About a year ago, I was just one of the kids at school, every day they laughed at me, I was one of the losers at our school. And also I was hopelessly in love with the quarterback. Who was one of the bullies; he was one of the boys who threw me in dumpsters just because of who I am. Singing changed it; we all started with a feeling, a feeling that we were something more. That feeling grew into a hope that we could be accepted as us. After a while it was a whisper, we talked about it, all of us wanted to be accepted. And finally we dared to scream it out, it was like a battle call, we dared to stand up for each other.
We lost Regionals, but we won anyways.
Glee club survived.
That was then, now I'm on a whole new place, a place where none of this exist, there is a glee club here, but it is all so different from McKinley High, we have uniforms, and I get told that I try to hard when I sing, by him of all people, he told me to have courage, but now, when I'm being myself, and I sing the way I have always done it, they tell me that I try too much I stick out too much. It makes me want to yell at them.
Okay, so there is no bullying here, but I don't feel home, at McKinley I had glee club where I could be me, I could sing what I wanted to them, Glee club was my safe place, it was my comfort zone, now it isn't like that anymore. Glee is just another place where I'm expected to fit in.
I don't like to fit in, I want to stick out, I want to be able to be me, and with the uniforms and all that, singing is my way of expressing myself, and now I can't even do that.
Maybe I'm overreacting? Maybe I'm just upset because I left McKinley, and all my friends. I miss them, I miss to see everyone every day, and I miss even Santana, even though she is a bitch. God, I wish I was there right now, I wish I could have stayed, but it wasn't safe, I couldn't stay at that place, I just couldn't. So now I am stuck here, ok, so maybe stuck isn't the word, after all it is better than having slush in my hair every single day, I just wish I could sing my own way.
I don't know why I am so upset right now, after all it was just a solo, a solo that I didn't get because the two other boys were better than me, and Blaine just tried to give me an advice, he didn't mean to hurt me, but here I am, sitting outside, by myself, just wanting to be somewhere else.
"Kurt?" Blaine's soft voice interrupts my thoughts, but I don't look up, "are you ok Kurt?" Now I do look up at him.
"Yes Blaine, I guess I am. I just miss my friends"
"So it doesn't have anything to do with the audition?" Blaine asks a little bit worried.
"No not at all, I'm used to lose the solos even though I put my soul in what I do" I know it sounds wrong, but right now, I don't care.
"Kurt, I know you wanted to sing, and I think you did really good, but it's not the way we do it in the warblers, we keep it simple, and we don't do much out of a song" Blaine sits down next to me while he speaks.
"I know Blaine, I've noticed, but it doesn't make it easier to hear that I try to hard" I say without looking at him.
"I'm sorry Kurt, I was just trying to give you an advice, you really did sing great, and I loved to watch, but it's just not the Warblers."
"Yeah, I guess I have to keep my feelings for when I'm singing on my own" I say, looking at the ground.
"Kurt? Would you like to do a duet with me? Just the two of us," I look at him.
"Yes Blaine, I would like to sing with you" I say, and smile "actually I would love to"
Ok, so maybe my life isn't miserable. Even though I don't fit in here, and a lot of things seem wrong right now, I do have Blaine. Blaine is the most amazing person I've ever met, he is just wonderful, and it doesn't make it worse that we play on the same team. He doesn't know that I'm hopelessly in love with him of course, but I am, every time I look at him my heart skips a beat, he is so wonderful, and when he sing there is nothing I want more than to hear that voice forever, I just wish he would feel the same about me. Witch he doesn't of course.
Now I am on my way to Mercedes, she is my best friend, I haven't seen her as much as I would like the last few weeks, I'm pretty busy at Dalton, and there never seems to be enough time.
"How is Dalton academy?" Mercedes asks me.
"It's ok" I say, we are sitting in her bed, just the two of us. "I don't really feel like I belong there, but it's better than bullying"
"I'm so sorry it came to this Kurt." She looks at me, I know she wanted me to stay at McKinley, so did the rest of the New Directions, but I couldn't, they had offered to protect me, but what kind of life would that be, always have Finn, Puck, Sam and Mike around me just in case Dave was around.
"I know Mercedes, me too" I say.
"But hey Kurt, you are on an all boys school, is there any pretty boys there?" She looks at me.
"Of course there are" I laugh "Blaine Anderson for example." Mercedes have met Blaine, we went to breadsticks together once, she doesn't like him to much, but she doesn't mention it.
"Of course" Mercedes says, "remind me to never go out with you two again."
"Come on Mercedes, I've told you that we are sorry for that." I say looking at her.
"Of course it is ok white boy," She says, "So, have Blaine realized that you are the boy of his dreams yet?"
"No, I guess he never will either." I say quietly.
"Of course he will, you are amazing Kurt, he just need some time to realize it,"
"Are you sure?" I really wish that was the truth, but Blaine will never like me the way I like him, I just know it.
"Yes, I am 100% sure, but we could always push him in the right direction." She smiles, and I am a little bit worried about what her idea is.
"Mercedes, if this is some stupid idea that will end with me making a fool of myself, just forget it"
"You won't be making a fool out of yourself, you will make everyone, including Blaine, realize that you are fantastic."
I should have refused to do it, I should have said no, but I didn't, so here I am, looking for a song to sing to Blaine, witch is not as easy as you would think, I mean, there are a lot of good love songs, but none of them seem to be the right for this situation. You are sixteen going on seventeen, is not an option, since that would just turn it all around, he is the one in control, I am the one who need someone to look up to. My heart will go on is a great song, but not for this situation. I'll love you till the end! That's the song, it's not very me, but it is a good song, or it is an ok song. And the movie is ok; I watched it with Rachel a few days ago. It's pretty weird actually, that all of sudden I'm friends with Rachel, I never liked her when I was in the New Directions, but after I left she has been very nice, and we hang out together now and then.
"Eh… Blaine?" I say nervously, and he turns around.
"Yes Kurt?" He smiles at me.
"Do you have a minute? There is something I want to say..."
"Actually, no, I am in a bit of a hurry, can it wait?" He look at me, a little stressed.
"Yes, sure" There goes my chance; I will never dear to do that again, my heart is still beating at the speed of light.
"Thank you, I'll talk to you later then"
"Yes" I slowly turn around and walk away.
Kurt Hummel, you are a coward, you should have just said it. You should have just said that you love him; you don't have to sing it. There is no way you will ever tell him now. I am in the library now, telling myself how stupid I acted, I should have told him that it couldn't wait, and I will never have the guts to tell him, NEVER!
"Kurt" I look up at Blaine, it's three hours since he told me to wait-
"Hey Blaine" I say with a smile.
"What did you want to say?" He looks at me.
"Eh… it's nothing" I say.
"Really?" He obviously doesn't believe me. "You can tell me anything Kurt"
"I know Blaine, but it wasn't anything important, I just wanted to ask you about our assignment in English, but I found out what I needed" I know that he doesn't believe me, but he doesn't say more about it.
"Ok, if you say so" he says.
"Kurt Hummel! That was the perfect opportunity to tell him!" Rachel says, and Mercedes nods.
"Yes Kurt, why didn't you just say it?"
"I didn't dare to" I say, looking down.
"Well, actually, we had an idea that it would end like this, so we decided to encourage you" Rachel says, and I glare at her.
Mercedes starts the CD player.
"If you love somebody
You better let it out
Don't hold it back
While you're trying to figure it out
Don't be _
Don't be afraid
Run trough all the fire
Run through all the flame
Hold on for all you're worth
Cause the only real pain a heart can ever know
Is the sorrow of regret
When you didn't have your feelings shown
So did you say it?
Did you mean it?
Did you lay it on the line?
Did you make it count?
Did you look him in the eyes?
And did they feel it?
Did you say it in time?
Did you say it out loud?
Cause if you did hon.
Then you've lived some
And that feeling inside
That's called satisfied
Busy people walking by
Can't help but worry some
Empty hearts everywhere
Holding on to the dying affair
If you want love
It's not that tough
Start by giving it first
It's easy to give
Baby can't you see?
Just close your eyes open your heart
And do what comes naturally
So did you say it?
Did you mean it?
Did you lay it on the line?
Did you make it count?
Did you look him in the eyes?
And did they feel it?
Did you say it in time?
Did you say it out loud?
Cause if you did hon.
Then you've lived some
And that feeling inside
That's called satisfied
Horses were meant to run
The sun was meant to shine above
The flowers were made to bloom
And then there's us
We were born to love
We were born to love
So did you say it?
Did you mean it?
Did you lay it all on the line?
So did you say it?
Did you mean it?
Did you lay it on the line?
Did you make it count?
Did you look him in the eyes?
And did they feel it?
Did you say it in time?
Did you say it out loud?
Cause if you did hon.
Then you've lived some
And that feeling inside
That's called satisfied."
"Thanks girls" I say, I'm smiling now, they are right, if I don't tell him I am just going to regret it.
"Blaine?" I run down the hallway to catch up with him, "Blaine?" I repeat it as I get up on his side. "Can you come with me? It is about what I wanted to say the other day"
"Ok Kurt, I guess I can" I smile as he says it and get him to follow me to an empty classroom, where I have already placed a CD player.
"Would you mind listen to a song? I'm working on something, and I wanted to hear what you think."
"I wouldn't mind at all, I really like your voice." I try not to get distracted by his compliment.
"Ok, thanks" I say and start the CD player before I have time to change my mind.
I just want to see you
When you're all alone
I just want to catch you
If I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face
It radiates
I can't escape
I'll love you till the end
I just want to tell you
Nothing you don't want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Oh why don't you just take me
Where I've never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I'll love you till the end
I'll love you till the end
I'll love you till the end
I just want to be there
When we're caught in the rain
I just want to see you
Laugh not cry
I just want to be there
When the night puts on its cloak
I lost the words don't tell me
Cause all I can say
I'll love you till the end
I'll love you till the end
I'll love you till the end
I'll love you till the end
I'll love you till the end
I'll love you till the end
I'll love you till the end
I'll love you till the end" In the start my voice is shaking but as I get to the end of the first verse I calm down, and in the end it is almost perfect.