Synthetic Cyberspace Manmade Stress Relief
Disclaimer: We don't own Torchwood. :( This isn't real. :( It's just Synthetic Cyberspace Manmade Stress Relief.
Chapter One: I think a better user name for 'Pert Bum' would be 'T_Boi'.
Capn J – Due to recent events caused by me not knowing enough about my colleagues' lives outside of Torchwood e.g. my ex colleague Suzie going on a killing spree with a funny shaped knife and a mitten and my tea boy/receptionist locking his cyber woman girlfriend in my basement (I never knew he had a steel fetish, I must ask him about that…) I disgress. I have created this message board so we can discuss topics other than alien threat.
Rules:
In your first post you must introduce yourself using the form below.
This message board must only be used by Torchwood members and associates.
This message board has been made in the best interest for my colleagues thus meaning: No fights. No sex. No drugs. No rock'n'roll. Actually scrap the last three.
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Capn J – This is my introductory post. Please follow the format below for your own introductory posts.
Name: Captain Jack Harkness
User name: Capn J
Status: Complicated.
Interested in: Girls, boys, aliens, animals, doorknobs.
Favourite part(s) of my job: Flirting, snogging, shagging (especially the teaboy), more shagging and I quite enjoy being the dashing hero. Oh and I don't die. EVER.
Worst part(s) of my job: Come on, there's nothing bad about working for me. ;D
Pets: A pterodactyl and an Ianto.
Other interests: Weevil hunting, searching for the Doctor and sleeping with non-human life forms.
Self description: An immortal sex god.
Other comments:
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Toshytoshtoshtosh – I'm sure your intentions were good Jack but I don't have a life. Outside of Torchwood I mean.
Name: Toshiko Sato
User name: Toshytoshtoshtosh (Gwen picked, she thought it was cute.)
Status: Single
Interested in: Men (mainly however the odd alien… well the rest is history as they say)
Favourite part(s) of my job: Well I guess it's better than prison?
Worst part(s) of my job: Watching my friends die. (Dun dun dunnnnnn!)
Pets: I have a goldfish named Jimmy.
Other interests: Scrabble and chess. As of late explicit sexual activity with female aliens bearing alien jewellery.
Self Description:
Other comments: Why should I write a self description to people who see me everyday?
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Capn J – Because, as your boss and friendly co-worker :), I'd like to know how you view yourself. Btw can Jimmy and I have a date?
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Toshytoshtoshtosh – HE'S A GOLDFISH JACK.
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Capn J – I've always wanted to date a goldfish :(
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I3Rhys - Tosh you're username is adorable! I love it! We should use it in real life!!!
Name: Gwen Cooper
User name: I3Rhys
Status: Married! (Yay!)
Interested in: Rhys of course!
Favourite part(s) of my job: Aliens! In Cardiff!
Worst part(s) of my job: Being impregnated by shape shifters and cheating on my husband!
Pets:
Other interests: Ryhs of course! And pub quizzes.
Self Description: Loving, dedicated wife.
Other comments: Jack you're sick!
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Capn J – I've made a new rule. 4. No bullying.
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Ianto –
Name: Ianto Jones
User name: Ianto
Status: Jealous of Jimmy
Interested in: Nice people
Favourite part(s) of my job: Naked hide and seek
Worst part(s) of my job: When Jack cheats on me with fish
Pets: Two cats called Mr and Mrs Snuffles
Other interests: Antique stopwatches and suit shopping
Self Description: Useful
Other comments: Gwen you've broken the exclamation mark key again.
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Capn J – Oi pert bum! I have amendments for your introductory post.
User name: Pert bum
Status: Slave
Interested in: Jack's bum
Self Description: I'd look amazing in a UNIT cap.
The rest can stay the same.
P.S. Work late xxx
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Pert Bum – Jack this is harassment; change my name back.
P.S. Can't wait x
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Capn Jack – Nope :P
P.S. Bring your stopwatch xxx
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I3Ryhs – Pert bum lol.
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Pert Bum – Jack, Gwen just broke rule 4. :(
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God_Of_Fuck – Plz stop the homoerotic convo. I think a better user name for 'Pert Bum' would be 'T_Boi'.
Name: Dr Owen Harper
User name: God_Of_Fuck
Status: Single
Interested in: Women
Favourite part(s) of my job: None
Worst part(s) of my job: The tea boy is fucking the boss. Need I say more?
Pets: I had a lab rat. Torchwood turned him into rat jam.
Other interests: Sex, alcohol.
Self Description: Tall, dark and handsome.
Other comments: Medically, I'm dead.
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Capn Jack – I'm impressed by your username Owen however I think your current condition renders you unable to 'fuck'. I prefer 'Pert Bum' tbh.
A/N: Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as me and my older (slightly smiley obsessed) sister did writing it. Constructive criticism or just reviews are much appreciated. Next chapter will be up a.s.a.p.
Thanks again xxx