Because apparently I can't write two fluff stories in a row, here's some angst with a side of pheels.
Before Coulson came back from the dead, Barton had been coping. Okay, so he hadn't been coping well, but he had been coping. He spent weeks convincing himself that it hadn't been his fault. That Loki would have found a way even if Clint hadn't told him how to get out of the cage, how to get on the Helicarrier, how Coulson was to be feared...
But Coulson was dead, and that was awful, terrible, horrible, because Coulson and Natasha were everything to Clint. Coulson was dead. And Natasha? She was falling apart. He'd pinked her during their last sparring match. He hadn't managed that in years. And he knew she wasn't sleeping. But then, neither was he.
At least while Coulson was dead, he wasn't suffering. Clint had looked it up, and recovery from that sort of chest wound... long and painful. Coulson was at rest. He was at peace.
But now Coulson was alive. And that was...Clint didn't know what to do with that. He'd been in a coma, and then recovering in hospital for three months. And Fury didn't see fit to tell anyone.
"I didn't want you to worry about him. I wanted to wait until I was sure to tell you."
Tony had immediately made Coulson move into the Tower with them. Which was honestly the last thing Clint needed. It was a lot harder to avoid the man when you're living with him.
It was worse when they did run into each other, because Coulson wasn't... he didn't... he wasn't anything. They didn't banter. They didn't even talk to each other. Clint just got the 'bland agent' face. He hadn't got the 'bland agent' face since he was a junior agent. He couldn't even look Coulson in the eye.
It was okay when they were on missions, because Coulson wasn't allowed on missions yet. He was still recovering. But the rest of the time Coulson was right there and Clint was staring his guilt right in the eye. He wanted to apologize, but he'd spent so much time trying to convince himself it wasn't his fault, he wasn't sure how. Besides, apologising would entail actually talking to Coulson, and Clint wasn't sure he could do that. The last time he'd talked to Coulson, really talked to him, the conversation had been with a stone at Arlington.
Coulson had been dead for three months. He'd only been alive for two weeks. Is it any wonder Clint was having difficulty?