Okay, so I've kinda depressed and bored lately between school, work, artwork, extracurricular stuff, et cetera that this started to bubble up in my mind. Basically this is my alternative to what happened post "Concentrate and Ask Again" and pre-"6B". I wanted to do my own little version of Peter and Olivia drifting apart and coming back together. This is just the first part in which will probably be a three-part fanfic. This first chapter is really a strong T rating, but there is a curse word and it will be rated M for the next chapter so I'm just gonna put it in the M category now and save trouble. Do not worry, guys, smut is to come.

This is my first Fringe fanfic so please be gentle. Title comes from the Evanescence song, I own nothing but my own scenario sadly.

Part I:

Olivia looked up from yet another file that sought completion from the stack that was on her desk. The whole lab was eerily silent as she was the only one there. Whereas any other day she would've preferred staying at the bureau when all she had to entertain herself with was the mindless drone work she was doing today, she had such a migraine that she probably would've taken out her gun and shot herself if she merely heard one more phone ring.

Astrid had phoned her and told her that she was going to be taking Walter out to a new modern science exhibit and that Peter had gone out to do whatever it was that he did with his spare time. Olivia was grateful that there was at least one other woman that at least partially understood the kind of strain she was under. With the universes falling apart at the seams and the threat of utter annihilation looming overhead, she couldn't stop, sleep, or eat until everything was right with the world again.

This was probably the cause for her migraine as well. Olivia had always known she never ate right, slept well, or even took a day to herself to just do whatever she wanted to. She felt a familiar tingling in her belly that told her something else was far overdue as well.

She groaned in frustration and rubbed her eyes, for the moment giving up on the file. It had been almost two and a half years since John had passed away and the craving to let go of herself to a man had never been so strong in her life. Olivia pounded her fist into the desk when she thought of the person who took away her chance to have somebody.

She tried to steel herself against the thoughts that flooded her head. He'd betrayed her, he'd lied to her, he'd made love to her. That last one was the major one Olivia couldn't get over. The sheer mental image made her want to retch. What was even worse was that Peter said he was sorry every single day in some shape, way, or form. Even with quick flash of his eyes, he was trying to communicate that he loved her. She simultaneously felt terrible for not forgiving him and jump into his waiting arms and needing to keep herself distanced from him at all costs. The connection between the two of them now was awkward and strange and she wasn't going to be the substitute for anyone else's feelings.

The opening of a door and the shuffle of feet aroused Olivia's eardrums as she associated the deep, purposeful footsteps as none other than the man she really didn't want to see right now. She started packing up her files, thinking she could finish the rest of it up at home when she saw him come in to linger in the doorway.

"Hey," he started with a small, hopeful smile. "I was hoping you'd be here."

"Astrid and Walter went to the museum." she said in an all-business tone. Olivia didn't even look up at him as she continued to pack her bag. "I'm just wrapping up for the day."

"I brought you something." he placed the disposable Starbucks cup right in her narrow line of vision.

She looked up just a little, and she was angry that he had to look so goddamned beautiful. The worn leather jacket and the harsh stubble of his face a sharp contrast to the softness of his eyes and the peaceful air he was generating on purpose. Olivia chastised herself before she answered, "What is it?"

"Hot chocolate." When she gave him an 'are you serious' look, he defended his reasoning. "It's freezing out there."

"Whole milk with-"

"Extra whipped cream and an extra shot of chocolate?" he finished her question for her. "Yeah, I remember. That time we were trapped in your apartment building last year when the blizzard hit with four feet of snow and the only edible things you had were hot chocolate mix and microwave popcorn." he smiled at the memory.

God, why couldn't he just be an asshole and she could hate him? Or at least ordered her non-fat milk like every other man in the world would for his girl because he didn't wants her to blow up physically on him. That way she could've thrown in his face that that was probably the other Olivia's preference. Now she could only give him a wimpy, "It was a long time ago." before she tried to step around him with her bag and her cup in hand.

"'Livia, we need to talk." he cut her off and shut the office door.

"There's nothing to talk about." her response was nowhere near as forceful as she wanted it to be, but she was tired of trying to talk with Peter.

Peter was getting frustrated. His sole reason for living at present was to get her to listen to what he needed to tell her, but she kept fighting him back. Right now, in their claustrophobic office, she had nowhere to hide from him. "There might not be anything for you to talk about, but there are things I need to say to you."

Any other time, Olivia would've socked him one in the face and kept walking, but she didn't have the energy. "Then say them, please."

He could tell she didn't feel well, both physically and emotionally, but he didn't either, and he felt he never would feel the same again unless he could get her see the light. "How about you look me in the eyes?"

"Why?" she practically seethed the word.

"So I know I'm not talking to a brick wall. So I feel like you're listening. So you know I'm not lying to you." he read off the list.

"You haven't had a problem with that before." she met his eyes that time.

"And you didn't have a problem keeping my past secret from me, either. We're all human. We all make mistakes. A mistake, I might add, I've only apologized for nearly a hundred times in the last six weeks." Peter's voice was a strange kind of controlled agitation.

"I know you still think about her, Peter. I know you still have feelings for her." she said sadly even though she wanted to scream it at him.

"Yeah, feelings of anger and disgust. Anger and disgust at the fact that she used the love I have for you to meet her own fucking ends!" Peter shouted.

The word 'love' twisted in her gut like a knife. The last time she'd heard that word directed at her was when she was getting dressed in a cheap motel room to face the horror she would later consider the last day of her semi-normal life.

Peter could tell he'd finally gotten through the wall and down to her. Now he needed to keep the wall down long enough to really reconnect with her. "'Livia, I loved you even before any of this happened. I loved you when I was standing over your comatose body as everybody else was getting ready to pull the plug. I hoped against all hope that I would get to tell you one day and I'd get to see your beautiful smile again." He reached out to touch her face, but she backed away.

Olivia's bag dropped from her limp hand as she turned away from Peter's heavy gaze. She raked a hand over her hair absently before she turned back to say, "why didn't you tell me then?"

He sighed, "You were scared and broken and you didn't needed your world turned on it's head. Plus, what was I supposed to do if you didn't feel the same way? I would have to stick around for Walter, who you need in your line of work. I could live with the not-knowing, but I couldn't live with the rejection."

"Who said I would've rejected you?" she was breathing heavily now. The room's temperature was increasing dramatically and there wasn't enough oxygen in the room to fill her lungs.

He wanted to take this as an invitation to come closer though he knew it wasn't. Even so, he took a couple of steps forward before she held a hand out to stop his approach. "Everything's changed now." she whispered.

"What exactly has changed?" he asked. "Despite the fact there's a bump in the road, I still love you and I know you still care about me. The only thing that's really changed is your ability to trust me."

"You're damn right." she said with surprising clarity. "What's going to happen one day when I don't smile enough, or I'm not happy enough. She's the same person as me only she's better. She wasn't abused as a child and she wasn't the test subject of two old men in a military-funded research project to give children nightmares and fuck our minds for the rest of our lives." Olivia's voice was cold and calm as she spoke.

"But that's the woman I fell in love with, and I fell in love with her whole fucked-up mind, body, and soul." he was directly in front of her now, looking down into her olive eyes with a near violent intensity to make sure that she knew every last word that left his lips was the God's honest truth.

Reaching out, he brushed her cheek with his fingertips. Her instincts were telling her to pull away, but her heart…her heart. "Peter, I…I'm sorry, I-"He silenced her with a finger against her lips.

"I've been fantasizing about this moment for so long and I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna let you ruin it with your rambling the faults." He leaned in to silence her more pleasurably, and to his surprise, she didn't retreat. She stiffened slightly as their lips touched the first time, but the second he met her full force she sagged against him, letting her true feelings wash over her.

Her eyes fell closed, she responded, and he went mad. His arm snaked around her middle while his hand wove itself into her long blonde hair. Peter walked her backwards until her back was against the door, never breaking the seal he had on her lips. His hands raced up and down her back while she merely kept her fingers laced together behind his neck. It wasn't until felt the moisture brush his nose that he snapped back to reality.

He pulled back just far enough to see the tracks of her tears on her face. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Olivia shook her head as she leaned into his shoulder and sobbed quietly.

Peter wrapped his arms around her to support her. "It's the job, isn't it?" he spoke into her hair. When she nodded, he brought her in tighter. "You wanna go home?"

"Only if you'll come with me. I…I don't think I can be alone tonight." She mumbled.

"I'll do you one better than that. I'll get you whatever kind of alcohol you want.

"That might be a lot at this point." She warned.

"Then we'll be drunk together." He reasoned as he reached for her briefcase and her hot chocolate, the whipped cream definitely melted by now. "You still want this?"

She took it appreciatively and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Thank you, Peter."

He folded his arm around her shoulders and started to walk out with her when Astrid and Walter came in, returning from their afternoon outing.

"Hey guys, what's up?"

Peter answered for her. "We're clocking out for the day a little early. It's been a long week."

Astrid noticed the red tint to Olivia's eyes. "Are you okay, Olivia?"

"Yeah," she replied gruffly, clearing her throat before she continued. "I just need some time to recharge my battery." Olivia reassured Astrid, who wasn't buying it for a second. "I'm fine."

Walter decided it was time to pay attention. "You know, Agent Dunham, I've discovered the perfect cure for fatigue over this past week. It involves enhancing the caffeine content in a certain energy drink. I believe it's called 'Monster.'" he smiled his absent-minded smile.

Peter paid little attention to his father. "Why don't you head out to the car and I'll be right behind you. I just gotta grab something real quick." He mumbled to her. She nodded quietly and walked out of the lab with her head down. Olivia knew he was allowing her as graceful an exit as he could give her under the circumstances, and for that she was grateful.

Peter went to his desk with Astrid following close behind. "Peter, what's going on?" she asked.

"She's feeling a little stressed out right now. I'm gonna stay with her tonight and make sure she doesn't end up hung over for work tomorrow." Peter grabbed his keys and handed them to her. "Would you mind keeping an eye on Walter tonight."

"Of course not, Peter, but isn't Olivia still mad at you?"

"We're trying to work things out." Peter said as he started to leave. "Walter, Astrid's going to stay with you tonight. I'll be home in the morning, don't wait up."

"Have a good night son." Walter smiled as his son left, his mind immediately gone into the gutter.

Peter got out to Olivia's SUV to find her in the passenger seat with engine already running to warm it up against the bitter cold. Apparently he was driving tonight. He got in and shook off the few snowflakes that had fallen into his hair.

"Now what?" Olivia asked, wondering where they were going from there.

He smiled a quick, sly smile. "You hungry?"

Please read and review. Feedback is always helpful.