Title: Had Enough
Author: StandingOnTheRooftops (Trowa)
Disclaimer: Don't own them, them so don't sue me. ^_^
Dedication: Silent Epiphany. *huggles* And of course, my two loveable 'daughters' *cuddlepurr*
Summary: 'Every time I reach for you, there's no one there to hold onto; Nothing left for me to miss, I'm letting go of this.' Wufei's thoughts on having enough, letting go, and moving on.
Warnings: Angst, angst, angst. And maybe a bit more angst, possibly. Possible mild language, and mention of past character death. Oh... and though it's not a real songfic, it's all inspired by the song 'Had Enough' by Lifehouse- which I also don't own!
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Had Enough
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Silence. It permeated everything.
No sound, no noise. Not a rustle or a whisper.
Even the birds refused to chirp, and the animals- all silent as the stars above.
Wufei settled himself down upon the ledge of the roof, noise-less, confident... and sullen. Thoughts milled about in his mind, unable- unwilling- to separate themselves. The wind rustled by, the leaves on the trees shivering in it's wake, breaking the unbearable silence for a moment before the quiet fell back down like some dark cloak. As if even Mother Nature herself could not smile in the face of his frown.
Meiran.
The name stood apart from the thoughts in his head. The name always stood apart.
Meiran... Nataku.
His reason for being. His reason... for everything.
Merely a girl. Younger than him, brash, idealistic. Nothing extraordinary when compared against many other young girls. Just a girl... with the power to hold him in thrall even after her existence had ended. Just a girl... whose memory alone helped him fight not one, but two wars.
He lifted a hand, turning it over and peering at his skin in the bright moonlight. It looked flawless; gold-dusted, smooth, perhaps a few calluses from the work he did- but flawless none-the-less.
Only he could see the crimson that covered his hands; only he could see the blood that stained him. He was tainted. And all for her. Justice. Honor. Revenge. Were they really any different from each other? It still came down to the one final fact... he fought for her. He killed for her.
And where was she now? Where was he?
She was gone, and he was here.
Alone.
Loneliness.
Such a simple word... but so powerful. Strong enough to turn the mightiest of men into... this. Small cowards, sitting under the stars. Thinking over and over and over again, second guessing every thought. Never quite able to tell one thought from another; reality and fantasy, dream and truth weaving together. Thinking everything, but knowing nothing.
Until finally he came up with the one fact. The one truth he could not deny.
His life was not his own anymore.
It was hers. She'd taken everything and left nothing. Once, he could reach for her, cling to her memory and let it fill him with the strength he needed. Now, every time he reached for her, there is nothing to hold onto. There was nothing left to miss.
He could barely remember her face anymore. But if he lost her... did he loose himself? Because she was his reason. She was his anchor, his meaning, his cause. His life. Could a person change their reason for existing?
Raising onyx eyes to the moon, he wondered if the light inside his soul was dead. If it was dimming, fading- or perhaps gone altogether. Because that's how he felt. Like he was drowning... drowning in silence, screaming with nothing left to say.
Silent.
Lonely.
Vacant.
So this was how 'empty' felt.
He shook his head, smiling softly up at the glowing disc in the sky.
"I'm letting go," he whispered. "... letting go of this."
He was tired of barely holding on to something that was already gone. He was tired of being the one who was in this all alone. Love should be a reason to give... and get back in return. Not give and give and give.
She wasn't there... and he'd had enough of this.
A car door slamming in the still of the night interrupted his thought, and he looked down to see Sally Po getting out of her black sedan in the driveway. He'd given his blond partner his body willingly enough, but he'd never been able to give his heart or soul. Not when it belonged to a ghost unwilling to let go.
He smiled.
He was ready for a new beginning- with someone who'd wrap her arms around what was left of him. Maybe there was more left than he thought. Maybe...
He stood up and turned to climb back into the small house, a small smile playing across his lips as he went to greet his lover. Just inside, he turned to look back out at the shining moon, a moon that seemed a bit brighter than before. Around the house, crickets began to chirp. Birds cooed in their nests, foxes rustling under brushes and frogs croaking in the nearby pond.
Not silent. Not alone. And not empty.
"Good bye, Meiran," he said to the night, to the moon. "Good bye, my Nataku. I've had enough."
~Owari~