I got a baby goat :3 his name is Shiro cause he's solid white, now all I need is a black one and I can name their baby Zetsu XD speaking of Zetsu, can't wait to see black Zetsu again. Even starting to miss Sasuke :p
Warnings: Weirdness, bad writing, bad jokes, foul language, slight OOC-ness, confusing jokes. Ect, ect.
Thankies to: Yuti-chan (I'm sorry about deleting everything!And you do have a better memory than me XD i barely remember my password everytime I get on), QueenOfFanFicWorldLoveGunner, Princess Zathura.
I don't own Naruto! Masashi Kishimoto and TvTokyo do.
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Nothing like the sweet smell of a screen cap, of a skip cap is a Bam cap is a hub cap. giant clams falling appearing out of large white clouds, the tears of an impassive character nobody would have remembered even existed if not for the fan base, and an epic reunion between two former enemies, and a bird escaping Naruto's mouth thrown in just for those fans that couldn't take the theories anymore.
"Good, it came out," Itachi said impassively as the Authoresses rant ended.
Nagato giggled,"That's what she said,"
On the ground Naruto managed to cough up the last couple of feathers that were still atached to the crow, unbeknownst to him, he was slowly becoming a mother.
"W-why do things like living inside of me?,"
"Because you're gut is ramenlicious," Killer B said with a hearty laugh.
He must have had a Quaker breakfast, nothing nourishes the heart like wet cardboard sharvings.
Then there was a drastic turn as the crow flew toward Itachi, the camera angles jumping all over the place, back to front, left to right.
Crow eye with four joined tomoe, to Itachi eye, then back to Crow eye -it has fucking sharingan-, then to Bleeding Itachi eye, then to Naruto, then to Killer B, then over to Kabuchimaru sweating, Madara drinking cocoa, Black Zetsu making out with his girlfriend' Shrub', White Zetsu getting their butts kicked, The seven swordmen and the shinobi fighting them standing idly across from each other waiting for the attention to come back to them!
And then back to Itachi.
the crow gently landed on Naruto's shoulder after making a U turn, it's one creepy black eye glinting in the sun.
Naruto tried to lean his body away from the crow, but it was no use, its claws were dug into his jacket.
In true Naruto style, the shit hit the fan, with Itachi blinking and summoning the black flames of hell and torment! Which flew toward Naruto, then hit the damn dog he was standing on, giving him enough time to escape.
Meanwhile Kabuchimaru started seezing and twitching.
With Naruto out of immediate harm, Itachi glared over his shoulder at Nagato.
Nagato flinched, ducking behind the high bridge coming off the base of his bird summoning's beak.
Such a thing could not stop the black flames of hell, which hit the poor white haired ex-ninja right in the face and it was super burny time.
"But, we were supposed to have lunch," Nagato cried falling from the bird.
"Lunch," Killer-bee mimed.
LINE
A man with an incredibly poofy curly afro - an afro's of all afro's- stood on the edge of a cliff, stomping his feet as he seethed and turned red with anger. Long winded rants full of vulgar words spewing from his mouth. Now because the authoress is very kind person, she has decided it would be best for everyone if she skips to end of his last rant.
Skips, they're good things.
"-I have a team of crap genin rank ninja, I have a bunch of fucking bad guys that are all strangely ill-equip when it comes to destroying protagonist characters, but can somehow muster tearful goodbye's and memories of shit only the most obsessed tards care about and protagonist characters that could be taken out by a swarm of butterflies,"
The ninja standing behind him placed a hand on his shoulder, "You're just overreacting,"
At the base of the small stone hill below the raging ninja, the three devil ninja that spited their leaders very existence, were taking an offensive stance as a small creature fluttered out of the darkness.
"Eeek!," one of the men stumbled back, the butterfly flying closer and closer, finally landing on his bent knee. the owner of the knee quickly fainted out of the shock and pure terror.
Brought from the sight of a pink butterfly.
"Man down," One of his team-mates said.
"Shaaaaun!," The downed ninjas brother cried, falling to his knees dramatically.
The same ninja that had reassured his leader sweated as he changed the subject,"On the plus side, that clam the Mizukage summoned looks like it could kill a few of us,"
"Yeah but what can a clam do? Except for not open its mouth when you want it to," the older ninja grumbled.
On the battlefield in Suna the grand battle that would've been if not for a very stubborn shell fish, was paused, giving the nicotine starved ninja a chance to go off and bum cigarettes off each other.
"Ahh sweet cancer," one ninja said happily, blowing a smoke ring.
The rest of them were watching the Mizukage try to get his summon to listen in great amusement.
"I Said open!," The Mizukage screeched, whacking the giant clam with a rolled up newspaper,"Open you bastard!,"
He screamed through his teeth and threw the paper down,"He didn't listen when I was alive and now he's giving me the cold shoulder," he growled.
"I wasn't aware clams had ears," The Raikage crossed his arms.
"They don't,"
Line
Back at base A in the universe of stock characters and one lone sad Zetsu, it was quiet.
Quiet, excluding the loud off key singing of an unnamed medic ninja.
"Lalalalala!," she brushed the scalpel she held with a wet cloth.
"If someone could sow me up I'd really appreciate it," White Zetsu said groggily, eyeing the stock ninja standing next to the exam table.
When they ignored him he twitched and cried, "Seriously guys my liver, It's almost -!,"
*ding*
...dinged the microwave in the corner of the tent, stock ninja number 456 -who was standing next to the microwave- sighed happily, clicking the button to open the fancy cooking machine that fell from the sky.
"Liver," he clapped his hands high protein organ was green on the edges, fatty, and slimy despite being continuously cooked overnight.
"MY LIVER!,"
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"So, I don't get the rinnegan?," Naruto asked with a sad, soft face.
"No," Itachi answered simply, brushing his bangs out of his eyes.
the blond rose his eyebrows in a suggestive way,"Or the sharingan?,"
"No,"
"But what about a-,"
The raven rose a hand to stop him,"No, Naruto, you don't get a Byakugan either,"
"How about a Shinnugan? I already know what it will do too!," Naruto exclaimed, a small hopeful grin stretching across his face,"see, it can look through stuff, so I get the pervertedness of the byakugan! It can see chakra as colors so it gives me the advantage of being able to cheat my way out of even the most grim situations! And it lets the user control the Paths of Pain!,"
Killer B eyed him with concern,"You know, If that ever fell into existence Madara would kill everyone to get a hold of it and then the world would be doomed,"
Naruto drooped,"Oh right, Genjutsu over the entire world," realization flashed in his eyes, making their way into his hand to point an accusing finger at the Shishui crow,"Hey wait a second isn't that the same thing this thing was going to do to Sasuk-,"
"CAW!," the crow suddenly squawked, snapping its beak at the blonds finger.
He growled and pulled away,"This thing is ruining my groove!,"
"Keep it with you, There's a loophole, the first hokage's chakra is the only thing that can override the 10 year deactivation ," Itachi explained like a pro.
Naruto hummed,"Uchiha's are good 'splainers,"
Random time!
Bright letter flashed across the screen as the tv faded in from black. Beneath those letters was none other than-
"Hi there I'm Naruto uzumaki/Namikaze/Senju! -Sama-Sempai ," he said in an enthusiastic voice and a small salute, "Not to be confused with little Kuriboh's Naruto-KunSanSempaiSamaChan! and I'm here to introduce you to the latest eye app available from ,"
A white eye with a swirl and three black tomoe appeared on the screen, followed by the blonds narrative.
"With this eye you can-"
Sasuke walked to the edge of the moutain path he was casually strolling down, contemplating the meaning of his life, revenge and noodles.
He fixed his sprinning sharingan on the rainbow in the distance, falling from its long bow were hard candies that made every creature large and small come out for the feast.
"see the chakra of your enemies in full HD color,"
"Who has a chakra rainbow that drops skittles?," the young Uchiha asked out loud to no one.
"Enjoy a long walk on the beach with a full team of completely loyal servants,"
Madara sat laid back on the sand under an umbrella, his hoard of zombji soldiers scrambling around doing specific chores. All except for one, the Seven tailed Jinchuuriki Fuu, was seated behind the Uchiha painstakingly polishing his mask with clear wood polish.
"So help Rikudo if there is one dull spot on this mask I'm taking your eyes for my collection," Madara said in an eerily calm voice.
Fuu barely kept hold of her rag.
"And remain undetected on those long research missions!,"
Outside the wall of Konoha's best hot spring, Naruto sat crouched outside the wooden walls that separated the nakedness from within from outside, perverted eyes. Only that wall had been breached, by a large screw and a screw driver, courtesy of a certain closet pervert.
Naruto held a hand under his nose,"Oh mom, you knew didn't you?," he said dreamily.
"So head over to to get your very own Shinnugan today!,"
There was a whisper, making the blond go quiet.
"What? ," he asked in a surprised tone, "I didn't get a fancy eye technique?,"
Soft sobs followed what coudl have only been a defiant nod from a crew member.
*warning RDBA and Company is not responsible for any injuries sustained while using this app.
Naruto's head cocked back at an unbelievable angle as a bucket was thrown over the wall of the hot spring .
"PERVERT!,"
END!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~! *passes out* Thank you for reading please favorite, review or just one or the other! Please! Thank you!...Gravy :3