Author's Note: This fic is for the "Other Fandoms Contest". My insane BETA decided to enter me in it, and this is the result. It's my first ever slash fic (that I wrote myself), my first contest, and my first humor. I'm so proud. So anyway, I totally don't own Harry Potter, no matter how much I wish I did. Which is quite a bit.
It's a Dog Eat Dog World
It was a perfectly normal Friday afternoon at Hogwarts. It was warm, sunny, and quiet in the castle, and…wait a second, quiet? Maybe not so perfectly normal. You see, Friday afternoons were not meant to be quiet – oh no, not quiet at all- because Friday afternoons were NEWT Transfiguration classes. Now, all of Hogwarts may not have been absorbing much of what they were learning that year, but they did know one thing. Friday afternoons were not meant to be quiet, and this was for one reason. There was only one NEWT Transfiguration class, and it unavoidably included Messrs. James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin. Oh, and that redhead, Lily Evans.
Professor McGonagall was sitting on her desk, posing as a tabby cat for the afternoon. Her eyes were fixated on these four individuals. They seemed to be fairly quiet this glorious lesson, and she was half expecting a total eclipse of the sun, or maybe for He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to break out in a song and dance and start promoting muggle-wizard relations. It was more likely then this, anyway.
Little did the poor professor know what exactly was transpiring in the corner containing these four. James was carefully etching a snitch into his and Lily's table, and she was fiercely kicking him under the table as he added the initials "L.E." in the center.
"James Potter…" Lily hissed. "I do not want MY initials caved into a desk for all eternity! It may not be to you, but that's what everyone else calls graffiti! It's not allowed!"
James ignored her protests, finishing the last dot with a flourish. "You told me it was a waste to doodle on paper, Lily dearest… At least I'm saving trees, unlike those two." James looked back, inclining his head towards his best friends Moony and Padfoot, who seemed to be huddled over a piece of parchment.
"Turn around James," said Lily, nudging him quite forcefully in the ribs, "McGonagall's looking." With that, James turned around, leaving his friends to their own devices.
Remus and Sirius were having a conversation. 'Well, not exactly a conversation" thought Sirius bitterly. At Remus' insistence, they were writing down everything they wanted to say. Sirius and Remus had finally gotten together after 6 years of wanting each other, and he was not about to spoil his new relationship with one petty argument. "So" wrote Sirius "How about we go to Muggle London next Hogsmeade weekend?" Remus hesitated, and Sirius quickly scribbled, "We'll get candy." He knew about Remus' love for all things sweet, so he figured it was the perfect bribe. Remus nodded carefully. Sirius was crafty enough to make sure they didn't get caught. "What's your favourite kind of Muggle food?" added Sirius, figuring they could go get something to eat while they were out.
"Chinese," read Remus' neat printing.
Sirius was shocked. Shocked to the point where his eyes bulged and is jaw dropped and his heart must've skipped a half a dozen beats. "Chinese?" hissed Sirius, ignoring the 'no talking' rule. "But…Remus…they eat dogs! They chop them up with swords and then they eat them!"
Remus rolled his eyes. "So?" he replied, equally as quietly.
"So? So I'm a dog Remus!" With these words, Sirius' voice rose, and Remus hastened to hush him.
"Shh! So? What's your point?"
Sirius was appalled. Remus was supposed to be smart. "That. Is. CANNIBALISM!" shouted Sirius, and the entire class turned to watch as Remus slouched in his seat, turning a brilliant shade of red. "Cannibalism is ILLEGAL, Remus! That's like… you eating me! You can't eat me! That's…That's…" James' mouth hung open, and Lily had her ears covered with her hands.
"But…Sirius…" Remus replied in a very small voice. "I already do eat you."
Sirius stared. "No you…you…" he started, and then all the sudden a look of understanding came over his face. "Oh. OH!"
The bell sounded, and Remus was out the door. "Oh." Repeated Sirius, looking dumbstruck. "Remus!" He shouted, running out after him.
Professor McGonagall smiled. It had been a perfectly normal Friday afternoon.
Please review! Any comments are accepted! (yes, that includes flames --')