A Helping Hand

Author: Kaia Mariacle

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. No, none of these wonderfully luscious men are mine, dammit!

E-mail: m_kaia@hotmail.com

Feedback: It's like a Clex sandwich.

Archive: Just ask.

Warnings: m/m implications, expletives.

Category: Humor/Romance

Spoilers: None.

Rating: R -for the expletives.

Pairing: Take a guess...*snicker*

Summary: An errant knight, on a reluctant mission, is sent to Smallville to lend a helping hand.

Author's Notes: This is what you get when hyped up on coffee, cigarettes, and Hostess cupcakes. What you're about to read is the product of above ingredients, but can also be blamed on my reluctance to finish a research paper due tomorrow. I mean, how else am I supposed to get through the massively boring subject of 'time management?' How boring can you get?

Acknowledgments: To my partner in Clex slash and the wonder of yaoi, Shana. And my English Professor, who subjected me to weeks of researching time management, thank you ever so much you impotent nazi!



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When he walked into the room, it was as if the entire world stopped spinning and everything froze.

Not to mention how hot his ass looked in those pants.

But he didn't notice the heated gaze staring hungrily at him from the corner. The heavy-lidded stare that spoke of ungodly things.

Things that the owner of the stare would happily do to his body.

But instead, the savory specimen of manhood was on the dance floor, laughing at something his dark-haired partner had said.

The brooding figure sighed.

Oh, how he loathed that damn brunette.

"Sexy, isn't he?"

The brooding figure, who'd thought his hidden corner was enough to not be noticed, glanced up sharply, glaring at the interruption.

The interrupter, who was smirking widely at him, laughed loudly.

"It's tough, isn't it." The stranger said softly, "Watching the one you love with another?"

Again, the brooding figure said nothing, instead his glare grew menacing.

The stranger put a hand on his shoulder, which was unsurprisingly shook off.

"Why don't you just take him?" The stranger continued, "Take him and fuck him. It shouldn't be that hard with all your....connections." He laughed again as the brooder's eyes grew wide.

"It's cool, I'm not here to hurt you." This time the shoulder pat was accepted reluctantly. "He loves you too, ya know."

"No, he doesn't."

The stranger sighed, shaking his head he stared up at the ceiling. "Why do I always get stuck with the pigheaded soulmates?"

"Soulmates?"

The stranger nodded, "Yeah, you and he, you're soulmates." He raised his eyebrows mockingly, "Souls entwined throughout the ages, fated for each other, meant to be." He snickered. "Yadda, yadda, yadda."

"We're not soulmates," The brooder replied, with his tone expressing despair he pointed at the pair he'd been watching so closely. "They are."

The stranger shook his head, groaning. "No, they are not!" The stranger pointed into the crowd at the dancing figure that had captured the brooder's attention, and then back at the brooder. "You two are =soulmates=," he sighed. "Geez, get it through your head!"

"But-"

"How can you miss all those red-hot looks he gives you!"

"He never-"

"And the subtle innuendoes disguised as innocent comments!"

"I don't think-"

"No!" The stranger whispered harshly, "You don't think!" He moaned in despair, "Soulmates never think they BELONG TOGETHER!"

"But-"

"No buts," the stranger grabbed the brooder, shaking him wildy. "You and he are =soulmates=!" He gave one last, hard shake. "Now go get him and fuck him raw!"

The stranger shook his head despondently at the look of unwillingness on the brooder's face. Then he stared up at the ceiling again.

"Why?!" He threw his hands up in the air, "Why can't I just ditch this mission and get back to =my= soulmate?!"

"You have a soulmate?"

The soft-spoken question interrupted the growing rant, and caused the stranger to huff and glare at his current mission.

"Of course I do," he stared for a moment into the brooder's face. "Haven't you ever seen me before?"

The brooder stared back with a look of complete confusion.

The stranger threw his hands up again, "Great, I'm not even famous anymore, a couple years go by, new games are released, and all of a sudden, I'm a nobody." he stared at the brooder, pasting a signature smirk on his face, "Recognize me now, idiot?" He said through grinding teeth.

Again with the confusion as the brooder shrugged in uncertainty.

"Hello!" He waved a hand in front of the brooder, "Ever played Final Fantasy VIII?"

Commence head-scratching.

"Seifer Almasy!" The stranger shouted, unaware that he'd drawn the attention of the entire room, including one extremely curious patron. "Errant night under a sorceress' control?" He ranted and glared at the now frightened brooder, who's eyes had strayed towards his so-called soulmate. "Rival and soulmate to the incredibly stubborn, sexy, silent Squall Leonhart?!"

He shook his head, still oblivious to the now dumbfounded crowd. He glared at his missionee one more time, "Now I want you to go out there, find Lex Luthor, tell him you're in love with him and fuck him!!!" He stomped up and down to punctuate his point.

And finally noticed the look of horror on Clark Kent's face, and the gasping crowd surrounding them.

He waved sheepishly, toeing the ground, "Umm, Hi."

A burst of thunder rumbled outside, and a figure appeared suddenly at the blonde's side.

Squall Leonhart stared up at his soulmate in disappointment, shaking his head.

Seifer offered him an apologetic smile, "Uhh....sorry."

The brunette just shook his head, and sighed in reluctant acquiescence. "Seifer, when will you learn?"

"Baby, I-"

Squall threw a hand over his mouth, "Whatever."

He looked over at the legendary Clark Kent, "Seifer means well, and though his attempts at matchmaking aren't always....helpful, this time it managed to work." He gestured towards the figure of Lex Luthor, who was hurrying towards them, a look of wonder and joy on his beautiful face.

The usually silent brunette grinned at the blushing farmboy and winked. "Have fun." Then he and his soulmate disappeared, arms wrapped around one another.

"Clark....." The whispered word threw a tingle down Clark's spine, and the hands that was slowly making it's way towards his ass were causing little Clark's to salute a little more enthusiastically

A nibble, a lick, a suck.

Then Clark and Lex disappeared in a blur of color.

"I KNEW IT!"

The shout of joy caused the crowd to gaze in shock once again.

Whitney Fordham was jumping up and down, a gigantic grin on his face.

"I knew Seifer and Squall belonged together!" he clapped his hands happily, squealing with glee. "Oh my fellow yaoi fans will be so excited!!!" he giggled as ran out of the ballroom, doing a little jig.

The crowd gasped again, stared at each other for a few seconds, shrugged, and started dancing.

After all, they =were= in Smallville, land of the weird.

And somewhere in Smallville, a sexy, bald millionaire and a delicious, young farmboy were happily getting it on.

Repeatedly.


~Finis~