Not mine, no profit garnered. For the trope bingo spots: CHOSEN FAMILY & IN ANOTHER MANS SHOES & HANDCUFFED/BOUND TOGETHER. For the gwyo settings bingo spot seen below. Title and opening quote from Marc Paltrineri's A Quiet Life. The hook "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" comes from a 1993 song by Ice T, really. Thanks to A for beta help!
Life trickles on. One moment, the maglight's lifted, it's always summer, and this means take off your clothes. The next, you are remembering someone's birthday, a friend of a friend's birthday, and, of course, this is common knowledge: somewhere warmer, it's just beginning to snow.
This was the kind of thing Jen insisted on bringing up when they were riding on the T; both of them on their way to Boston Bay for classes. She absolutely wanted to know why they hadn't dated.
"Sophomore year," Jen said. "You were with Andie, junior year you were with Andie, being sickeningly perfect."
"We were hardly perfect," Pacey said.
"You were both in love, neither of you cheated, you talked about things, so what if she needed a little tune up on her basic mental health? Twice?"
Pacey looked over at her. "That's nice way to put it. She had serious issues, and a tune up is a nice way to describe two stays in residential care, the last one from which she never returned to Capeside."
"It is a nice way to describe it, because I am nice, and also, it had nothing to do with your relationship. Except that you were supportive, and Andie appreciated it and you had nothing to do with her problems because there are things love can't cure," Jen said. She patted his knee.
Pacey still didn't know that he agreed with that. He said, "So we didn't then, because I was in a very committed relationship and you were dating Dawson, then single, then dating Dawson after he broke up with Joey again, then single because they got back together -"
"I was single for more reasons than Dawson not being available. He isn't the fulcrum of my romantic life," Jen said.
"You dated him for a year," Pacey said. "You didn't break up until five months ago."
Jen shrugged. "So we never dated out of all the complicated relationships in Capeside because we were never single at the same time?"
"Sure," Pacey said. "But you could just as easily ask why you never dated George Powell, who is also male, who was in at least one of our classes every year we went to high school together."
"I didn't date George Powell because he absorbed his parents' misogynistic conspiracies theories about Hillary Clinton," Jen said. "You know, I ask because Joey dated Dawson, lost her virginity to Jack -"
"Two weeks before he realized he was gay," Pacey said.
"Yes, but I know you and she hung out and hooked up more than once senior year in between your moping about Andie and studying and making that boat," Jen said. "So in our small incestuous circle, Joey hit all three guys, Andie was Jack's brother so that wasn't happening, but she and Dawson had that whole thing senior year before she left town forever-"
"Thanks for reminding me," Pacey said. "I like to remember how when the love of my life decided we weren't working, she did want something casual with my best friend."
"You were very mature about the whole thing," Jen said, patting his knee again. "Not like me, since Dawson and I were on a break. But we all got better."
"And you're Jack's best friend, but you've only dated Dawson, so I'm like a missing notch on your belt? We're in college now, Lindley, time for new friends and expanding our belts."
"I tried that," Jen said. "He cheated on me. After I apologized for being jealous."
"Yes, that one guy you dated for three weeks in your first five weeks at college is proof positive you'd be better off with our incestuous circle from our tiny town, keep it in the family," Pacey said.
Luckily they were at their stop so Jen went to her class, and Pacey went to his. They ended up back on T at the same time and Jen plopped herself down next to him. "I can't believe I found this seat," she said, smiling at him. "How was your English class?"
"It was fine, how was your bio class?"
"Also fine," she said. "You know, the reason I wonder why we never hooked up is that we've always been good friends, we went on numerous double dates together, now we're living in the same house."
"These are all reasons not to date," Pacey said. "What if we ruin our friendship? What if we end up like Dawson and Joey and there's too much baggage to ever really be friends again? Also, we live in your grandmother's house."
"I haven't asked you out and you're already saying no," Jen said. She still looked amused which was a nice change from her more recent depressed about Charlie look. "I could do a lot worse than date you, Pacey Witter. You've always been great to me, you're really hot, I picture you as a very considerate lover."
"That's very sweet of you," he said.
He went to his room, did a quick run through his homework, then he just laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He'd been doing that a lot. He'd gotten used to Andie being out of town, and now she was just a few miles away, going to Harvard and Jack was at Boston University, with his very own dorm room.
He called Dawson in LA. "The thing of it is, I think I'm plumbing the depths here because I don't feel bad about not dating Andie any more."
"You're sad because you're over her, which is totally normal," Dawson said. "It's a very old story, I'm pretty sure I can name 10 movies that feature exactly that trope."
"It's not a trope, dude, it's my actual situation. But thank you for listening, you're like the brother I never had," Pacey said.
"I promise not to tell Doug you said that," Dawson said, laughing.
Pacey put down the phone and went downstairs. Jen, of course, didn't study in her own room, she spread out all over the kitchen table and stayed up ridiculously late, making coffee the whole time. "You don't know how to make decent coffee," Pacey said. He went straight to his usual stress reliever since he'd ruled out heroin and crack. He started making decent coffee. He got out the ingredients to make a great loaf of bread.
"I do know how to make decent coffee," Jen said. "Make bad coffee and then wait for you to get exasperated and make me better stuff."
Pacey rolled his eyes at her. After he and Andie broke up, very amicably and it was clear she was over him way more than he was over her, he started hanging out with Joey and Jack, and both of them were working at Leery's Fresh Fish. Joey was a waitress and Jack was washing dishes. Bodie already liked Pacey so he started teaching him some cooking things, clever ways to use knives. By the new year, Pacey was a part-time prep cook.
He was enjoying the process of it, the physicality of baking when he noticed Jen leaning on the counter. "You're stress baking, Pacey."
"You only know that because I told you I stress bake," Pacey said.
"We shared something important. We had that great talk about your sadness about Andie and your crappy parents and I was in a weird place with Dawson and I have crappy parents," Jen said. "I will try not to stress you out but honestly, the incentive for me is pretty delicious."
"You want me to stress bake," Pacey said.
"You make great food," Jen said. "I prefer stress pastry or stress mashed potatoes, but I will take stress bread."
"You're so munificent," Pacey said.
He baked in silence while Jen drank his excellent coffee.
The next day he sat on the roof of an academic building at Worthington with Joey, sharing some excellent weed Joey had gotten from her new roommate. "What happens if we get caught?" Pacey passed the joint to Joey.
Joey said, "Obviously we're both expelled and sent to jail. For 20 years."
"I'm going to get expelled from Worthington? I couldn't even get in," Pacey said. "Damn, we should have smoked more pot in high school."
"More than the twice we did?" Joey smiled at him. "I can't believe we put up with Drue for any amount of time, much less long enough to get drugs from him."
"Evil drugs," Pacey said. "I never think of weed as drugs."
"My dad didn't either," Joey said, smirking at him.
"He wasn't just dealing weed," Pacey said.
"I know," Joey said. "By the way, Jen isn't hitting on you because she wants to get the full set of Capeside penis cards."
"I know," Pacey said. "Even though she framed it that way."
"You have a problem, Pacey."
Pacey said, "I have a lot of problems. I've got 99 problems actually but -"
"Oh, God, Pacey, please no more of your gangsta rap love affair. You don't listen to Ice T, anymore, do you?"
"Yes, I do," Pacey said. "But what do you think is my specific problem?"
"You don't do casual relationships. You literally have no idea how to do a romantic or sexual relationship that isn't with Andie," Joey said. "And don't bring up our sexual experiences - we had a series of overwrought emotional encounters while we were both overwrought and, also, horny teenagers."
"Thanks for reducing those moments I treasured to that gross oversimplification," Pacey said. "What do you call me and Miss Jacobs?"
"Abusive," Joey said. "You know I call it abusive."
Pacey frowned. He lit the third joint and inhaled deeply. "Of course, I don't know how to be in a relationship, I've only dated Andie since you decided we meant nothing to each other."
"We certainly weren't dating," Joey said. "I mean, really, it's not like Jen is so experienced either. She also shares with you an abusive backstory."
"I bet she loves hearing that as much as I do," Pacey said.
"She says it herself," Joey said. "You're the one mired in denial."
"This is so much less fun than I thought getting baked with you would be," Pacey said.
"I'm sorry," Joey said. "Let's talk about your awful taste in music."
"Ice T is great, thank you very much. And Tupac. And Pearl Jam. And Soundgarden."
"You're so edgy," Joey said, clearly laughing at him.
Three days later, Pacey had a text from Jen begging him to come home right away. He went up to her room and threw open the door saying, "Jen, are you alright?"
Then he started laughing. She was handcuffed to the bed. "Shut up," Jen said. "It's not what you think."
"It's not some kind of sex thing?"
He sat on the bed and started examining the cuffs.
Jen said, "It's actually not a sex thing. Mostly. I got these for that criminology class and yes, I bought them at a sex shop, but I had this idea to teach myself how to get out of them which I obviously haven't. Also, shut up and just get me out of this."
"Where's the key?"
Jen blushed and looked down. "It fell."
"It fell where?" He really wished he had a camera for this moment. He had to tell Jack about as soon as possible.
"Down my shirt," she mumbled.
"Of course," Pacey said. He couldn't stop laughing, but he reached for her tight shirt by the collar and stretched it out, away from her body, shaking it a little. Nothing happened. "Is it in your bra?"
"Yes," she muttered.
"This is like the start of a porno," Pacey said.
"No, it's not," Jen said. "Just get the key and don't talk to me or look at me for a week."
"Get the key and unlock you and then don't talk to you or look at you for a week," Pacey said. "I don't want to get too friendly, so." He reached around to her back and undid the clasp of her bra with one hand. Then he tugged on the straps on her shoulders until the key fell in her lap.
"That was very nice of you," Jen said. He did take a moment to appreciate her great rack while he was unlocking her cuffs.
Jen came to his room 2 hours later. She was still rubbing her wrists. "Thank you for setting me free. I do not thank you for immediately calling Jack."
"I am not made of stone, Lindley. It was hilarious," Pacey said. "Do you think I'm incapable of a casual relationship? Potter does."
"Yes," Jen said. "Not the answer you wanted?"
"I really hoped to spend my college years getting laid, but you two seem to think I won't, it's kind of a bummer," Pacey said.
"You can change your nature, if you want," Jen said. "But why? You're sweet. You care about people."
"I can care and still have sex and not date for years."
"You could," Jen said. "I don't think you'd be very satisfied with it."
"I don't want to sit around trying to find some great person to have sex with," Pacey said.
"Poor you," Jen said. "You know, that's basically the human condition, by the way. You're walking in the shoes of tons of other people with your whining."
"Console me," Pacey said, his arms wide.
"No," Jen said. "I tried casual, I'm going to sit around and wait for some great person to have sex with."
"I'm a great person," Pacey said.
"You are, but you don't want to have sex with me," Jen said.
"I never said that," Pacey said. He pulled her down on the bed next to him. "You're totally hot."
"You say that now," Jen said. She turned on her side, bending her leg. She looked like a pinup.
"I hadn't seen you all cuffed up before, that was hot," Pacey said.
"You're kinky underneath all that niceness," Jen said. "I'll cuff you up."
Pacey found himself smiling and smiling and he looked over at her. She smirked at him and reached into her back pocket. She held up the cuffs.
"Pretty please?" He whimpered in a very unmanly manner.
"Ooh, fun," Jen said. She pulled off his t-shirt and then grabbed his wrists, locking him to the headboard. It was slightly uncomfortable being in that position but not neary as uncomfortable as his raging hard on in jeans. She put the key on the bedside table. She opened the drawer and took out a condom.
She pulled off his jeans and he kept raising his hips over and over again to get to her. She laughed at him. He really really wanted to fuck her. She took off her jeans and he could see where her panties were already wet. It was super hot. She put her hands on his dick, then her mouth, then rubbed the soft wet cotton of her undies up and down his dick. He moaned and she grinned even wider.
"This is really fun," Jen said. Then she started touching herself, her hand in her panties. She stopped before she came, bless her beautiful face and snowy strong thighs.
She licked her fingers which somehow got him even harder. She trilled, "condom time!"
She got it on and then they got it on and he actually loved loved fucking her, especially the way she squeezed him tight and he couldn't even touch her. He came first and she kept riding him until she was satisfied. Loudly satisfied.
She got off him and he said, "Now uncuff me so I can dispose of that. And come back and cuddle. You should know I love cuddling. Even in my apparently not casual at all encounters with Joey, there was great cuddling."
He was still rambling when she uncuffed him and he sprang into action, albeit with a fair dose of post awesome sex clumsiness. But after a few minutes of shuffling around, he was indeed cuddling with the adorable Jen. She said, "You are such a cuddler."
"I really am," Pacey said. "We should do this again, but I want to touch you. You look amazing naked and and I want -" he made groping gestures with his hands.
"Got it," Jen said.
A week later he naturally ran into Andie. He was looking for Jack at his dorm and Andie was walking towards the same destination. It wasn't like it was the first time he'd seen Andie since she left town. It was more like the fifth. He kept wishing they'd hit the number where he didn't feel like shit.
Andie smiled and said, "Hey, Pacey. Jack said you're dating Jen now."
"He did?" Pacey shook his head. "Sort of. We're figuring it out."
"I'm glad," Andie said. "It makes me feel like an asshole when you're all mopey, like it's my fault you're miserable and I know it's not."
"Of course it's not," Pacey said. "I'm mopey because of me. I'm a mopey person."
"I partially made you that way, I know. We had all that sturm and drang, and you were always 110% the best boyfriend. But, get over it. If I'm not the reason you're miserable, you're making yourself miserable, and that's a really dumb choice."
"Okay," Pacey said. "Okay, message received. I suck."
"No, you don't. It's possible for things to be neither black or white and you don't have to be the worst, or the best. You can just be you." Andie grinned again. She hugged him super quick and then she was off down the hall.
Pacey considered everything and then went back to Grams's house.
-x-
"You know," he said to Jen. "We've been dating for three weeks now, right, dating?"
"Sure, dating," Jen said. "I like it, let's say dating."
"Good thing we're in agreement on that. Three weeks of sex and, honestly, basically hanging out like we've always done," Pacey said.
"Not like we've always done," Jen said. "We talk a lot more, about stuff and our feelings."
"Our feelings," Pacey said, raising his eyebrows.
"You were talking about your feelings an hour ago." She patted him on the head.
"Because you were sitting here when my dad called," Pacey said.
Jen kissed his cheek. "I like you, you know? I think maybe more than your dad likes you."
"Definitely more than my mom likes me," Pacey said. "Let's make out. I love making out with you."
"I like it even more when we have sex," Jen said.