Disclaimer: The Vampire Diaries is the property of the CW. No copyright infringement is intended.

~ X ~

Damon shifted, settling himself deeper into the office chair. He managed to do it without disturbing his legs, heels propped up on the desk and crossed at the ankles. Various expressions flickered over his face as he intently read the clear old fashioned copper plate handwriting covering the pages of his brother's diary. Sometimes a snort would escape, or his eyebrows would rise, but mostly he alternated between pensive and worried.

Stefan entered the study with the sole intent of passing through, but out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of a familiar red cover. He stopped midstride, exasperated. "How did you manage to get it again?" He reached over and grabbed the journal from his brother's grasp.

Damon snickered, self satisfaction written all over his face, leisurely crossing his arms behind his head. "You are so predictable, Brother," he drawled.

Stefan, one handed snapping the book shut, airily said, as he started to leave the room, "I'll have to do better next time."

"Wait!" Damon called after Stefan's retreating back.

Stefan, if anything, hurried up.

"Stefan." Damon made his brother's name a warning and a plea, and the tone stopped Stefan in his tracks. He sighed and cautiously turned three quarters around, his body posture reminiscent of an animal ready to flee from a predator.

"Come back and talk to me, Stefan," Damon requested.

"About what?" Stefan asked softly.

"I read your diary, Stefan. We need to talk."

Stefan's shoulders slumped, and he walked slowly, reluctantly back towards his brother. He perched on the corner of the desk, sighing deeply.

Damon waited silently giving Stefan time to marshal his thoughts. He stayed motionless, afraid the slightest move would scare his brother into flight.

Stefan nervously swung a leg, the heel of his foot bumping the desk. The vibrations made Damon grit his teeth, but he suppressed the urge to grab the foot and stop it. Instead he quietly said, "Talk, Stefan. Tell me."

Stefan hung his head in shame and confessed, "I can't do this, Damon." He wet his dry lips and raised his arms only to let them fall helplessly to his side. He spoke to the floor, repeating, "I can't do this."

When he said nothing else, Damon prodded him with a question. "Is it because she's not the girl you fell in love with?"

Stefan pressed his lips together, biting the insides, shaking his head from side to side, denying it. He swallowed several times and then he started talking, words tumbling out, one after the other, chasing each other. "I see the signs, Damon. I know what's going to happen. The blood feels so good. You feel so powerful. You don't care about them. You feel so empty, and the blood fills you up. I know it . . I know it. I can't watch it happen to her, Damon. I can't watch her become what I was. I know I can't stop it. I want to stop it, but I can't. It's like a bad dream where you want to wake up, but you can't. I want to wake up, Damon. I want it to stop."

Stefan's fists clenched and unclenched and his heel banged the panel behind it faster and faster making the desk shake. "And the worst part is that you can't turn it off forever. It comes back, Damon, and when it comes back it hurts." He moaned. "It hurts, oh it hurts. She'll feel that pain, and I'll feel her pain."

Damon nodded thoughtfully. "Rose told me that. Your feelings come back, and you can't stop it." He shrugged. "Even Katherine admitted it to me."

Relief at finally having this out in the open blasted the floodgates holding back Stefan's thoughts, and he practically babbled now as he shared his fears.

Damon's eyes flickered over his brother's face, seeing the pain lines around his mouth and eyes and the tic in his cheek. He saw the tension in his hands, the white knuckles.

"I know how she'll feel, Damon. I know how she'll remember every bite, every scream of pain, every plea to live. It will destroy her, and its all my fault. I brought this into her life. I started this. If it hadn't been for me, she wouldn't be like this. She wouldn't have to suffer the way she's going to suffer. I can't leave her to bear this alone, but I can't watch this. I feel so guilty. Its my fault, all my fault, and I know the pain she'll feel."

Damon allowed him to continue in this vein, repeating himself over and over again until he finally petered out like a toy that had wound down. Only when Stefan ceased to speak did Damon uncross his legs and push back his chair. His feet hit the floor with a soft thud as he slowly and deliberately stood. He put one hand under Stefan's chin and gently forced his head up so they were looking at each other. Stefan was unresisting, lethargic now that he had purged himself.

Damon made sure he had Stefan's attention before he started to speak. "You won't really hear what I'm saying now, and you won't believe me, but I'm telling you this for the future. You can remember my words, and they'll make sense to you when you have a better perspective on what's happened to you."

Damon paused and then shook Stefan's chin. "This was not your fault. Katherine would have come for Elena. Elena was part of her plan to bring down Klaus. If anything you held off the inevitable for her . . . brought her some time. They would have all come . . Rose, Elijah, Klaus. You think if you hadn't saved her on the bridge it might have been better if she died, but if this was meant to be then something else would have intervened and saved her. There was a reason you were at that bridge at that time. We aren't the ones who determine that. I believe there is a fate, and we are part of a bigger plan. But you need to hold on to the fact that you did give her happiness . . . yes, it was only for a short time, but she was happy."

Damon smiled a twisted little smile. "It really pisses me off to say this, but her being alive also made me feel again. It made me able to love again, and if you hadn't saved her I don't think it would have happened."

Stefan tried to shake his head to reject Damon's words, but his brother held him fast.

"Don't talk, Stefan. Just remember these words."

Stefan looked at him and finally gave as much of a restricted nod as he could manage in Damon's firm grasp. Damon felt the movement and released him. "What do you want to do?" Damon asked. "Tell me the truth."

Stefan spoke haltingly. "Rebekah is going to New Orleans. She asked me to go with her."

"And?" Damon prompted.

"And I want to go with her." Stefan spoke like a child surrendering to his brother's stronger will, relieved to have the words forced out of him.

Damon was silent for a moment studying him. "Pack your bags, Stefan."

Stefan looked at him, not comprehending what he said. When the meaning of the words finally penetrated, a ray of hope passed briefly over his face, before being chased away by a look of misery. "I can't leave you alone with this mess."

"Sure you can," Damon reassured him. "I specialize in cleaning up messes you leave behind." He flicked Stefan's cheek. "This is nothing."

Stefan looked chagrined. "I never thank—"

"Stop it!" Damon ordered. "We've both there for each other. You went ripper for me, bro. The thing you hate most about yourself you did for me. Gave up the girl you loved for me. Enough now."

Stefan still looked undecided. "Will you hate me for this?" he said so quietly only vampire hearing made it audible to Damon.

"Never, brother." He placed a hand on Stefan's shoulder and gently, reassuringly squeezed it. "Even through all the angry fights, the stakes, the punches, the neck breaks . . . I've never hated you. Never will. I . . I .. . " Damon didn't finish the sentence.

Stefan's eyes filled, but he blinked back tears. He seemed to feel what Damon wanted to say because he replied, "I know."

Damon stepped back allowing his brother to slide off the desk to drop back to his feet. Stefan gathered himself up, getting his emotions under control. He swallowed and admitted, "Bekka's ready to go. Just waiting for me to stop being a jerk. Her words not mine."

Damon laughed. "She's gonna run you some race."

Stefan managed a weak grin. "I'm used to her."

"Is the rest of the family going to be there?" Damon was curious now.

Stefan nodded. "They're reuniting."

As a thought came to Damon, an evil smile danced across his face, and he said in a voice of unholy glee, "Finally, real revenge on Klaus."

Stefan's eyebrow rose, not understanding Damon's reference.

"Saddled with the two broodiest, neediest, whiniest people on earth is punishment enough for anyone," Damon explained.

That got a laugh out of Stefan. "And don't forget Elijah. He can be broody too."

Damon mock shuddered. "My part is easy by comparison."

Stefan sobered and started to speak, "I can't th—"

He was quickly cut off. "If you want to thank me, then don't make me listen to any more mushy crap than I've already had to. Go . . pack . . get on the road."

Stefan stuck out his right hand. Damon grasped it, shaking it, and then the two melted into a fierce embrace, Damon pounding Stefan on the back. "I'll catch up with you in a couple of years."

"I'll be looking for you," Stefan promised. He started to leave only to stop in the doorway. "I may even let you win at pool."

Damon snorted. "Big talk. You suck compared to me."

Both brothers grinned, and Stefan hurried out.

Damon stood still, listening as Stefan rushed around his room at vampire speed. He heard the front door open and close and the sound of Stefan's bike roaring.

It was only when the crunch of the motorcycle's wheels on the crushed gravel driveway faded away, that he walked to the credenza holding a crystal decanter and poured himself a huge glass of liquor. He stood and gulped half the glass, concentrating on feeling the burn of the liquor as it trickled down his throat and hit his gut. He stared at the amber colored liquid remaining in the glass and whispered to it. "She's not the human girl that made me love again, Stefan. She's not even the vampire I wanted as a lifelong companion. She doesn't love me the way I always hoped to be loved. She's just a harsher version of Katherine, but we Salvatores owe her. I'll see her through it, Brother. I'll try to prevent whatever kills I can. I'll do it for her. And if when this is over, and she feels again, and she loves me then . . well . . but I'm not gonna count on it. But most of all I'll do it for you, Brother. I'll do it for you. Because even though I can't say it . . I love you."

He raised his glass in a silent salute and drained it. He set it down with a muffled thud and strode out, ready to begin the first day in a long string of days of solo Elena watch.

~ FIN ~