"No shit, Ryder…" Peebee squeezed her shoulder with sympathy.
"You really should not blame yourself. Archon is an ass." She said quietly. Not mentioning you died there as well – but these were only her thoughts. Sara was sitting on a couch in the com room away from everyone. They saved the Salarian Ark but it was with hard cost to come, guided by decision she needed to make.
She chose to save Raeka and her squad. It was the most logical choice, but she still felt like a piece of shit. Pathfinder's life was important, especially the one as experienced as Raeka was. However, the glare Drack saved for her when they ran away from the lab, broke her heart to small pieces and not even Peebee could save the day with her friendly and joking nature. She had come to comfort her when others just decided to leave her alone and give her some space. The crew had a lot to process, although they heard only a part of the story. Sara asked Drack and Peebee, and even ordered SAM, to be quiet about her death. She needed to tell them only by herself. When she was ready. SAM assured her she was physically fit, so she planned to keep it from the doc as well.
Sara tried to distant herself from anyone anyway. Guilt was hunting her as the whole role of a Pathfinder lying heavily on her shoulders, today more than ever. But, Peebee did not buy it and was tracing her steps almost immediately after they boarded the ship again. She never thought twice about strings or boundaries of any kind. Peebee proved her relentless nature when they slept together in the escape pod serving as her bedroom. It was an escape of a kind and maybe she was offering it again. Sweet way to forget.
However, it was not what she needed right now. She could not run away from her own demons and Peebee was not a type of a person who could help with it or who she really wanted to have by her side right now. Their relationship was truly friends with benefits kind of type, but not more was in it. At least, that was what Sara believed. They did not let it to go further, which was something Sara was glad about actually. Peebee was sweet, but too much alike her and that was the problem. She really could not imagine to do more with her than "fool around". Sara raised her hand and kindly touched Peebee's cheek.
"I'm fine Peebee. You are kind though. I just need to rest. Wish to have your energy." She tried to laugh, but it was too fake and she doubted Peebee was convinced. What surprised her that Peebee accepted it and let her go.
"Of course, Ryder. You look terrible." Her honesty was refreshing, but still... Sara just smiled and stood up.
"Chat later, maybe?" Said she. Peebee jumped and gave her a kiss on her cheek. It was a friendly and playful one, maybe caring... This was one of those reasons, why Sara could not find a way to talk to her about anything personal. Everything seemed to playful. She smiled at her anyway.
"Ok, Ryder. Don't let me wait too long though. If you don't show yourself in the morning I'll abduct you to the escape pod and make sure you don't keep that depressed look on your face." Peebee winked. Yes, exactly this relentlessness was the reason which made her smile but not to want more.
Still, she was thankful. Thankful to Peebee's support and free nature. With those feelings she let her leave her alone… Her eyes found a way back to the never-ending mysterious Andromeda galaxy. Seeing the stars looking so peaceful and untouchable, the whole reality made her gut turn upside down. The guilt consuming her soul felt as unbearable as it could be. She managed to stand up only with all the strength let in her athletic body. She needed to escape, but somewhere else than to the Peebee's arms. Her big bed was looking as the best option. She decided to take it from upstairs to avoid Drack or Lexi, actually to avoid anyone who would ask too many questions. Fortunately, she bumped into no one and managed to reach bed. Ryder did not even bother to ask SAM to lock the door and just fell on clean blankets. Sleep embraced her almost immediately.