Disclaimer: I am not JKR and never will be... I just couldnt bear for the story to be over so i created my own plot with her characters and magical world and twisted them to my liking.
A/N: Okay, so this is my first story that I am posting and I'm a bit nervous. It's a oneshot but once I got to the point where I had orginally planned to end it, I just sort of kept writing... so if you like it and want more please let me know and I'll be glad to continue. I love the SS/HG pairing and the possibilities are endless. I would be very happy to hear your thoughts and critisism so please dont hesitate to review. I've written so many fan fics for HP that my laptop is overflowing with them but I have never let ANYONE read them so this is a huge step for me. Please let me know what you think! I am begging you! Lol ok I know that was lame but please please please read and review! Okay enough rambling and begging... on with the show.... ...:::Holds breath for reviews:::...
Spell Bound
She didn't realize where she was going at first. She had intended to only take a short walk around the grounds. She needed the fresh air and to be on her own. She felt numb. The battle had been long and hard and devastating to the wizarding community, not to mention the Hogwarts castle. But it was over. Harry had delivered the final killing blow that finished the Dark Lord once and for all. But amidst the celebrations were shadows of mourning. Hermione couldn't stand it. she felt so alone, so lost. Now that the war was over, she felt empty. She couldn't muster the energy to join in on the celebrations and she didn't want to intrude upon the mourners.
So she made her way around the castle and found herself staring at the Whomping Willow. She didn't know why but something inside her told her that she needed to go to the Shrieking Shack. A part of her tried to argue that it was insane, that there could still be Death Eaters there and going alone was surly suicide but something stronger urged her on. As she crawled through the underground tunnel she remembered what she had witnessed at the Shrieking Shack only hours before.
She remembered the fear she felt as she watched Snape plead with the Dark Lord. She remembered the cold voice of the Dark Lord as he calmly ordered his snake to attack. She remembered the shock and coldness that filled her body as she watched her former Potions Master die on the cold floor. She would never forget the look on his face as he spoke his last words to Harry. She hadn't wanted to leave him there all alone but she knew they had to. They had a war to fight. And now that it was over she felt drawn to him. She couldn't stand to think of him lying cold and dead and alone after all he had done for them, for Harry.
A chilly silence and a sweet metallic scent greeted her at the end of the tunnel beneath the Shrieking Shack. At the hidden entrance, Hermione hesitated. She didn't want to see even more death but she knew she couldn't leave the man cold and alone. She carefully and quietly climbed into the room and made sure it was empty. She found Snape lying on the floor in a pool of his own crimson blood. Hermione felt her eyes sting and water as she took in the sight before her. this man had dedicated the last sixteen years of his life to the fight against Voldemort and here he was lying dead alone and forgotten. Well she hadn't forgotten him. Hermione slowly walked over to his side and knelt beside him, ignoring the blood that soaked through her pants. As she gazed upon the face of Severus Snape she began to cry, sobs being ripped from her body. Severus Snape was a hero and the indignity of his death was deplorable.
She didn't know how long she sat beside him crying but when her tears finally began to slow their descent she gazed again upon the face of the fallen hero before her. he was intimidating even in death. His mouth was drawn into a perpetual frown and it almost seemed as if he were scowling, whisch didn't really surprise her as all of her memories of him were of him scowling. Her gaze traveled downward and she found that his hand was mere inches from her own. She stared at his hand, admiring his long skilled fingers and felt the urge to touch him, to hold his hand. He had been alone for so long, always doing the bidding of either Voldemort or Dumbledore, never able to live his own life, and Hermione desperately wanted to comfort him in some small way, to show her appreciation and gratitude for all the sacrifices he had made throughout his life. She had to admit though that she also wanted to touch him for own curiosity. How many time had she sat in class watching his hands as he created a superior potion and wondered at their gracefulness? She couldn't help but compare the differences between his sourly demeanor and the gentle elegance of his hands. She had often fantasized about those hands, about what they would feel like caressing her skin. She would always feel ashamed and embarrassed by her thoughts but that didn't stop her from imagining.
Very slowly, Hermione stretched her fingers and very softly brushed her fingers against his. Three things happened simultaniously at the moment. The hand that she had been tenderly stroking seized her wrist in a vise-like grip and Hermione froze in shock as she watched the dead man before her open his black eyes and gasp as he sucked air into his lungs. The hand on her wrist was painful but she hardly noticed it. all of her attention was on the black eyes that stared at her in agony. Before Hermione could utter her astonishment, Snape lifted the wrist he was still holding and placed her palm over his heart. Then he placed his own palm over Hermione's heart, just above her left breast. Then he began to whisper in a strangel language as his eyes locked with hers. Hermione was frozen in shock and she could not tear her eyes from his. She could see the pain and suffering in his black eyes and her own hazel ones began to water again even though she had been certain she had no more tears left in her.
At first the tears she cried were for Snape and his pain and her own guilt over leaving him there alone, but as the hand that rested on Snape's chest began to burn and her own chest began to equally burn, the tears changes from sorrow to pain. The burning began to spread, slowly and excruciatingly painful as Snape continued to whisper in the strange tongue. It traveled up her arm and down her shoulder until the two separate burns became one. Then it began a painful journey through the rest of her body.
Aside from the burning she felt like she was being torn in two, from the inside out. There was no room in her head for thought as the pain coursed through her. All she could do was feel and whimper weakly. She could hear voices echoing in her head, speaking in that same foreign tongue as Snape, but they weren't whispering. It was as if fifty people were yelling in her ear, making her head pound, driving all thought from her head.
Then, she felt and heard and an audible snap,from deep inside her being. The pain was excruciating, like nothing she had ever known, not even the Cruciatus curse could compare to this painful torture. She felt like a large part of her being had been ripped away, but as quickly as the something left her, something else, not her own, began to fill the void. It felt foreign and cold and out of place, like it didn't belong. She could feel it filling every empty space inside her, tightening its hold on her as her body continued to burn.
Then as the pain became unbearable, she could feel herself falling into an unconscious oblivion. The darkness crept upon her and she welcomed it, embraced it.
Hermione awoke to harry shaking her shoulders.
'Hermione, wake up!' he exclaimed, sounding worried. Hermione's eyes shot open and she bolted upright. Something was wrong, she could feel it in her gut, but she couldn't place it. she took in her surroundings trying to figure it out. She was sitting against the Whomping Willow, which for once was completely still and night was fast approaching. The sky was a clear navy blue and the first stars were just winking to life.
'Hermione, where in Merlin's beard have you been? I was worried sick! And I know you weren't here the whole time because I must have passed here three times already.' Harry ranted indigantly as Hermione tried to remember but something was blocking her and her head began to pound painfully so she closed her eyes clutched her head with her hands.
'Hermione, are you okay?' Harry asked sounding worried again.
'I'm fine, just a headache.' Hermione answered dully. Why did her body feel so drained? She had been tired before but not this bone deep exhaustion that she felt now. She tried to take stock of herself and found that nothing was amiss on the surface. But something was nagging at her, telling her that all was not well. She tried to look closer but whatever it was eluded her. Then suddenly, she felt as if she and Harry were not alone. It was like someone was watching and listening from the shadows, hidden and invisible. She felt a cold shiver race down her back at the thought. She knew she was being rediculus but she couldn't shake the feeling and she couldn't ignore it either.
'Are you mad at Ron?' Harry asked, bringing her attention back to him. 'Is that why you disappeared?'
'Why would I be mad at Ron?' she asked confused.
'You haven't seen him?' he asked. When Hermione shook her head Harry ducked his head and regarded her with quilt. 'Look over there, by the Stonehenge.' He said regretfully.
Hermione did and saw a couple sitting atop one of the low rocks kissing each other feverishly. The girl had long wavy platinum blond hair and the guy had shockingly red hair that was ruffled and messy. It could only be Ronald Weasley and Luna Lovegood. Though Hermione was shocked it wasn't because Ron was kissing another girl only hours after he had kissed her. it was because he was kissing Luna. They seemed an extremely odd couple but Hermione thought they would actually be perfect for one another. Then out of nowhere, Hermione began to laugh, softly at first but then the laughter grew until she was bending over clutching her stomach and laughing so hard she could hardly breathe.
Harry stared at her incrediously for a moment but the he began laughing too. Hermione was so pleased to Harry smiling and laughing and just enjoying life that her heart swelled with sisterly love for him. She reached out and pulled him into a tight hug.
'It's been so long since I've seen you laugh like that… I've missed it.' she said into his chest. He squeezed her tighter spoke into her ear.
'I love you too, Mione.' He pulled back to look at her. 'So I take it your not mad then?'
'No. I know I should be but… I don't know, it just doesn't bother me for some reason.'
'I guess it wasn't meant to be.' Harry said sadly as he let her go. Hermione was alarmed by his sudden change in mood and she looked up at him carefully.
'Speaking of meant to be… Where's Ginny?' she asked softly. Harry dropped his head and stared at his feet.
'She's with George and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.' He said quietly.
'Oh.' Hermione whispered sadly. She couldn't imagine the pain that George and the rest of the Weasley's were going through. But something else bothered her.
'So you've been alone this whole time, after everything that you went through last night?' she asked.
'Her family is more important. I wouldn't have it any other way.' He said, making Hermione proud of him all over again. Then she glanced back towards Ron and Luna and saw another redhead emerge from the castle.
'I wouldn't be so sure, Harry… Look.' She said nodding towards Ginny who had just spotted them and started towards them. Harry saw her and his face lit up. He took one step in her direction but stopped and turned back to Hermione.
'Are you sure you're okay?' he asked, concern clear in his features.
'Yes, I'm fine.' She said smiling. 'Go. You need each other.' She said softly. Harry smiled then grabbed her up in another tight hug.
'I don't like leaving you alone, Mione.' He said into her ear.
'I'm fine, I promise. If it makes you feel better I'll go and torture Ron for a bit. It'll be fun to watch him sweat.' She said good heartedly, making Harry laugh, which was her gaol.
'I'd love to see that.' He said releasing her. 'You'll have to save the memory for me to watch in the pensieve later.'
'Sure thing. Now go.' She said smiling. Harry leaned in and placed a kiss on her cheek then he turned ran to meet Ginny. Hermione watched the couple embrace and she felt happy and sad at the same time. Happy that her best friends had someone to care for him but sad that she was left alone. Even Ron had someone. Contrary to what she had just told Harry, Hermione had no intentions of torturing Ron but she knew she had better get this over with sooner rather than later so she approached Ron and Luna with heavy footsteps trying to catch their attention. However they were so engrossed with each other that they didn't hear her. She watched them for a moment, again feeling happy and sad at the same time, before clearing her throat quite loudly.
Ron's head snapped up and when he saw Hermione he jumped up from the rock nearly knocking poor Luna to the ground. 'Her- Her- Hermione!' he stuttered looking quite guilty and Hermione almost decided to torture him just a little, for fun, but she didn't want Luna to get the wrong idea either.
'Ron, before you say something completely stupid and upset either Luna or myself or both of us, let me just say…' Hermione made a show of taking a deep breath, enjoying the look of horror on Ron's face. 'That you are without a doubt a completely inconsiderate pea brain.' Hermione plowed on not letting Ron utter the undoubtedly moronic comment that was about to make. 'But, in this particular case, it's okay.' She finished.
Ron looked shocked while Luna just sat there watching them with that perpetual dreamy far off look she always wore.
'It's okay?' he asked clearly confused.
'Yes Ron, it's okay. I'm not mad, really. Friends?' she asked holding out her hand. Ron stared at her outstretched hand as if he never shook hands before, then he looked back up at her and pulled her into a hug. Hermione was a bit surprised but pleased none the less, and she hugged him back.
'You're really good friends. Luna said in her sing-songy voice and Ron and Hermione blushed and released each other.
'You always know just what to say, Luna.' Hermione said laughing. 'Anyway, I'm really happy for you both. I'll let you get back to your snogging, seeing as it looked like you were enjoying it so much and I so rudely interrupted. See you later.'
Hermione had turned to go back to the castle when she felt thin slender arms wrap themselves around her from behind.
'You're a wonderful person, Hermione Granger.' Luna sang in Hermione's ear. Then she giggled and released her singing 'Love is in the air tonight' as she ran back to Ron.
Hermione chuckled and continued her way up to the castle, forgetting all about the two hours that she had been missing and couldn't remember, forgetting all about Severus Snape and the shrieking shack.
Hermione spent the next summer in Australia with her parents. After sever heated arguments her parents had finally let the fact that Hermione had used magic on them go. Of course they had been upset but they finally realized that she done it not just for their safety and protection but for her own as well. Her parents had decided to stay in Australia, they adored the near constant sunshine and Hermione tried to enjoy it while she was there but she soon found that she missed the bleak grey sky of England. She didn't know why but her mood seemed to reflect that of the temperamental depressing weather of London. She became easily annoyed and as grouchy as a full grown skrewt. So Hermione hurried back to London and number twelve Grimmauld Place, hoping that her friends could cheer her up. However even that didn't help, but she tried not to let it show much. Harry and Ginny and Ron Luna were all so happy and she didn't want to worry them. So when September came around, Hermione decided to go back to Hogwart's for one term to take her NEWTs. Harry had been offered a job as an Auror and George had offered Ron a partnership in his joke shop and the both of them had jumped at the opportunities. They would do anything to get out of taking their NEWTs. So the only real friends Hermione went to school with was Ginny and Luna.
At Hogwarts Hermione found that life was even more depressing. Most of the castle had been restored to its original state but the new Headmistress, Minerva McGonagall, had decided to only 'fix' that which was necessary for the school to function. This meant that though the stone bridges had been restored and the classrooms and dormitories had been put right, there were still missing sections of walls in the corridors and courtyards. The Headmistress had opted to keep these reminders as tributes to all those who had fought in the war. In addition to those tributes there were also several small patches of grass and beautiful flowers that grew in seemingly random places throughout the castle and grounds. However each one was placed meticulously in the exact spots where people had fallen during the battle.
Thought it was a lovely gesture, Hermione tended to avoid certain spots. Every time she passed the memorial of someone she knew or cared about, like Fred Weasley, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, or Colin and Denis Creevey, she would sink even deeper into her pool of sorrow.
However there were some perks allowed to Hermione that she was grateful for. Professor McGonagall had told Hermione that if she were to have returned for her seventh year under normal circumstances she would have been named Head Girl. But seeing as she was only returning for one term that was quite impossible. But still the Headmistress deemed her worthy of certain privilages. She was allowed her own rooms on the seventh floor and unlimited access to Hogsmeade and the Restricted Section of the school library. Hermione didn't go into Hogsmeade unless Ginny and Luna dragged her there but she did take full advantage of the Restricted Section.
Along with all of the changes at Hogwarts, including the absence of her two best friends, Harry and Ron, Hermione began to notice how much she herself had changed as well. She no longer felt the need to display her intelligence to the rest of the school by always asking questions and raising her hand in classes. She kept to herself, satisfied that all of her work was returned to her with full marks. She also began to form her own ideas and theories rather than taking the written word as fact, and she started to question things from a new angle, thinking outside the box. She felt a little guilty about reprimanding Harry all those times when he had experimented with the half blood prince's instructions.
Hermione had a full work load, with learning everything she needed to know in only a few months, and at first she blamed her sleepless nights and loss of appitite on stress over her studies and test anxiety. But as the weeks turned to months and it only got worse, she began to worry. She had permanent rings under her eyes and she was losing weight rapidly. She tried using a glamour to cover up her condition but she knew that if the symptoms didn't go away after she took her NEWTs she would need t get help.
She wasn't very successful at fooling Ginny or Luna though. They knew something was wrong but Hermione kept the details of her condition vague and hidden. She didn't want to worry them or bother them with her problems. What was worse was receiving letters from Harry demanding to know what was wrong. Of course Ginny had told Harry about how strange his best friend was behaving and he wasn't very pleased to hear of her deteriorating health. But still she played it off as test anxiety and Harry knowing how anxious Hermione got before tests, believed her.
Hermione couldn't pinpoint what was wrong with her either. She tried comparing her symptoms to those she found listed in advanced medical magic books but was unsuccessful. Aside from loss of appitite, insomnia, and weight loss, she displayed shortness of breath, black outs, slow heart rate, fatigue and even her magic was suffering. She could still perform the spells but it took a lot more concentration.
The last two weeks of the term Hermione was granted free time to go over all of her notes and practice for her NEWTs, which was a good thing because if she had left her rooms she would have beem pronounced dead on the spot. She felt like a zombie, a mindless shell. She was numb from the pain. She felt completely empty of all thought or feelings. She was empty and alone. She was nothing without… Without…
A wave of blinding pain suddenly surged through her body, and she knew. She was missing something, or rather a part of her was missing… A huge part of her, something she needed in order to live, to breathe. She just couldn't name it.
The pain soon became too much for her handle and she screamed.
'WHERE ARE YOU?!'
Then she blacked out as she was kneeling on the cold floor of her bathroom, her white knuckled fists clutching her hair. She slumped to the floor, her facial features gone slack and her body numb once more.
The moment he saw her the pain went away. The pain that had been his only existence for the last several months disappeared. The relief was intense. He could breathe, he could feel, he could think. Gazing down at the girl who had saved his life, his heart clenched in his chest. He had done this to her. she was pure and innocent and good and he turned her into a mindless vessel that knew only pain.
But he couldn't ease their pain. He had already taken too much from her. how could he expect her to accept him. He didn't want to inflict himself on her any more than he already had. She didn't deserve him. Or rather he didn't deserve her. he gently pulled her fists from her hair and lifted her into his arms. He carried her to her bed and covered her in the soft blankets, then he sat watching her sleep as he brushed the hair from her face and caressed her cheek. He stayed there until the first signs of morning found their way through the small window into the room.
He gently placed a kiss on her forehead, careful not to wake her. she really had turned into a beautiful woman, even with the rings under eyes and the rapid weight loss. His respect and admiration for her grew to heights that he didn't believe possible. He had always despised the girl but only because she reminded him of someone who haunted him every moment of his life. The irony of her choice in friends had not been lost on him either. But he had to admit that she was an amazing woman and he admired her a great deal.
With one last look at the amazing creature before him he flew out the window to return to his sorry solitary existence once more.
Hermione rolled over beneath the covers of her bed and let out a long yawn as she stretched her limbs. She was warm and the sun was shining and she felt great. Then she bolted up in bed, her heart beating fast. The pain was gone! No aching, no headache, no nausea, no fever! She was even hungry! What had changed?
She slowly became aware of where she was laying. She knew she had passed out in the bathroom, so how had she gotten into bed?
She had no idea but she was going to take full advantage of this new found energy. She didn't trust it to last long. After showering and dressing, Hermione went down to the Great Hall for breakfast and to make an appearance and ease Ginny and Luna's worries. Then back in her room she wrote a letter to Harry trying her best to sound like her normal self. Then she got down to work on getting ready for her NEWTs that were only three days away.
Hermione's health stayed strong throughout the week, allowing her to complete her NEWTs with a small amount of pride. She knew she could do much better but she just wanted to get it over with. Even so, she was reasonably happy with her marks when they came on Christmas morning. She had gotten an O for Outstanding in Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, Ancient Runes and Astronomy. In Defense Against the Dark Arts, Care of Magical Creatures and Herbology she had received an E for Exceeds Expectations. She couldn't complain with five O's.
She had stayed at the Burrow for Christmas but told everyone that she was going to traveling after the holidays, and possibly visit her parents in Australia. But Hermione had no intentions of doing so, and thought she felt rotten for lying to her friends, she knew she would rather figure out what was wrong with her on her own and not bother them with her problems.
Harry had asked Ginny to marry him on Christmas morning after she finished school and of course she said yes. Hermione was happy for them and didn't want to ruin their happieness. So Hermione took her college fund that had been transferred into a Gringott's account and used it to rent a lovely flat above a shop in Diagon Alley. The flat was more like a condo and as it was charmed just like the shop below to appear much smaller than it looked, once inside it was huge. It had three bedrooms, one study, a large sitting room and kitchen and two and a half bathrooms.
The first week here, she settled in transfiguring furniture to her own tastes and stocking the kitchen with food and the pantry with potions ingredients. She also spent two wonderful days stocking her study with numerous books. She enjoyed the peaceful time to herself and the work that kept her busy but after that first week her energy began to drain and her previous symptoms bombarded her with how quickly they reappeared. She was reduced to lying in bed twenty-four hours a day, with the heavy curtains drawn over the windows blocking out the sun that offended her eyes and made her head pound, which would then escalate to nausea and vomiting.
She stayed that way for a month, locked in her room, barely able to stand or walk even to her own bathroom. Most days she just crawled on her hands and knees to the bathroom to relieve herself or soak in a cold bath. Her skin burned and soon she was having trouble breathing.
It was with pure luck that one day while Harry was sitting at the new ice cream parlor in Diagon Alley with Ginny, writing a letter to Hermione that he watched in astonishment as the owl flew into a window only a few shops away. He and Ginny had hurried over to the flat and pounded on the door demanding that Hermione let them in. But Hermione was in no shape to move from her bed and finally Harry broke through the weak wards Hermione had set and charged into her room ready to battle. But all thoughts of reprimanding her flew out the window when he saw her leaning over the side of the bed with a puddle vomit on the floor.
'Hermione!' he exclaimed worried as he rushed to her side. He layed her back down on the bed and was astonished at how weak she felt. 'What's going on, Mione? Why are you so sick?'
'I don't… know.' She rasped, trying to breathe around the pain.
'How long have you been like this?' he asked sounding a bit angry.
Hermione took as deep a breath as she could and croaked 'Since the battle.'
Harry was taken aback. He knew she had been under the weather but he had no idea she was this bad and for so long. Harry sat her up in bed and put his arms around her. 'I'm taking you to St. Mungo's, Mione. Hold on tight.' Harry stood up with Hermione wrapped firmly in his arms and apperated to the wizard hospital. Ginny helped harry carry Hermione to a bed in the Unknown Afflictions department. A Healer examined Hermione and after several tests he hurried from the room only to return a moment later with another Healer. The new Healer conducted all the same tests and regarded Hermione with astonishment.
Harry's patience was wearing thin and he exploded at the Healer.
'Are you going to tell us what's wrong with her or not?'
The Healer regarded Harry apologetically. 'I am sorry for keeping you in the dark but I had to be sure of what we are dealing with before I told you.' He said gravely. 'Miss Granger, it seems that you have been Spell Bound.'
'Spell bound?' Harry repeated.
'I thought that was outlawed centuries ago.' Hermione rasped as she tried to breath.
'Wait, what are you talking about? I've never heard of being Spell Bound.' Harry asked.
'Spell Binding used to be used as a form of wedding vows that bound the two people to each other permenately.' Replied the Healer. 'It was also used as a last resort to stay alive. A dying person could live by performing the spell. Basically it is the swapping of half of ones soul, essentially making it possible for them to live together but impossible for one to live with out the other. The exact details of the ritual were lost to us centuries ago so sadly I cannot give you much information on the matter.'
Hermione was shocked. She was bound to someone? But who? Hermione tried to think but the pain made it impossible and she closed her eyes.
'So that's why she's so sick?' Harry asked
'Essentially, yes. From what I remember of the spell, if the two souls are separated for any considerable amount of time they become so sick that life becomes unbearable. I believe in some cases the couples pain would escalate to the point that death was the only acceptable option left.'
Hermione couldn't believe her ears but she knew it was true. She felt it. If the pain got any worse she would want to die.
'So if the person who did this to her were in contact with her she would be fine?' harry asked.
'That is the idea.' Replied the Healer. Harry looked at Hermione's face whose features were etched in pain and made a vow right then.
'I'm going to find out who did this to you, Mione, I promise.' He said softly. 'Do you have any idea who it could be?'
'No. How can I not remember who did this to me?' she asked the Healer.
'Well I would imagine the ritual itself to be quite traumatizing and I wouldn't be surprised if the ordeal caused memory loss. It's possible that the experience was so traumatizing that your mind has blocked it in self preservation.'
Hermione tried again to try to remember but her head just pounded harder and she was beginning to feel sick again. Harry saw the signs in Hermione's face and turned back to the Healer.
'Isn't there anything you can do to help her?' harry asked hopelessly.
'I could give her potions and drafts to try to help the headaches and the nausea but I don't think it would do any good.' He responded.
'I just want to go home.' Hermione cried.
'Okay, Mione, lets get you to Grimmauld Place.' Harry responded.
'No, I mean I want to go to my home. No offense Harry but I just want to be alone.' Hermione said as she curled into a ball and tried to cope with the pain.
Harry and Ginny took Hermione back to her flat and placed her in her bed. Ginny made supper for her Hermione couldn't eat. Harry made her drink as much water as she could. Hermione pretended to fall asleep so that they would finally leave her alone. Once they left she went grabbed her wand and pointed it at the glass of water. With a few choice words and wand movements the glass of water was transfigured into a tumbler full of amber Fire Whiskey. She downed the drink in one gulp. It helped with the nausea and dulled the pain a bit so she could function better. It was eleven o'clock at night and she craved crisp fresh air so she walked out onto her balcony that over looked Diagon Alley.
The street was empty but the fresh air felt great on her over heated skin. She thought about what she had learned at St. Mungo's earlier. Someone had bound her to them. But who could it be? And why did he stay away? Hermione startled herself to realize that she knew the person who bound her was a he. But she knew it was true, he felt male to her. Now that she knew what she was dealing with she could feel the other part of her more clearly. But he still felt blocked off from her. She began to wonder what was so wrong with her that though this person bound her, he still wouldn't come to her to ease their pain. He must despise her if he would rather suffer through this agony than be close to her. Hermione felt her heart break. This person held a vital part of her yet he didn't care about her at all. Hermione sank down to her knees.
Who are you? Why did you do this to me?
Hermione didn't expect a response but she got one regardless.
I had no other choice.
The low smooth voice echoed through Hermione's head and her heart leapt. The voice was like ambrosia, a balm to her soul. She didn't recognize the voice as it was only a whisper, but her heart and soul recognized her other half with out trouble. Hermione tried to hold on to that voice, to keep it close.
Then why won't you come to me? She asked desperately as tears began to descend down her face.
I can't.
Hermione's heart sunk to her stomach.
You can't? You can't! I don't care if you can't! You have to! Hermione screamed at him in her head. She didn't care if he didn't want to or if something was holding him back. He just had to, it was the only way they could survive.
Hermione sunk down unto the balcony floor and cried, heart wrenching sobs being torn from her soul. She couldn't handle this much longer, the pain was unbearable. Hermione began to see red, her anger and despair was so acute.
You did this to me! Now take responsibilty for it, you coward!
Hermione knew that was a low blow but she couldn't stop herself. She wasn't herself anymore, she was only half of something and without the other half she was nothing.
Hermione felt the voice close off from her and she missed its presence immidiatly. She was empty again. Somehow she managed to crawl back into her flat and collapse on her bed once more as the pain and emptiness engulfed her.
A month had passed since the voice had graced Hermione with its presence and it hadn't returned since. The pain was getting worse every day. Soon the fire whiskey was not enough to allow Hermione to function and Hermione needed to be able to function at least when Harry and her other friends came to see how she was doing. She still looked awful but at least she could pretend that she could handle it when she had a bottle of whiskey in her bloodstream.
So Hermione began to experiment with different potions to help ease her suffering but they only reached the surface of her problems. Some would allow her to breathe regularly for a short time. Other's would allow her to eat and make her headache dull to a low throbbing instead of a hard pounding. But all of them only worked for an hour or so, just long enough to fool her friends.
As Ginny and Luna were back at school and Harry was in Auror training and Ron was in Hogsmeade setting up the new joke shop, Hermione was left alone. She was glad that she didn't have to put on a sharade any longer but as her condition worsened so did her mindset. She began to become more and more desperate. She would take her temporary relief potions and go to the book store to look up anything she could on Spell Binding. But her efforts were not rewarded. As the Healer had said, all documentation had been lost and forgotten.
Hermione sunk into a deep depression and only sunk lower each day. As a last ditch effort she journeyed into the bowels of Knocturn Alley hoping that she would find something, anything, to help her. Still she found nothing. But inside a small shady apothecary she did find something that looked promising, some very rare and dark ingredients that were only ever used to serve one dark purpose, death.
Hermione bought the ingredients which were not cheap and made her way back to her flat in a daze. She didn't notice that people were staring at her oddly or that mother's steered their children clear of her. All she could think about around the pounding in her head was sweet release. Her life was no longer a life. Her body was her prison and she needed escape. This was the only way.
Back at her flat Hermione sat at her kitchen table with the precious ingredients laid out before her. She conjured a bottle of fire whiskey and began her descent to the bottom of the bottle. She felt numb as she sat there contemplating her own death. Though she knew she should feel scared of dying she didn't. Death was the only blessed solution left to her. She did feel sad that she would be leaving her friends but they would be okay. They had people to take care of them and love them.
Hermione made her decision with a stony determination. It was the only way. Hands shaking Hermione began to write letters to her parents, to Harry and Ron, to Ginny and Luna. She wrote of her love for them and tried to convey how much she didn't want them to blame themselves. This was her decision and she didn't make it lightly. She would never do something so desperate unless there were no other options. She told Ron to be good to Luna and to respect house-elves. She told Ginny to hug Harry everyday for her and to make beautiful children and give Harry the family he deserved. She told Harry to play more, to not take things too seriously and to just enjoy life. He deserved a long happy life and a family of his own.
Hermione wiped the tears from her eyes and laid the letters carefully on her desk. She went into the kitchen and began brewing the deadly potion with careful accuracy. It took a lot of concentration and Hermione needed another bottle of whiskey just to finish it. When it was complete she filled a vial and set it carefully on the table. Then she took a shower and dressed carefully in her favorite cashmere sweater and worn soft jeans. She combed her hair and applied some makeup to her pallid face. As she stood in front of the mirror, a great surge of pain coursed through her body, dropping her to her knees and knocking the breath from her lungs. It was getting even worse. As she tried to breath, gulping air into her lungs she stumbled her way to the kitchen table and the vial that held her salvation.
Vial in hand she stepped out onto her cold balcony. She gripped the hand railings and another shot of pain hit her. This time the pain didn't pulse but consumed her. There was no relief. She dropped to her knees and cried out.
Please! Please come to me! I don't want to die! She pleaded desperately.
'After a moment with no reply Hermione mustered up her last bit of Gryffindor courage and uncorked the vial.
What are you doing? The voice asked urgently.
If you can't come to me… If you won't end this agony… Then I'm going to end it myself.
STOP! Don't do this! The voice pleaded.
I just want to be free of this pain. Hermione cried weakly. She couldn't do this anymore. The pain was only getting worse and if she didn't end it now, she knew the pain would eventually do it for her. No one could live like this. Life wasn't worth living if all it was, was pain and suffering.
Hermione closed her eyes and brought the vial to her lips.
Goodbye.
NO!
Hermione tipped the bottle up and as the first drop touched her lips she could feel the effects begin already. But suddenly the vial was gone and strong arms wrapped around her. Hermione's body was crushed into a hard embrace and the pain disappeared. It was gone. Her face was buried in the chest of a man, her other half, and she could breathe again. Her hands fisted his robes and she held him to her as tight as possible. She didn't care who he was, just that he was there. She began crying, great sobs being torn from her body.
'Don't leave me!' she cried desperately, tightening her hold on him.
'I won't.' he whispered in her ear.
'Don't ever leave me!'
'I won't.' he said as he stroked her hair, his hands shaking.
'Promise me. You have to promise me! I can't do this anymore! I can't live without you!' she begged.
'I swear it. I will never leave you again. Even if you wanted me to.'
At his words Hermione collapsed on top of him, the effects of the one drop of potion she had taken doing its job. She was carried inside unconscious and laid down on her sofa as the man who saved her frantically began brewing a counter potion.
Hermione opened her eyes to a bright morning. The sun was shining into her bedroom and though she felt groggy, she also felt wonderful. There was no pain, she could breathe easy, and she was so hungry, she thought she could eat a dragon. She felt something warm on her hand and looked down at the dark head that was bent over it. she recognized the black silky hair and her heart lept.
'Severus.' she whispered.
His head snapped up and when he saw that her eyes were open he let out a relieved sigh.
'It was you.' She whispered. 'I remember now, in the Shrieking Shack.'
Severus turned his head away from her with shame etched into his features.
'You didn't deserve what I did to you. I know it doesn't change anything but I am sorry.' He said hoarsely.
'Don't. I'm glad that you survived, I'm glad I could help you. Just…' Hermione winced as she thought of the pain that she would endure if he left her again. 'Please, don't leave me.'
'I won't, I promise.'
Hermione's eyes began to droop and she reached for his hand.
'Good.' She said tiredly then fell asleep, feeling whole again.
A/N: Ok so this is where Ihad originally intened to end the story. If you want more, just hit that little button below and share your thoughts. Any reviews what so ever would absolutly make my day. Just that you read it is pretty cool to me but if you take the time to review I would forever be grateful!!!!