A/N A huge thanks goes to OoJasper'sAngeloO for her beta work. Hope you enjoy, but if you are sensitive you may need some tissue.
I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.
Jasper's POV
I was running. I needed to get away, even if its only for a few hours. Even if I slip and kill another human I just need to get away from the family. Ha! That's a laugh. They may be family to each other, but family doesn't treat other family members with disgust, at least that's what I remembered from my own family before I was turned.
All I wanted to do was to take my niece Nessie and teach her how to ride a horse, but the mind fucker said no. Of course he is her father and he has the right to raise her however he deems best, but he's a controlling bastard and the rest of the family goes along with whatever he says.
Alice is another one that controls the family. She tells them that she had a vision of something happening and I'm told to do whatever is needed to keep the visions from coming to pass. According to Alice and Edward I'm just a fucking monster. The worst part though is that even when Bella, who is married to Edward, doesn't agree she just goes along believing that they know best.
I just found out, by accident though, what Edward and Alice really think of me. They want me to stay with the family because I'm the only one that can protect them, but I have to be watched every single fucking moment to make sure that I don't attack Nessie. I would never hurt her, I love her and I hope she loves me.
I just for fucking once would like to feel like someone else actually cares about me. What I don't understand is that Alice keeps telling me and the family that we are mates. We aren't. She has tried to seduce me many times. I just don't want her, especially after her reaction the one time I decided to just give in and fuck her.
I was feeling lonely and horny at the time. We got as far as foreplay to the point where I had all of her clothes off and had given her not just one, but two orgasms. I took my shirt off and she yelled for me to put it back on. My scars were too ugly she had said.
I did as she asked and then got my pants down to my ankles before she told me to just pull them back up and leave it open enough to stick my cock into her. I really lost all interest then and just walked out. She saw me as too ugly to even be undressed and I knew at the time she just wanted me because I was able to protect her, as well as give her mind blowing orgasms.
I have to admit that I have slipped up many times. Still family helps family, but apparently I'm only allowed to stay because if anything were to happen, I could protect the family like I have in the past. But I'm told what to wear, when to hunt, what to do, where I can or can't go and even when to leave because Nessie is coming to the house. All done by Alice and Edward of course.
Why do I stay? Because even though I'm treated as a monster they are the only ones who I have come to love, with the exception of Edward and Alice. Emmett and I get along great and I love being around his emotions. Same goes for Rose, Bella and Nessie, when I'm allowed to be around her that is.
There were two other reasons that I didn't just fucking leave. The family loves each other and of course I can feel it. It's the only time I feel love. It's not directed at me of course, but at least I can pretend.
The other reason is that Alice says if I leave the family then I'll go back to the monster I was before I met her. That thought scares the shit out of me. While they still believe me to be a monster, at least I'm better than what I was when I was with Maria.
But when I do something that they don't like, or I want to do something like teach Nessie how to ride a horse, then I'm reminded of how much of a monster I am. I'm a scarred freak that only dreams of blood and killing. I'm incapable of love according to them.
Carlisle and Esme, they go along with whatever Alice or Edward says. They both feel something towards me, its almost love, but because of Alice and Edward they also fear me. They fear that one day I might really do something to endanger their family. I actually already did that once. I tried to attack Bella when she was still human.
If I could just get them alone without the influence of Edward or Alice then I know they could get to really know me and realize that I just want the same thing they do, to be loved. Not for what I can do, but for who I am. Not the monster, but the man that just happens to be a dangerous vampire.
There are times that I have to leave because the emotions become overwhelming. Especially the lust between the mates. That and the fact that it hurts that I'm not good enough to be trusted or loved. I understand that they don't trust me, so why should they love me? It still hurts.
Is it so wrong of me to want to be loved? To feel wanted and needed other than for protection. So at times like now, I leave. I'm usually only gone for a few hours and a few times I have stayed away for a couple of days.
I could just go and stay with Peter and Char, but the lust that I feel from them drives me fucking crazy and of course I have no way other than my own hand to satisfy my own needs. I could just leave like I do now, but the difference is that their lust is almost constant.
Maybe if I had someone who believed in me then maybe I could be stronger. Maybe...
Peter's POV
Char and I had just finished up another round of love makin' when my knower went off. Sometimes I hate when it just suddenly hits me. Especially when I want to be doin' something else and I have to follow whatever its tellin' me to do. I didn't understand everything, but I knew for a fact that Jasper needed to go to the nice little cabin that I had built for Char a few years back.
It has all of the normal human things like a kitchen, bathroom and bedrooms, fully furnished. Char said that she wanted it to look like humans lived there. So I built it according to her wishes. Jasper came down and helped us with it. It's in Oregon and we would go and stay there whenever we felt like Jasper needed us.
We just don't get along with the Cullens. They don't like us and they believe us to be savages. I don't really give a fuck what they think about us, but every fuckin' time I see Jasper I can see that their bullshit has brought him down even more.
So every so often we go to the cabin and Jasper meets us there. We spend a few hours to a few days catchin' up. Usually though after Jasper's been gone a few hours his fuckin' phone starts goin' off with calls and texts from Alice demanding that he goes back home immediately or he's gonna slip and eat a human.
Right now though, my knower is tellin' me that he needs to go to the cabin. Don't know why, but I do know that if he doesn't go now his path will lead him into a darkness he will never come out of. I just know he needs to go there.
There's another thing. I hate this so called gift because sometimes it's cryptic, even to me. He needs to go to the cabin which is powered by its own generator as well as that solar powered shit so it can be suitable for even humans. It has all the necessities, hot and cold running water as well as electricity. All I know is that he needs to stay there for a few days.
Then he needed to go into the town of Portland and do some shopping. That's all I know. The only thing I do know for sure is that his welfare depends on him doing this. Something is gonna happen that will change him and his outlook on life. The really confusing thing is that if he goes back to the Cullens before he goes to the cabin and then shopping, his life becomes darker than it already is.
I explain to my beautiful mate that I need to call our brother and tell him what I know. When I told her that if he did as I told him that his life would change for the better, her face lit up like the fourth of July fireworks. For once we wanted to see Jasper happy and we both knew that could never happen as long as he continued to follow the Cullens around.
Once I had finished her only words were, "Well, what in the hell are ya waitin' for? Call him and tell him to do it. Are we gonna be joinin' him or what?"
I told her not yet, it wasn't time, but I did feel that we would be joinin' him later, maybe in a few weeks or months. I wasn't real sure about that. I just knew that he would need to be alone in this endeavor, at least in the beginnin'.
I called him and he picked up after a couple of rings. I could tell right away that he was worse than the last time I had talked to him. There was such a pronounced sadness in his voice, "Hey Peter, long time since the last time we spoke. What's up?"
Yep, he was much worse. He usually answered his phone by callin' me "fucker" and cussin'. I wanted to ask him what happened this time, but I was afraid of what I would hear. I was sure that it had to do with either Edward or Alice and then Char would have her hands full tryin' to keep me from killin' the fuckers.
I just decided that for now it would be best to tell him what I knew and to make sure he did as I told him, "Well Major, my knower has been goin' off like crazy. I don't know what happened this time, but I do know that you sound sadder than I have ever heard you, but that's not why I'm callin' ya. You need to go to the cabin in Oregon, get it set up and plan on stayin' a couple of days. Then ya need to go to Portland to do some shoppin'. Now, when I say shoppin' I mean ya need to go and buy some human food. I don't know why, just that if ya don't do it, your life will become darker. Ya need to take the truck that we keep there when ya go. That's all I know for now. I'm just gonna remind ya that my gift has never failed yet. So, ya gonna do it?"
"Actually, it sounds like a perfect plan, at least the stayin' a couple of days. I really need to have some peace right now. Why is it that I'm good enough to have around for protection, but not good enough to be loved? Never mind, don't fuckin' answer that. I already know that I'm a monster who doesn't deserve love." he replied.
"Don't you fuckin' dare start that shit again Jasper Whitlock, or I'll come up there and kick your ass! You are loved and trusted, at least by us." Char yelled at him knowin' he'd hear her.
"You forget Char its Hale, Jasper Hale, now what exactly is it that I'm supposed to do?" he asked.
"Just what I already told ya. Go get the cabin set up and then take the truck and go human food shoppin'. You'll know after that what to do next." I explained.
"And what in the fuck am I supposed to do with the fuckin' food?"
"Like I said you'll know by the time you leave the store. If ya don't then just take it to some of the homeless people. I don't know. I'm just tellin' ya what I do know."
We talked for a few more minutes with me tellin' him that when the time was right we would be joinin' him at the cabin. He asked me to come on now, he wanted us spend some time with him, but my knower told me he needed to do whatever it was alone, at least for now.
He promised to do as I had asked him to do and then we hung up. Now it was up to him. I just hope that I hadn't steered him wrong.
Jasper's POV
I ran to the cabin that was located in the mountains close to Portland, but not close enough for humans to come up to it. It had a brick wall around the property and it was impossible for humans to get to it. The wall was eighteen feet high. Peter said that he wanted to make sure humans didn't come around.
The garage that held the truck was on the outside of the wall for the simple fact that there were no roads, no trails, no access to even get to the wall. It would be easier to keep the nosy humans away. The garage was actually at a house that was set up also by Peter and it is rented out to humans.
They know that the truck is kept there and that every once in a while someone comes to take it out. But we don't bother them and the garage that it's kept at is down the hill from the actual house. They have low rent, a house fully furnished and bills paid to keep them happy enough to not be nosy about the truck, or us. They are led to believe that we work with the forest rangers and only have need of the truck on occasion. They don't even know most of the time when we do take it out.
We do have a way to take it to the cabin, but we usually just park it where the tree line starts and run the rest of the way. We just have to drive through some heavy trees for about half a mile and then it comes out onto a road that goes to the gate of the wall.
After getting to the cabin and getting everything turned on, I head out and pick up the truck. I was just getting into Portland when I realized that I had no clue if I was supposed to go to a particular store or if any store would do. My phone went off and I looked at it. It was Peter with a message, "Stop at the grocery store at the end of Beltane. Just get some food, doesn't really matter how much. You just need to be there and shop for real. Oh, your life is about to have a head on collision with destiny."
I followed the instructions he had sent me and found the store he had told me to go to. For some fucked up reason I was feelin' excitement, maybe even a slight bit of hope. This was confusing me even more. How in the fuck could going to the store to buy human food make me excited? At this point I didn't really care, I was finally feelin' something besides depression.
As soon as I had parked the truck and was headin' inside my phone went off again. It was ringing and I looked at the caller ID and saw it was Alice. No, I was feelin' good for the first time in a very long time and I wasn't going to let the twit ruin it for me, not this time.
Then she sent me a text, "Jasper, please get away from the store, you're going to end up killing several humans if you don't."
I decided to just ignore her. I went in and shopped for about twenty minutes at human speed. I went to the check out line and was starting to become concerned. So far I hadn't seen anything that should have told me why I was in a fuckin' human food store buyin' fuckin' human food.
Even though the whole time I had been in here I kept havin' ladies seein' me and sendin' lust my way. I had no desire to be with a human so it was more annoying that anything else. The cashier was the worst though, flirtin' and even goin' so far as to givin' me her number.
Just as I was puttin' my wallet away and about to take my bags, I heard it. . .
A/N Please let me know if you want this story to continue. If I don't get enough readers interested then I will drop this story. So, its up to you if you want me to continue.