A/N: *chuckles* I just wanted to announce that I have been watching way too much Jeff Dunham clips lately, and I'm not really sure if that is what brought this fanfic up. Most likely, yes. The premise is pretty simple, and I have most of it mapped out already. I don't expect it to be a long fic, but I do hope I can make it as funny as I can.
*This story is slightly AU-ish, as the canon pretty much stays the same, but the Boruto storyline doesn't really exists, as I have taken the liberty to use my own OCs. I do hope you like them.
Disclaimer for the whole story: Naruto characters belong to Kishimoto-sensei.
*This could pretty well have fallen under the T Rating, but my fingers just went on and did their thing.
oOo
Controlled Chaos
Chapter 1: Home, not-so-sweet home
"Oh, God! Sasuke!"
If anyone ever asked the Uchiha patriarch to name the one thing he was most grateful to have in his house, Sasuke would answer, without blinking an eye, that it most definitely was the collection of soundproof seals that currently hung to the walls of their bedroom. Yes, their bedroom, his and his wife's, the same woman who currently had her legs wrapped tightly around his slim waist as he pounded mercilessly into her lithe body, a myriad of high-pitched moans dancing from her lips. His mismatched eyes watched her intently, amused. They've done this a thousand times over the many years they had been married, but her enthusiasm to their lovemaking was infinite. Sasuke couldn't remember a time in which she hadn't been eager to be intimate with him; except, maybe, those times in which she was pissed off at him. Even then, the make-up sex was delicious. He loved having sex with his wife, and knew she felt the same way, if her strained vocal cords were any indication.
He cursed as her womanhood clenched around him tighter, signaling she was close to her release. Burying his face in the crook of her neck, he augmented his speed to an almost animalistic pace, just the way he knew she liked it. This was one of the many perks of being married to Konoha's resident legendary healer and almost Sannin-level kunoichi: no brutal thrust could ever hinder her. If anything, she relished on them.
"F-fuck! Baby, I'm so close! Please! Harder!"
The Sharingan user complied, pouring every single frustration into his movements, for it had been too long since the last time they had been together. Too fucking long.
"Ngh! Saku-! Ah!"
Her whimpers turned into high-pitched screams as she came, the blunt force of her clenching muscles dragging him over the edge with her. His teeth clamped on her shoulder, drawing blood as he emptied his seed inside her awaiting womb. Completely spent now, his body collapsed on top of hers, delicate female hands absentmindedly threading on his ebony locks, massaging the scalp softly.
The sweet moment between the spouses was cut short, as the noisy alarm clock went off on the nightstand. It took everything in him not to Katon no Jutsu the thing straight to hell. Sasuke settled for glaring at the offending object, and heard his beloved giggle beneath him at his reaction.
"I do hope you're not planning on breaking this one, Sasuke. It was a gift from Naruto."
Sasuke grimaced at the clock, it's bright orange color contrasting greatly with the pale colored walls and dark blue duvet. Of course, it had been a gift from his idiot best friend! The time master was just like him: loud, obnoxious, and getting on his last nerve.
"We could buy a black one." he murmured as he watched her hand reach the wounded shoulder and start healing the damage he'd done.
Sakura shook her head at his pleading eyes, all but begging her to allow him to shut the thing up for good. With a slight chuckle, she pushed at his chest softly, letting him know it was time to get up. The shinobi complied, and laid on his back, his eyes watching her as she stood up from the bed. He took her in, slowly, as she walked over to the alarm clock and turned it off. Her long pink hair grazed her middle back, caressing it softly as she walked back to him, her breasts bouncing slightly and her hips swaying with every step. The medic gave him a breathtaking smile as she leaned over him and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.
"Join me in the shower?"
Without another word, she made her way to the bathroom, her husband beside her. How he had missed these mornings! Eight months, eight long months he had been away on a mission gathering intel for the Seventh Hokage, the same person responsible for the annoying alarm clock that had been saved from certain death by his wife. Eight months away from this amazing woman, and his kids. Of course, they had communicated during that time, mostly by letters, as the places he had been in were often too far from civilization for any electronic devices to work properly. It wasn't the first time he left on a lengthy mission, but it had been the first time he felt he had missed way too much while he was gone. His eldest son, Itachi, had been promoted to chunnin during that time and had already been assigned his first B-ranked mission. If that wasn't enough to make him brood with homesickness, his daughter, Sayiku, had graduated from the Academy with flying colors around that time as well, snatching top of the class, and making a team with Kenji Uzumaki and Daisuke Hoshima. The moment he had walked through the village gates last night, Sakura had all but tackled him to the ground, smearing his shirt with tears of joy for finally having her husband in her grasp after so long. Needless to say, he had spent the rest of the night getting acquainted with her body once again.
Sasuke relished on the feeling of the hot water on his back as Sakura stepped inside the shower as well, the smell of her lavender shampoo filling the bathroom as she uncapped it and poured the liquid on her hand, sighting in delight as she cleansed her hair. They bathed in silence, content with each other's presence after so many months of being apart. It wasn't until he was washing her back that she spoke.
"I've missed you."
He smiled softly at her words and wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing her body flush against his. "I've missed you, too." he whispered.
Never had he imagined he would feel such love for anyone ever again. So many years had been spent consumed by hatred and rage, he once though such feelings were out of his grasp for good. Then, Sakura had come along and turned his world upside down, opening his eyes to the possibilities life had to offer him if only he'd let them in. They'd spent years on the road, as she hadn't let him deny her company the second time he left the village to continue his scout for remnants of Kaguya. The Uchiha had been surprised to find out his travels became a thousand times better with her by his side. She was a light to his darkness he's never known he needed until then. Years later, they had married and settled down in Konohagakure. Soon enough, Sasuke wasn't the last Uchiha alive.
Sakura had given him two wonderful kids. Itachi, the eldest, was a kindred spirit with a knack for chakra control like his mother, his alignment with medical jutsu leading him to volunteer in the hospital constantly. He was clever, and collected, his pacifist nature a breath of fresh air for the Uchiha patriarch, who had grown up surrounded by the ruthless males of his clan. His looks may have taken after him, but his big heart was all Sakura.
"Where's Itachi?" Sasuke asked, remembering he hadn't felt his son's chakra in the house when they arrived last night.
"On a mission. He should be back today, actually, late afternoon." the pink haired woman answered, sighting in content as Sasuke rested his chin on her shoulder. "Although, I believe it's Sayuki you should be worrying about."
Sasuke's brows knitted. "Why?"
"Well, she's been meaning to show you her headband since three months ago. I bet she's more than ready to rip the door off and shove the headband to your face any second now."
Sasuke chuckled lowly at this, amused and nervous at the same time. That would be a great inconvenience, considering their state of undress, but he didn't put it beneath the young heiress to try it. Sasuke had been excited, quietly excited, when he learned their first born would be a boy. However, the moment he went to the check-up with Sakura for their second offspring and the medic in charge told them they were expecting a girl he'd never felt more unsettled. A feeling of overprotectiveness had instantly fallen upon him. Surprisingly, the first thing to cross his mind had been his wife, and how much she had suffered at his unrequited love when she was younger. A murderous intent had settled in his heart when he thought of any man doing the same to his unborn daughter. Karma could be a real bitch, he had thought.
Alas, with the passing years, he quickly discovered there really wasn't much to worry about when his daughter's safety was concerned. Sayuki and Itachi Uchiha were like the sun and the moon, complete opposites. Where his son was patient and controlled, Sayuki was a spitfire through and through. She was still a lady more than fitting to carry the Uchiha crest on her back, what with her broad intellect and unflinching hands when engaged in combat. Even so, just as her jade green eyes, her temper took after her mother with a little sprinkle of himself in the mix, resulting in a controlled chaos of sorts. The young heiress was a cunning kid, ruthless when necessary, and not above many things when she fixed her mind on accomplishing something. Inheriting the inhuman strength of her mother, Sayuki was a force to be reckoned with at the tender age of twelve. And as many girls her age, she was all about her father, ever eager to show him her achievements as a ninja. Her patience had probably been killing her slowly the past three months.
As he reminiscent on this, he felt Sakura move, attempting to escape his hold. An idea occurred to him as he held her tighter still, making her escape fruitless.
"Did you lock the bedroom door?" he asked, his voice suddenly turning husky as his fingers itched slowly down Sakura's soft abdomen.
Her breath hitched at the action. "I-I did."
"Good."
He knew she had to be in the hospital in an hour, but he'd just missed her body so much, a few more minutes couldn't hurt, could they? Finding no resistance on her part as his digits slowly entered her already wet heat, he began their primitive dance once again. Oh, how he'd been dying for dirty sex in the shower!
oOo
The first thing Sasuke noticed when he entered the kitchen with Sakura was the mop of black tresses settled in a stool on the small isle, and the delicious smell of scrambled eggs, bacon, and pancakes that filled his nostrils.
"That smells good." he said as he made his way over to the isle to settle on the stool beside his daughter as Sakura opened the fridge to fetch them some orange juice.
The girl's head instantly whipped to the side, a wide smile on her face as she saw him. As she was still learning to control her strength, it took some effort from his part to not tumble down as she jumped him, engulfing the man in a fierce hug.
"Dad!" she exclaimed happily, her voice muffled by the material of his shirt. "I missed you so much!"
His arms encircled her as he placed a chaste kiss on the top of her head, catching the way Sakura was tenderly watching the scene before her.
"Sayuki, you didn't have to go through all this trouble." Sakura mentioned, her hands motioning for the two plates already awaiting the couple on the dining table. "I was about to make breakfast."
The young heiress peeked at her mother from her place at Sasuke's chest. "I know. I woke up early, and just thought you and Dad might want some privacy, so I made breakfast."
Sasuke thanked the Heavens for his self-control, for if it hadn't been the case, he would've choked on the orange juice. He glanced down at the girl, who gave him a knowing look as she settled back into her chair. Sayuki looked from her father's carefully-controlled stupor to her mother's obvious bafflement at her words and shrugged.
"What? I'm not stupid, you know. Total silence is unnatural, and I've seen those soundproof seals on the walls." she retorted, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to talk about over breakfast with her parents. Then, she turned to her father and added. "Mom already gave me the talk."
This is what Sasuke liked to call 'controlled chaos'. From an early age, even before she could talk properly, Sayuki had been smart enough to catch up on many things, and it had taken them a while to figure out just how much she acknowledged her environment and the role she played in it. She'd learned basic katas from mere observation when he trained in the family dojo, and had even developed the Katon no Jutsu earlier than her brother, from looking at the way he did the hand seals as well when she was but a toddler. The scary part started when she figured out her intel gathering skills proved useful in many ways, like finding where they hid the Christmas presents, or using her fire jutsu on her brother when she was particularly pissed off at him. The awakening of her Sharingan had been the cherry on top.
"Anyways…" Sayuki trailed off, knowing her parents were still too shocked to say anything. "Just, can you wait until I'm out of the house next time? It's kind of awkward."
These were the years he had been warned about, those terrible teenage years when the kids got all smartass on their parents for no reason and holding them down was like trying to tame a wild horse. He fought with the sudden urge to twitch and thought of a way to drive the conversation away from things he wasn't ready to discuss with his daughter. Sakura beat him to it.
"What are your plans for the day, sweetie?" she asked the genin, trying her best to look calm, although Sasuke could see a droplet of sweat sliding down her temple, most likely from the same embarrassment he was feeling.
Sayuki, deeming it enough teasing for her poor parents, returned to eating her breakfast. "I have practice with my team in an hour."
"Oh!" Sakura exclaimed, her voice suddenly excited as her jade eyes settled on her husband. "Sayuki, wasn't there something you wanted to show your father?"
The girl beamed like a kid in a candy store, and quickly reached inside her back pocket for the object. A second later, Sasuke's eyes met the dark color of the cloth, the metal with the village's symbol attached to it glinting with the sun rays that filtered through the window of the kitchen. He took the headband in his hand, giving his daughter a soft, proud smile.
"May I?" he asked, and she all but bolted from the stool to stand in front of him, her back turned. Sasuke's fingers grazed the Uchiwa fan in the back of her navy blue sleeveless over shirt before he flipped her long ebony ponytail to the side as she held her bangs atop her head. He made quick work of the headband and in seconds it was tightly secured on her forehead. She turned around, ecstatic.
"How do I look?" she asked, striking a pose to model her new accessory.
Sakura moved to stand behind Sasuke and leaned her chin on his shoulder as she examined his handy work. "Like a true kunoichi of the Leaf." she said.
Suddenly, self-conscious of all the attention she was getting from the people she admired so much, Sayuki blushed and adjusted her ponytail. "Well, I'm off. Don't want to be late for training."
She kissed her parents 'goodbye' and was half-way through the door when she stopped dead in her tracks. Turning around, Sayuki regarded them with a strange expression on her face. Sasuke had seen it many times before. It was the one she used on them when she was about to ask for something they would most likely not approve of. Like that one time many years ago when she had all but begged them to force Itachi to heal a wounded animal she had brought home. It turned out to be a wild weasel, a very angry wild weasel that almost ended scorched by Sasuke's Katon no Jutsu when it bit his finger. From that moment on, the couple learned to be wary of this expression in their daughter's face.
"Um, before I go… I sort of, may have invited a friend over today to train in the dojo."
The question seemed innocent enough at first, and Sasuke couldn't see why she was so nervous about it. He knew there had to be an ulterior motive for her shy behavior, but couldn't quite point it out yet.
"Oh, that's great, sweetie!" Sakura exclaimed with a smile. "When will they be coming over?"
"I was thinking around four."
"Oh." the pink haired medic said, her eyes turning to her husband. "Well, I'll still be in the hospital at that time, and I don't think your brother arrives until after sundown. Sasuke?"
The Uchiha patriarch didn't miss the flicker of hesitance in his daughter's eyes at the possibility of him being around the house when her friend came over, which was strange. Normally, Sayuki wouldn't mind having him around her friends, going as far as asking him to help them train often times in the past. So, why did his daughter seem so unsettled all of a sudden? He couldn't remember one of her friends he openly disliked. There was that Daisuke teammate of hers, whom he had considered a bit too smug for his own good the first time he met him during a parent-teacher conference in the Academy, but he was safe enough to bring here, if only because he was her teammate. God forbid Sayuki ever brought a male in here outside of her teammates.
"I'll be here." Sasuke answered. As he had just returned from his mission, he hadn't really planned much for the day except meeting with the Hokage to hand over his mission report and resting afterwards. He could make some time to watch over his daughter and her friend.
Sayuki was silent for a minute, pondering her predicament silently. Sasuke could practically see the gears turning in her head as she considered what to say. Sakura noticed this too, as she gave him a knowing look, a silent whisper between them that told him she was starting to worry, for she had also caught their daughter's initial distraught.
"Okay." It was short and breathy, almost a whisper.
"Great! You can tell them to stay over for dinner, if they'd like. I don't mind cooking for an extra mouth." Sakura added a she backed from Sasuke and walked over to the dinner table, taking a seat and motioning for her husband to do the same before their breakfasts got cold.
"Thanks, Mom. I'll be sure to tell him."
The floor seemed to disappear underneath him. As his head snapped to his daughter, Sasuke found she wasn't there anymore, the closing of the front door signaling she had all but bolted away. His mind was still trying to process what she had said, his stomach doing flip flops at the implication of her words.
"Him."
Sakura raised a brow at him, signaling the man to elaborate, as she sipped her orange juice in silence. Something in his expression must've been funny for her, for she seemed ready to laugh, but kept her cool. He didn't know why she would want to laugh at a time like this. None of this was humorous to him in any way,
"She said him."
He watched as his wife covered her mouth, trying to stifle the giggles. Sasuke frowned at this.
"Am I humoring you, Sakura?"
The medic took a few deep breaths to collect herself. "I'm sorry, Sasuke. I am… It's just, you should see your face." When the second giggle fit subsided, she added. "I heard her loud and clear."
It occurred to Sasuke that he might've gotten the length of his mission all messed up, and he'd really been away eight years instead of eight months. The last time he had seen his daughter she had argued with Sakura about wearing a dress for Hinata's birthday, pointing out how uncomfortable it felt and how she preferred a shirt and some pants, and makeup was out of the question. Now, however, she had gone out of the house in shorts and a shirt that bared her midriff for all the village to see, and had invited a boy over to their house to train, whom Sakura had added could stay for dinner. There was the fleeting thought of activating his Sharingan to see through what must've been a very elaborate genjutsu, but that would only fuel his wife's mocking demeanor.
"I don't see anything wrong with it." she said and took a bite off her pancake.
He regarded her with mismatched eyes laced with disbelief, as if she had grown another head. "It doesn't bother you at all?"
"No. I mean, it's not like she will be alone with the guy. You'll be here."
That was precisely what worried him. If it were Sakura there, she would probably brush the whole thing off and leave the pair alone at the dojo, maybe leaving a few slugs around to keep watch while she fixed them some snacks and lemonade. Sasuke couldn't fathom the thought of leaving his daughter at the mercy of some unknown brat, let alone invite him into the house in the first place. He knew it was irrational, but he'd just gotten back from being away for eight months and this whole deal with his daughter bringing guys over was happening too damn soon. She was twelve, for crying out loud! Conveniently, he forgot at the moment that when he was twelve he had been nursing a future murderer and rogue nin inside himself. What was that compared to having to endure actually being nice to a boy his daughter brought over? Nothing, it was nothing.
Sakura caught his foul mood quickly, and squeezed his hand with hers. "It'll be fine. I'll be home around six or seven. You just have to be nice to him for two hours."
"No one said anything about being nice."
His wife frowned slightly. "Sasuke, be nice." Her tone was stern. He could hide many things from people, but there was absolutely nothing he could hide from this woman. It was obvious he was tiptoeing on the verge of 'extremely over-protective parent', and he knew she knew. Glaring at her, he snatched his arm from her grasp and crossed both arms over his chest. Sakura sighed. "Love, it's the first guy she willingly brings over, and it's just to train. I bet he won't even stay for dinner. She didn't mention it, but I bet its Satoshi Hirama."
Sasuke arched a brow, not giving a damn about the brat's name, but wanting to know anyway.
"He was in her class back in the Academy. Sayuki was very fond of him."
This was all Sasuke's resolve needed to strengthen to complete and utter denial. "No." he said.
Sakura rolled her eyes. "What? You're going to deny your daughter a mere training session with the guy she likes? Honestly, Sasuke…"
The shinobi quickly caught the hidden meaning behind her words. How many times had he denied her the exact same thing when they were Sayuki's age? Too many times to count. It was a dirty trick, using his past mistakes against him to get what she wanted, for she knew the guilt wouldn't let him say 'no'.
He decided to stir the conversation into another direction, one that might give him the upper hand. "You gave her the talk."
Jade eyes glanced cautiously at him. "I did."
Sasuke was silent, waiting for her to continue.
"She got her period, love. It's not like I could draw it out any longer. Besides, we spoke with Itachi when he was around the same age as her. I see nothing wrong with it."
She did have a point, but that didn't mean he agreed. "She's going to train with him."
To this, Sakura looked confused, for it was obvious, Sayuki had said so herself. Sasuke continued. "I remember what we were doing all those years ago when we trained."
The blush came easy to her cheeks, as she cleared her throat. "Sasuke, we were much older than her and traveling alone. You can't compare it to that, she'll have your supervision."
Knowing this was a lost battle, Sasuke settled for staying silent and glaring daggers at the breakfast plate. He wasn't okay one bit with this whole situation, but Sakura was right. If the boy as much as thought about trying anything inappropriate with the young heiress, the Uchiha would be more that willing to whoop his ass to the next country, no guilt sentiment whatsoever.
Not another word was spoken as they ate their breakfast in silence. Once they were finished, he offered to clean the dishes, as Sakura had to be on her way to the hospital if she didn't want to be late. Sasuke walked her to the front door, where she hugged him and gave him a languid kiss. Her jade eyes bore into his as she whispered to him.
"You know, there's this new nighty I bought last week, and I've just been dying to show you." Then, to his ear she said, voice seductive. "I bet you'll love taking it off me."
Before he could pull her back into the house to have his way with her again, to punish her for the teasing, she was out of his grasp. Smiling, she turned to leave, not before shouting back to him. "That will be your reward for being nice to our daughter's friend."
It occurred to him that it was probably five in the evening somewhere, and he could just honor that thought with the sake bottle he knew his wife kept hidden in the kitchen cupboard, for there was no way in hell he was going to survive this day sober. Maybe he would, right after handing Naruto the mission report and asking for a spar session to pummel his friend for the sake of his bad mood. His wife had bluntly stated she would outright deny him the view of her newest lovemaking clothing set. His daughter would subject him to the presence of an unknown brat in his own house; not any unknown brat, the one she liked, making it clear she wasn't his little girl anymore. What was next? A racoon on his trash?
As if on cue, the metallic lid of the trash can at the fence surrounding the patio burst through the air, a furry something scurrying out. Only it wasn't a racoon.
It was a fucking weasel.
"Katon no Jutsu!"
As the creature screeched away with a fuming tail, Sasuke decided he could use a spar, or ten glasses of sake, whichever he could take a hold of first.
oOo
I've seem my fair share of Sasuke's jealous fanfics involving Sakura. I guess, I wanted to twist that premise an eanie meanie tiny bit. Next chapter will most likely have Sayuki's POV somewhere in there, which I think will be quite interesting. Thank you for reading! Much love to you! :)