Title: Stand Alone
Author: Miss Peg
Characters: Emily Fitch
Spoilers: Major spoilers for Skins Fire.
Summary: In the aftermath of Skins Fire… (I can't say any more because of spoilers)
Notes: I'm not here to discuss opinions on Skins Fire, I'm just sharing a piece of writing I have done since. If you'd like to leave a review, that would be lovely, but please don't use reviews to just tell me what you thought of the episode. Thank you.
The emotions burned inside her chest, her shattered heart rattling about like a charity collector's bucket in a supermarket. An overwhelming urge to throw herself out of the window sat comfortably in her mind, mixed with a strange emotion she couldn't quite place. She was at a loss for what to do with herself. She couldn't sit around mocking Heat again or drinking Tequila. She loathed the idea of eating eggs or leaving the flat. Having a shower or going to bed were out of the question, too; having to do them alone was simply too hard.
Life was too hard.
Trying to pinpoint the exact moment when her life became something so...pointless was impossible. Was it the day Naomi rang her from the hospital? The moment she got off the plane and saw Effy waiting for her? Or maybe it was the cloudy afternoon a week after Christmas when Naomi's fingers went cold and she had to face up to the fact that her beautiful, stubborn girlfriend had slipped out of her life in her sleep.
Tears streamed down her cheeks until unattractive lines marked her face; the truth was, she expected they were permanent tracks now. She'd cried enough tears; it no longer mattered when she cried more.
Nothing will change her fate. Nobody would be able to take her back to months, years before, so that she could change something so that Naomi would still be there beside her. Maybe she'd opt to never meet her in the first place, if it could save her from the life – or lack thereof – which had been bestowed upon them.
But there was no Doctor with a TARDIS in the real world; there was no magic wand and spells, there was just no hope. Naomi was gone, her body lying in a fridge somewhere in the hospital until the funeral home were called and she was transferred to her final resting place.
Emily racked her brain for the words that Naomi had spoken, but she couldn't remember the conversations they'd once had about death. Did Naomi want to be buried or cremated? Should they have lilies or daisies at the funeral? Would she prefer a religious or humanist ceremony? She couldn't remember any of it and that hurt more than anything.
How could she find a way through the suffering when she couldn't even picture Naomi's face or remember the pitch of her voice? All she could remember was the way her fingers curled inside of her when they made love and the gentle hum of Naomi's vocal chords when she reached a climax. She couldn't stand up at a funeral and tell people that. What would her mother think? What would Naomi's mother think?
Gina. Fuck.
In the crazy mess that had been the last few weeks of Naomi's life, Emily hadn't once asked about her mother. Did she even know that her daughter had been sick? Emily hadn't told her, she hadn't even told her own family. It had taken Naomi months to pluck up the courage to tell her.
She picked up her phone and searched her contacts but she'd bought a new phone only a month ago and hadn't managed to transfer all of her numbers yet.
Naomi's phone was in the drawer of the bedside cabinet. It had woken her up one night as it buzzed a reminder of its empty battery until she'd turned it off and shoved it in the drawer. It reminded her too much of the person missing from her bed, anyway.
Now, Emily pulled it out and fumbled around the messy room for a charger. When the phone came to life and the screen lit up, Emily scrolled through Naomi's contacts until she found the number she was looking for. Without thinking, she pressed the call button and waited.
'Naomi, I wondered when I was going to hear from you, it's been too long.'
The phone slipped out of Emily's hand and landed on the bed, her eyes filling with tears as she tried to recoup her composure. She picked up the phone and forced herself into a state of calm.
'It's Emily,' she said.
'Oh, Emily,' said Gina, a slight disappointed tone in her voice. 'I knew you'd make my stubborn daughter see sense.'
'I,' she said, her voice trailing off into oblivion. How could she say the words which were needed? How could anyone break the heart of a mother who loved her daughter as much as Gina Campbell?
'Something's happened,' said Gina, her voice losing all feeling in an instant.
Emily's chest tightened until her voice came out strained and somewhat alien to her. But she had to say the words; she had to speak them out loud for the first time because if she didn't, then Gina would never know. Instead, she whispered the only words she felt able to.
'I'm sorry.'
But it was too late; Gina's sobs had already overtaken the call. The phone crackled and puffed loudly. Emily pulled it away from her ear for a moment until Kieran's voice came on the line. She needed to explain exactly what had happened, she owed it to Gina, but her chest ached too much and tears had already begun to fall in great gulps.
'I'm sorry,' Emily whispered again, dropping the phone the moment she ended the call, before collapsing into a heartbroken mess.