Learn To Love Again
Author's Note- My grandfather just passed very recently and I needed some sort of emotional outlet. So I decided to pick characters who've lost but have different ways of dealing. I apologize if it's bad. Batman is my favorite character of all time and I love the Flash. Next time I write them it will be better.
Warning: Slight Batflash. Mentions of character death and descriptions of gore.
Death.
Death is a reminder to them all that they are not gods, but mortals. No matter how many lives they save, how skilled or powerful they are, how many times they save the world, or how close they are to achieving normalcy, death is always there, and it comes when it is least expected.
Of all the Justice League members, Bruce Wayne knows this the best. He reminds himself of this as he gazes upon the wrinkled old face one last time—takes the cold, lifeless hand in his own one last time before he's lowered into the ground.
Gotham's dark protector even remembers the exact time and cause of death; a brain aneurysm that struck at midnight, signaling the end of Monday and the beginning of some of the most painful days in his life.
Bruce knows that death will always come.
But that does not stop the tears that leak out of his eyes. It doesn't stop the pain he feels every time he glances at Dick, Barbara, and Tim's sobbing faces; spots Jason's hunched, trembling form in the distance; or when he looks into the heartbroken faces of his family, his family he spent nearly half his life away from.
Half a life spent to take care of him—some spoiled rich kid who lost his parents.
Bruce lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. Death always comes, and when it does, it robs the world of a special person.
Two days ago, it robbed Bruce of a companion, a trusted friend, and a loving father figure.
Today is the day of Alfred Pennyworth's funeral, and Bruce feels empty inside.
Wally West isn't a stranger to death either.
In his twenty-four years of life, he's lost all three people most close to his heart.
The first was his aunt, Iris West. The woman was the closest thing Wally had to an actual mother, his own abandoning him for the early years of his life. Iris was a remarkable woman in many ways, but what Wally loved most about her was the affection that she showed him every time he visited.
He remembered the way she smiled, he remembered her jokes, he remembered how she used to tickle him, and he remembered how she would always hold him close, her jasmine scent invading his nose and bringing comfort. Wally would melt into her embrace, happy for a brief moment.
Barry Allen was many things to him when he was younger. A friend, an uncle, a father, but most of all: his hero. Barry was the first Flash of Central City and Wally looked up to him more than anything, accepted all of his advice and mentorship. When the incident that gave Wally his powers occurred, he knew that working with his uncle as Kid Flash was the only thing to do.
Iris died when Eobard Thawne, the first Professor Zoom, vibrated a hand through her head and killed her instantly. Barry gave his life to save the Earth against the Anti-Monitor not too long afterwards.
Wally still remembers the feeling—the pain, like a million tiny pieces of glass impaling his heart, fueling his resolve to be the better man his aunt would want him to be. The redhead can recall the emptiness he felt, filling the hole up with determination to make his uncle proud, taking up the mantle of Flash.
For a while, the hole was completely filled with another emotion as well: love.
Love for Linda Park, his former soon-to-be-fiancé.
Linda showed him what it meant to live for another person. Every near death experience he had with the League, he thought of Linda and ran even faster. She was his motivation—his light—and Wally loved her with every fiber of his being.
Gazing at the wreckage before him, he reminisces about his loved ones. Every single memory of happiness he had, from hugging his aunt to becoming Kid Flash…to proposing to Linda. Wally feels every single feeling drain out of him as he watches the paramedics pull a scorched corpse out of the car.
The red clad speedster chokes back the bile in his throat, watching them put a sheet over the blackened body. The flashing red lights of the police cars and ambulances shine through the night sky. Wally cradles his head in his arms, his violent sobs shaking throughout his body.
Tonight Linda Park lost her life in a car crash, and all Wally can think about is how he wasn't fast enough to save her.
The grief from his parents' death never left Bruce. It festered like an infected wound, scabbing over to make the shell that would become known as the Batman.
But sometimes, the shell would break, the scab would peel, and instead of Batman, there would just be a ten-year-old boy, weeping for his parents to be alive and be with him.
This shell had only broken a total of six times.
The first time was when he busted a sex slave ring.
It was early in his career as Batman, and he was naïve, unable to think that there were worse crimes than murder. He found thirteen kids that night, all under the age of seven. Only five were alive.
Batman beat the perpetrators to within an inch of their lives, and Bruce cried out for his mother.
Batman left the leaders of the ring brain dead in a coma, and Bruce wanted to bury himself in his thick, silky bed sheets.
Batman became stronger, criminals learning to fear his name—Bruce broke down that night in Alfred's arms.
The second time was when the Joker beat Jason Todd to death with a crowbar in a warehouse. Batman was too late to save him. He remembers carrying the second Robin in his arms, his small, broken body nestled tightly against his chest.
Bruce wept at his funeral, and Batman put the Joker in a full body cast. The only thing preventing him from murdering him was the manic smile on the clown's face, taunting him to kill him. He refused to give the Clown Prince the satisfaction.
When Jason came back as the Red Hood, revived by the Lazarus Pits, that decision ended up bringing on many sleepless nights.
The third time it happened was when the Joker shot Barbara Gordon, paralyzing her from the waist down and effectively putting an end to her career as Batgirl.
Commissioner Gordon stopped him that time. Even after the emotional and mental trauma, Gordon insisted that Batman capture him the right way. In the end, both Bruce and Batman learned, laughing along with the defeated Joker, that the whole situation was a joke, a black parody.
It was also when Batman realized that the Joker was beyond saving, truly insane.
The fourth time was brought on by the death of Thomas Elliot, his best friend—supposedly killed by the Joker.
Batman nearly strangled the demented clown before being stopped by Gordon. He would thank the police veteran later on when Hush, the mastermind behind the plan, turned out to be Tommy Elliot. A born sociopath. Bruce mourned his former best friend, and Batman learned that every person, no matter how seemingly normal, has something to hide.
The fifth time it occurred because of the death of his son, Damian Wayne, originally begotten from the torrid and complex love affair between himself and Talia—a product of drugged sex and the woman's will to get what she wanted.
When he first met Damian, he was a brat, but he was also his first and only biological son, and Bruce saw so much potential in him.
Slowly, Damian had wormed his way into his heart—eventually getting Tim, his future successor, to warm up to him despite their past hostile relationship. Bruce loved his son with all of his heart, even if he didn't always show it. Batman became soft. That was the first mistake.
Talia had Damian assassinated for disobedience towards her, as well as it being a tactical move against Batman Inc. Batman remembered howling vengeance to the sky, the pain of his parents' death being briefly overwhelmed over the loss of his son.
In Batman's eyes, Talia was worse than the Joker. She didn't have the veil of insanity to hide behind as an excuse.
Talia ordered the death simply because she wanted to hurt him—and she did, more than anyone else ever had.
Talia al Ghul, his former beloved, was his equal. They were from two sides of the same coin. The only mistake he made was underestimating her.
She matched him in combat ability, intelligence, and tactical knowledge. What she lacked in strength, she made up for in agility.
Talia grew up reading Art of War while using dolls for target practice—he played games with Tommy and went to the movies with his parents.
He led Batman Inc., and she responded with the Leviathan organization. Batman had always believed that the scariest villain of his life came in the form of an insane clown with a penchant for sadism. The Dark Knight didn't expect it would turn out to be one of his former lovers, a woman who knew him better than he knew himself.
Their last battle occurred in his mansion, while both of their respective factions were warring out in Gotham. Batman remembers the scene vividly, both of them circling each other, hate in their eyes. The meaning was clear: it was a duel to the death. Batman could still picture the last time he ever saw her in his head.
The aftermath ended up wrecking the entire mansion, some rooms stained with blood from when they fought with swords, the others filled with broken glass, ceramic, and wood from when they abandoned the weapons.
He was breathing heavily, hands grasping a bloody chest—he had a collapsed lung and several ribs jutting out. Talia fared no better, with a slashed throat and a severe concussion.
Both were simply waiting for the other to die, too stubborn to be the first. Talia spoke up.
"Do…y-you think it would've been d-different had we met as different people?" She gasped out, hands struggling to keep the leaking blood in her throat, she was leaning against the wall, eyes never leaving Batman's position against the other end of the wall.
Batman looked at her remorselessly, all emotion he ever felt buried deep inside of him.
"No. It wouldn't," Batman spoke coldly, causing Talia to smile.
"Even near death, you still lie to yourself…beloved," she whispered, sliding down the wall, leaving a bloody smear against it as her eyes narrowed in pain.
Batman wanted to leap at her then, wrap his hands around her throat and choke her until she felt the pain he felt, the pain Damian felt. The only thing preventing him from doing so was the significantly sized pool of blood forming beneath him, the red substance still dripping from his rib cage.
A sudden loud noise emerged from outside, a victory shout. Batman recognized the voice.
"Dick…you came through," he thought with a bitter smile forming on his face, then sneered nastily at Talia.
"I won, Talia. Your forces have been defeated. Your plan failed," Batman coughed painfully, perforated ribs beginning to affect his ability to breathe.
"I'll be dead soon," he thought grimly, and winced as the pain worsened more than he thought possible.
"Y-you still do not understand what it means to win the war. Y-you've won the battle, but wait until you count the casualties, to s-say you've won the war. I ordered my forces to retreat when the odds shifted in your favor. Th-that was simply a signal," Talia smirked, confidence never leaving her face as she withdrew a black object from her jacket.
Batman's eyes widened. It was a detonator.
"You s-see, I had bombs p-planted in the mansion. I could've k-k-killed you whenever I so desired. But I wanted to do it m-m-myself. It's no m-matter... I win. Goodbye…beloved," Talia said calmly, eyes shutting as her fingered glided over the trigger.
Time functioned in slow motion for the caped crusader as he flew toward the windows, ignoring the massive pain in his chest. The last thing he felt was the blowback of the explosion propelling him out of the mansion. He blacked out before he hit the ground.
Batman's memory of the battle ended. He awoke from a medically induced coma about a week later in the Justice League's medical bay, his injuries being healed by Zatanna's blood magic and advanced technology. The casualty count ended up being better than he imagined—he lost barely a quarter of Batman Inc. The small victory wasn't of comfort to Batman. He needed to make sure Talia was dead.
When he returned back to the mansion with Tim and Alfred two weeks later, they scoured the rubble for hours. Their searches proved fruitless—no corpse was found buried amongst the debris.
Alfred said that an explosion of that magnitude couldn't have left a body, but Batman doubted it. Someone had taken Talia to the Lazarus Pits to revive her. He hadn't seen the last of her. It hit him then as well, all of the happy memories he shared with her: their kisses, their conversations. Damian showing up at his door. Damian's death. It overwhelmed him.
Bruce died that day, sobbing in Alfred and Tim's arms. Only Batman remained.
Then Alfred died, and the persona of Batman took to the sidelines as Bruce was reborn, all of the pain and hurt bubbling up inside again.
Bruce was lost, and for the first time, Batman didn't know what to do.
So when he first spotted Flash entering the Watchtower, he found something to do—something to investigate.
Batman saw the blank, haunted look in the speedster's eyes, the forced smiles, and the far away looks. The detective inside him craved to find out what caused the Flash's change in demeanor.
It was only a matter of time until he did.
In the last two months, Batman made an effort to talk to the speedster more than he ever had before. Flash was reluctant to part with the information, but Watchtower duty with the Batman wasn't easy when he wanted something from you.
About a month in, the Flash crumbled on a Thursday night
"Flash." The deep, intimidating voice once again broke through Wally's thoughts. The redhead put on a quick smile, but he was really feeling tired of Batman's questions. Especially tonight.
"Hey Bats! What's upppp?" Flash said cheerfully, not at all surprised that Batman had managed to corner him before he left the near empty Watchtower, yet again.
"Why are you trying to leave early? You're required to be present in the Watchtower for another ten minutes." Wally winced at Batman's blunt response and itched his head.
"Wellll ya know…I just kinda wanna get home early. Pretty beat and I just wanna hit the hay, I would say you know the feeling but I don't think ya do," The Flash joked lightly, his smile shrinking a molar or two under Batman's withering look.
"You've had two missions today, none of them which I'd call tiring or capable of wearing you out. Normally, you'd be running around full of energy, begging to do another mission to get rid of the boredom. Lately, you've been more subdued. Something happened to you, the only question is…what?" Batman leveled an expectant gaze at him, wanting an answer.
"Bats, you ever think that you…I don't know…don't need to know everything about all of our lives?" Wally shot back, an edge of annoyance creeping into his tone. Batman was beginning to piss him off, this wasn't any of his business.
"I need to know because if you happen to lose focus during a mission, you will endanger the lives of others and those around you." Batman retorted.
"I've been focused! What the hell is your problem with me?!" Flash said angrily, fury starting to bubble up. If he didn't leave soon, he would be late visiting Linda's grave.
"Stop lying to me. You haven't been focused. You've been distracted. If this continues you may be too slow to save someone the next time you go on a mission," Batman glowered intimidatingly, unintentionally hitting a nerve.
Flash saw red and went to hit Batman, super speed accelerating the force of his punch, impacting solidly against the caped crusader's nose.
Batman let out a grunt as the bone broke, blood beginning to spurt out. Instincts taking over, the Dark Knight swept a leg underneath the speedster, knocking him off balance before whirling around him, arms snaking around the Flash's neck in a secure hold before slamming his face against the wall and breaking his nose, as well.
"Well at least that makes us even." Batman grimaced as the Flash slowly sank down to his knees, head in his hands.
"Flash…Wally…what happened?" Batman inquired, almost gently, as he carefully made his way to the other hero's trembling form.
Wally looked up at him, blood still dripping from his nose, mingling the tears.
"Y-y-you w-wouldn't c-c-care," The Flash sputtered out miserably, his accelerating healing already beginning to mend the tissue.
"Try me," Batman replied softly, making a point to make eye contact with the younger hero.
The Flash stared at him for a few moments before jumping up and burying his head in Batman's shoulders, arms wrapping around him as he sobbed violently.
Batman's arms awkwardly came down from their surprised position to rub the Flash's back comfortingly.
After a quick visit to the medical bay, Wally told him everything. And in return, Batman informed him of Alfred's death. An unlikely friendship was soon formed between the two.
After confiding in him, the Flash began to act like himself again.
For the remaining month of shared Watchtower duty, Batman grew closer than he ever expected he would to the Flash. Unfortunately, that also meant being bugged by him.
Wally began to drag him to eat lunch in the mess hall, talk animatedly about TV shows that Batman never saw before, and even insisting that they hang out some time outside of the job—a request Batman had quickly rejected.
The redhead was quite unique. He was a positive ball of energy, always ready to try to make someone laugh or making a fool of himself for the amusement of others, taking time to visit the orphans of Central City every weekend to read to them and play with them, even managing a job as a forensic scientist.
Towards the end of the year, Bruce felt himself become slowly attracted to Wally, with his goofy grin and tendency toward optimism.
He couldn't explain why, but being around Wally just began to make him feel happy again. His friendship with the Flash was beginning to morph into something deeper.
Bruce began to feel an emotion he hadn't felt since before Damian's death—hope for the future.
Wally West always had a bit of a man crush on Batman.
After all, this was a completely normal human who fought against some of the most powerful and demented villains of all time, with only his unbendable will and iron resolve to achieve his goals.
"Well besides the gadgets, ninja moves, and detective stuff," Flash mused to himself, heart beating rather quickly.
Today, he was gonna ask Batman on a date…of sorts. The more he thought about them as a couple, the more they seemed to fit.
Batman could keep him grounded, the speedster could get him to try something fun every once in a while. Batman needed someone to keep up with his pace, Wally could definitely do that. Batman required intelligent conversation, the redhead prided himself on being smart wherever science was concerned.
"Add in that I can banter on with him forever and that he actually has a sense of humor, then me and Bats have a shot!" Wally thought with a smile.
"Flash, why are you smiling like a buffoon," a serious voice interrupted his thoughts, causing the speedster to let out an unmanly squeal.
"Hey! Bats! W-why are you here?!" Wally stuttered nervously, ears tinging pink behind his mask. Batman raised an eyebrow at him.
"You're standing by my room," Batman responded slowly, a tinge of amusement in his voice.
"Wellll. I was just wondering if…ya know…uhm…" Flash trailed off nervously, confidence quickly ebbing away. "Yes, Flash?" Batman smirked in amusement at the redhead's flustered face.
"Wouldyouliketogoonadatewithmeplease," Wally said quickly. Batman stared at him blankly, no emotion visible on his face. The redhead faltered under the intensity of the stare, looking down shamefaced.
"Never mind, it was stupid. I'll see you around Bats," Wally said miserably, turning around to leave.
"I'll pick you up at eight tonight. We'll see a movie of your choosing and go out to eat at a restaurant that I enjoy eating at," Batman's voice interrupting the Flash's departure.
The speedster's face lit up in a grin, and he turned around excitedly.
"Really?!" Flash cried out happily, only to see Batman had disappeared into his room in the Watchtower.
"Whatever, I have a date with Batman! Well, Bruce Wayne…maybe we can partner up on more missions as well," Wally muttered thoughtfully, walking down the halls of the Watchtower with a slight bounce in his step.
Inside his door, Bruce sat on his bed with a small smile on his face.
A year ago, Wally wouldn't have been this happy. He would still be mourning Linda's death, believing he would find no one else to spend his life with.
A year ago, he would have been alone and empty, without Alfred and without hope to ever feel anything but numbness.
"Ironically, no matter how much sadness death brings…our hearts always learn to love again," Bruce whispered quietly, a hand running over a picture of him with his parents, Alfred in the back. All of them were smiling from a long forgotten joy of the past.
Bruce kissed the picture once before putting on the cowl on, and walking out the door without looking back.
Bruce has a date to get ready for tonight, while Batman has to find a replacement to patrol Gotham.