[Author's Note] This story was written for autumn midnights as part of the Gift Giving Extravaganza, for the month of March! I hope you like it, and I hope to get the entire fic done by the end of the month (crossing my fingers).

Pairings: I don't want to spoil too much, but there will be some romance involved in the fic, featuring Lily Luna with two different characters - an OC and Scorpius Malfoy. I'm not going to reveal anything about the extent of the romance with either characters...you'll just have to read and find out for yourselves ;)
Warnings: Foul language, partying, use of drugs, promiscuity, possible sex scenes, internal turmoil...

Please, if you review, have an account with PMs enabled so I can reply!

Thanks to luvsanime02 for putting up with my brainstorming rambling madness and for your madd editing skills, and to MonaBee for the second read through and great feedback.
All remaining mistakes are my own [/end Author's note]

Outside, the sky is a clear blue, and the warmth of the sun's rays can be felt even through the window. It doesn't even seem like the train is moving, since all that can be seen is endless green meadows, blue sky and blinding bright.

Lily Potter has the side of her forehead pressed up against the warm glass as she takes in the flat landscape indifferently. A dark, heavy, gray-black ball is building up inside of her, the same way rain clouds take over a neighborhood – coming in from far away and slowly creeping forward until suddenly they're there, blocking out the sun and pouring down on the flowerbed.

The Hogwarts Express chugs along, choo chooing every now and then, an irritating hot pink sound that makes Lily wish that she could pass out and miss the whole trip home. But she feels wide awake, and unfortunately, she's not deaf either. Her compartment mates haven't shut up for longer than a few seconds since the train left Hogsmeade station.

In all honesty, Lily would have preferred to sit by herself, but all the compartments must be full because this group intruded on her only a few minutes after the train left the station. It's like they think being in the same House makes it all right for them to sit beside her, without asking even.

"So, Lily, are you going to be seeing Scorpius this summer?"

It's the first time that they've addressed her directly, and it takes Lily a few seconds to react. She slowly peels her forehead off of the glass – she can feel the wet coolness from where she'd been sweating against the window – and then blinks slowly at Kissa.

Lily's never liked Kissa, because in first year she went around telling anyone who would listen that her grandfather could speak Parseltongue, and that this was why the Sorting Hat had placed her in Slytherin. Back then, Lily had still felt this childhood pride in her father and everything he'd accomplished, and she'd held a grudge on principle though she knew, even then, that Harry no longer possessed that particular skill. Now, Lily doesn't like Kissa because all she can talk about is her hair and boys. Plus, her voice has an unusual melody to it that sounds like murky yellow to Lily.

"I suppose that I will."

Kissa has long, wavy brown hair that she's taken the habit of twisting around her finger and then untwisting it and flicking it back behind her shoulder. She does it constantly, and the repetitive action perplexes Lily. She wonders if Kissa knows that she does this.

Kissa's sidekick Alesha pipes up. "My sister told me that she bumped into Scorpius at Diagon Alley last month and that he looked really good."

Lily rolls her eyes. She saw Scorpius herself during spring break, when he came up to Hogsmeade to hang out. He'd looked much the same to her: lanky, with chubby cheeks. Lily doesn't think that she'd ever use an emphatic 'really good' to describe Scorpius. He looked like himself, was all – cute, maybe, in a baby-fat face sort of way. Still, maybe she's biased because he's her best friend. One doesn't consider one's best friends as emphatically 'really good' looking. It would be crossing a line.

The conversation carries on as though Lily had never uttered those five words. She doesn't mind. She lets her forehead drop back against the window and wishes that the sun would go away. The contrast with the black raincloud gathering inside of her is disconcerting.

"-and Dad says that he'll get me an internship with Minister Shacklebolt-"

"-I've already applied for the next Auror training session. I'm so excited-"

"-you, Lily?"

Lily blinks. By some miracle, she'd drifted off into a semi-conscious, semi-unconscious state, until she heard her name and was jerked back into full awareness again.

Lily thinks that, if she'd remained a straight-laced girl, she may have been friends with the third girl, Elise. Elise has these big brown eyes that look at everything with some sort of inherent kindness. Every time Elise speaks to her, Lily feels like hugging her. That's saying something.

"Sorry?"

"What about you? What are your plans for the future?"

Kissa and Alesha look at Lily. She can tell that they're impatient for her to reply so that they can continue talking about themselves. Lily supposes that she shouldn't begrudge them their narcissism – under the circumstance that her DNA hadn't undergone a sever malfunction, that could have been her.

"I don't have any."

"You don't have any hopes or dreams?" Elise's eyes look like they're tearing up – or do they always look like that? Maybe that's what gives her a kind look. It's kind of freaking Lily out now.

Lily shrugs. "Does partying and getting wasted count?" She's going for the flippant attitude, but the truth is that she'd rather just not think about her professional future because that would entail thinking about her N.E.W.T results, and that's something that Lily wants to put off for as long as possible – forever, actually.

The other girls roll their eyes at that and resume their own mindless conversation, but Elise continues to look at Lily with those watery brown eyes. Lily looks away, feeling guilty.

The truth is that Lily really doesn't know what she wants to do about a career. She doesn't have any prevailing interests, and certainly no vocation to dictate the rest of her life. She hates that she's expected to know now, even though she's only seventeen-years-old. Lily isn't lying when she says that she wants to party and have fun. Unfortunately, that's not the Wizarding way.

Too soon, the Hogwarts Express arrives at Platform 9 ¾. Lily would take its irritating hot pink noise over what she's about to face any day.

Mum is alone while waiting for Lily, but that's not unusual. Lily had wrote to Mum telling her that she was more than old enough to Apparate back home now on her own, but that hadn't gone over so well. When their eyes meet, Lily sees Mum's smile falter, drop, and then pick up again. It wouldn't do to look unhappy to see her daughter returning home from Hogwarts for good. A reporter might be lurking around, picking up their own child, who knows, and catch a picture of 'Mrs. Potter's True Relationship with Only Daughter.' Lily can see the headline now.

"Hi, darling!" Mum pulls Lily into a hug and kisses her cheek.

"I'm not five years old." Lily shoves her off and wipes at her cheek. She knows when her mother is faking it – her eyes stay wide open while her mouth grins. It makes Lily sick, the way that they have to pretend to be nothing but happy, happy, happy in public.

"No, you're not. I distinctively remember you having red hair when you were five. And sixteen, too."

Lily does grin at this. She'd dyed her hair when she'd gotten back to Hogwarts after winter break. It's completely black now, with green highlights starting halfway down her hair and continuing to the tips. Her hair reaches past her boobs now, and couldn't have been straighter or have less volume even if she'd found a spell. Lily likes the way that her hair looks so lifeless. She thinks that it reflects her inner being truthfully.

Lily brings out her trunk and her owl, Celadon, and then they make their way to an Apparation spot in terse silence. Once upon a time, Lily can remember actually looking forward to this reunion, jumping off the train and racing her brothers to greet their mother. Reciprocated hugs and kisses were always in order, and sometimes ice cream treats before heading home. When Lily really thinks about those days now, though, she recalls how short they really were before James and Mum started arguing about his career choice and before Lily stopped caring.

Home feels weird to her when they arrive, like it's a stranger's house where Lily's only been invited for a temporary stay.

Mum lets out a loud, drawn out sigh the moment they cross the house's threshold and the door clicks shut behind them. This is Lily's cue that the public persona is finally being discarded.

The entrance hall gives way to the dining room and kitchen, although the staircase which leads to the bedrooms is directly across from the front door. Lily levitates her trunk, and is about to attempt an escape upstairs before Mum turns around and Lily knows that she's too late.

"What were you thinking, doing that to your hair?" Mum's voice may sound calm and reasonable, but Lily knows better than to think that she's being invited to actually give her opinion.

She continues; "It's inappropriate. No employer will take you seriously looking like that."

"Looking like what? Different?"

"I am not enabling you in this, Lily. Get rid of the hair, or-"

"Or what?" Sometimes Lily can't control her voice, and it comes out as a shout instead of a levelled retort. Lily checks herself before continuing in a lower tone. "You'll spell my hair back to normal? Well, go ahead. I'm of-age now, and whatever you do I'll just change my hair right back."

Mum just throws her hands up in the air. Lily wins this battle. At least, for now. A heavy silence settles between them then. Lily has the choice to go up to her room, but…

"Scorpius invited me to his place for the holidays." It's not the best moment to be asking for anything right now, but Lily is of-age. Technically, she doesn't need permission anymore.

"Scorpius will just have to wait for your company, Lily. James and Albus are arriving tomorrow, and then we're heading to the Burrow this weekend."

Family Day, and then the Family Reunion. The summer rituals.

Family Reunions aren't as bad as Family Days. With the Burrow putting its limits of human capacity to the test, it's easy to sneak out and be forgotten. Plus, most of the cousins show up, and Lily doesn't see Fred or Molly as much as she'd like to otherwise. Once, she was even allowed to invite Scorpius along, although that was an awkward affair. Lily realized that summer how, despite everyone trying to let bygones be bygones, much of her family didn't love the fact that her best friend is a Malfoy.

Lily doesn't try to extend an invitation to Scorpius today. The summer has already started off on a bad foot, and Mum is in that mood when she denies Lily everything.

Without another word, Lily takes her trunk up to her room. Hers is on the top floor. It's the smallest room of the whole house, and it's probably more of an attic space than anything, but with no room above or adjacent to hers, she lives in relative peace and quiet. As long she stays in the room, of course.

Lily levitates her trunk onto her bed and puts Celadon's cage on her desk by the window. Then, she opens her trunk. She took the time at Hogwarts to pack everything so carefully by hand. She'd thought that maybe if she took forever to pack, she'd never have to leave.

She stares at the neatly-lined black robes. The gray ball of discontent in her gut is pressing against her abdomen, creating an uncomfortable pressure – it wants out. But now there's a painful feeling accompanying it, a kind of white razor sawing away at the inside to let out the confined rain cloud.

In one swift motion, Lily grasps the lid of her trunk and pulls it forward, only jumping back when the entirety of her trunk crashes to the ground. Her robes float out to the floor. The carpet mutes the fall of the books and other heavy objects, but it's not thick enough to cushion the solid wood trunk itself, which crashes to the ground with a pretty, purple bam! Across the room, Celadon hoots and flaps his wings, startled by the sudden commotion.

Lily pushes the trunk off of the mess she's created with one foot. The lid of one of her ink bottles has popped off and stained some of her Muggle clothes and books. Even with magic, ink stains are a pain to get rid of completely.

The white razorblade has disappeared, and the gray ball has moved away, even if only temporarily. It's gone to rain on someone else's front lawn for now.

Lily pokes around the mess with a toe and pulls out of a scroll of parchment paper with a thumb and middle finger. She locates a quill, and then squats down to dip the tip into a puddle of ink that is quickly being absorbed by the carpet.

She puts the parchment on her knees. As a result, her writing is wobbly, but as long as it's legible Lily doesn't care.

Scorp,

Have to spend that blasted F. Day w/ the fam but then free until the big R.

Be there soon.

Xxx

Your Lils.

Lily draws on her arm with the quill while she waits for the ink to dry. She doesn't draw anything in particular, just shapes and doodles. A square, squiggly lines, a heart, then adds a zig-zag line through it. She likes the rough feeling of the quill's sharpened tip scratching against her skin.

Finally, she rolls up the letter and opens Celadon's cage. He's still jumpy from being frightened, and Lily almost gets a wing in her face when he bolts out the cage the second that Lily opens it. He flies one lap around the room before finally perching on Lily's chair.

"Sorry I scared you, buddy." Lily scratches Celadon's neck. Despite his name, there is nothing relatively green or gray about Celadon's feathers, except for maybe for his head. Instead, Celadon is mostly cream colored and brown, with black streaks through his body. What drew Lily to him, though, were his wide, orange eyes. Orange to her is when she's feeling hyper, and she likes the way that it makes him look so alert.

Celadon hoots again – a low-pitched uhoo-uhoo – that Lily has always found comforting, like her very own safety blanket.

"I hate it here," Lily whispers, and Celadon tilts its head and nips Lily's fingers. It's not a mean gesture, it just means that he's hungry, but Lily likes to think that Celadon understands her and tries to cheer her up in the only way that he knows how.

"Sorry, buddy, I don't have any beetles on me, but Scorpius will give you a treat, all right?"

At the sight of the letter, Celadon pushes off of the chair. He closes his claws around the offered parchment and then flies around the room while Lily opens the window.

Lily watches him soar out the window and then fly out of sight. She's still sitting there long after she's lost him from her sight.

She feels envious, and wishes that she could follow him through the open window and flap her wings, let herself float while riding the wind's current.

She wonders if that's what happiness feels like.