful shinobi, but you pathetic beings have just proved me wrong. Second, I demand at least an ounce of maturity and dignity from you guys. I reserve the right to maul and mutilate anyone who violates this particular rule. Third, I will NOT tolerate any annoying reactions when I criticize the Gondaime. She has done me a huge wrong, and I have the right to say what I want about her without the threat of her snapping my neck. And, if you must know, any violators of this rule will have THEIR necks snapped before Tsunade is anywhere close to mine. Fourthly…"
And the afternoon wore on. Before long, there were students snoozing at their desk—Anko had been lecturing for three hours straight now, and she still had not gotten to what they all wanted to hear.
Hatake Kakashi peered in from a side window gleefully. Well, not so gleefully anymore. He, too, was snoozing at his perch. Hearing footsteps approaching, he quickly snapped awake and jumped to another window. Anko had turned suspicious and walked to the window, sure that she had seen a tuft of gray hair sticking out of the corner of the window frame. Sticking her head out and seeing nothing, she shrugged and walked back inside.
Kakashi cackled quietly to himself, realizing that he now possessed the window with the greatest view. Oh, Tsunade was going to love this.
Anko walked into her favorite bookstore, munching on some dango and mumbling crankily to herself. It was always the same…every time she managed to get some time to herself between mission after deadly mission, Tsunade had to come in and screw it up. This time, she had been trying to hook her up with Kakashi, and Anko and told her right to her face that she would rather teach a pack of kids sex education than go out with Kakashi. That was, of course, just a cover up for the crazy blush that appeared on her face after Tsunade's announcement, but nobody needed to know that.
Well, now, here she was, teaching a pack of kids sex education.
Kakashi peered down at her from the ceiling rafters, completely invisible in the shadows. Anko was looking extremely absentminded, and a slight blush had risen in her cheeks. It made her look absolutely delightful. Kakashi caught himself and shook his head violently. Nope, he had no feelings for Anko. Absolutely none at all. None at all, no matter what Tsunade told him.
He was really good, no, best friends with Anko. They had been since they were tiny, although she probably didn't remember that. Knawing on the inside of his cheek absentmindedly, he pulled out an Icha Icha book and jumped down from the rafters, lounging casually on the shop counter next to Anko.
Perhaps a little closer than was needed.
Startled by the flash of movement, Anko had a kunai tickling Kakashi's throat in under a second. Then, seeing who it was, her blush deepened and she returned to her original position, browsing the book display and munching on her dango, trying her best to look as nonchalant as her companion. Through a mouthful of her dumplings, she mumbled, "Whatchu doin' hee? Shtalkin' mi' o' sumti'?"
Kakashi glanced up from his book. "Sorry, did you say something?"
Anko knew that he was faking it. Swallowing, she said, "What're you doing here? Stalking me or something?"
Kakashi looked down at her, his expression completely calm, with his eyes half-lidded, as usual. "Why would I be stalking you?"
Anko told herself to shut up and be quiet. She was being obvious.
Kakashi returned to his book.
Anko walked out of the bookshop without a backward glance.
Kakashi facepalmed.
Sending out her two clones, Anko waited around the corner of the hallways until she heard loud cheering, laughing, and clapping from the classroom. Then she grabbed an extremely pissed-off Kakashi and towed him inside the room. The class stopped all of a sudden, confused. Anko could almost see the thoughts running through their heads. "Wait, two Ankos? Say whaaaad?"
Dumping the sulking Kakashi on the ground, she got rid of the clones and faced the still-confused class. One student recovered sufficiently enough to ask blearily, "Wait, why's Kakashi-sensei here?"
Anko rested a hand on Kakashi's spiky silver hair. "I found this miscreant lurking outside the classroom, and I thought, hey, we need a male to help me with my teaching anyways. Also, I thought that his awesome poofy silver hair would work great as a mop. So I dragged him in." She stuck her hand into his pouch and withdrew an Icha Icha book, holding down a now frantically struggling Kakashi with one hand and holding the book up with another hand. "Someone take care of this for me?"
A completely unaware student raised his hand and caught it.
Kakashi slumped down on to the ground, dejected. Anko patted him on the head lightly as she tightened the knot on the rope she had been tying him up with. Tut-tutting and wagging a matronly finger at him, she closed her eyes and shook her head. "Now, now, Kakashi, you'll only be getting that book back if you cooperate with me. So be a good boy and help me out here."
She then instructed the student to throw the book out the window. Mystified, the student followed her instructions.
The rest of the students were still trying to figure out the whole clones thing. They puzzled over it for another five minutes while Anko tried to hold down a certain Hatake attempting to jump out of the window, until finally a wonderfully bright child stood up, and in a tone of sudden realization, announced to the whole class that they were clones.
Then it started raining mushrooms.
No, not really.
Anyways, Anko managed to haul an exhausted Kakashi back into the classroom, let him recuperate, and then forced him to do all the teaching while she sat in the back of her classroom.
Meanwhile, Naruto was taking a leisurely stroll around the perimeter of the school. Suddenly, he felt something hard drop onto his head, and he keeled over, cursing. After getting back up and dusting himself off, he investigated the area, looking for whatever flying projectile it had been that had crashed into his skull.
Rubbing the back of his head ruefully, he reached out and picked up a colorful book from the dust. "Hmm…" he said to himself as he randomly flipped to a page in the book and started reading.
I'm not sure if I should continue this story…it's not exactly turning out as I expected it to. Whatever. :P Review, please!