Chapter 1: Kosegruppa

(Fredag 16.12.16)

"So you and Chris, huh?"

The voice is awkwardly familiar, Eva doesn't know whether to turn around and smile courteously or gather up her skirt and curtsy the fuck out of there. They separated on good terms and have been on good terms since the breakup, some people might even say a little too good a term, by some people she means Noora.

She was pissed that Jonas went down under on some random third year hoe he just met, but she got over it, after all she was the one who suggested the break up, what he did (and who he did) after that really shouldn't concern her that much. It still did. He was her first love and whom she thought would be her only love, which was wistful and naive thinking on her part. But somewhere deep inside her heart though, she loved him still.

When she and Chris…hooked up? Started making out a regular thing? Met outside of school on non-school related occasions without other people around? Sometimes in the corner at a party, sometimes in the backroom of a club. Making out, getting to first base, then second, then almost third. Watching the corner of his eyes crinkle when he smiled, seeing the smile that had been directed at a multitude of other girls over the years, deep down feeling and hoping that the smile directed at her was different, special somehow. That the eyes that roamed up and down her body wasn't just looking for a casual fling or a midnight hook up, that maybe when he looked at her he saw Eva. The awkward Eva that was terrible at math but cooked a pretty mean spaghetti. The Eve that had too much an affinity for scarves and beanies. The Eva that loved so hard she would often become her own worst enemy. The Eva that at one point had hoped that she and Jonas would be one of the few fairy tale endings that lived their happily ever after.

Jonas was now practically a stranger. Someone she'd see casually walking past her in the hallways at school laughing at something Magnus had said, or laughing at Magnus himself. Sharing a look with Isak that she came to the painful realization that she could no longer interpret. She had been so good at reading both Jonas and Isak at one point but now they were both practically strangers. She only knew that Isak was in an actual relationship with a guy only because of the rumour mill at school. At one point she might have been the first person Isak confided in. That hurt more than she ever thought it would. Maybe in a way, slightly more than Isak telling everyone and Jonas about her hook up with Chris.

There was nothing else between Jonas and her besides memories of the happier times they once shared, so why did that simple question make her feel so guilty?

Speaking of Chris tho, where the fuck was he?

Gathering up the last strands of her nerves before their failed her entirely, Eva swiftly twirled around to face Jonas. God, he still looked so good. Even in that hideous sweater.

"Umm, yeah, I guess so. Who would have thunk right? Certainly not me, nope." Eva was sure that last part came out far too high pitched and giggly as she placed far too much emphasis elongating the nope. She downs a gulp of beer with perhaps a little too much vehemence.

Jonas chuckles. The sound is like the most beautiful dagger stabbing Eva right in the solar plexus. "No, not many people would have thought that. Me least of all, especially with Chris Schistad of all people. You know, they call him Penetrator Chris for a reasons."

Eva wasn't sure whether that was meant to be a casual tease or an insult. She takes it as neither and down the last remnant of her beer. This was getting far too awkward far too quickly and seriously where the fuck is Chris? He should have arrived like 23 minutes ago, not that she was keeping count or anything. The fact that Chris actually agreed to come was a surprising fact in itself. The only thing this party had in common with most of his regular hang outs was the beer, which Eva was in serious need of at the moment.

Jonas seems to sense her discomfort and awkwardness because his entire demeanour turns serious when he calls her attention back to him. "Just…are you happy? I mean, does he make you happy?"

The question throws her for a second and she actually has to think about her answer. Does he? She thinks about the first time they met, her dragging him off the dance floor and into the girls bathroom and the stifling awkward 3 or so minutes that followed in which Eva didn't know whether to start crying or hope that the ground would open up and swallow her whole. She eventually opts for the third option, pretend nothing happened and get the fuck out of there as quickly as she can. She hears Chris calling out something to her as she's ascending the stairs but she doesn't stop to listen. She's already writing a eulogy to the remnants of her already dwindling school reputation and after tonight she's pretty sure Ingrid and her posse will have a field day with her shame.

But it's never brought up again. Vilde and her Chris invite her to join their Kose group and she meets Sana and Noora who turn out to be the coolest people she has ever met in her life. Life was actually starting to feel good, and then of course he had to turn up; walking across the school yard towards their general direction. Of course, fate could never be that fair to her. She's already bracing herself when he approaches, waiting for the inevitable call out and the embarrassment that was sure to follow, but he just passes by with a smile and a hello and Eva almost wants to call him back to ask if she heard right. But then Sana's yanking her out of her dream world and telling her about Chris and William and the perpetrators or whoever and Vilde looks far to gleeful and excited for someone who just 2 seconds ago was about to kick Sana to the curb. Even saying the words kick, Sana and curb in a sentence broke a myriad of laws of nature and self-preservation.

Once again Eva finds herself in the middle of the upbeat Kose Christmas party, a jolly Christmas song in playing in the background and over that someone is singing along but replacing 90 percent of the lyrics with swearwords and sexual positions that should never be uttered in polite company. The voice sounds suspiciously like Eskilds'.

Jonas' question is still hanging in the air between them and Eva tries to think; does he? Does Chris make her happy the way Jonas used to make her happy? Does the thought of him bring a smile of joy to her face? Does thinking about him make her day that much brighter and happier?

"I don't know," she says truthfully, not really answering the question but Jonas looks like he does understand. Chris doesn't make her unhappy, at the very least. His presence doesn't make her sad. Thoughts of him doesn't make her upset or angry and Eva thinks that maybe that's a good enough place to start.

Although she's pretty angry that he didn't have the decency to call or text that he changed his mind about coming though.

"I guess, I—uh, I like it when he's around. And he can make me smile and laugh, and when he's not too busy trying to hook up with random girls, he's actually pretty good company to be around."

"Well, that's the most important," Jonas says and even though there's an undercurrent of sadness in his voice and his eyes dim just slightly when he says it, the words sound genuine coming from his lips. "I'm…I'm happy for you Eva."

Eva spares him a small smile. She doesn't know what compelled her to speak again, but she hears the words leaving her lips before her brain can actually register what's being said. "But—uh, you know, they say that your first love is the one that stays with you forever. Like whatever comes after, you will always have that first memory of love to fall back on. And I guess, you'll always be that for me. You…and uh—spaghetti."

Jonas laughs, one of those boisterous laughs that Eva didn't know how much she missed hearing. She feels a sense of pride bubbling up inside her knowing that she was the one to bring that out.

"You too Eva," Jonas says and he mischievously adds, "If you're okay sharing that spot with Isak tho."

This time it's Eva who laughs out loud, for more reasons than one.

"I'm sorry you got replaced in Isak's heart though," she says sincerely, looking over to where Isak is having a conversation with the hot, blonde, lanky guy from the Kose meeting just a few short weeks ago before said hot, blonde, lanky guy steps out to answer a phone call.

"Well, I'm comforted by the fact that I'm his first choice to bang out of the guys."

For a second Eva doesn't know whether he's being serious or pulling her leg and her questioning laugh comes out awkward and more of a huff. "What?"

"Yeah. Magnus was curious."

"Let me guess, you first, Magnus last?"

"Yup," Jonas says, and all a sudden a look that Eva interpreted as 'did I really just say all this out loud to my ex' came over his face.

"Yeah, I bet you'd be first on his list," she says, eyes flicking over to Noora and ignoring the questioning look Jonas shoots her.

Eventually both of them feel themselves subconsciously being beckoned towards either direction. The girls were at the table making vulgar Christmas decorations at Eskilds suggestion and the boys had drifted off towards the kitchen when the sound of laughter and Magnus' disgruntled grumbling could be heard.

"So, yeah…"

"Yeah." They mirrored each other's sentences before starting off towards their respective cliques. Before they got out of earshot though Jonas called back to Eva once more.

"But seriously, Eva, I've happy that you're happy."

"Me too, Jonas."

And with a bittersweet parting look they re-joined their friends.

Although Eva was getting really peeved that Chris was a. not there yet and b. not answering her text. And if it turned out that he was out getting weed with a friend that there was going to be trouble. A whole lot of it.

tbc.