Dear Shimako:
Hello! More stories to make up for the time loss! Here you go! I'm starting a series called, Dear onee-sama, where the petite seours write to their onee-sama! I won't do Touko, Noriko, and the onee-sama's of Youko, Sei, and Eriko. It'll be about the first season cast of Maria-Sama Ga Miteru. Where the petite seour writes a letter to the onee-sama and vice versa. This one is Sei to Shimako.
Dear Shimako:
By: Juliet Taylor (HaruMichi)
Dear Shimako,
Don't cry, Shimako...
I'm not worth your tears.
I wasn't.
I'm not.
And I never will be...
Worth it.
I will
Never be worthy
Of you.
You still have so much
Ahead of you.
You still have so much
Left in you.
You still have so much
Days left.
Days where
I'm not there.
Days where
I'll never be there.
Not that it matters much, ne?
Since I was never there
With you
From the start.
I was always
Off in my own little world
Leaving you behind
To wait
Until I came back.
But even though,
When I was there
I was always with
Someone else...
I'm sorry that
I wasn't there.
That it seemed as if
I didn't care.
But I did.
I still do.
And I always will.
I'm sorry
For everything.
I wish I could tell you
I did that for you.
I wish I could tell you
I did all that
To make you stronger.
But that would just be to
Make myself look better.
Because the reason was
I was selfish.
I wanted to protect
My heart.
I wanted to always
Keep one hand over it
And with another hand
Block the world
From it's vulnerability.
Because I was worried
That it would break again.
Because it had become
So fragile,
So weak,
It couldn't bear
Another crack.
So I didn't realize
I blocked you out as well.
That I never got a chance
To be the perfect onee-sama
You wanted.
You needed.
You deserved.
Or maybe I didn't give myself a chance.
Sometimes..
I wish I did...
Sometimes..
I wish I wasn't so hesitant.
And treated you
The way you should've been treated.
You don't know
How many times
I look back
And wish I could've done something
Anything
To show you that
You meant
So much to me.
Just so I can carry
At least a little of your warmth
To survive.
But at that time
I was too scared
And I still am.
A little child
Afraid of it's fears
Running away
Helplessly trying to avoid it.
Sometimes..
It felt as if you
Were the onee-sama
And I was your petite seour.
Because that's how
Childish I was.
I'm sorry...
But don't worry, Shimako.
Soon those first years
Will be spilling out in to the school
And then you'll meet your own
Petite seour.
And be the perfect
Onee-sama
I never was.
You'll change,
You'll grow,
You'll become
The woman
I know you'll be.
And soon you'll head off,
And follow your dreams.
You'll marry.
Then...
You'll have
Three,
Five,
Or seven kids.
And be the best mother
Anyone could ever be.
You'll own
A cozy home
In the middle of
The suburbs.
With a white picket fence,
And a family dog.
Next to it.
You'll live the perfect
Happy ending.
The one I wish
I could've given you...
I know you will.
You'll find someone,
Someone worthy
To be
With someone like you.
Or at least good enough
To be with you.
Because no one is
Good enough,
No one will ever be
Good enough
Because I was never
Good enough
To touch an angel.
A devil like me,
Should never taint
Your pure white wings
For my one selfish needs.
So go...
Fly off to God...
Fly off in to
The sky..
Disappear into the heavens.
Because you belong there.
I don't.
I lost.
He won.
Leave me here
To burn
In the fire's
Of this demonic place.
Don't let me touch you.
Don't let me taint you.
Please don't.
Just fly off
And leave me here.
Don't worry.
I'm not that important.
You won't miss me,
You won't cry anymore
When I'm gone.
I know you won't...
Soon..
Day by day,
You'll get..
You'll get used to..
To not seeing my face..
Until soon you
Get used to
Never seeing me
Anymore...
And as you fly,
Higher and higher,
I'll fade in to the distance
And one day be
Forgotten.
I'll miss you.
Truly yours,
Satou Sei