*I in no way shape or form, own these characters, or any rights to the unbelievable fortune that Stephenie Meyer is surely raking in due to the invention of these characters.

*I have no beta, so please excuse grammatical errors. Reviews are most appreciated and motivating. Hope you enjoy.

Just As I Am

Chapter One

Bella laid in the meadow next to Edward, the sun visibly glowing orange, behind her closed eyelids. Once again, she was trying to find an answer to yet another marriage proposal from Edward. There was so much that she wanted to do and experience, but she knew that she wanted to be his. She wanted to be Mrs. Edward Cullen. A member of the Cullen family that she loved so very dearly. Just not so soon. Besides, as far as feeling like a member of the Cullen family, with the exception of Rosalie, she already felt like one of them. They had made her feel so.

Raising up on one arm, she glanced over at her boyfriend. Skin, prismatic in the rays of the afternoon sun, still breathtaking, but not overwhelming anymore as they had spent most of Fork's Sunny days here, just like this.

Edward felt her movement and turned his head to look up into Bella's face, hoping beyond hope that she was about to give him the answer that he so diligently sought.

"Edward, the only reason anyone gets married right out of high school nowadays is because they're pregnant." Bella was fending him off again. He squelched the frustration at her argument and put on his most dazzling vampire wiles. Smiling he leaned up so that their noses were only inches from each other. "In my time, people fell in love and married at eighteen all of the time. There was hardly anything of a divorce rate, Bella. Things were simpler then, purer. Our love is pure and I'm sure that you will learn that the Vampire/Human divorce rate is much lower than what the Human divorce rate is."

Slightly tired of this discussion, yet not wanting to discuss this further, yet again, she stood to her feet smiling and pulled Edward up to her, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I understand that things were different in your time. I really do! But seeing what I have seen happen between my parents and so many others that rushed into marriage after high school, truly in love or not, don't usually turn out in a storybook manor." She searched his eyes, seeing the clouds roll into them once again at her argument. This seemed to be the way that every discussion ended these days, with Edward. A year ago, she was ready to take the plunge. To be changed and not age another day, but recently, she didn't feel in such a zealous hurry.

"It's almost four, we'd better get going." She spoke up before he could parry her argument any further. "Charlie will be expecting me home and if you want to continue having this kind of time together, I'd best arrive on time."

Edward hung his head for a moment, realizing that he had been thwarted once again, hugged Bella back, kissing the top her head. "Okay, Miss Swan. We wouldn't want to keep you out past your curfew." Drumming up the most convincing smile that he could, he tucked her arm into his and they picked their way into the forest and back to the Cullen's residence, where his car awaited to take her home in the human fashion.

Entering her house, Charlie was in his normal spot in the recliner with a tall can of Rainier Beer in his hand, watching the evening news. "Hello, Bells. How are things?" Charlie noticed that Bella seemed a bit subdued these days on her returns from time with the ever perfect Edward, but he didn't want to push it by asking any questions.

His question surprised Bella a bit, due to the fact that it usually took wild horses to drag that many words put together out of Charlie's mouth at one time. Stammering for a moment, Bella thought of how to reply. "Fine, I guess. Normal day." She walked over and sat down on the sofa for a moment. "How was work, Dad?" Since Charlie seemed inclined to put forth the effort to talk, Bella felt that she might as well try in return. She loved her dad, but they never really talked much. Charlie noticed that she once again lacked that "floating on a cloud" look that she had so frequently in the past after seeing Edward. He privately wondered if there was trouble in paradise.

"Oh, the usual. Tons of paperwork, minor fender bender. You're friend Mike, actually. How the DMV let that boy pass the parallel parking portion of his driving test I'll never know." Charlie had a bit of a smile to his eyes. "That Mike kid always seemed like he was raised in a plastic bubble or something."

Bella couldn't help but smile at her dad's extreme dryness of humor. "Poor Mike. He never catches a break." She stopped for a moment and focused on the weather report, seeing with no shock that it would be raining by nine o'clock tonight. Sun was a rare commodity in Forks. This would mean that the Cullen's would be able to attend school the following morning. For some reason, the thought didn't have her heart leaping in anticipation as it once had and for a moment, this puzzled Bella. Feeling restless and not wanting to put any more thought into the new feelings she was having, she decided to head to the kitchen and immerse herself in the preparation of dinner. "Hey, Dad? Have you heard anything from the Black's lately?" Bella was growing more and more frustrated over her calls to Jacob that weren't being returned. Billy was always jovial enough on the phone and promised that he would pass the message on to Jacob, but Jake hadn't returned her call since she had welcomed Edward back into her life after what she thought of as her dark period.

"Well, yeah, actually, Bells. Talked to Billy just a bit ago. We're heading out to do some fishing early Saturday. You know, the usual." Charlie's eyes remained on the television screen as he talked. He missed the perturbed look on Bella's face that Jake had yet to call. "Some friend", she mused to herself and went to marinade the chicken that she had set out to thaw in the sink, to get her mind off of Jacob's apparent recent need to slight her. So much for best friends!

After a quiet dinner with Charlie, Bella headed up to her bedroom to get ready for bed. She stopped a moment, her open window catching her attention. Her drapes blew in with the coming storm and the branch just outside swayed with the breezy assault. Digging her cell phone out of her pocket, she tried Jake's number one more time. This time it rang at least twelve times with no answer. She slammed the phone closed in her frustration. For some reason, Jake's silence was really getting to her. Glancing once again at her curtains, blowing even with even more gusto as the wind picked up, she opened her phone once again and started texting. "Dad is catching up on work at home tonight. He'll be up late. Not a good night to come over. Sorry, Bella." Looking at her message, she chose Edward's cell as the recipient. For some reason, she just didn't feel like being watched tonight. Jake's antics had made her grumpy. Feeling slightly guilty for lying, she pushed the send button, anyway, and walked over to her window.

Smelling rain in the air, she enjoyed a moment of that ozone and Douglas Fir scent that she had come to appreciate about Forks, then suddenly, she slammed her window shut, locked it, then went to bed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Taking one more glance at her biology homework, Bella glanced at the clock. 7:36am. She flipped open her binder and slid her homework inside and shoved her binder into her backpack. Swinging it over her shoulder, she hurried to the door and grabbed her truck keys off of the keyholder and swung the door open. "Umph!" She grunted as she careened straight into Edward's chest. He shot out an arm and grabbed ahold of her to keep her from losing her balance. Bella straightened herself and looked up into Edward's face. "Uh, hi" She blushed for a moment, not able to think of what else to say, rattled by his sudden appearance. "What are you doing here?" She didn't mean for that to come out the way it sounded, but she didn't miss the flash of confusion that passed across Edward's eyes.

"I thought that might drive you to school today." Edward, always right to the point.

"Well, uh, okay." Bella didn't quite know what to make of this turn of events. She usually met him at school near the steps and walked into the building, side by side with him. He had never been big about showing affection in public, or making a spectacle of them by driving her. What was going on? Bella shrugged off her confusion and walked to the Volvo with Edward, climbing in to the door that he gallantly opened for her.

The ride to school was a bit silent. Bella was trying to put together the change in Edward, that suddenly had him breaking his own rules and arriving at school in the same vehicle. Bella stared out of her window, feeling a bit awkward, watching the pines racing by. She chanced a glance at Edward who simply seemed emersed in operating the vehicle. Reaching over, he grabbed her hand in his icy fingers and squeezed. Bella managed a smile at him. Pulling into the parking lot at Forks High, Edward parked and walked at human speed around the car to open the door as he offered Bella a hand out of the car. Bella accepted his hand and climbed out of her seat, only to find what seemed like every eye in the school parking lot on the two of them. Instantly, she felt self-conscious. She hated being the center of attention and it seemed that she had just been thrusted right into the middle of the spotlight. To top things off, Edward swung his arm over her shoulder, James Dean style as they walked towards through the parking lot, eliciting whispers and points. Bella had never felt so desperately to be invisible in her life. Suddenly, she felt Edward stiffen. Perhaps he realized what a spectacle that they were making, but that thought ended as soon as she heard him whisper under his breath. "What does he think that he's doing here?"

Bella was confused for a moment, everything was happening so fast, but as she followed Edward's line of sight, her heart leapt into her throat. Talk about James Dean. Right in front of the steps leading into the school, dressed from head to toe in black, perched in a devil-may-care manner, on a sleek black, V Twin motorcycle, was none other than Jacob Black. "Now that's a James Dean" Bella thought to herself and then felt guilt rush over her at this treacherous thought.

Edward could hear her heartbeat speed up. He smirked at the fact that Jacob had produced the very thing that Bella hated, a spectacle, in front of the whole school. He glanced over at Bella, ready to relish this moment, seeing her eyes narrow at Jacob, suddenly leaving the drape of his arm over her shoulder. The moment was surreal for Bella. It was as if everything around her disappeared and all noises, even the birds, quieted. Her feet begin to move her in Jake's direction and her mind wouldn't allow her a say in the matter. She stalked straight up to Jacob and stared him down eye to eye. "Here it comes", thought Edward, getting ready to see Bella give Jacob the reaming out of his life, but to his astonishment, she grabbed a black helmet off of the back rest of the bitch seat on the back of the black motorcycle, popped it onto her head, fastened it, swung her leg over the back, wrapping her arms around Jacob's middle and sped away with him. Edward was in shock and seething as he made eye contact with Jacob just as he hit the gas, Jacob smirking in the most obnoxious way.

The planning of the brutal death of Jacob Black, in Edward's imagination was interrupted quickly, however, as Edward realized that not only was every eye in the parking lot on him and him alone, but that it was also positively silent. Well, silent to the ear, per say, but the thoughts of the incredulous students screamed at him. Laughter, jeers, and sympathy, poured forth like a Tsunami. Gradually, the chatter began to return in the parking lot, but Edward stood planted to the spot, digesting what had just happened, just as he felt a slap on his back and looked up into the beaming and massive form of Emmet. "Dude, you just got jilted in front of the whole school!" Rose came up from behind them and slapped Emmet in the back of the head, but couldn't quite keep the humor from her eyes at enjoyment of the dig. "Perhaps little Bella Swan could think for herself, afterall" Rose mused to herself.

Emmet and Rosalie walked ahead just as Jasper and Alice stepped up beside Edward. Alice wore a compassionate, sorrowful expression on her face and linked her free arm through Edward's and pulled him forward into the school. She never was fond of the mutts, afterall and planned on giving Bella a good scolding for her behavior. Jasper on the other side of Alice, winced as he felt wave after wave of humiliation poor off of his brother. Carlisle's precious Edward. Jasper silently smirked to himself, but his kind heart won out in the end and he sent waves of calm toward Edward until Edward began to visibly calm down. There was nothing to do, but head to English Lit., with Jasper and Alice, without Bella.

Edward had taken that class at least eighty times, but he just couldn't seem to concentrate as Mr. Wilkes prattled on about the different undercurrents of American vs. English literature and the events that caused the difference in styles, both contained classics, yet held an eloquent tone, unique to the origin of their author. Finally reaching his breaking point, Edward jumped up from his desk, nearly toppling it over, and stormed out of the class. Mr. Wilkes stared in shock at the sudden outburst casting questioning looks at Alice and Jasper. "I don't think that Edward is feeling well, Mr. Wilkes." Was all the excuse that Alice could manage. She looked bewildered at Jasper who looked like he was holding back laughter with every muscle in his body. She elbowed him sharply. Clearing his throat, he put on a more serious face and continued to listen to the lecture.

Jake's bike roared down the highway with the rumble that only a Honda VTX 1800 could make, bested only by the thunder that rumbled overhead in the Northern Washinton sky, which seemed to manifest itself directly from the storm that was raging in Bella's heart. Anger, hurt, frustration, and confusion, twisted at her gut and ripped tears from her eyes that were blown back by the wind as she buried her face in the black cotton clad expanse of Jacob's rock hard back. The more that she tried to make sense of why she climbed on to his bike and left Edward standing there in the first place, the more her emotions seemed to reach an even more fevered pitch inside of her.

Jake pulled into La Push, but turned suddenly onto a dirt road that took them deeper and deeper into the wilderness of the reservation. No more of the modest dwellings of La Push were in view, just the towering peaks of the mountains and almost luminescent greens of the trees against a steel sky. Bella felt the bike slow underneath of her as they hit the bumps of the unpaved trail. Finally winding down to a stop, Jake put his feet down on either side of the bike, switching it off and dismounting, pulling his helmet off. He bore the most infuriatingly, triumphant smile on his face, but for only a moment as Bella swung her leg over the bike with such a fierceness that had Jake backing up a few steps. She reached beneath her chin to unfasten the straps, ripped off the helmet, and pitched it point blank, with all of her strength at Jake's head.

The helmet bounced off of Jake's right temple, with considerable force. Jake stood there for a moment, dumbfounded and then felt himself shaking with anger. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He shouted at Bella, until he noticed her face. Beet red and tear streaked, her eyes puffy and red, he found himself reaching for her, only to be assaulted by her fists pounding violently on his chest.

"Damn you, Jake!" She screamed her words, her voice sounding hoarse with emotion and anger. "Damn you for making me miserable and damn you for disappearing on me!" Bella squeezed her eyes shut as another onslaught of tears erupted from her beautiful brown eyes and she melted into his chest, allowing him to wrap his arms around her. Suddenly, Jake felt sick with the hurt that he had caused his best friend, and the woman whom he had loved deeply and unrelentlesly, since the day that she arrived back in Forks. Big men weren't supposed to cry, but he found himself, sucking in wind, fighting his own sobs as her pain permeated his heart. He did this. He made her choose. He ignored her and then he just showed up out of the blue as if he were some badass. He was anything but, and he knew it. He had been an insufferable jerk to Bella.

Bella continued to sob into his chest. "God, Jacob, I'm so confused." Her voice took on a desperate tone that rent tears from the corners of his eyes. She stepped back a bit, not making eye contact, but gesturing wildly as she shouted. "Two months ago, I knew exactly what I wanted and who I was, but everything. . . . everything has turned on it's head suddenly and I have no idea what happened!"

She continued to sob, but the fight seemed to be giving way to the need for her long lost friend. Jake put a finger underneath of her chin and lifted her face up to his. Suddenly, Bella saw her own hurt and pain reflected in Jake's eyes and then it happened.

Bella felt as if she were actually falling into Jake's almost black eyes, while at the same time she felt as if he himself was cohabitating her soul. A warmth emanated from the center of her chest, chasing away the darkness and hurt as if she were standing in the sun on a Summer's day. Suddenly back in herself, she saw in Jake's face, what must have been the very same overwhelmed, yet relieved expression that she wore on her's. . . right before the blackness overtook her and then she felt absolutely nothing.