Chapter One: I'm In Here

She knew how it started. It was just a little on the depressing side. Okay, not a little. A lot. It was a lot depressing. Like a sink hole of every regret you've ever had depressing. So, she lied when anyone asked. Basically. Well, not basically. Actually. She actually lied. But that wasn't the important part. The important part was that she was moving on. She was being happy.

Whether she liked it or not.

She was getting off track. She knew how it started.

It was ten months ago. The plane crash had just happened, and Mark and Arizona were in ICU, and they were about to put Lexie in the ground. Like she said: depressing.

And Molly Grey Thompson descended upon the hospital like a vulture, half-crazy with grief, half general ordering her troops. She wanted her big sister's funeral to mean something, to be perfect. And her other big sister, Meredith, was in no shape to help.

She wanted someone to sing, and somehow she found out that the only people able and willing were April, Callie, and Bailey. Bailey said yes because she knew that the remaining Grey sisters needed something to be easy for once. Callie said yes because of Mark despite the fact that he and Arizona were still in very critical condition and couldn't attend.

April didn't know why she did it. She only knew she couldn't say no.

And so they sang, the three of them, in their black dresses with tears running down their cheeks. No one mentioned it afterward to her. Except Jackson. He told her that it was beautiful, and she wanted to laugh in her black dress with tears running down her cheeks because no one had ever told her that anything about her was beautiful. Much less at his ex-girlfriend's funeral.

She was just trying to help pay tribute to Lexie at the time.

And then Sloan got worse and died and Alex cut off Arizona's leg and she went back to Ohio and Cristina went to Mayo. But things worked out eventually. And now she was with Matt and the Harper Avery Foundation helped buy the hospital, so she wasn't going to lose her job for the third time. Things were okay again.

Except she sang at Lexie's funeral and she couldn't get it out of her head.

But she liked to think that maybe something good came out of it. Like maybe while giving tribute to Lexie, they opened themselves up to and for each other. And even while giving tribute for Lexie was really sad and it sucked, they discovered something that could give them a little joy. Even though it took eight months to get there.

She knew how it started. Callie decided she needed to have fun, and of course, she and Arizona did a little asking around before inviting Bailey and April.

So they were here at Sound Check, a little hole in the wall bar that Joe had recommended to Callie, and in turn, she introduced it to Bailey and April and by extension Arizona and Ben and Matt. The owner was Joe's cousin, Phil, and per Joe, they could squeeze in a number whenever they wanted to, and somehow it became the Thursday night thing to go to Sound Check. The clubs itself was less like a dance hall and more like a coffee house with low lighting and always live music with a really good house band. They had been coming there for two months before anyone found out.

Like she said, she knew how it started.

She just didn't know what the hell she was going to do now when every freaking body she knew was in the audience, looking at her and Jackson had brought Stephanie and Alex was grinning because he had bet Cristina she was going to choke. Easy money, he said. And he was probably right because even though Matt was perfect and a virgin and hot and he liked her and his hand was on her waist, all she could see was Jackson's eyes on her and it wasn't fair. He ended it. He didn't want her anymore, and she really wanted to move on but he just wouldn't stop looking at her.

And everyone was going to laugh and Jackson just needed to stop looking at her.

"Kepner, you all right?" She jerked at the question, swiveling around to stare doe-eyed at Dr. Shepherd, her mouth forming a perfect O, eyes wide and brimming with tears. He seemed to understand because he reached over and clasped her shoulder. "I'm sure you'll do fine."

"Fine?! She kicks ass. Serious ass." Callie defended, smiling brightly. "We're amazing. Just wait and see. We do this every week. Just because you losers just decided to grace us with your presence doesn't mean Kepner is going to choke."

"Oh, she's choking. Look at her. She can't even form words." Alex disagreed loudly, and Cristina backhanded him lightly, grinning widely.

"She's not choking. Kepner is tough. Virgin superpowers, be damned."

That spurned April to find her voice. "Cristina!"

She looked wildly around for Matt, afraid he might have overheard, but he was over by the bar laughing with Owen as they ordered a round for the group. Her eyes met Jackson's across the table, his arm slung loosely around Stephanie's chair as she chattered endlessly with Jo. It wasn't hard. As she said, he wouldn't stop looking at her. The intensity of his eyes caused a soft gasp of air to leave her mouth. She was so in love with him. She was so screwed. He really needed to stop looking at her. She couldn't breathe when he looked at her like that.

Callie's eyes met Arizona's in a passionate gaze as they both saw the look shared by the two attendings. She was worried for both of them. Jackson because of his connection to Mark and April because in healing from the tragedy of the plane crash, they had really became good friends.

"Ladies and gents, I present to you our Thursday night special from the good, old docs at Seattle Grace Mercy West. Put your hands together and give a warm welcome to April Kepner and Callie Torres!" The bass player introduced and April felt her limbs go numb as Callie pushed her to get out of her seat.

The clapping and hollering was encouraging and loud and nerve-wracking. April had never felt so completely helpless in her life.

"You sure about the song choice, April? We can change it. Last chance." Callie whispered as they approached the stage.

"N-no. It's okay. This is the only honest thing in my life. I'm not going to ruin it by changing what I planned to say. To sing. Whatever." April shook her head quickly. "No one will know anyway."

"Ballsy. I like it." Callie paused. "He may surprise you, Kepner."

They took the small wooden stage and everything quieted. Everything stilled, and April didn't dare look, but she could feel his eyes on her. She could always feel his eyes on her. The chords began, and April didn't care anymore. She was trying, so hard, to be happy. And this made her happy, and just because he decided to show up in her happy place with his stupid intern didn't mean that it made any difference. Like she said, this was the only honest thing in her life, and she wasn't going to give that to him like she had her heart and her virginity. And so she began to sing.

I'm in here, can anybody see me?

Can anybody help?

I'm in here, a prisoner of history

Can anybody help?

April took the lower lead part with Callie singing harmony and the higher pitch. It was beautiful, and the other doctors were blown away. They did a beautiful job at Lexie's service, but this was different.

"Dammit, Kepner," Alex complained as Cristina held out her hand with a malicious grin on her face and he smacked two twenty dollar bills in it. Owen's brow furrowed momentarily in displeasure, but he kept it to himself. Meredith, however, did not.

"That's one of us up there. Show some support." She berated hand on her swollen belly, eyes shooting to Alex's side of the table. It was like there was a big rift. The older doctors and Cristina and Meredith were on one side, and Jackson and Alex and the interns on the other. Meredith didn't like it. She appreciated the camaraderie Alex had found in Jo, but Jackson and Stephanie were a completely other matter. And she didn't even want to think about their ex-virgin and her paramedic. She had enough to deal with as it was.

"Whatever. Easy come, easy go." Alex retorted, and Cristina cackled loudly, claiming the next round was on her, snapping the two bills between her fingers.

"Leave it up to April to pull it off when I have money on the line. Typical." Alex grumbled, and Matt looked a little put out in all his awkwardness, but Meredith saw Jackson's eyes flash. He was probably already on edge. He hadn't said much all night. She shifted to say something when Cristina stood, pulling on Alex's arm.

"Don't be a sore loser, Evil Spawn. Come on; help me get some more drinks."

And Meredith's eyes snapped back to Jackson, his eyes were hot with passion and rage and hurt and she didn't know what all else, his jaw was clenched. He was head over ass in love with April, but there was an intern and a paramedic and Meredith just knew she was watching a train wreck in slow motion.

And she just couldn't look away.

Can't you hear my call?

Are you coming to get me now?

I've been waiting for you to come rescue me

I need you to hold

All of the sadness I cannot, living inside of me

I'm in here, can anybody see me?

Can anybody help?

I'm In Here - Sia

Author's Note: I have no idea where the idea for this came from, but it probably had something to do with how beautiful the cast of Grey's sings. This is a multi-chaptered story that focuses mainly on Jackson/April but it does have a well-rounded ensemble cast. Enjoy! And please review!