I own nothing mentioned in this story and probably shouldn't even be allowed playing privileges either considering my track record but I promise, no lasting damage is done in this one. Except possibly to sanity.
With that said, here is the inevitable follow-up to the suggestion made in the first part of Email vs. Snail Mail. Coop and Don basically have an awesome adventure while everyone at home deals with the fallout.
Dedicated to Damerel and notsing: may life be nicer because you are both awesome.
Part I
i.
"They've sent Don out on FR again, did you hear?" Ana settles herself on the corner of Colby's desk. "He leaves at lunchtime. Wright was talking to Tommy and Sinclair about it this morning."
"Don already told us," Colby says absently, flicking through the folder in his hands quickly before swapping it out for another. "He got the confirmation last night when we were at dinner and Alan is not impressed at all."
"That was a stupid question, of course he told you already. Anyway, he and Cooper are the best," Ana says. "Not much choice but to send them out when this Jacobs guy keeps slipping the net. We can man the fort down here anyway, he won't need to worry."
"David's gonna be in charge," Colby says suddenly, dropping the folder as his eyes widen dramatically. "And we aren't going to have coffee."
Ana pales. They hit the ground running at the same time and, from across the bullpen, Liz briefly considers yelling a warning to Don but in the end she doesn't bother. He deserves whatever's coming to him after all.
She briefly thinks that she may be being a little uncharitable but shrugs it off. Megan's no longer there to be a voice of reason, rare as that may have been, and Springton is hot on Granger's heels so she doesn't even have the younger agent's overactive conscience to worry about.
Betancourt just looks confused so Liz turns to her and crosses her legs because she's going to need to be comfortable to tell this story.
"I think you need a recent history lesson, newbie."
ii.
"Look, Dad, I know you aren't happy about this but it's going to be fine," Don says patiently as he fights the urge to let his head fall onto his desk. He has to leave in an hour and he's trying to make sure everything is in order so the team doesn't end up like the kids in Lord of the Flies while he's away. "Coop and I are both much more mature now and they've given us strict orders not to do anything stupid." He decides not to mention the fact that Wright had told him that he was to do whatever he felt was necessary to bring Jacobs in, because he's fairly sure his father would not take that well, and instead massages his temples with the fingers of his left hand.
"Oh please, Don, you think I don't know what you two used to do when you were running around the country chasing down those rabid animals?" Alan says heatedly. "The amount of phone calls your mother and I got from that handler of yours!" He affects a gruff sounding imitation of the man in question. "Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Eppes, but Don got in the way of a bullet again and they're digging around in his shoulder trying to find it as we speak. I wouldn't have called but we're legally obliged to let you know. Sorry to call you at four am, Mr. Eppes, but they're taking Don in for emergency surgery right now. What happened, you ask? Well, he was playing tag with a car and lost. Is that you, Mr. Eppes? I suppose you're right and I should call you Alan by now. I feel like we're practically best friends. Well, Alan, no, he didn't get shot this time but he did end up under a falling bookcase because he decided to forget that he carries a gun and resort to tackling an escaped murderer twice his size."
"Bart called you about the bookcase?" Don asks in disbelief. His head falls onto his desk and muffles his next words noticeably. "That rat bastard."
iii.
Don spots Billy easily, the worn jeans and leather jacket comfortingly familiar, and hitches his go-bag higher on his shoulder before heading towards his former partner.
Spotting him and breaking into a jog to meet him halfway, Billy yanks him into a quick embrace before pulling back, blue eyes alight with excitement. "Thank god you're here, I've been waiting to get on the road for days!"
Don chuckles, bumping their fists together, and feels the first stirrings of excitement as the thrill of the hunt settles over him. "Let's get this show on the road then."
iv.
Hey Dad. Landed safe and heading off with Coop now. We have some really good leads and backup on call all the time. Maybe you should call Stan for a round of golf to help you relax?
Dont be patronising Don I am still your father
Duly noted. Will check in later but I really think golf might be good for you.
v.
Billy laughs at Don when they're parked in the shadows of a bar carpark with binoculars on the second night of the hunt and he confesses that he'd almost forgotten how much freedom they had in Fugitive Recovery.
"Hope the office politics haven't dulled your instincts."
Don snorts. "I just mean it's nice to not have to wait for warrants or SWAT to do all the fun stuff." He straightens in his seat, steadying the binoculars in his hand as he focuses on a woman exiting the bar and lighting up a cigarette. "Bingo, Coop, that is definitely Katrina Jackson right there."
Tossing his binoculars into the back seat, Billy opens his door quietly and Don does the same. The silent prowl comes back to him like second nature and less than a minute later Billy's exaggerated drawl breaks the silence as they loom out of the shadows and into arms' reach of the woman.
"Ms. Jackson?"
vi.
By the third morning of Don's absence, Colby is sitting at his desk and staring mournfully into the break room. Tommy pulls up a chair beside the younger agent and clears his throat loudly.
Colby turns his head and looks at him expectantly. "Yes?"
"He's been gone three days, Granger. What are you going to do if he ever retires or transfers?"
"Don't even talk about that," Colby says waspishly. "Did you need something or did you just come over to make my day worse?"
Tommy shakes his head in amusement as he gets up. "Make a Starbucks run, kid. We ain't gonna last very long like this."
The younger agent sighs. "Somehow it's worse knowing that this one isn't my fault."
"Maybe they give lessons at Starbucks?"
They both turn to look at Ana with identically raised eyebrows. She scowls at them. "At least I'm coming up with ideas instead of whining about the fact that Don's out chasing a killer. I dunno about you but that's a bit more important to me than having drinkable coffee in the office."
She storms off towards Liz and Nikki who cast disdainful glances their way before huddling around Ana who is already making expansive hand gestures.
Colby shifts his eyes to Tommy. "They're going to synch up, McLean. We aren't even going to make it until Don gets back."
Tommy swallows thickly. "Should I call Edgerton in?"
vii.
Day four hits and their lead from Katrina Jackson fizzles out upon investigation. Bart keeps calling with updated sightings and both of them are about ready to throw their cells out of the car windows because the public, although probably well-meaning, is obviously stupid.
Don switches his off first and pulls the SUV over. "Okay. Turn your phone off for half an hour and let's figure this out."
Billy obliges readily. "Alright, what you thinking?"
"Fact: the guy is batshit crazy. There is no logic to his plan or his path because that's the only possible reason for why he hasn't been caught yet. It's like going on the run and picking your next location by playing pin the tail on the donkey shaped map. You don't know where you're going until you're going there so how are we going to predict it?"
Narrowing his eyes thoughtfully, Billy leans back in his seat and nods. "I actually see the truth in that. Where does that leave us though?"
"We've been two moves behind him this whole time because we're too busy trying to be two moves ahead. I don't think he has a plan beyond the next move. He's just running."
"Which means we either need to herd him into a trap or cut him off completely. You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"It really worries me but I think I am."
viii.
"I swear to God, Coop, if you don't stop stealing my socks I am going to shoot you in the face."
"You never used to be so touchy about it!"
"That's because you usually waited until we were at least two weeks in before you went all klepto on me! It's barely day six!"
ix.
They make it a week before the first of a series of disasters begin.
None of them have heard anything from Billy and Don or Wright about how the hunt is going in approximately thirty nine hours when a junior agent bursts into the bullpen shouting about his girlfriend and four others being held hostage by Trent Jacobs in the 7/11 down the street and they better get SWAT down there right now.
David blinks because the last they'd heard Billy and Don had been chasing Jacobs near New York and that seems like a really unlikely turn of events. He can also hear LAPD sirens and is pretty sure if it were Jacobs they would have been called in already.
Liz seems to feel the same because she goes right up to the junior agent and slaps him firmly across the face. "Get a hold of yourself," she says. "Jacobs is not in the Southwest right now and we know that for a fact."
The young man looks briefly surprised. "How do you know?"
"Do you live under a rock?" Nikki says in disbelief. "There was a whole week worth of rumours, not to mention Don's actually been gone a whole week. He and Billy Cooper are out in the northeast after the guy. Wright spoke to them on Thursday and that's where they were last. That's really far from LA, Joe."
The surprise turns to confusion. "Well then who's holding up the 7/11?" Joe turns suddenly pale. "What if he killed them and came back here?"
Colby lets out an irrefutably girlish yelp.
Ana leaps to his defence. "Why would you even say that?"
Tommy seriously considers ordering them all to separate conference rooms for time-out while he retires and moves to a tropical island where they'll never find him.
He really doesn't know how Don handles this all the time.
x.
"It's all excitement here in Manhattan tonight, George!"
"It sure is, Alyssa, there have been increased sightings reported of escaped mass murderer Trent Jacobs and barely an hour ago the FBI issued a warning to stay indoors if at all possible tonight as he is believed to be armed and dangerous. No need to panic, however, our capable law enforcement officers are out in force for your protection until he is brought to justice!"
Billy considers pouring his coffee over the radio.
"Do you think they're secretly trying to help him slip the net and deliberately trip us up?"
Don switches it off with far more violence than is strictly necessary. Billy gives him a high five for it nonetheless.
"Guess we're back to pursuit, huh?"
xi.
"Don't worry, lads, those idiots on the radio got ripped a new one by that feisty media liaison from the BAU in Washington. They have a couple of profilers who are going to look over the files on Jacobs again and see if they can come up with anything useable for you." Bart sounds remarkably satisfied.
Billy mutters something under his breath about numbing the area first that makes Don bark a laugh. Bart decides against asking Billy to repeat himself. He'd heard enough of what passed for wit when those two were together the first time around to last him a lifetime.
"What are your movements now?"
"He slipped us again," Don says unhappily. "So we're trying to pick up the trail. He's got two thugs with him that he's either paid really well or are especially dumb. Pretty sure their bodies are going to turn up somewhere between here and wherever it is we're going. Due southwest right now, or we think."
"Hey, Bart," Billy says loudly before he can reply to Don.
"Yes, Cooper?"
"We'll check in twenty four hours from now, okay? Have a feeling things are about to take a turn for the better."
Don looks out the windshield and spots a familiar looking 4WD. A feral grin spreads over his face and its twin is already dancing around Billy's mouth. "Later, Bart." He hangs up and tosses the phone into the glovebox.
"Time to rock'n'roll, Donnie," Billy says wickedly.
xiii.
"What did you say? They missed their check in? What is that even supposed to mean?" Alan's voice is getting progressively louder and less composed.
Charlie drops his head into his hands. "And here we go again." He looks at Amita through his fingers. "Can we go stay with your parents in India until Don comes home?"
xiv.
Trent Jacobs knows that he needs to think quickly when he spots the red-headed man lounging against the almost deserted bar.
He realises that he needs to think even quicker when the dark-haired man slips inside the tavern and it becomes apparent that the friendly bartender has disappeared.
xv.
The bar is slowly being consumed by flames and all of the tires on their SUV are obviously slashed when Billy poses the idea of stealing a car from the parking lot.
Don thinks it says a lot for the situation that all it takes to convince him is Billy's argument about all the owners being drunk and not needing them until at least tomorrow and the fact that if it ever comes out that they were the ones who stole it the FBI will have to pick up the cost. Normally he's less easily swayed than this but he really, really doesn't like Trent Jacobs.
He doesn't even bother questioning the fact that the bartender had apparently given Billy a set of keys to a pretty slick looking car. Or the fact that he willingly hands Billy the lighter when he suggests torching the SUV and calling the press liaison to suggest reporting that they'd been in it to further throw Jacobs off kilter.
He agrees and they're a mile away when he realises that his phone had been in the SUV and he doesn't know his Dad's number.
xvi.
Alan answers the phone almost as soon as it starts ringing. "Yes?"
"Mr. Eppes?" The voice is maddeningly familiar.
"I quite honestly hoped to never hear your voice again."
"Pleasure is all mine then. I'm just calling to let you know that you probably shouldn't-"
The news is blaring in the living room and Alan walks closer to hear as the words 'FBI agents' and 'set alight' catch his attention, completely forgetting that he has Bart on the phone.
"Mr. Eppes!" Bart can hear the news and swears to himself.
"The blaze was deliberately set and four bodies recovered from the building and vehicle, according to crime scene officials. Two have been positively identified as unnamed FBI agents in pursuit of Mr. Jacobs and the others remain anonymous at this point in time."
"I'm going to pretend that the news didn't just tell me that my son was burned alive in an SUV by a madman," Alan says dully. "Please, continue. Wait," his voice rises. "You were calling to tell me that, weren't you? Oh god."
He sinks to a chair. "I always imagined that someone in a suit would come to the door. A phone call doesn't seem personal enough for news like that."
"Oh for Christ's sake, I was trying to tell you not to watch the news," Bart snaps irritably. His temper is frayed enough without attempting to deal with a needlessly distraught Alan. "We're trying to throw Jacobs off balance because he keeps getting the edge. Do you know how hard it is to try and match the moves of a lunatic who has no idea what he's doing? Practically impossible. So we need you to kindly not tell anyone but immediate family that Don was not flash-fried, okay?"
Alan feels a tad light-headed. He thinks it must be relief. "Oh. Okay. I'm sure I can act suitably distraught if needed, I mean, I definitely believed that news report."
Bart takes a deep breath. "Yes, that would be great. Don will be out of contact for a little while but I promise you, he's fine and definitely wasn't in that fire. We just need the public and Jacobs to believe that he and Cooper aren't still on the hunt."
xvii.
"Dad is pretty much glued to a source of news at all times," Charlie says, rubbing his eyes. "Sometimes there are several going at once. The power bill is going to be so high. Campus is unbearable, if I have one more crying girl come up and give me a hug I am probably going to abandon the whole grieving brother façade and see how well they adjust to a proper crazy genius."
"Don't worry, the office is just as bad," David says, waving a hand for emphasis. "This is even worse than last time. Colby's moping his way through caffeine withdrawal again and half the office thinks Don's dead so we have everyone walking on eggshells and not even bringing Starbucks into the office in case it sets someone off to tears, I'm pretty sure Liz and Ana are menstruating and Nikki is suicidal. I know it's a big call but nothing else makes sense. No one can accidentally try and get themselves killed so frequently."
Charlie blinks. "Has anyone else made the causal connection between everyone going nuts and Don being to blame?"
Part I fin.