After all these years, it didn't matter why the tears came, they always came in some form or another for reasons that were simplified to the core of his humanity. It was weakness, that was what he was told as a child, that is what he felt when he shed his tears and for years he held them in the shadows, using his fists on crooks acting out of the night's temptation. He was a hero, he was strong and brave, and for all the pain he felt, he smiled twice as much.
It had worked for sometime, with worried glances from Alfred and gentle pats on the back from Bruce but always, always he'd smile and nod his way through their concerns.
Tonight he wasn't sure why he cried, all he knew was it was dark and quiet and for a time the nights had been blurring into days, the moon and Sun moved in a quick dance that left him confused, lost and begging for more time. He'd listen for sounds of life outside the tower and only ever saw an endless, black ocean, adding to his melancholy.
Back and forth he went from his room to the rocks outside, mumbling to himself the words his mother and father would say to him as a child in hopes of finding refuge in their tenderness. He could see the cowl when he closed his eyes, he could see the masks and capes, the blood and bruises.
Somehow, he could hear a cacophony of cries from broken children, adults who'd grown up to fast, and those on death's door wondering when the meaning of life was supposed to expose itself to them.
"I can't." He whispered to himself as he tossed for hundredth time in his bed. He moved out of his bedroom again, this time coming to the edge of the rocks to put his hands in the water, the coolness of it had no affect on his mood. All he saw was endlessness and it made him tired, excruciatingly tired.
He began to cry again.
It was only seconds later that he felt her warmth, her arms over his body, her hair falling over his shoulders as she gently pushed her face to his. He turned awkwardly to face her, his feet unsteady from the sharp edges of the ground they stood on. His body tilt back, nearly falling into the water as he spun. He could have easily rescued himself, his skills would suggest as much and with the fall he planned of course to use his momentum to push himself forward.
He didn't have to, her arms were on him before he could make another move. She pulled him closer. For a moment he said nothing and then his arms grabbed her tightly, his tears being wiped on her sweater as he rested his head on her frame.
"I don't know what's wrong." He said. He felt as though he had disappointed her somehow, that his actions showed he was not fit to lead, that all the awful things in the world were directly related to his mistakes.
If only I'd thought of another way…
If only I'd come a few minutes earlier…
If only I was better, stronger, faster…
"You don't have to know." She whispered.
"But…" She shushed him, her hand touching his cheek as he pushed his head further into her shoulder, he wanted to muffle his cries. She pulled back to look at him and kissed his lips, her forehead rested against his as she touched his cheeks. She knew he had a million reasons why she shouldn't be here, why he deserved to feel the way he did but she would never believe them, she loved him to much.
"You need not feel guilt Dick, I love you in every moment whether it be a smile or a tear," She kissed him again and held him tighter, tight enough to let him know that she would hold him up for as long as he needed her to, "And know this my love, you are entitled to feel, emotions demand to be felt and for good reason… it is cathartic and natural."
He let out a heavy breath, it had felt as though he'd been living without air for sometime, but always, always she was there to help him remember how to breathe, how to live. He felt alive in her presence because she never failed to remind him of his humanity.
"Are you sure you want to stay up with me?" He asked softly, she did more for him than he ever felt he deserved.
"I will stay with you forever and after." She said in a way that was so purposeful, all his fears of fading in emptiness were alleviated.
It was as if her words carried the meaning he needed to feel safe, secure and… happy.
They stayed in one another's embrace for the rest of the night, with the stars above for lights and the ocean waves for music. At least for the time, they were content in each other's arms where the greatest loves they knew were one another.