Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. Although I wouldn't mind owning Heero ;)
Crying Yourself to Sleep
A.C. 206
He had tears in his eyes but he didn't know why. No he knew why, but he wouldn't admit it. He missed her. It had been seven years since he had last spoken to her. He felt an ache in the heart he wasn't supposed to have. She made him feel emotions that were supposed to have died a long time ago. At first his excuse was that he was the Perfect Soldier, that he had no emotions, so he couldn't possibly love her. Then he told himself that she distracted him from his missions and he would be better off if she were dead. But he was never able to kill her. It wasn't as if he didn't have the opportunity, there were plenty of opportunities to kill her. He just couldn't kill her or let anyone else harm her. Now that his missions were over and there was no longer a need for the Perfect Soldier his excuses were that he wasn't good enough for her, that she deserved better, and that he would only cause her problems. In reality he was afraid. Afraid of what she made him feel. Afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of hurting her.
She had cried herself to sleep again. She tried to be strong, but he was her source of strength. Even when he didn't care just having him near gave her strength. But it was more then just not caring, she thought he hated her, why else would he avoid her for seven years. It was starting to get hard for her to go on. Everyone expected so much from her, more than should be expected of any 25 year old. The fact that it was only five days until the "anniversary" of when they had first met did not help. Eleven years since it all began. It seems an eternity ago since she was an average teenager with hardly any responsibilities. After meeting him things changed so quickly. Her brother and sister-in-law try to help but even they can't bring Heero to her. They probably wouldn't even be able to find him.
The unnoticed tears in his eyes started sliding down his cheeks. He felt his cheek confused until he realized he was crying. This startled him; it had been a long time since he had last cried. He wasn't exactly sure when he had last cried but he knew it was before his training with Dr. J. He was now supposed to be the Perfect Soldier, who felt no emotions. He shouldn't be crying. Ever since he had first met Relena, almost eleven years ago, he felt confused and lost in emotions he couldn't understand, yet somehow he felt found. Right now he couldn't stop thinking about her, wondering how she was doing, wondering if she was safe. He used to watch over her from the shadows to make sure she was safe. But a part of him wanted to tell her how she made him feel or to do something the soldier in him considered equally as foolish so after awhile he didn't trust himself around her. Not that he could feel any emotions, much less love or so he tried to tell himself. He laid in bed for hours trying to figure out what was happening to him, although deep down he had known the answer for almost eleven years. He was in love. That night the Perfect Soldier, Heero Yuy, cried himself to sleep for the first time.