Title: Always Brave
Fandom: Spirited Away
Pairing: Kohaku/Chihiro
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Chihiro has forgotten all about Sen right? Yet Sen hasn't forgotten about Kohaku. And Kohaku hasn't forgotten either. Chihiro. Brave? That was Sen's mojo. Right?
Word Count: 8049
"So, you think you can just quit, after all you owe me?" Her old, frazzled voice masked her fuming anger. The boy was completely still by one of the large windows in her office. The steady rise and fall of his breathing chest was almost unnoticeable.
Yubaba took the long cigarette holder from her lips, holding it closely. She was eyeing him. There was nothing expressively defiant about his stance, but she knew better. Beneath the polite stillness, he was just as mad as she was. He had to be.
"What makes you think that once Sen leaves the Spirit World, she will remember you?" Yubaba cackled, taking a puff from the cigarette. She felt the warm smoke leave her nostrils in two, white columns.
"It doesn't matter. I made a promise to see her again. I will keep my word." Haku said in a steely voice.
"Your word, master Haku?" Yubaba snarled sarcastically. "And what about your word to remain my apprentice? The contracts, the rules...your word." The old witch stifled a hoarse laugh, huffing slightly. "Do you mock me, Haku?" She chuckled.
"My contract is over. Yubaba." The boy answered, unflinching.
Yubaba cackled, but her eyes narrowed. "Says who?"
"Says me." Answered Haku simply. "I need no more master."
Yubaba's fingers twitched, through clenched teeth she ground out menacingly: "You are still under my control, boy, don't you get fresh."
She snapped her fingers, intending to create a tugging, excruciating pain in his stomach, so that he would remember that he was still in her complete control and that his insolence would not go unpunished.
Nothing happened.
Yubaba tried harder, this time, tugging a little more at the air, trying to feel the controlling spell she'd once had over the young river god.
It no longer works.
Haku had a small smile hiding in the corner of his mouth. Yubaba noticed it, slamming her hands on the desk as she snarled. The long cigarette lay forgotten on the table.
"What happened to my spell?"
Haku sighed, thinking about his real name, about the girl who'd broken his curse, and saved him. He would see her again, just like he'd promised. He wanted to see her again. Warmth spread throughout his chest as he experienced an unfamiliar anticipation.
"Haku, answer me." Haku, tired of the old croon and her tricks, looked up. He had to be prudent from now on, lest he fall in another trap.
"That is not my name. I am the Spirit of the Kohaku River. My name," his mouth twitched as he resisted smiling at her horrified face, "is Kohaku."
Yubaba let out a slight, crispy gasp from her dry throat, shocked. "Wha- but how?"
Kohaku glanced out the window. That sky was going to be all his in moments, because now he was free. He could taste freedom, it was official now, he was free to do as he please. No more apprenticeship, no more control spells, no more bathhouse.
He thought about that a moment. Well, he would have to visit Kamaji every now and then, for sure. Tearing himself from his thoughts once more, he looked away from the window, finally speaking.
"I am no longer your apprentice. I have my name and the spell is broken. I am free."
Yubaba growled, regaining her anger. Only one type of magic could have disrupted the powerful spell she had buried deep within the dragon boy. She'd fed him a concoction that would allow her to remain always in control, the moment she realized the true nature of the amnesiac who'd stumbled into Kamaji's boiler room. That human girl, that little Sen, had become a much bigger problem than she'd imagined. She'd warped his personality, trained him to steal for her, to hurt for her, to fight for her. All that work for nothing! Nothing!
"So that's it. You love the silly human. She stole your black, evil dragon heart, is that it?" Yubaba spat out the venomous words, picking up the cigarette from the large, imposing desk. She took in a few puffs, barely resisting the urge to blow up the room.
"Her name is Chihiro." Kohaku said, tiredly ignoring the very purple, reddish shade on Yubaba's face.
"You do know, my dear Haku," Yubaba continued viciously "That it is impossible for a river god, as minor and insignificant as you are, to love a mortal human?" She burst into laughter, thinking of the mere thought of romance between a spirit and a human. It would never work. It never worked, not even in the stories.
He turned his back to her, and walked towards the door. He was going to walk out the front door of this place, chin held high, and Yubaba couldn't do a thing to stop him.
"Goodbye, Yubaba."
He was free.
- ~ -
"Her name is Chihiro, everyone. Would you like to introduce yourself to the class, Chihiro?"
The brown-haired girl bit her lip, staring at her new classmates, and trying not to feel too nervous. They all looked uninterested in the short little ten-year old. She stood, facing their bored irises and sneers, and the brown haired girl didn't feel too terribly welcome.
She speaks, the words unable to leave her throat. Her fingers played with her uniform, crumpling the thick, pleated fabric.
"My name is Chihiro… I used to live in Tokyo, but my dad recently got a new job and we had to come here. Umm... My favorite colour is pink...Uhh..." Chihiro couldn't think of anything to say, but her new teacher and her classmates were all staring at her expectantly. "May I sit down, please?" she pleaded to her teacher, who raised her eyebrows at the new student.
"Very well." sighed the young professor, readjusting a pair of small, rectangular designer glasses resting on her small nose. "Sit next to Mako, over there." She waved her hand vaguely towards the back of the classroom. Chihiro couldn't help but feel she had somehow disappointed the young teacher. She felt ashamed.
She walked towards the last aisle, finding the desk between Mako, a dark-haired, tall girl, and the window. The weather outside was sunny and pleasant, as it usually was this time of year. Mako gave her an even, neutral look as the brown haired girl sat in the small, plastic chair. Chihiro tried to smile, but could only look away blushing. She took out a small notebook and a pen, and tried to follow the class as it continued.
Chihiro was too distracted to pay attention to her teacher. Her thoughts were focused on something else, something entirely different. A good fifteen minutes into the class, Chihiro fell into a gentle sleep, lying on her arm.
Her teacher saw, and did not call her out on it, deciding to call her out for it after the end of class.
Around Chihiro, the students rolled their eyes, disapproving immensely.
She was dreaming. In her dream Chihiro recognized voices and names and faces she wouldn't be able to recall later, and the sweet sensation of a hand covering her own as she ran, ran...ran...
Haku...
"What a little weirdo."
She stood there, in the small crowd, wearing her new school uniform, a knee-length black skirt and a t-shirt with the initials of the school on its sleeve. She sighed, her backpack hanging lazily from one shoulder. She had heard those four little devastating words as she'd walked pass two very pretty girls sitting at the front of the bus. They were two of her classmates.
"She is so strange. Imagine that, falling asleep on your first day of class! It's so…rude!"
Those words make her want to disappear, make her want to wake up from the horrible dream, make her want to become so tiny she could just vanish. She's felt it before, somehow all of this, all of these emotions are familiar. She'd been intensely disliked once before, so much that they had tried to shame her...
We don't want her. She'll stink up the place!
Chihiro frowned, looking out the bus window and watching the street and the other cars. She couldn't care less of what two silly little girls say, right? She's not about to be pushed around by two spoiled brats! She only half-believes what she's thinking. Even though she is being logical, and trying to apply the logic of sticks and stone, she can't help but feel those words as they strike her.
Her stop is the fifth one from where she gets on from school. The bus pulls over to the sidewalk, groaning to a full stop. She gets off onto the bare street, where the houses all look new and plastic and the same, and stands there a moment, looking down the street, down the path she has to follow. Of course, she has to go home, she has to walk this path. She can't find the resolve within her to take the first step. Something holds her back.
"I want to go home," she mutters aloud as the bus door automatically closes behind her. With a loud roar of the engine and the sound of large tires rolling across cement moves along and away. The bus moves down the street, she can feel the warm and foul-smelling exhaust blow behind her.
The large town she left, the new town she lives in now, or... home. Where is it? Why does she feel like she left it somewhere behind?
Or where?
Chihiro doesn't understand why she feels so…so spooked. Why does she feel so unnerved, so irrational? So sad- everything about her new school, her new neighborhood and her new house is dragging her down, making her want to just…to just…
Disappear.
"This stinks." She says, walking forward quietly.
When she arrives at her doorstep, the unexplainable weight on her heart is so heavy that Chihiro can't stop the tears from falling silently down her cheeks.
- ~ -
"Oh Lin. Please tell us all about the little human!"
"Pleaaase?"
"We've been asking for weeks, and you won't tell us anything!"
"Pleeaaase?"
Lin finally snapped. "Shut up, the lot of you. You're just a bunch of midget harpies. Get back to work." The older woman said in a tired voice.
"Not even a few words?"
"And what about the dragon? What was his name…Nigi…Nigihayami…"
"Kohaku Nushi!" another girl piped up, cheeks rose-colored from excitement and pride.
"Yeah! Wasn't he a river god?" another small one said, a faraway smile on her face.
"You lazy bums!" Lin startled them by her loud words. "Get back to work!"
The pink-clad girls scampered away, terrified of Lin's wrath. Lin was well known throughout the bath house for her sharp temper, loud voice and harsh words, but she was also known as the one who'd taken care of Sen, the little human who'd accidentally found her way to the bath house with her parents.
Only ten years old, and a legend amongst the workers: the stories painted her a determined, pretty, brave and smart girl. Sen, they called her. She was friends with one of Yubaba's apprentices at the time, and they called him Haku. No one really knows how the little human and the spirit befriended each other. Some of the younger girls believe they were in love.
How romantic! The little girls thought. And how incredible! Many of the young girls came to idolize Sen the human, though very few of them had actually been around to see her. She was a hero! At least in their eyes…
Lin was slightly irritated at the constant bombardment of questions she received about Sen. Sure, the girl had been sweet and all, and she had done some pretty impressive things for a human ten year old, but it had happened over half a year ago! It was time to move on. These new recruits for the bathhouse were such airheads! Lin could barely stand them, and whenever she was put in charge of them for a day, boy did she put them to work. Sen hadn't been like them, not one little bit. Sure, she was clumsy and a little slow, but at least she could obey a direct order. Lin had never noticed before how much she enjoyed a quality like that in a worker she was supposed to boss around.
Lin grumbled, then sighed. Boy, she missed that girl.
She was lying against the wall, watching the little recruits do their morning duties. Kyoko, another one of the workers had gone to get food for them, as it was soon lunch, and had asked her to supervise. Lin was a fast worker who usually was able to finish her shifts early.
Why had she agreed to this?
The girls were still slow at washing the floors, and again Lin was reminded of Chihiro.
"Damn it." Was all she said.
She rolled up her sleeves properly with the white sash, made sure no one was watching, and walked determinedly towards the girls.
"Alright, that's quite enough of your incompetence. Lemme show you how this is done, you dopes."
The girls looked up, their surprise quite evident. One girl's eyes looked like they might fall out, they were so wide. She showed them how to wash the floors properly, and decided to give them a challenge.
"If you finish this room within ten minutes, I will tell you something about Sen."
The youngest girl suddenly smiled, her face lighting up. "A story?"
Lin laughed. I feel like a wrinkled old grandma. "Yeah." Her face went serious again. "What are you waiting for?"
Suddenly startled back to reality, they rushed to finish their job, smiling and giggling. The motivation was quite enough to get them moving, Lin decided with a sneaky grin. Ten minutes, the floors were sparkling and the girls were panting. It was hard work for these little newcomers.
"Alright, so a story." She said as they all sat down. Kyoko wasn't back with lunch yet, so she figured she had a little bit of time to tell a story.
"Now lemme tell you about how the Stink Spirit." She started off.
"I have lunch!" interrupted Kyoko, holding a tray with rice bowls. The girls grabbed their bowls hurriedly, no doubt starving, as Lin rolled her eyes. "I was about to start telling a story!"
That made the other bath woman laugh. "You, Lin? Telling a story to this lot?"
Lin shrugged. "It was incentive to make them finish early."
"Well, I'll be wanting to hear the story too." Kyoko told her, and the young ones and Kyoko sat down in a corner, careful not to drop food on the carefully polished floors.
Lin took in a deep breath, and started.
"So, Yubaba calls down one night, alerting the foreman about something strange going on outside one night. It was raining buckets, so she couldn't exactly see what it was when she looked out her window, right? Moments later, everyone figured out what it was, it was a stink spirit. And boy, did that thing reek. And those guys aren't exactly easy to miss, ya know…"
- ~ -
"Chihiro?"
The call comes with a knock on the door, and the young girl hugs her pillow, knowing what is to come.
"Chihiro?" the door makes a creaking sound as it opens, and her mother walks into the room, her eyes shining with worry in the dimly lit room. Outside, the sunset can be seen over the neighbor's roof, and the fading light is the only thing keeping Chihiro's bedroom from falling into complete obscurity.
"We got a call from your teacher again, Chihiro. What's wrong, honey? Why can't you focus? Don't you know how much it hurts your father and I to see you struggling?"
Chihiro turned over, and was unable to look straight at her mother. She found a comfortable place to stare at, her mother's knees, and blurted out: "I'm sorry."
"Your father and I don't want any more of these phone calls during dinner, understood?"
Chihiro nods, and she feels her heart getting heavier and heavier. "Yes mommy."
Her mother gets up, standing for a moment, her eyes trailing over her little girl sitting on her pink sheets. She wants to say something else, but there is nothing but silence between the daughter and her mother. The past year has been a strange one. Soon Chihiro will be eleven. She's not a little girl any more. Since the move, Chihiro has been so difficult, and her mother always chalked it up to her lack of adjusting, and to the fact that soon she would be a teenager.
Chihiro hears her mother leave the room without closing the door. The silence continues, thick and heavy and Chihiro breathes, curled up against a large, squishy pillow.
As the minutes roll by and the dying sunlight disappears with the sun, she can hear the rain start to fall and she closes her eyes, finding its beat soothing and somehow, it reminds her of something. She would love the rain the drown her, and flood her neighborhood, and then she could be dragged away from her problems by the newly created river's current.
What am I even thinking about? She groaned mentally, turning over to stare at the ceiling. I'm losing my mind, aren't I?
She gets up to look at the window, and decides that tomorrow, if the sun shines, she will feel happy. Truly happy. And with that thought, she drifts off into sleep, ignoring her parent's hushed voices floating into her room under the closed door.
- ~ -
Her little pink watch reads a time well past midnight, but Chihiro cannot sleep. She's walking down to the thin path, down towards the wood. She can see the little shrine alight with fireflies and what she suspects are the spirits that live within the little houses. Dried tears make her cheeks feel like a rough leather, and she sniffles as she steps on the moist grass, barefoot. She can't sleep. She rarely is able to sleep. Haunting dreams keep plaguing her nights, her mother's words, her classmates taunts… but the worst is not the memory of a passing day, it's the memory of something that isn't there anymore.
So she sits by the shrines, amongst the sweet little spirits, she comes here, silently sitting amongst the gone, quietly connecting to the memories she cannot recall.
You never truly forget something, right? It's just hard to come up with …with an image, a word, a face, a name, a feeling- somebody told her this, once. Somebody kind.
So why doesn't Chihiro remember?
Why does she feel so out of place?
She's a brave little girl- more so than she ever was. She feels older, older than the girls in her class, so disconnected from her parents. Her parents who love her.
She feels so calm, amongst the glittering fireflies. Or souls- the little lights dancing before her- why does she feel so weird in her own bedroom when she can sit in cold grass, below the hill, in the dark, silent forest after midnight and her heart feels at rest, thumping quietly?
Her fingers play with some strands of grass idly. Soon, she will have to walk back up the hill, and collapse in her room, tired, somewhat more broken than before.
Eleven, almost, already, eleven, why does it feel like there is something she left behind? She looks at her wrist, and right next to her watch there is a small elastic band made out of purple crystals.
Her new school, her new town, her new life- she missed something, she was missing something. Who did she leave behind at home- who, what?
Her father with his easy smile and healthy appetite, her mother with her no-nonsense logic, her adulthood, her easy common sense... Chihiro wrapped her arms around her knees, hiding her face. I just want to disappear…disappear… "Why am I so afraid?"
"You shouldn't ever be afraid."
Chihiro jumped, heart pounding against her chest and she looked up, looked behind her, twisting around. There was no one in the blackness, and the fireflies were gone.
"Little spirits?" Chihiro called out quietly. "Where'd you go?" she had never been afraid here before, and now suddenly she felt completely, completely…
She stood up, looking around, wondering where the shrine spirits had gone, and she stepped backwards, before twirling around to face her house, up the hill.
"That's weird." She muttered, looking up at her house, but she couldn't see it. In fact, she couldn't see any of the houses, or the streetlamp on the corner of her street… she turned back to look at the little shrines, her eyes getting used to the darkness, when she saw a familiar shape. His long, dark green hair was undulating behind him gracefully. He was taller than she was, but by the looks of it not much older.
He was smiling, and all of a sudden, Chihiro felt calm again. Out of the corner of her eye she could tell that the little spirits were back in their shrines, dancing all around them like glittering snowflakes.
She smiled at him.
"Are you a spirit too?" she asked him. He emanated a calm confidence, and had the eyes of a trustworthy person.
"Yes, Chihiro. Do you remember me?"
The missing link, the missing part of something was there, just within reach but still so taxingly out of her grasp. Kaori found it suddenly very hard to breathe.
"I'm so sorry…" she hiccups, rubbing her eyes, "I didn't mean it, I didn't mean to forget everything."
He came closer, his smile never wavered and there was something in his eyes that was warm, kind, knowing.
"I know, Chihiro." She felt something warm around her fingertips, and she looked down to see his hands hesitating around hers. "You were always brave. I know."
He brought her hands up before his face, holding them tenderly. "I missed you." She blurted out, confused, but she means it. She means those words, those words she didn't understand. She means them so much more than she means the soft, scratchy "I love you"s she murmurs as her tired parents retire in the evenings.
The boy snorts, but his eyes remain ever so gentle. "You forgot about me, Chihiro."
Chihiro glanced at the little purple elastic band around her wrist. "But…but you never truly forget. It just gets harder to remember, sometimes."
Those are not her words, and she searches his calm, stoic face. Only his eyes betray softness.
"You told me you were my friend once." Smiles the little girl, "And I knew you were good,"
The boy smiles, and in the faint, silvery light, she notices that the long hair falling around his face is green. He squeezes her hand.
"I'll always be there to remind you, to make you remember." He says, his eyes digging into hers.
Chihiro suddenly launches her arms around his neck, overcome with the urge to cry. "Kohaku…I missed you so much…"
Closing his dark eyes, at peace, Kohaku mutters, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, "I don't know why I keep remembering your name, but I know that I will never forget it."
Chihiro heart felt as light as air. "I will always be able to remember you- always!" she pulls back from the embrace, her small hands joined behind his neck. "Even, even when I forget, like I did before- always, I can do this, Kohaku." She was crying now, but she never stopped smiling, her eyes shining with wonder. "Yubaba, the bath house…Noface! And Lin! Oh, Kohaku! I remember it all! And my parents! Turned into pigs! I remember working and the stink spirit! And Kamaji and his soot workers- I miss them so…"
He pulls her back into a tight embrace and mumbles into her ear. "Lin misses you. So does Kamaji. And Yubaba's son. He's growing up, thanks to you."
Chihiro smiles into his shirt. "Why do I have to forget, Kohaku?"
"I'll always help you remember." He reassures her.
Chihiro feels fear again, seeping into her heart like a lead weight. "You're going to leave now, aren't you?" Kohaku remains silent, tightening his hold around her shoulders, and Chihiro feels warm, her head pressed on his chest, listening to his smooth heartbeat. She whispers, tears clouding her eyes and her voice, "I'll wake up tomorrow morning and go to school, just like always. I won't remember this…I won't remember you…"
Kohaku pushed her away until he was able to peer into her large, round eyes. "You have to be strong. Trust yourself, Chihiro."
Then he gently pressed a kiss to her forehead, eyelids half closed, and brushed away the small pearls of water escaping down her cheeks. "Trust me, Chihiro."
Despite the tears, her face cracked into a crooked smile. "That's the easy part, silly. It always was."
Without breaking a sweat, Kohaku lifted her up into his arms, and they both leave the spirit infested woods. The sky was a lighter shade of dark blue than before, and Chihiro realizes that it was no longer the deep of the night, it was now very early morning. Her parents would be furious to find her awake now.
Kohaku unlocked and relocked the back door effortlessly, speeding through the house quieter than a floor draft. Chihiro held her breath, fearing her parents would somehow hear the river god's light steps. Before long they were in her room, the door closed behind them and he set her on the bed gently.
"I'll wake up tomorrow, and I won't remember, will I?" Chihiro asked again, afraid, sleepy, tucking her grass stained feet under the covers.
Kohaku's smile was distant, nostalgic. He looks down at her, and Chihiro realized for the first time how handsome, how noble her spirit friend was. He sat at the end of her bed, a hand resting over a bent knee, and he peered slightly out the window, checking for dawn.
"I'll stay with you as you sleep." He said quietly, looking at her with his large, beautiful, dragon eyes. "Sleep, Chihiro."
Chihiro blinked back a tear, opting for a smile. "And in the morning?"
"I'll find you again, I promise, Chihiro. To help you remember."
She closed her eyes, apprehensive for the morning to come, but so at peace now. He was there, with her, within reach. Serene, she blinked, looking at him one last time.
By the time he'd drawn the pink sheet over her thin shoulder and brushed the little tears from her cheeks, Chihiro was sound asleep.
- ~ -
L'amour rend vraiment invincible.
- ~ -
"You think Haku will make it this year?" asked Lin, as she finished hanging the New Year's decorations around Kamaji's boiler room, getting down from the little stool and dusting the soot from her apron.
"Who knows with that boy. He's been traveling so much, lately."
"Last I heard from Bou, who heard this from Zeniba herself, he dropped by her house not even two days ago for advice." Muttered Lin, "About Sen."
Kamaji rolled his eyes, pouring a little bit of sake in a small bowl. "Here," he nudged with one of his extra arms, "Ahhh yes. Sen. Sweet little Sen."
Lin smirked, lifting the bowl of alcohol. "Your granddaughter, huh, Kamaji?" She scoffed at the idea, "Have no idea how that would work. Especially her cuteness, Kamaji, no way she could have possibly gotten that from you." Lin teased, lifting her glass. "To Sen."
"To love." Smiled old man Kamaji, raising the bottle to her small glass. She brought the small glass to her lips while he drowned the rest of the bottle between his.
Lin spluttered slightly after her first sip, before looking at the old man with raised eyebrows. "How do you do that?" she stated, disgust thinly veiled in her eyes as a thin lined of sake trailed down the man's beard.
He suddenly stopped chugging and breathed in deeply while wiping his mouth with one of his many sleeves. "Years of service under Yubaba, my dear, teach you many things. How about a cigarette?" he asked, a small twinkle in his eyes.
Lin finished her little cup of the noxious liquid. "Sure." She coughed slightly, smiling, and settled down on a little green pillow. She tried to be as lighthearted as possible, but she was anxious- she was worried about Haku. And though Kamaji and her didn't mention it again during the rest of the long, joyous evening, they were both praying, in their New Years wishes, for the best.
- ~ -
Chihiro was thirteen years old and at the festival in her prettiest yukata, a little pink flower ornamenting her long brown hair, a little embroidered purse held between her hands. She was still very short and just as skinny as ever, her bright eyes taking in all the beautiful sights of the evening. The red and yellow lanterns, the animated chatter, the snow falling aimlessly and the warm grills in the stands- it was a nice, calm evening, perfect for the occasion. Chihiro shuffled along happily in her traditional garb. She felt alive in this world of tradition and costumes and candies and raffles and games. There was the smell of spices and delicious grilled fish in the air, and her footsteps crunched delicately in the snow beneath her.
Her mother and father were somewhere around the stands, entertaining a friend from out of town. This left Chihiro alone to observe the beauty of the moment.
She felt so optimistic, so pretty, so delicate, like a smiling snowflake, and was she ever smiling a full, bright smile. She couldn't explain her elatedness, but Chihiro felt light enough to flutter with the snowflakes as she walked between the stalls and the stands, taking in the smells and sight.
Men smoking cigarettes, sake bottles lined the shelves, fish and pork and roasted vegetables on thin wooden sticks for sale, children running around ruining their expensive, beautiful clothing. Everyone was in a good mood.
Chihiro sat on a set of steps that led up to a fountain, shivering slightly. A banner, splashed in gold and green and red, were the characters: HAPPY NEW YEARS!
She smiled, hugging herself, making sure she didn't shiver by rubbing her hands up and down her shoulders.
Sudden warmth enveloped her when she felt something warm cover her shoulders: it was a soft, thick coat, a large coat much too big for her…
It's him- it has to be him!
"There you are, Chihiro. We were looking for you. Let's go watch the fireworks, then I think your mom is getting tired and wants to go home." Smiled her father, holding a hand out, standing on the steps besides her. She takes his hand, trying not to look disappointed as she walks with her father towards the grounds where hundreds of others have come to see the beautiful fireworks mingling with the snowy sky.
It would have been perfect if he'd come.
- ~ -
A sixteen year old Chihiro had not grown much in height since she was a little girl whining about her first bouquet in the back seat of her father's car. But her face became delicate, her features elongated and curved slightly. She was a lovely girl: nobody would deny it. Nobody would offer to talk to her either.
The wind played with her short, brown hair. She'd cut it short just last week, her mother had done it for her as a birthday present. Her freshly cut hair was soft against her face, her sweet eyes eyeing the courtyard in front of her school.
Sitting on a tall, white wall by the school's front steps and dressed in the uniform, Chihiro waited for the bell to ring, like everybody else standing in the midday sunlight.
They were all chatting and laughing and mocking each other, the boys and the girls waiting for the school bell to announce the end of a cheerful break from a dreary day indoors.
When the bell rung, the students all sauntering back inside as slowly as possible. Chihiro waited, her face unsmiling. She waited with her hands pressed against the concrete of the painted wall.
Then the courtyard was empty, the sunlight of the autumn day glinting in Chihiro's eyes. She looked down, waiting for the warning bell-
There it was, high pitched and shrill and yet at that moment, so far away. The beginning of afternoon classes ringing into the student's tender ears.
Chihiro dug her hands into the cement as she pushed herself off the wall, her skirt fluttering up a little as she landed.
She was known for skipping classes, by her classmates and her teachers. Her parents were frustrated with her lack of interest, her teachers were frustrated that such a meek little girl have such delinquent tendencies, and her classmates honestly thought she was a freak.
Chihiro had come a long way from the little girl who whimpered under a malevolent stare.
She spent her free time wandering around the little village, looking into the windows of the little shops and looking at the mountains around her. Sometimes she'd wander the fields, the empty lots and she felt like a vagabond, stuck in the middle, looking back at something she couldn't see anymore.
She was staring down a forgotten memory in the face, and it was taunting her greatly.
The purple hair band, made of little purple crystals, broken and scattered in the shower, falling down the drain and banging against the pipes, little pings and pangs that did not end for minutes until after the band broke.
Heartbroken, she'd held the three or four last purple beads between her soft, pink fingers, holding the tears back, in disbelief that the one physical piece of evidence of something- something¬, was gone.
The wind blew again through her hair as she stood in the woods. Inevitably her feet always lead her here, in front of the round, fat little moss-covered statue of an evil, mischievous, knowing creature.
The red, plaster building stood silently, the wind howling through it like a flute. She always felt apprehensive before she stepped into it, usually the darkness scared her into turning back. The wind blew up the skirt of her uniform that her hands tried to hold in place.
The three or four small beads had been fashioned into a string bracelet hanging loosely around her wrist.
Her steps echoed in the dark, long hallway.
She arrived to a large room, with rounded park benches and water dripping from the ceiling.
I've been here before, with my parents…
This was so incredibly frustrating. The light poured in slanted through the few, coloured glass windows. There was silence, and then,…
The sound of the train.
Chihiro smiled. There it was, the sound of a train rattling on its tracks, that train…that train to the sixth stop…
What was her name? She stepped out of the room, out into the sunlight, she covered her eyes as her pupils dilated from the brightness. Looking up behind her, she noticed the clock tower and the wind howling up at it. It was an odd name, the name of an old witch…
"Chihiro." Came the voice, a voice behind her, smiling calmly.
Looking back forward at the round, green hills, she whispered "Kohaku," the name leaving her lips excitedly. But there was nobody there, nobody there to whisper her name, and she had spoken it to herself.
That name- what had she even said? She couldn't remember what the sound had been, she couldn't remember who she was hoping to see, what he would look like! Her heart, her pounding heart, steadied bitterly.
Chihiro almost swore. This was the closest thing she had to this memory, this place, her bracelet, but it was all so futile. She grew angry at herself. Why couldn't she move on happily, take the experience and walk away, grow up peacefully or not so peacefully?
Taking off the bracelet, she threw it violently into the grass.
She was done with this fake memory. She was done with this fake, broken down building. She was done with the smiling, taunting statue at the entrance of the tunnel.
She was sick of feeling helpless and alone, so she was leaving it all behind.
- ~ -
"Oh Haku," Zeniba said kindly, as Noface set the tea and cups on the table, "Or shall I say, Kohaku. You really must stop teasing yourself. I have said once, I will say again- there is no way for you and Chihiro to be together."
The boy looked put off, shifting in his seat. "Why does everybody think that those are my intentions? I am her friend, she and I both want to be able to see each other without the risks of what happened before." Zeniba smiled a friendly, wrinkly smile.
"You are sweet, Kohaku. She cannot remember you. Even with the charm I gave her. This is a fight against the natural way."
"She remembered me- a year afterwards! She promised…"
Zeniba sighed, cutting him off. "It's a promise she cannot keep, she is only human."
Kohaku stood up abruptly. "And yet she has shown more bravery than anybody here in the spirit world has! Helping her parents, and Noface, and Yubaba's son! Isn't that enough!"
Zeniba had pity on her face as she poured herself a cup of tea. "There have always been great men and women, Kohaku. Nonetheless the rules are the rules. Please, Kohaku you embarrass me."
Kohaku looked at her sharply, narrowing his eyes.
The old woman smiled, "Please sit down and have a cup of tea!"
Kohaku resisted the urge to roll his eyes, but complied. "I am sorry, Yubaba, I forgot myself."
"I am glad to see you, boy. On New Year's Eve, of all nights, too!" The green haired river god smiled.
"It has been a long time. I apologize again, for what I have done to you. I was not…myself…"
"My dear sister can be so disagreeable at times," smiled Zeniba, crinkling her nose as she drank the bitter tea. "Noface, could you bring us some sugar, please?" she called out to the black spirit who was spinning thread quietly in a corner of the room, by the fireplace. The spirit seemed to nod, and busied himself with her order.
Kohaku remained silent as he stared at the teacup on the table before him. Once Noface brought the sugar to the table from the kitchen cabinet, he looked again at his host and carefully asked.
"There is really…nothing…you can do?"
Zeniba sighed. "Nothing within my power, no."
Kohaku looked up abruptly. "But there is, something, that somebody can do?"
Zeniba groaned, setting her cup down on the table.
"Just friends, right Kohaku?…"
Kohaku looked away.
Zeniba repeated, tiredly, more to herself than to the boy, "Just friends…hmmm…"
- ~ -
She was fourteen years old. She glimpsed at him as she was waiting for the train, going to spend the day in Tokyo with her best friend Lili from childhood. He was no more than a blur in a crowd.
But his green hair was unmistakable. It was dark, a very dark, murky bottle green, but not black. Green- and that is how she noticed him. At first she thought it was a punk, and had glanced at him out of curiosity. He was familiar, beautiful, a stony face and deep green eyes. He was not looking at her, and then he disappeared into the crowd, and she didn't see him.
The train rolled in, and she got into the car, sitting down by the window and looking frantically, trying to see him again.
There was only an emptying terminal and no sight of a boy whose name she couldn't remember.
- ~ -
Clouds, water, bubbles, the sound of splashes and air whooshing through a large pipe- blackness and blueness and the night sky.
She woke up, cold sweat soaking her forehead, shivering, and she went to the bathroom, and glanced at the shower.
As she poured herself a drink from the sink, she couldn't help but glance through the mirror, glancing at the shower drain, where the hundred or so purple beads had fallen.
- ~ -
She looked up at the fireworks, under her father's arm, staring up at the red and gold spectacle up in the sky.
The cold wind blew across her face and she smiled, pulling her father's coat tightly over her shoulder.
The people around her cheered and she had her father's loud, happy voice in her ear as he wished her mother and their friends a great New Years.
"Happy New Years, Chihiro!" exclaimed her mother, smiling beautifully. Everyone looked delighted in the colourful light. The snowflakes fell sparingly. Chihiro beamed.
"Happy New Years, mommy."
Her father squeezed her shoulder. "Happy New Years, Chihiro."
"You too, dad."
She was thirteen, clad in a very pretty traditional dress, hope in her heart. She couldn't help it. She felt giddy, avid for something to happen.
It was a marvelous feeling. "Did you make a wish, Chihiro?" her parent's friend asked her cheerfully.
The brown haired girl nodded. "Yes. I did."
Another whistling rocket was shot up into the sky, bursting into green and red. Another firework, with a pinkish hue, followed seconds after it.
- ~ -
Then, one day, she's sitting at the lunch table at school, surrounded by a few people she has begun to call her friends. They are laughing, and Chihiro is smiling with them, quiet but attentive, as she usually is. There is Rina, who is loud and abrasive (at times) and who is mocking Tsuki, who has a slight crush on Rina's older brother. Then there is Takao, with the glasses, who may or may not have a crush on Chihiro (though she denies it vehemently- "he's just being nice!") and there is another boy who died his black hair a blood red (even though its against the school dress code, he does it anyways) whose name is Ren. He really likes hard rock and thinks he is a punk, and is a real delinquent. He's actually the reason Chihiro is sitting here, at this lunchtable. When both he and Chihiro were cutting class, some time ago, he ran into her hiding in the library. He sat down next to her, on the floor in the aisle between the rows of boring, academic reference books, wondering why she was cutting Biology and reading a manga here, instead.
"What's your deal?"
She'd looked at him, unimpressed, feigning boredom. "What's yours?"
Ren laughed.
From that moment on, "pretty-faced Chihiro" sat with them at lunchtime, hung out with them during the breaks, and on a few rare occasions, cut class with Ren.
And then, she was here listening to Rina howling in laughter, nearly in tears and nearly falling to the floor, when it all came back to her.
Chihiro's smile faded. Nobody noticed, all too busy observing Rina's ridiculous behaviour.
She remembered the names, the places, the smells and tastes that were beyond delicious and the magic that was unbelievable.
So she was sitting, right here a mere six years later, and she could remember everything.
She let out a breath, frowning, shaking her head. She was never, ever going to forget this ever again. She had truly stopped trying, truly given up, and then, weeks later, when she'd been thinking of something else entirely, she remembered it all, free. She could handle this, she could believe this.
She was now finally able to move on.
"Chihiro, you okay?"
She blinked, remembering where she was. "Yeah Takao. Thanks. I'm fine."
Takao nodded, "Cool." He brought his attention back to the others.
Chihiro waited a few moments, grinning maniacally to herself, before she picked up a set of chopsticks and began eating her lunch.
- ~ -
He was waiting for her in her room when she walked in, her pink schoolbag hanging from one shoulder, humming a tune happily. She opens the door and stops, panicking for a moment. Her eyes widen as she recognizes him. He's standing by her open window, looking at her. Knowing her mother is downstairs, Chihiro steps in quickly, setting her bag down and closing the door gently.
"Hello Kohaku." She says gently. He is taller than she remembers, but then again, he had always been taller than her. She remembers of the first time she met him, and then of the second, when he'd held her hand.
"Hello Chihiro." she gulps silently, blinking. He looks calms, his features serene. He was hard to read.
"The last time we saw each other, I was…well, younger. Are you here because I finally remembered?"
Kohaku looks down. "It was hard for me…I kept trying to find ways, anything, to come see you…" his voice seems apologetic, guilty.
Chihiro's fingertips are playing with the hem of her skirt. She's still in her school uniform. "The moment I forgot about Sen, I forgot what it meant to be brave." She reaches up and tucks a few errant brown strands of hair behind her ear. "I always felt like there was something missing. I wanted it back…"
She picks up her backpack, walking forward and placing it on her desk. Unzipping it and avoiding his gaze, she takes out her books, laying them in different piles on the relatively neat table.
"But I remembered, yesterday, it was weird." She placed the pink schoolbag under her desk. "It was at lunch. I was happy-really, really happy. And it came back at once. It was all…a sort of test, I guess. I guess that Chihiro wasn't ready yet…" she shook her head. "At the risk of sounding like a schizophrenic," Kohaku probably didn't know what that was, so Chihiro reiterated, "Like I'm going crazy, but I think that Chihiro had to learn how to be brave too, before she could remember Sen."
Kohaku nodded in understanding.
Chihiro went over to sit on the edge of her bed, still looking at him.
They stayed quiet, observing each other shyly. She was older, more beautiful, and wiser than before. She was only sixteen, and though she was still much younger than him in terms of actual years, she was catching up to him, and it was, well, actually kind of strange.
She suddenly smiled, looking sheepish. "Kohaku?"
"Yes, Chihiro?"
"I miss flying."
Kohaku couldn't help it. His stoic face grinned. "Oh?"
Chihiro nodded, trying not to look too eager and failing. "Do…you…could we? Could you?" she motioned to the open window. She slid off the bed, walking towards him, her eyes bright.
"Chihiro…" he said, resisting the urge to grab her hand.
"Yes?" she said, attentive.
"We broke the rules once before, back when your parents…and you had to work for Yubaba. I tried to find a way for this to work, for our meeting to be all right, I spoke to everybody I could find. Do you remember the river god you helped save, the stink spirit that wasn't actually a stink spirit?"
Chihiro crinkled her nose, but she was smiling. "Yes. He gave me medicine that tasted horrible…" her eyes widened, "It's the medicine I used to save you from Yubaba's slug!"
Kohaku raised his eyebrows. "Slug?"
Chihiro blushed. "Well, it looked like one. You coughed it up, and I had to step on it. Kamaji told me to do it."
"Oh." Kohaku said, looking impressed. "Well, to continue with what I was saying, I even found him, and asked him what I should do, you know what he told me?"
Chihiro shook her head. "What?"
Kohaku's mouth split into a smile. He walked up to her, and his fingers found hers, and his words resonated quietly in the sunlight of Chihiro's pink and red bedroom.
"That I had to let you remember on your own. And that once you were capable, that we should go ahead and break all the rules."