Unfortunately Fortunate

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach

Prologue: Who are you exactly?

He may have never admitted it, but Kurosaki Ichigo, a 24 year-old medical student, had always hoped to have a lavish, beautiful wedding, a wedding that would have made his crazy father jealous, his deceased mother cry for joy and his bride-to-be incredibly happy.

He dreamed that he would marry at the same grand church his parents married in with white flowers, white streamers and white doves. He envisioned his twin sisters walking down the aisle as his fiancé's bridesmaids and his goofy father would be standing by the sidelines, either shouting out dirty jokes or crying…maybe even both.

When the time finally comes, the organ will start playing the wedding march and his bride would appear at the end of the long red carpet with her in a beautiful white gown and clutching tightly to her father. He could already imagine his best man/best friend, Chad patting him on the shoulder as they watched her approach. At the end of it all, he would kiss his bride and whisk her away to their honeymoon, before, or after, the reception if they couldn't wait any longer.

So, now then, what was he doing here in his own house, tied up to his kitchen chair with rope and a wedding ring heavy on his finger? This was definitely not his idea of a perfect wedding or a honeymoon for that matter. Moreover, why was this midget of a woman just sitting opposite him and glaring at him?

His scowl deepened when she stood up with ease, a finger absentmindedly twirling a ring on her left hand…with the very same design as the ring on his finger. That's right he married this lunatic…now then…

"Who are you and what the hell do you want with me?" He bellowed, struggling against the rope that was holding him in place. When he felt it loosened ever so bit, he inwardly cheered but cringed when the woman quickly tightened it yet again.

She had fast eyes.

With a graceful sweep of her hand, her skirt was properly place as she propped herself on the seat opposite of him. She elegantly crossed her legs and with the grace that would envy any noblewoman, she brought her legs closer to the foot of the chair. Her violet eyes continued to stare down at him. However, when she spoke, his image of her being a delicate young lady was completely broken.

In a deep and authoritative voice, the woman said, "I'm your wife."

"Of course, as if the ring isn't an obvious indication," Ichigo stated, voice dripping with sarcasm. He accompanied this statement with a roll of his eyes and an even deeper frown.

Their wedding hadn't been exactly as wonderful as Ichigo had dreamt of. He had just been walking along the streets, minding his own business and he just happened to pass by Karakura city hall. He bumped into this midget, who then grabbed and with surprising strength, dragged him to where the marriage certificates were being processed. She forced him to write his signature on a paper and smashed their lips together.

Just a few seconds later, they were legally declared husband and wife. His lips were still tingling.

The honeymoon was far even worse and the situation ended with him currently tied up to the kitchen chair. The rope continued to bite further into his skin. His "wife" stood up and continued pacing back and forth, seemingly in deep thought. Ichigo began to grow nervous when she kept glancing back at him and at the same time, mumbling to herself.

Finally, she stopped, walked back to the chair and sat down. She took a deep breath and calmly said, "My name is Kuchiki Rukia, now known as Kurosaki Rukia." When Ichigo was about to begin to protest, she quickly silenced him with a withering glare. "I am your wife and you are my husband." She continued and then to him she commanded, "Repeat it."

Ichigo frowned, "Hell, no. Wha-?" He couldn't say the rest of his sentence as he released a roar. "What the hell was that for, woman?" He said, tears filling slightly as he could do nothing to soothe his foot. Her heel was still positioned in the air, waiting to kill.

Fearing for his foot, he relented, "Your name is Kuchiki Rukia…" he paused to cringe slightly, "…now known as Kurosaki Rukia. You are my wife and…" He gulped, "…I-I am your husband." The word rolled out of his lips in a stutter. Saying it left a bad taste in his mouth.

She seemed pretty satisfied with the answer as she lifted her foot and her deadly heel away from his poor foot. He watched as she strolled back to the opposite chair in a languid manner. It was only until she was seated, primed yet again like a princess did she speak. "Okay, I know this seems a little messed up." Ichigo gave her a cocked eyebrow. "But, I didn't mean to just drag you there. You just so happened to be the first person I bumped into."

Great, he happened to be the unlucky man.

Before Ichigo could speak, she hastily stood up and walked close to him, pressing a heel on the chair in between his parted legs. He effectively shut up. "Okay, here's the deal. You stay my husband for two months. Just two months and then you'll be free to divorce me or annul this or whatever. And in return, I'll give you anything you want." Ichigo dared to speak out, "Don't I get a say in this?" Rukia glared at him and inched her heel closer to his crotch. His face had visibly paled. She then said, "Do we have a deal or not?"

Ichigo hesitantly nodded.

She pulled her foot away, satisfied. "Done. We start as soon as possible."

Ichigo was screwed.

Author's Note: Ohohohoho not the best chapter I could come up with…perhaps I made Rukia and Ichigo a little too OOC? So, first chaptered Bleach story. Yay! Please do not expect me to update quickly although I will try my best. Reviews are loved by the way. Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors. Enjoy!