My Life Is An Akatsuki Horror!
Chapter 1: Meeting Deidara. (Nooo! The horror!)
Yumine lounged in her room, perusing through a discarded ninja magazine she found on the ground. Her mom told her to train, but what she didn't know, wouldn't hurt her. But just then, she heard heavy footsteps sauntering in the maroon rubble. She gasped excitedly, and ran to her window, then let out a long happy sigh. Gaara strolled by her window, expressionlessly, on his way to his personal office. He stopped, and glanced at her window. Yumine gasped again, and quickly moved away, her face turning a dark shade of scarlet.
Gaara shrugged, and kept walking. "Hhmm…" she sighed, yet again, but this time sadly, and curled up in a ball on her bed, and before she knew it, Yumine drifted off into a deep slumber.
Yumine awoke to shrieks of terror, and sounds of bombs exploding. She whipped on an academy tank top and mini skirt, and flew down the stairs like lightning, and out the door.
The sky was black with the occasional mess of red sparks and smoke in the air. Yumine ran down the streets, littered with possessions and bodies. She tried not to look, and kept her head towards the wind. She heard a maniacal laugh above her head. Yumine looked upwards only to see a blond, long-haired man on a clay bird, flying straight towards her. She covered her head with her arms, and the man grabbed her by the collar and threw her on board the bird. He yanked her arms behind her back, mumbling in a frustrated manner, because he couldn't get the rope to tie. Yumine turned her head to see Gaara-sensai on top of a sand mountain. "Gaara-sama! Help m…" she was cut off by the mans hand over her mouth. "You wouldn't want your little girl-friend to perish, would you, un?" He shouted to Gaara, evilly. 'Girlfriend? Did he just say… Girlfriend?' Yumine thought angrily. She stood up, hands tied behind her back, and kicked him in the ribs. "You deranged little monkey! We are not bf gf!… Yet." She shouted. The man clenched his ribs. "You little! You're gonna pay for that! Yeah! You're gonna wish you never messed with Deidara, hm!" He yelled. "And you!!!" Deidara pointed at Gaara accusingly. "Say goodbye to your she-wolf of a girlfriend, un!" And with those last words, he shoved Yumine onto the back of the giant bird, and took off at light speed. The impact of the shove had knocked out Yumine, so she was completely defenseless against her kidnapper…
Yumine couldn't see, but she could still breath, and that's all that mattered. She could hear voices in the distance, discussing something important. The conversation intrigued Yumine, and being the girl that she was at heart, she decided to eavesdrop. "Deidara, you fool, you brought us a measly guppy! She's not even a jinchuuriki! And to make matters worse, she's a kid! With PURPLE HAIR!" Yelled an unfamiliar rough voice. "Shhh, un! You'll wake her up!" Yumine rolled her eyes. "Besides, hm. She kicked me like a sailor! Yeah!" whispered that snake Deidara. "Tobi agrees with Deidara sempai!" came an annoying voice. "Besides, Tobi thinks she's pretty!" Yumine blushed. The whole room groaned.
"Oh, really, you pathetic moron? How about you do the world a favor, and shut that airplane hanger of a mouth you have!" hissed and angry man. "Now now, Hidan. Hey, let Hidan talk, he's got a point!" one voice was bickering with itself. "Well, maybe we can sell her for dough!" said one person. "Is money all you think about?" yelled Deidara.
"No, I also think about how ugly your face is, Deidara!" The whole room broke into an argument, but sooner or later, a booming voice rose above all. "Shut up, you fools! Now, let's go take a look at our catch." Came the voice, only calmer.
Yumine gasped, and pretended to be asleep. Large doors opened, and a silver haired man leaned in towards her, about to touch her hair. Yumine sprung into action. "Hands off, bub!" she yelled, and socked him in the nose. "Augh! My nose! My beautiful nose!" Hidan yelled furiously, holding his nose. Tobi started to clap, but after Hidan stared at him, he eventually stopped. Yumine started to crawl away, but was stopped by a giant Venus flytrap. "Boo." A head popped out of the mouth of the plant. "Eek!" screeched Yumine. Deidara dragged her by her leg, and lifted her upside down. But when all seemed bad, it just got worse. Her miniskirt fell over her head. She had leggings on under it, but it still was completely embarrassing in front of a group of savage childish men. Deidara laughed so hard, Yumine thought he was going to explode. He dropped her on her head, but luckily Tobi was there to catch her. "Tobi's got you, lady!" said Tobi triumphantly. " Thank you, captain obvious." Said Hidan, his nose still gushing blood. "Hmph!" said Tobi, gently letting Yumine down. "You," Yumine pointed to Deidara. "You are that idiot who knocked me out!" "And you're that she-wolf who kicked me in the ribs, un!" he said, as if just realizing.
"Blond-wad!"
"Pampered poodle!"
"Circus freak!"
"Stupid Ne'er-do-well, un!"
"Stop it, both of you!" a red head boy stood between the two of them. 'I can't believe it! He's cuter that Gaara-sensai!' thought Yumine in awe. "S-s-sasori-danna!" Deidara gulped. "This stupid creature was mocking me!"
"Stupid creature? Look in the mirror, pal!" said Yumine, holding out a pocket mirror. "Why you little!" said Deidara, running at her. Hidan stuck his leg out on purpose, causing Deidara to trip. He flew into Yumine, and their lips accidentally touched.
It was as if the world had frozen, and no one knew it. They stayed that way for about 10 whole seconds, and then Yumine hit Deidara in the forehead.
"Sicko!" she yelled. "Are you accusing me here, un?" he roared. "And what if I am, blondy?" she said, her hands on her hips. "What if you are? What if you are? I'll tell you, demen-turd! Yeah!" Deidara threw her down a secret shaft in the wall. "Demen-turd?" asked Kisame. " A cross between demented, and turd." Explained Deidara with a shrug. "Oh, I know what it means!" Spat Kisame.
Chapter two: I want a cloak, too!
"Eyaaaah!" screamed Yumine, as she rocketed down the shaft. To her left, she heard footsteps. "Come on! I think the shaft leads this way, un!" This meant that devil Deidara was leading. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of beating her. Not this time! Yumine straightened her body, and prepared for impact. Kaboom! Yumine landed in a pile of cushions, her hair messed up and fraught with feathers, and her clothes wrinkled.
"Here! I think she's he… okay then…" said Deidara. He and she stared at each other until the others joined them.
Zetsu lead Yumine to her room. She shivered. "Don't you guys ever get cold?" she asked through her teeth. "Not with our cloaks on." He said with a grin. "I want a cloak!" she said, crossing her arms, and sticking her lip out in a pouty manner.
"You have to earn it on a mission. But don't you worry. The leader's got a special one just for you and Deidara, together..." He said with a chuckle. "Wha?" said the confused Yumine. But before she could complain, Zetsu shoved her in her room and locked the door.
Meanwhile…
"What? A mission with that demen-turd? No way, un!" whined Deidara. "Shut it, Deidara! This will be good for you two." Said Pein.
"US TWO, UN?"
"You know what I mean." Said Pein with a chuckle.
Meanwhile-meanwhile…
Yumine felt a sudden pulse of pain. "Gah!!!" she screamed, clenching her head. Crystals started to emerge out of her skin.
The door flung open. "What's wrong, un!!!!" yelled Deidara in alarm. "Help!" screeched Yumine. "Yumine!" shouted Deidara. "Hold on, un! I'll save you!"
The crystals began to form a sphere around Yumine. Deidara formed a giant clay spider, and ran out of the room. The spider crawled on top of the crystal sphere, and attached to it.
Deidara made a hand sign, and the spider exploded, along with part of the sphere. Deidara ran at the sphere, as it began to recreate itself. He grabbed Yumine and ran up the stairs.
Yumine's left leg was missing from the explosion, so Deidara had to carry her. "Code red!!!" he yelled, punching all of the other member's room's doors as he darted down the hall to Kakuzu's room.
"What in the name of god is it, Deidara?" he asked drowsily, rubbing his eyes. "Whoa!"
Deidara and Yumine had bloodstains on them. "I need you to thread something for me, un." Said Deidara, panting from exhaustion.
They lay Yumine on Kakuzu's couch. Deidara formed a new leg out of clay, and Kakuzu took Yumine into the other room to sew on the new leg.
"Can't you hurry up, un?" asked Deidara impatiently. "Hey, I'm sewing on a leg! Cool it!" shouted Kakuzu from the other room.
2 hours later
Kakuzu emerged from the other room, helping the limping Yumine walk to Deidara. 'Ten whole seconds…' thought Yumine.
Chapter 3: Earning the cloak
Deidara and Yumine awkwardly walked down the stairs again to her room.
"Deidara?"
"Hm?"
"Uh… Thanks…" said Yumine, rubbing the back of her head.
"Don't mention it, un."
Deidara opened the door for Yumine. "Eek!" screeched Yumine in surprise. The whole Akatsuki clan was in her room. "You did it." Said Pein, beaming. "Did what?!?!" asked Deidara.
"You completed your mission with flying colors!"
"How? We weren't even on a mission."
"True. But the mission was pain! Deidara, you felt pain because Yumine was in it."
Deidara's face turned red, and he crossed his arms, turning the opposite direction of Yumine and the Akatsuki.
"And Yumine, you were in pain literally, and Deidara put that burden in his hands." Explained Pein.
Yumine glanced at Deidara, who was still pouting.
"You earned your Akatsuki cloak." Said Pein, handing Yumine her cloak.
Deidara put a happy hand on her shoulder. "10 whole seconds." He said, and they both leaned in for a kiss.
Meanwhile-Meanwhile-Meanwhile
Gaara packed his bags eagerly. "Yumine, hang in there. I'll find you and kill Deidara!" he yelled to himself.
Gaara ran down the stairs, and out the door. "Kazakage-sensai! Where on earth are you going?" asked one of the guards. "To save a friend." Said Gaara, now running.
He used his sand as a vehicle, only in the sky.
He saw small ditches where the clay bird had stopped to rest. Gaara's shukaku spirit was growing more and more restless by the minute. He didn't know how much longer he could hold it in.
"Hey! Tobi sees a boy! Tobi sees a boy!" yelled Tobi, pointing at Gaara, jumping up and down. Sasori ran up to Tobi. "It's true. Get ready, Deidara, he's coming your way." Said Sasori on the walkie-talkie to Deidara.
"It's that Gaara kid, hm! Yumine, stay in here, hm!" Said Deidara, shoving Yumine into her room. "Gaara? Wait, I…" But it was too late. Deidara couldn't hear her, and Yumine was now locked in her room.
"Art is a bang! Yeah!" she could hear Deidara's voice, followed by numerous explosions. Yumine had to get out of here!
Sooner or later, her prayer was answered. One of Deidara's bombs had accidentally hit Yumine's room ceiling. Pieces of the ceiling fell, but luckily there was an iron table for Yumine to hide under.
As soon as the cave-in was over, she crawled out from under the table, and jumped out the hole in the ceiling.
"So. You're the twerp 'Gaara' Yumine talks so much about. Well guess what, hm? Yumine is mine, yeah!" said Deidara from his clay bird.
"And you're the infamous Deidara. That last trip you took to the sand village gave my people quite some trouble. And FYI, I'm bringing Yumine back to sunakagure with me, whether you're alive or dead." Replied Gaara.
"You're quite a mouthy little brat, aren't you?"
" You gotta be, to be kazekage."
"Kazekage, hm? After I kill you, Yumine will definitely fall for me!"
"Not if I kill you first!"
Gaara and Deidara flew at each other with such force, the air around them thickened like butter.
But their collision was interrupted by a crystal flying in between them. Both of them backed away from each other. "Stop it, both of you!" came Yumine's voice.
Gaara gasped in horror. "Yumine! You're one of them?" he said, looking at her scratched headband, and Akatsuki cloak.
"Yes, Gaara." Said Yumine sadly.
"Please, Yumine! Come back to sunakagure with me!" Gaara pleaded.
Tears now ran down her face, streaking her cheeks. "I can't." she whispered.
"Why not!?"
"Because. When I put on this cloak, I made an obligation to the Akatsuki clan. I can't abandon my duty. You of all people should understand. Come on, Deidara." She turned around, dragging Deidara by the hand. Deidara stuck his tongue out at Gaara.
"Wait!" said Gaara holding out his hand. Yumine turned to face him, still crying. "Yumine... Do you love me?" asked Gaara, staring at his feet. Yumine looked at Deidara, then Gaara, Deidara, than Gaara. "I can't answer." Sobbed Yumine.
Gaara and Deidara bowed their heads sadly.
Yumine formed two crystals into hearts, and levitated them over to Deidara, and Gaara. "I give you both my heart." She said with a smile. Gaara and Deidara looked at their hearts, then at each other, and smiled. "Okay Yumine, hm. Let's go." Said Deidara. "See you later?" asked Gaara. "Definitely." Said Yumine. They waved goodbye, and made their way back to Akatsuki base.
But before Gaara was out of sight, Yumine blew him a kiss. Gaara smiled, and walked on.
Deidara glanced at her suspiciously. "What did you just do, un?"
"This!" Yumine wrapped her arms around Deidara's neck, popped her heel up, and gave him a big kiss. When she was done, Deidara shivered. "Whew!" he said. He smiled at her, took her hand, and walked to base with together.
At the base, Tobi was trying to fix Yumine's ceiling, but every attempt failed. He tried to nail the ceiling together, but it just kept falling on his head. "Dang it!" he said, trying it again.
He gasped. "Senpai! Tobi missed you!" he said, hugging Deidara's legs.
He gasped again. "Yumine! Tobi missed you!" said Tobi, hugging Yumine's legs.
"That's enough, Tobi. You're going to tear my fake leg off if you keep this up!" laughed Yumine. Tobi gasped, yet again. "Tobi's sorry, Yumine's leg!" he said, patting her leg.
"Well it's about time someone talked some sense into that puny brain of yours, Tobi!" Hidan spat.
"Stop it, Hidan." Said Itachi.
"Oh! I'm sorry, Mr. No-Show! Did I anger you?" mocked Hidan.
"Are you asking me to kill you?" Asked Itachi.
"Ah… There's no place like home." Said Yumine happily, laying her head on Deidara's shoulder.