The room was warm and festive, chains made of red and green construction paper hung over the doorways, a large plastic snowman that was meant to be a lawn ornament sat in one corner and the walls were decorated with pictures of Santa and homemade snowflakes. In the other corner stood the freshly decorated tree and in front of the tree stood the man hoisting the little boy up over his head to place the angel on top as they added the final touch.
"Okay daddy, she's on." Jack said.
The man pulled the boy down and into his arms, balancing him on his hip and stepping back to admire their work.
"Good job buddy. She's perfectly straight." Hotch said.
"Daddy, is mommy an angel?" Jack asked.
"Most definitely." He answered.
"Christmas is Jesus' birthday right." Jack asked.
"That's right." He said.
"Do they have Christmas in heaven or a birthday party?" Jack asked, making Hotch chuckle lightly.
"I'm not sure Jack, probably a little of both." He answered.
"Do you think mommy gets to have Christmas?" Jack asked, obviously more on his mind than whether or not Jesus was getting cheated out of birthday presents.
"I think all the angels celebrate Christmas." Hotch answered, trying hard to give the boy the answer he needed, but not sure what that was.
"Is she sad?" Jack asked.
"Why do you think she's sad?" He asked.
"I'm sad, but I have you so it's not so sad. Are you sad daddy?" Jack asked.
"Sometimes and it's okay to be sad Jack. It's okay to miss mommy." He told him.
"Mommy doesn't have anybody to have Christmas with. She must be so sad." Jack sighed and laid his head on his father's shoulder.
"Jack, mommy isn't sad." Hotch attempted to comfort his son.
"Can we watch Rudolph now?" Jack asked.
They watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer together. Jack fell asleep half way through it and Hotch put him to bed. He wasn't surprised when he felt him crawl into bed with him later. Mommy conversations typically resulted in them sleeping together. The next morning Jack was back to normal, hyper and happy and dancing in his chair while he ate his cereal and studied the cereal box. Hotch supposed grieving was no different for a child than it was for an adult and that sometimes they just needed to be allowed to be sad without a grown-up falling over them trying to fix it. He couldn't fix it. All he could do was love him and hope that was enough, even though most of the time that wasn't enough for a father who wanted more than anything to fix it.
"Daddy, did you get my macaroni for school?" Jack asked.
"It's in your backpack." Hotch answered as he sipped his coffee and finished tying his tie.
"Are you going away?" Jack asked.
"No, I don't think so, not today. Come on buddy, eat up. We're going to be late." Hotch prodded gently.
As they made the drive to Jack's school, Hotch continually glanced in the rearview mirror at his son. He seemed so deep in thought for such a small person and he wondered what a five year old could be concentrating on so intensely.
"Santa delivers presents all over the world right?" Jack asked.
"That's right." Hotch answered.
"He can find you no matter where you're at right?" Jack asked.
"Yes and don't worry, he'll be able to find your new house this year." Hotch told him and smiled, his son's innocence apparently not completely stripped away.
He heard the commotion coming from the bullpen and glanced out of his window. Garcia, Reid, Prentiss, and Morgan were all gathered around Reid's desk having a rather spirited argument. He moved away from his desk, stood and stepped out of his office, stopping at the railing and looking down at them, waiting for them to notice him and get back to work. Reid finally glanced up, but if he was intimidated by his boss he didn't show it. He simply stood up and in pure animated Reid fashion he attempted to drag Hotch into the argument.
"Tell them I'm right Hotch." Reid said.
"Right about what?" He asked.
"That I'm the perfect choice to play Santa at the party on Friday." Reid told him.
Hotch did his best to keep the smile that wanted to escape from doing so and instead shot all of them a stern "get back to work" look and returned to his office. A couple of hours later he heard a light knock on his door and looked up. Emily Prentiss was standing just outside the door.
"Come in." He said and diverted his attention back to his paperwork for a moment before looking back up to give her his attention.
"Here's the report you wanted." She said and handed it to him.
"Thank you." He said and lowered his eyes back to the document he was working on. He noticed she had made no attempt to leave and looked back up at her.
"Is there something else?" He asked.
"Is everything okay?" She asked.
"Why do you ask?" He asked.
"I don't know. You just seem more distant and preoccupied than normal." She said.
"I'm fine." He said.
"You know Hotch, we all understand you're probably not in the mood for a Christmas party so I'm sure even Strauss would understand if you sat this one out." She said.
"I appreciate that Prentiss, but part of my job is protecting all of you during the annual Christmas party." He said, a slight smirk surfacing.
"Protect us from what?" She asked.
"You're not as stealthy as you think you are and someone has to distract Strauss while you're spiking the eggnog, or while Garcia and Kevin are wearing out the mistletoe hanging in the supply closet, or my favorite part, while you, Morgan and Rossi are collecting on the Strauss pool and forcing the winner/loser to collect by cornering her with some mistletoe, which completely freaks her out every year. You'd think she would've caught on by now." Hotch said and let go of a light laugh.
"Is Jack coming to the party?" Prentiss asked.
"He is and he's excited about it. Hopefully we won't get called away on case in the next few days." Hotch said.
"You need to talk to Garcia, tell her to let Reid be Santa." Prentiss told him.
"I'm not getting involved in that." Hotch refused.
"I think it's really important to him Hotch. He says it's important this year's Santa be as perfect and magical as possible for Jack and he seems to really believe he's the man for the job. You know I don't think Reid probably ever experienced the magic of Christmas when he was a boy." Prentiss explained, seeing emotion flash through his eyes for the briefest of moments.
"Can I ask you something Emily?" He asked.
"Sure." She said.
"Do you think angels celebrate Christmas?" He asked, his face completely serious and sincere.
"Hmm, I guess that explains your mood today. I think that if it's okay to let a five year old boy believe that a jolly, fat man in a red suit delivers presents all over the world then it's okay to let him believe that his mother is celebrating Christmas in heaven. Besides, who are we to suggest she isn't? I remember all those goodies she used to make for us during the holidays so if there is any angel in heaven organizing a big Christmas celebration, it's definitely Haley." Prentiss told him her face also completely sincere and serious.
"Yeah." He quietly agreed, his face a lot less stoic than it was when she entered the room.
"Kids ask some difficult questions sometimes huh?" She asked, hoping he might open up a little to her.
"Every day." He sighed heavily.
"Want to talk about it?" She asked.
"There's really nothing to talk about. Jack's worried his mom is going to be sad because she will be spending Christmas alone. Haley's family wants him Christmas Eve and how can I say no, but is he going to spend the evening worried that both his parents are sad instead of having fun? He's five. His biggest worry should be what kind of cookies to leave out for Santa." Hotch told her.
"Well, he is your son." She said.
"Meaning?" Hotch asked.
"You spend all of your time worrying about other people Hotch, it makes sense that your son would inherit that trait. I mean look at you. It's you and Jack's first Christmas without Haley and you're just going to hand him over to her family because you feel like it's your fault they won't have Haley. You're not even considering that you might need to be with Jack on Christmas Eve." She told him.
"I've considered it, but I think they need him more. He'll be home at midnight. I'll have him Christmas morning." He said.
"Right, well if you're bored you can come to my place until it's time for him to come home and I promise not to spike your eggnog." She said, deciding she probably needed to back off and lighten things up a bit.
"Or you could come to my place." He said softly, so softly she wasn't sure she heard him right.
"Yeah, what's your place got that mine doesn't?" She did her best to play it cool, even though her stomach was all of the sudden doing flip flops.
"Every Christmas special ever made on DVD. Come on Emily, when was the last time you watched Frosty melt into a puddle of water?" He teased.
"Oh that used to make me cry when I was a little girl." She admitted.
"I figured as much. Come on over and we'll see if it still makes you cry." He offered, the previously tormented man replaced by a playful one for the moment.
"Okay, I will, but you have to do something for me first." She said.
"I'll go talk to Garcia about Reid right now." He said, knowing exactly what she wanted from him.
"Great. Thanks Hotch." She said and smiled at him.
"No, thank you Emily." He said and made eye contact with her.
"Sure, anytime." She told him and left his office.
It was 4 PM on Christmas Eve. Rossi entered Hotch's office with a glass of scotch in his hand and sat down in one of the chairs facing Hotch's desk. Hotch looked up from his paperwork and set his pen down.
"Is this your way of telling me that it's time to stop working?" Hotch asked.
"Would it do anyone any good to tell you stop working?" Rossi asked.
"So how much is the winner/loser going to make from the pool this year?" Hotch asked.
"Oh we sweetened it this year and let the female employees play. Imagine the look on Strauss's face when Madelyn Brower tries to kiss her." Rossi chuckled.
"You know Dave, if Strauss ever figures this out both our asses could end up in white collar crime for the remainder of our careers." Hotch warned in a joking manner.
"Not me, I'll just retire again. Did you see Reid?" Rossi asked.
"Yeah, Garcia did a really good job on him. Reid with a chubby face is a bit disturbing though." Hotch said.
"Reid with a chubby anything is disturbing, but he really does look like Santa. The kids are going to believe they're encountering the real deal. Speaking of which, where's Jack?" Rossi asked.
"Jessica is going to drop him off." Hotch said.
Hotch barely finished his sentence before he heard the soft "Hi daddy" from the doorway as the child made the quick journey across the room and into his father's lap.
"Thanks Jessica. I'll drop him off at six and I won't be late. I promise." Hotch told her.
"I thought I'd swing back by and pick him up arond 5:30 if that's okay. We'd love for you to join us Aaron." Jessica said.
"I appreciate that Jess, but I just don't think it's a good idea." Hotch said.
"Okay, bye Jack. See you in a bit." Jessica said.
"Bye Aunt Jessie." Jack said quietly and snuggled in to his father's chest, clutching a paper sack tightly in his hands.
Rossi excused himself so Hotch could have a moment with his son.
"What's the matter buddy?" Hotch asked and kissed him softly on the top of the head.
"I don't want you to be by yourself tonight." He said softly.
"I won't be. My friend Emily is going to come over and keep me company until you get home. You remember Miss Prentiss don't you? She came to your birthday party." He said.
"Yeah, she's nice. Do you promise she is coming to stay with you?" Jack asked.
"I promise and I'm happy Jack, I'm not sad at all. I want you to go to your grandmother's house and see all of your aunts and uncles and play with your cousins and have the best time ever. Can you do that for daddy?" He asked.
"But I want to be with you too." He said.
"We're going to be together again in a few hours. Your family loves you very much and they want to spend some time with you too, but if you don't want to go son, I won't make you." Hotch told him.
"Can I come home early if I want to?" Jack asked.
"You can come home whenever you're ready to come home." Hotch agreed.
"Okay daddy." Jack agreed.
Hotch touched the bag Jack was clutching in his hands.
"What's this?" Hotch asked.
"It's for Santa." Jack answered.
"You brought Santa a present?" Hotch asked.
Dave stuck his head in the door before Jack had a chance to answer.
"I hear that Santa's on his way. Is there anyone in here that might be interested in talking to Santa?" Rossi asked and smiled as the little boy eagerly moved out of Hotch's lap and over to the windows.
"I don't see him." Jack said.
"He'll be here soon. You better get your dad and get on down there kiddo." Rossi told him.
Hotch took hold of the boy's hand and led him down the stairs to the area where the Christmas tree and the chair for Santa was set up. A group of children had gathered in the area, all eagerly awaiting the arrival of Santa. Reid/Santa came through the glass doors chanting the cheerful "Ho! Ho!" Ho". He made his way over to the children, passing candy canes out to the adults along the way. He sat in the chair, the impressive make-up job done on his face by Garcia making him appear like the plump jolly old elf he was there to make the children believe he was and he was good, his voice loud and confident and well, jolly. As Hotch stood and watched him interact with the children, so into the role it was as if he'd been put on this earth specifically to play Santa, he recalled what Prentiss had said about Reid probably never having experienced the magic of Christmas as a child and he smiled, the sheer joy the young man was experiencing at the moment enough to crack even the hardest of hard asses.
The adults stood around the circle watching each child have his or her turn to sit on Santa's lap and receive a present. Most of the requests the children made were exactly what one would expect a young child to ask for, but a few earned loud chuckles from the adults gathered around. One little girl asked Santa if he could exchange her baby brother for a puppy because she had asked for a puppy the year before and got the brother instead and after getting the okay from the girl's father Reid/Santa suggested that perhaps she could have both. Jack, clutching his bag in his hand, stood quietly beside his father, patiently awaiting his turn.
"Okay, it looks like my next gift is for Jack Hotchner. Has anyone seen Jack?" Reid/Santa called out to the crowd, pretending not to recognize the boy standing beside his father.
"I'm here." He said happily and approached Santa, while Hotch held his breath, praying the boy wouldn't recognize Reid.
Hotch lifted the boy onto Santa's lap, gave Reid a knowing look and moved back so the photographer could snap a picture.
Reid understood the look all too well. It said, "Screw this up and I'll make Scrooge seem like Mary Poppins by the time I'm done with you." But it seemed Reid was going to be safe, Jack was happy and excited and appeared as though he was completely certain that the man before him was either the real deal, or at the very least worked for the real deal. Reid handed Jack the present and Jack pushed it away.
"No Santa, that's not what I want for Christmas!" Jack protested and Hotch felt his face grow warm. Was the boss's son really going to act like a spoiled brat and refuse the gift he'd been offered because it wasn't what he thought he wanted?
"Ho, Ho….it's just a gift from the elves my dear boy, the gifts you asked Santa for will be under your tree in the morning." Reid/Santa told him and handed him the present.
"I have to change my wish Santa. Please. It's important." Jack pleaded with him.
Reid/Santa made eye contact with Hotch and all Hotch could do was lightly shrug his shoulders and hope that whatever Jack was about to ask for he'd have to time pick up before the stores closed.
"Okay Jack, but remember, it's Christmas Eve so Santa and his elves might not have time to fill such a late request." Reid said calmly and kindly, hoping to give Hotch an out if the gift was unobtainable.
"You can do it for me Santa. You deliver presents everywhere right?" Jack asked and Hotch raised his eyebrows.
"That's right Jack." Santa agreed.
"I don't want any toys. I just want you to deliver this to my mom. That's all I want for Christmas." Jack told him, silencing the entire room and sending a few of the adults away as they became emotional.
Reid could feel himself losing control of his own emotions and cleared his throat, hoping to maintain control as he spoke to the boy.
"You want me to deliver a present to your mom?" Reid asked.
"She's an angel in heaven Santa and you're the only one who can take her a present. See, I made it for her at school." Jack said and pulled the gift from the bag he'd been clutching in his hand.
Reid held the small round paper plate covered in gold spray painted macaroni in his hands. In the middle of the gold macaroni was a picture of Jack with his father and there was a big red Christmas bow on the top of the plate.
"It was supposed to be a present for daddy with a picture of me, but I told my teacher I wanted to make it a picture of both of us for mommy so she won't be all alone on Christmas and she helped me make it perfect. She did the bow and helped me glue the picture straight. I did everything else. Daddy said angels celebrate Christmas. Mommy doesn't have anyone to celebrate with. Will you please take her this present Santa so she will have me and daddy with her on Christmas? If you do I won't ask for nothing else ever again." Jack pleaded with him.
More adults found themselves needing to walk away and Reid was at a loss. He sought out Hotch again and made eye contact with him. Hotch nodded and Reid turned his attention back to Jack.
"Okay Jack, I'll deliver this to your mom. Can you do something for me?" Reid asked.
"Sure Santa." Jack answered.
"Take this gift and promise me that you will have a very Merry Christmas." Reid said.
"I will Santa, I promise. Thank you, thank you so much. Mommy is going to be so happy." Jack said as he climbed up on his knees and hugged Santa as tight as he could.
"That's quite a kid you've got there." Rossi spoke softly to Hotch.
"He's definitely got his mother's kind heart." Hotch agreed.
"And his father's. If the eggnog wasn't spiked before, I bet it is now." Rossi said and smiled as the young boy launched himself into his father's arms.
"Santa is going to take my present to mommy!" He said excitedly, apparently unaware that he'd created a somber mood in the room.
"That's great buddy. You know that was a very nice and thoughtful thing you did. I'm very proud of you and I know your mom is too. Do you feel a little better about everything now?" Hotch asked.
"Yes and I promised Santa I'd have a Merry Christmas so can I go play with the other kids?" Jack asked.
"Of course." Hotch said and gently lowered the child to the floor and watched him scurry off happily clutching the package he'd yet to unwrap.
"You really think that eggnog is spiked?" Hotch asked.
"If it isn't, I've got a bottle of scotch in my office. Jack's going to be okay Aaron. Are you?" Dave asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just hard watching him struggle." Hotch sighed heavily.
"I'm sure it is. Come on, let me buy you a drink." Dave said, placing his hand on Hotch's shoulder and leading him up the stairs.
By 6PM the party was over. Jessica had picked up Jack and Hotch was in his office cleaning up his desk for the day. He heard the light knock on the door and looked up.
"I thought you were flying to Las Vegas tonight." Hotch said to the now normal looking Spencer Reid.
"I am, my plane leaves in a couple of hours. I wanted to ask you something." Reid said as he slowly entered the room, still holding the present Jack had made for his mother.
"What's up?" Hotch asked.
"I'd like to hang onto this if you don't mind. I mean, I know he's your son and it's probably something you'd like to keep and I understand…..uh, I mean of course I don't understand, how could I possibly hope to understand how you're feeling right now or how you might be feeling ten years down the road or…." Reid rambled on.
"Reid. Stop. You can't understand and as your friend I hope you never know first hand what any of this feels like so instead of trying to talk about whatever I may or may not be feeling how about you just tell me what you're feeling and why you want to keep that." Hotch said in his most compassionate tone.
"I never believed in Santa Claus as a kid and even though I've always been able to rationalize why young children do, I never really understood just how magical it is for them. Don't get me wrong, I love the holiday and I love making children happy, I've just never really understood what a special time in their lives it is. Not until today anyway. Being able to give your son that moment, that moment when he believed without any doubt whatsoever that Santa Claus was going to deliver a present to his mother, was easily one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I want to hold onto this because for the first time in my life I felt Christmas magic and I don't ever want to forget what that was like. So, is it okay if I keep this?" Reid asked.
"Sure." Hotch answered, visibly moved by how affected Reid was.
"Great. Thank you. Merry Christmas sir." Reid said and turned to leave the office.
"So you think I did the right thing by allowing my son to believe Santa was going to deliver that present?" Hotch asked.
"Yes, I do." Reid answered.
"What's going to happen when he gets older and figures out there is no Santa Claus? Is he going to feel stupid? Is he going to feel like I tricked him?" Hotch asked.
"No, he's going to think he has a really great father who loved him enough to allow him to believe in what he needed to believe in to get through the pain." Reid answered.
"Have a safe trip Reid. Merry Christmas." Hotch said.
Reid exited Hotch's office, nearly running over Emily on the way. They were the last two of the BAU team left in the building, everyone one else having left to carry out their Christmas Eve plans. Emily hugged him, kissed him on the cheek and then giggled to herself as he embarrassedly walked away. She entered Hotch's office, knocking, but not waiting to be invited in.
"What time should I come over?" She asked.
"Anytime, I'm leaving right now." He said.
"Should I bring something?" She asked.
"No, just you." He said and smiled slightly as he stood, grabbed his brief case and made his way toward the door where she was standing.
"It's been a tough day, if you don't want company I understand." She said, glancing up at him as they stood together in the doorway.
He glanced up at the mistletoe hanging in the doorway and then back at her. He pointed up, drawing her attention to it and then placed a soft, gentle kiss on her lips.
"According to Reid it's been a magical day. I think he's right and I definitely want company as long as it's your company." He told her, his eyes warm.
"Okay, um, I just need to go home and change into something a bit more comfortable and I'll be over." She said, trying not to sound as nervous as she suddenly felt.
"Let's go. I'll walk out with you." He said, nudging her out of the way and closing and locking his office door.