This is another old fic that I slightly edited before deciding to post here. It's set within Naruto Gaiden (as in the bonus chapters following Ch. 700) and pretty much sums up how in denial I am about Naruto and Sakura's relationship. I may primarily be an NH shipper, but the relationship between these two matters to me so, so much. I hurt every time I think about them.
As always, read and review, please!
Sakura wakes up from her bout of unconsciousness with gold flooding her vision. She blinks her eyes as Naruto's face comes into focus, his face and its lines etched with concern that she doesn't think has ever left him for a second.
His bandaged fingers wrap protectively around her left hand, and she lets herself return the gesture without a second thought.
They are past all of that love garbage, past all of the uncertainties that came with their younger years. They know full well what they are to each other, and what that means for their larger lives. Although Naruto does manage every now and then to look at her just as fondly.
"How are you feeling?" he asks, and Sakura offers him a weak smile. She doesn't need to touch her forehead to know how high of a fever she's running, and her joints ache enough as it is from the expense of her chakra. The majority of her every day is spent healing orphaned, dejected children with far too many scars to show.
By nighttime, her bones ache more than anything, though she doesn't quite mind until she thinks of Sarada, with her steadily deteriorating eyesight that she does not even know about. Sakura has put years of chakra into maintaining her daughter's vision. Tsunade has often scolded her for it, advising her to go with it and to help her daughter adapt. But Sakura will have none of it.
She does not want her daughter to see the world through the eyes of a killer. She does not want to see that darkness pass through her life again.
Naruto clears his throat, and she tilts her head on the pillow to look at him. His eyes don't dare to meet hers as he murmurs, "I took care of the loan."
Sakura takes her hand away from Naruto's so fast that the vase of flowers to her left trembles in its place. Naruto steadies it when it threatens to fall over, though his gaze never moves from Sakura's.
He looks at her with an unfathomable hurt and bewilderment tucked into his eyes, but all she can do is avoid his gaze and stare hard at the ground. Her fingers fist tightly around the hospital sheets, and she mentally goes over the millions of yen she has owed for as long as she can remember—
—in other words, since Sasuke left.
"I— I was going to pay off that loan," she blubbers. "I knew it was going to take some time, but I was going to pay it off." Her voice descends into a childish whine, and she covers her eyes with her arm, trying to shield the tears that bloom. "Naruto, I was going to pay it off."
Naruto narrows his eyes and observes her for a moment. From the way her mouth twists, he can tell she is trying to hold back a long pent-up sob. There is something wracking at her soul and her heart, and it bothers him to not know what it is. He wonders for the first time why she was even admitted to the hospital, why the foundation of the Uchiha mansion happened to shatter in the first place.
"Tell me," he says.
She ignores him completely.
"Sakura."
"I'm fine!" she cries, voice muffled. Her lower lip wobbles, and she reiterates more quietly, "I'm fine. Nothing's wrong."
Naruto takes her fingers into his hand again, and though she doesn't completely mirror him, her fingers do curve around the edge of his palm a little. Sakura feels every part of her body shudder with her breaths, and she constricts her throat as a whale of a sob works its way up.
Her eyes are still hidden from Naruto's view, and for this she is unabashedly glad, because for him to see her like this would inevitably break the cracked exterior she has kept up for twelve years, and she would hate that more than anything.
"It's Sasuke, isn't it?" he mutters, eyes downcast. "It's Sasuke."
Sakura holds her breath.
[ "Lemme take you out."
"What?"
"Lemme take you out. For ramen. Yakitori. Something."
"… Okay."
"Okay." ]
She does not want to tell him. She cannot bear to tell him.
It would be too great a betrayal of the pseudo-fantasy she has tried to put together. The world, she thinks, might actually fall apart if she opens her mouth one more time.
Naruto's fingers are still wrapped tightly around hers, and she feels the edge of each bandage as it wraps over and around his skin. She can't see his eyes, but she knows they are on her. She knows that he is waiting.
"She asked me. . . if I was her mother."
Her throat opens wide, and the sob rushes out. Sakura's breath heaves with all the weight of a nightmare, and the tears she thought had slowed down to a steady drip start to waterfall all over again.
Every emotion, every intangible thing, flows out of her in rivers that run down the face of her cheeks, turning them wet and splotched and red. Naruto's hand quivers in hers, and she shakes, unable to stop.
"She asked me if I was her mother."