Hold Onto Life
Summary: Jazz dies. It's not how she thought it would be. [Not as sad as it sounds. Twoshot]
Genre: Hurt/Comfort & Family
Characters: Jazz F. (& Clockwork & Danny & Sam & Tucker & Maddie & Jack)
Notes: pairing wise, there's sort of some implied/faint Temporal Intelligence (Timely Intelligence?), mainly because I apparently ship that. Sort of some implied/faint Amethyst Ocean, mainly because the show ships that, and I default to writing it.
I'm not sure what to rate this. K+ or T, because the subject is heavy, but there's no swearing, so I don't know. T to be safe, I guess.
To the people following me: Here's a thing for you while I procrastinate everything else.
Total length: ~7k words.
When she died, she felt strange. The thing that was most strange about it was that she felt fine. Not different in the least. She always thought that dying would alter her somehow – she knew ghosts had obsessions and that those drove the ghost. But she didn't feel different or any less human than she had when she was alive.
The first days after she died, Jazz found herself looking in all the mirrors she could just to make sure that she wasn't alive anymore. The same face she had in life looked back at her every time. The only thing different about her reflection was the white glow encasing her body. Other than that, she looked exactly as she always had. It was strange.
And now that life no longer had its hold on her, she didn't know what to do. For a time, she wandered through Amity Park, purposely invisible, purposely avoiding her brother. She didn't want him to sense her, not when she still didn't know what had happened. She didn't want to know what he'd do if he faced her. She didn't want to fight him, but what else would he do? The wound caused by her death was still raw and all he would see is an emotionless ghost taunting him with his sisters face.
No, Jazz didn't want that to happen. So she avoided her brother like the plague and hoped he didn't hate her for it.
A few times, she traveled to the city next to Amity, visiting the libraries there as if she was still alive. No one questioned it, unused to ghosts and thinking her mortal. Her glow wasn't noticeable in the light of day and for all that she was dead, she looked alive. She studied during those times; psychology, the paranormal, anything she could get her hands on.
It was an awful reminder that she couldn't go to school anymore, that this world didn't hold her anymore, but she didn't care. Even just holding the book was a comfort and Jazz would take anything she could.
After nearly a month, Jazz sneaked into her own house, invisibly flying to the Ghost Portal. Danny wasn't home – she'd made sure of that before she came – and her parents were eating in the kitchen. She'd watched them until she felt her chest – her core – twist painfully and she had to fly downstairs before she did something she'd regret. The genetic lock opened the second she pressed it, regardless of the fact that she was a ghost herself. She was still a Fenton.
Jazz flew through the gateway, smiling ruefully. She'd have to mention that to Danny so he didn't think he had to change to human form to open or close the portal. Her smile fell. That is, if she ever saw him again...
Shaking the thoughts away, Jazz pushed herself to soar faster, legs blending together. She needed answers and there was only one place she knew she could get them.
Clockworks' tower loomed ahead of her, the near silent ticking of the clock even more unnerving than before. Jazz shuffled nervously, suddenly unsure if she should even be here. It wasn't like her predicament deserved the attention of the ever elusive Time Master. Even if he'd said she was always welcome. That had been when she was alive and whole; now she was dead and confused over why she still felt whole. Wasn't something supposed to be missing?
Breathing out an unnecessary breath, she pushed herself forward, floating through the open doorway. Halfway down the hall, Jazz heard the door close and couldn't help but smile. It had only been open for her.
The hallways, she knew, wound around in an infinite maze. It was designed to make anyone Clockwork didn't want to see so lost they gave up. And when that happened, the next hallway they turned into was the one leading to the exit.
Clockwork had told her this himself, a laugh in his voice and an amused smirk on his lips. It is mostly for the Observants, he said, chuckling. Jazz knew the two groups hated each other, and after seeing one of the clothed eyes, she knew why. Though she'd never said it aloud, she disliked them too.
For her, the hallway didn't go on forever and opened to an archway after her next turn. She saw the clocks and glowing screens and smiled as she landed on her feet, walking inside the room.
"Hello Jasmine," the Ghost of Time greeted, turning to face her. He settled into his middle form and watched with a smile as Jazz immediately headed for the fridge. He'd set up the connecting room with anything she might need months ago and was always pleased that she used it. Even if she didn't need to anymore.
Realizing the same thing, Jazz froze, wide eyes glued to the appliance. She let her hand drop from the handle and stared at it. While the glow made it easier to see, she could still make out the color of the floor through her hand. She clenched it and whirled around to face Clockwork, leaving the room as she did so.
"What happened to me?" she demanded, confusion thick in her voice. Clockwork smiled sadly, twirling his staff.
"You died," he supplied. Jazz rolled her eyes, crossing her arms.
"Yes, I realize that. What I meant was, why don't I feel dead?"
His eyes lit with an odd light and Jazz felt her core flutter before she clamped down on it. As it were, at least three of the cogs near her had trembled with her lack of control. Clockwork smirked at that but didn't comment.
"It is because you still have your humanity. A ghosts humanity comes from their sense of self. Likewise, when they lose everything but the one thing they hold closer than all the rest, that becomes their obsession.
"You have studied the human mind. Subconsciously, you have kept hold of everything that makes you, you. This is a unique occurrence," Clockwork mused, a smaller smile on his face. "Not many ghosts keep such a tight hold on their previous lives. Many try but only a few succeed." His smile softened further, "I am glad you are one of those few."
She returned his smile gratefully. However, it only lasted a second before her face fell and she sat heavily in mid-air. She folded her legs underneath her and floated in silence until she could speak again.
"But I'm still a ghost. My parents will never look at me again and Danny... I don't know what Danny will do," she pressed her face into her hands, fingernails curling into her forehead. She tried desperately to breathe, pulling air through her lungs even if she didn't need to. "I don't want to leave them all," she whispered. Clockwork floated over to her, placing his free hand on her back, rubbing circles between her shoulder blades.
"You do not have to. Trust yourself," he smiled down at her, seeing her eyes peak at him through her fingers. "Everything will be fine."
This time, her smile held for longer and she relaxed against his hand. It'll be okay, she thought. Everything will be fine.
When she arrived back in her house, closing the Portal behind her, Jazz had a very specific goal in mind. She needed to see her brother and, later, needed to prove to her parents that she was still herself. If, in the end, she could get her parents to accept her, maybe Danny wouldn't feel he had to hide so much. After all, if mom and dad could handle a full ghost daughter, couldn't they handle a half ghost son?
She hoped they could, at least. She wasn't Clockwork. She didn't know how they'd take it.
Pushing her fears to the back of her mind, Jazz left the house intangibly, taking to the skies. She remained invisible just in case, and started her search for Danny. Right now, she'd just watch. She's talk to him when he was ready.
She found him in the Nasty Burger with his two friends, staring blankly at his burger. Jazz settled on the roof of the building opposite the restaurant and just watched. Even after a month, it looked like her death was still affecting him. Jazz couldn't really say she was surprised. She was surprised that he was in the Nasty Burger when it was an explosion that claimed her life. She'd thought the location would be hard for him, in relation to that.
While she didn't really remember the incident with the C.A.T., Danny had told her the basics. He'd told her, reluctantly and only after she'd caught him having a nightmare about it, how the Nasty Burger had exploded with her, their parents, his friends and his teacher inside. While Jazz had been the only one of that group to die, it was still an explosion. The Nasty Burger was the last place she expected him to be.
As if hearing her thoughts, Danny pushed away from the table and left the building, heedless of his friends calling after him. Ducking into an alley, he transformed in his ghost form and shot into the sky. Jazz watched him go, hovering slightly in indecision. She could follow him if she wanted to, but she saw how distressed he still was. If he saw her, he wouldn't see her. He'd just see a ghost that took her form.
Feeling sadness clench her core, Jazz floated further away from Danny, following his friends instead. They, at least, couldn't tell she was near.
Sam wrapped her arms around herself, watching the black and white blur as it shot madly through the sky. She was worried about her friend, like she always was; this time, it was different. Jazz had been the one who died, the one who was gone. And it was only a matter of time before she materialized in the Ghost Zone and came to Amity Park. Whether she would come for malevolent purposes was unknown and Sam knew that was what Danny was so stressed about.
If Jazz came back as a ghost, she wouldn't be herself any more. And Danny couldn't face that.
Sam felt a hand grab her shoulder and turned to see Tucker watching her. He tried to smile at her, but it came out as a grimace. "He'll be fine. He just needs time to heal from this."
"How can he heal when it's Jazz?" she asked and shrugged off his hand, glaring at the ground. "Until she shows up, he'd going to be like this. You know that. And when she shows up, he'll break."
Tucker winced, rubbing his arm as if she'd punched him. She wanted to. "We don't know that. Maybe she won't become a ghost. You know they don't always have to," he tried to reassure her but his heart wasn't in it. Sam could hear the doubt in his voice.
"She died violently, Tuck," she reminded him. "She'll show up."
Tucker just sighed, eyes clouded as they searched the sky. Danny was gone by now, either in some other part of town, or above the clouds. As much as he didn't want to admit it, Sam was right. Jazz would become a ghost. He just hoped she'd be sane. For all of their sakes.
Jazz took to flying around Amity Park, her default mode set to invisible. She wasn't here to cause trouble, nor did she want to frighten anyone by looking like a regular human while flying around. There was only so much this town could take before the citizens broke and seeing an eighteen year old fly through the sky was a bit too much.
She tried to stay out of Danny's range as much as she could, but she knew he'd sensed her a few times. She'd never come closer to him so every time she make his ghost sense go off, it was seen as a false alarm. Jazz saw Sam and Tucker share looks whenever this happened and knew they thought it was her. They were just relieved that, if it was her, she was leaving Danny alone as best she could.
No one in the group of five wanted Jazz to fight her brother.
Finally, a month and a half after her death, Sam managed to convince Danny that Jazz wouldn't be coming to attack him. Her reasoning was something along the line of 'if she hasn't come by now, she won't come at all'. Danny had taken that, latching onto it with desperation. If he could believe that, maybe he could relax. Maybe then he could believe his sister wasn't some insane entity waiting to get to him, like all the other ghosts.
He'd still invited his friends over that weekend, knowing his parents would be gone and not having it in him to sit in an empty house. They'd agreed heartily and the three settled in for a three day sleepover. Jazz watched from the ceiling and saw how, even though he shouldn't have, Danny ignored the puff of fog that escaped him, doing nothing more than wrapping a blanket around himself.
The three friends tried to cheer him up with movies and games but Danny was finally taking in her death. The previous six weeks had been spent pushing it away, fearing her appearance more than thinking about the fact that she was gone. Now, that fact was pushed in his face and he could do nothing but sit there and wallow.
His sister was dead. And she hadn't come back.
Danny fell asleep on the couch, face pressed into his blanket to muffle his sobs. Sam and Tucker pretended not to notice and ignored the tear tracks on his face when Danny woke up. Saturday was spent in silence as they all mourned.
And Jazz couldn't have that. Bad enough that she had to stay away for so long; she wouldn't let them sit there and cry over her if she could stop them.
"I really don't know what the big deal is," Jazz announced suddenly, fading into view in the living room, sitting in what had always been her specific chair. Danny and Sam were sitting on the couch, their eyes puffy and tried while Tucker lounged on the floor, PDA held limply in his hands. At the sound of her voice they all jumped, shock evident on all their faces as they looked at her.
"Jazz!" Danny cried, eyes wide as they locked on her, taking in the one and only change in her. Her glow was obvious in the dimly lit room, the lights off and the sun just starting to set.
She smiled at him softly. "Hello little brother. Did you miss me?" she gently teased, eyes sparkling. She pushed her melancholy aside, knowing he had missed her; his red eyes evidence enough even if she hadn't watched him crying the day before.
Tears filled his eyes again and his voice shook as he tried to speak, "But you... you died and you're not... Ghosts don't... anymore..." he trailed off, breath hitching. He looked away, rubbing his face harshly. His face settled into a trembling frown. "Ghosts don't feel the same things as humans, you're not–"
"Danny." Jazz cut him off, settling her patent disapproving frown on him, "I know that. But I didn't feel like that when I– formed. I went to Clockwork and he told me about a rare class of ghosts," she smiled again, seeing Danny's eyes light with hope. Sam and Tucker watched the siblings in silence.
"Some ghosts are able to hold onto their lives better than others. Usually, this results in obsessions, but that's only when the ghost concentrates on a single aspect of their life. Clockwork told me that because I studied the mind, I was able to hold onto everything. I haven't changed, little brother," she finished in a whisper, reaching over to place a hand on the boys shoulder.
The next moment, she held him in her arms as he sobbed, murmuring comforting nonsense as she brushed his hair. Tucker was smiling up at them, though his eyes were misty. Sam stood and joined the hug, squeezing tightly.
It felt so good to be home.