Avengers: Las Vegas
Welcome to my story! I hope you enjoy reading, and I will probably be able to update about once a week.
Quick note: This story is set after The Avengers, but is slightly AU as there's a certain important character missing. Don't worry, he/she will appear in future chapters ;)
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I merely muse.
Chapter One
Whiskey gin and brandy, with a glass I'm pretty handy.
AC/DC
-~(*)~-
"You've reached Tony Stark; billionaire, playboy, genius, philanthropist. Leave a name and number, and I might get back to you. Or just call Pepper."
Pepper Potts was getting alternately annoyed and concerned.
"Hi, you've reached Dr Bruce Banner. Please leave your contact details and I will return your call as soon as possible. Thank you."
No one out of Tony, Bruce, Steve or Clint were answering their phones.
"This is Captain Steven Rogers. I am unable to take your call at the moment. Please try again later."
This did not bode well at all.
"Barton. Here comes the beep, you know what to do."
With a sigh, she left yet another message. "Clint, it's Pepper. Again. What the hell are you guys doing? Call me, or I'll call Nick Fury." She hung up, tucked her phone into her pocket, and tried to think of the best way to let Jane know that there wasn't going to be a wedding today.
-~(*)~-
Three Days Earlier
"Vegas, huh? Flashing lights, loud noises, lots of civilians... Any alarm bells ringing for you?"
Thor, Bruce, Tony and Clint were sprawled around Avengers Tower, waiting for their pizzas to arrive.
"Bruce, it'll be fine," said Tony, reassuringly. He finished constructing his dirty martini with a few olives. "Fury told us that we're all strictly off-duty. I personally guarantee you that the worst thing that could happen is that you drink a little too much Jagermeister... Bit of vomit. Know what I'm saying?"
"What is Jagermeister?" Thor inquired, curiously, from one of the long couches, his hammer by his side as always.
"The drink of bad decisions," said Clint, twirling an arrow between his calloused fingertips.
Thor gave a regal, approving nod.
Bruce sighed, and rubbed his temples.
"Either way, you're coming," said Tony. He fluttered his eyelashes in an attempt at being adorable. "I need my science buddy."
"Pizza delivery, sir," piped up JARVIS.
"Excellent," said Tony.
"I'll go and open the door," said Clint, eyes glinting with slightly evil madness. He stood up, taking his bow and the arrow with him.
"Barton, no, you're not jumping out of the window again-!" shouted Bruce, as Clint began to run not at the door, but at the window.
"JARVIS, open the window!" Tony ordered.
Clint flew through the window into the darkness of the forty-floor drop, and carefully lined up a perfect shot, which left him hanging on the end of a strong, slender rope. Spotting the delivery driver at the door below him, he dropped the last few feet to land just behind him.
The delivery driver jumped in surprise, nearly dropping the stack of pizzas. "Do you have to do that every single time?"
Clint frowned at the thought of being predictable. "I still have the element of surprise, Shaun," he objected.
"So does kebab mystery meat."
"Did you just compare me to mystery meat? That's cold."
"Enjoy your pizzas," said Shaun, all but throwing them at the archer. "I'll see you next Thursday."
"It might not be next Thursday! It might be Tuesday!" Clint called, after Shaun's retreating figure.
"See you Tuesday, then, mystery meat."
Clint sighed, reentered the Tower, and stepped into the elevator. "Say, JARVIS?"
The high-tech elevator began its smooth ascent. "Yes, Sir?"
"Am I predictable?"
"Certainly, Sir. Perfectly consistant."
"Damn."
The elevator stopped, and Clint returned to the lounge.
"One day, Shaun isn't going to be there, and someone will tase you," remarked Tony, who was at the bar getting drinks for everyone.
"Please. Shaun can't get enough of me. He'd never leave me." Clint handed out the pizzas to their respective owners. "Where's Cap?"
"Meeting with Fury," said Bruce. "Should be back later."
"Well, he's coming," announced Tony, as he gave everyone their drinks. "I know that the super-soldier serum was meant to make him immune to alcohol, but I bet Vegas can break that. And he might just lose his virginity."
There was a stunned silence.
Thor took a bite of pizza.
"Tony, if Steve truly has made it this long with... it, do you really think he'll want to lose it in Vegas with a complete stranger?" Bruce asked.
"He probably would offer to marry her," said Tony, clearly pondering the pros and cons. "I'd rather not have a Captain America groupie in the tower."
"Phil still comes over sometimes," pointed out Clint. He took a swig of beer. "Damn you, Tony, now I can't stop thinking about Steve's dick."
"I worry about you, Hawkeye," said Tony.
"Can we just not make Thor's bachelor party a mission to get Steve laid, OK?" said Bruce, firmly.
"Agreed," said Clint, quickly.
"Fine!" said Tony, downing half his glass in a gesture of surrender.
There was a moment of near-silence, punctuated only by Thor steadily chewing.
"Have you booked a couple of rooms yet?" Bruce asked Tony, sensibly.
"Villa."
Clint ate a slice of pizza, and gave the rest to Thor, who took it wordlessly. "Was that a sneeze, or did you just say 'villa'?"
"We're not even gonna be in the room," said Bruce, wiping his fingers clean on a napkin. "It's unnecessary."
"Look around you!" Tony said, gesturing around the room. "Is Avengers Tower strictly necessary? Or is it unnecessary but awesome?"
"We can share beds," said Clint, a glint of mischief appearing in his eyes, "no big deal."
"I am NOT sleeping next to that sneaky sniper," said Tony immediately. "You have the top floor of the tower to yourself for a reason, Legolas."
"How big is the villa?" asked Bruce.
"Six bedrooms, private pool. Fifteen minutes from the Strip. Nothing too extortionate, just practical."
For a moment, Bruce looked like he was going to argue, but then wisely returned to eating.
"Happy with this, Thor? It is your bachelor weekend, after all," said Clint, standing up to get another beer.
"It appears to be a fine plan," said Thor, neatly stacking the two empty pizza boxes on the coffee table. "We drink, we fight, we make our ancestors proud!"
"Anyone want another beer?" Hawkeye asked the room at large. Tony and Thor raised their hands.
"No fighting," said Bruce, firmly. "We are normal people, on a bachelor party. That means no alter-egos. No Iron Man suits, Tony. Clint, no bow."
Clint passed the bottles out, and sat down with an appalled look on his face.
Tony gave a cry of disgust and dismay. "It's for security! Look what happened in Monaco."
"We're off duty," Bruce said, calmly and firmly.
"What about Mjolnir?"
The look in Thor's eyes was answer enough.
"Mjolnir can remain in Thor's custody," Bruce allowed, "but I remain hopeful that it shall not have to be used."
Thor nodded curtly in agreement.
"He does love that hammer," muttered Tony.
"I love arrows," said Clint, twirling one in his hand fondly.
"OK," said Tony, his plan already formed. "So, check-in time is 3pm tomorrow. Are you guys staying here tonight?"
"I've drunk too much to drive back to The Nest," said Clint, cheerfully opening another bottle of beer.
"I would like to remain here," said Thor.
"I live here," said Bruce.
"I forget details like that," muttered Tony, standing up to pour himself a scotch. "Right. It takes about five hours to get to Vegas, so we need to get to the jet before ten. What time is it?" He passed the rest of the bottle of scotch to Thor, before sitting down.
Bruce checked his watch and exhaled in surprise. "Nearly two."
"Tony, does the jet still have the stripper poles?" Clint inquired.
"Yes. Why, are you planning on showing us your moves?" Tony asked.
"You wish you could be so lucky," said Clint, with a hearty wink in Tony's direction.
"Please don't try and chat up the cabin crew. Isn't half of SHIELD enough for you?"
"Funnily enough, after helping Loki to kill a lot of people and almost destroy the world, I haven't had many offers," said Clint, dryly.
"Fair point. Still. No sexual harrassment of my staff, please. Pepper will be angry. Angry Pepper is not happy."
Clint shrugged, and finished the rest of his beer. "Still no sign of Cap?"
"He probably got out late and went straight home," said Bruce.
Clint stood up, and stretched out his back. "Right, my little chicks, I'm heading up." He picked up his bow and arrows from the glass coffee table.
"Good plan," said Bruce, standing up too.
"Nighty-night," said Tony, holding out his empty glass to Thor.
"Sleep well," said Thor, pouring a little into the glass. They clinked their drinking vessels together, and continued drinking while the others slept.
-~(*)~-
Next chapter: Vegas. Hope to see you there :)