Better Together – Harm's POV

Disclaimer: One again, not mine.
All typos are mine and mine alone.

Summary: Companion piece to "Better Together". This one is all from Harm's POV. Lydia suggested that I write the same exact story as "Better Together" but tell it from Harm's POV, and I decided it wouldn't hurt to try. Thanks for the suggestion, Lydia!

"I've been pushing you away," she says to me. She sounds so sad and I fight the urge to wrap her in my arms – no matter what happens, I will always want to protect her … take her pain away.

"Yeah, you have," I try to remain calm and not sound bitter or resentful.

She sighs, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I whisper. "You had to, uh, figure some things out. I understand." I only think about it for a nanosecond before I learn forward and take her hand in mine. "Look, Mac," I start as I trace my thumb along her hand. "Nothing's changed. I'm still here. Let's just enjoy the good news – be happy. You're alive," I try to pour as much emotion into my words as I can, hoping that she understands what I am trying to say.

"You know what makes that news better? We both are," she squeezes my hand.

Her words melt any remnants of our past "icy encounters" of the last year or so. Maybe there is hope for an "us" after all.

I twist yet again in the chair and try to find a suitable position. It might be easier if I am willing to let go of her hand, but I'm not going to. I haven't been able to sleep; instead, I keep a vigil over Mac and try to memorize every single thing about her.

I can't believe how close I came to losing everything tonight.

My whole entire world stopped when they came to tell my mom about my dad's plane going down on Christmas Eve, and when the paramedic called and told me Mac had been in an accident, I realized my whole entire world stopped again. I felt the exact same feelings of dread, and fear – the not knowing what to expect when I arrived at the hospital…it terrified me.

She's starting to stir, and I'm not sure if she is having a nightmare or if she is in pain. I'm just about to wake her when she gasps and opens her eyes. Her chocolate brown eyes are staring at me and she seems a bit disoriented.

"Are you okay, Mac? What's wrong? Should I get a doctor? Are you in pain?" There are so many questions going through my mind that I keep asking them before I even give her a chance to respond. Instead of letting go of her hand, I hold on just a bit tighter.

"No," her voice is hoarse when she answers, and I make a mental note to ask the next nurse that comes in for ice chips. "I'm okay; I just, uh, didn't realize you were here."

"Hey," I whisper. "I told you last night that nothing changed. I'm still here and I promised you I was staying here all night with you."

"Wait…you were really here last night?"

"Of course I was. Mac, are you sure you are alright? You're scaring me."

"I'm okay. I just thought I dreamt that conversation or something. I've been so distant with you lately that I didn't think it possibly could have happened."

There's so much I want to tell her, but now is not the time. Hell, I can't even come up with the words right now either. "We have a lot to talk about, and we will," I assure her. "But right now, just focus on resting. You'll probably be released in a couple hours and we talk then. Okay?"

"Okay," she agrees sleepily as she closes her eyes.

I continue to draw lazy circles with my thumb, over her hand, hoping it will help lull her to sleep. I have a funny feeling that she hasn't been sleeping well lately and she needs as much rest as she can get.

Once I am sure she is finally asleep again, I, too, finally allow myself to close my eyes for sleep to come to me, too.

I wake up sometime later; it's close to 0830 now. The doctor comes to tell us that if everything is okay, he'd be releasing Mac in the next half hour or so. That's music to my ears! I take it as my cue to step out of the room while he examines her, so I tear myself away from her room long enough to go to the parking lot and retrieve a few things from the car.

I open the trunk and retrieve two things. First, a bouquet of roses – I bought them yesterday on my lunch break as something to go along with Mac's Christmas gift. I'm actually surprised they held up all night without being put into water. The second item is Mac's Christmas gift. I'm a little nervous to give it to her…when I saw it, she was the first person I thought of, but I'm just afraid that she might think it's too personal and drop kick my six to another time zone.

When I enter her room again, I see her propped up on the bed. She seems to be looking more rested, so that's a plus.

She raises an eyebrow when she sees me return, and I watch her wince before she speaks, "Where'd you manage to find all that in a hospital on Christmas morning?"

"Actually," I admit sheepishly, I'm almost afraid to tell her this. "I bought the flowers on my lunch break yesterday and I had your gift for a long time. I was planning on bringing them to you after the trip to the Wall, and I figured maybe we could spend Christmas Eve together. But, since you had to go and smash your car last night," insert a poor attempt to lighten the mood, "It looks like you're going to be stuck with me today instead."

I place the roses on the table beside her and then hand her the gift box.

"I didn't have time to go back to your place and grab you a change of clothes, so I thought maybe you'd want to open this now instead of later."

She seems intrigued as she starts to open the box. "I love them!" She exclaims as she pulls out the pair of fleece Christmas pajamas from the box. They are Marine green in color with little Christmas trees and reindeer on them.

Now, I am super relieved. "Now, I know they aren't exactly like the cowboy pair I caught you in a few years ago, but still. They were just as cute and they made me think of you as soon as I saw them."

I swear her eyes are sparkling when she speaks next – these pajamas were a huge success. "Help me up, Sailor, so I can go change."

"Yes, ma'am," I oblige happily as I take her hands and lift her as gently as I can. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," she assures me as she goes to the bathroom to change.

"Uh, Harm?" I hear her call out. She hasn't even been in there for a full minutes yet, and I'm instantly worried.

"What is it, Mac?" I ask quickly – maybe even a bit too quickly – my hand already on the doorknob.

"I need some help…"

"Is it okay to open the door?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Slowly, timidly, I open the door. "What's wrong?"

"I can't reach to untie the strings behind my neck. It hurts too much."

I give a sigh of relief. "I can certainly help with that."

I loosen the tie and without meaning, too, my fingers brush against her skin. I swear I hear her sigh happily, and I can't seem to bring myself to pull away from her just yet. I love being able to touch her like this. It just feels so right. Before I know it, I am using both my hands to massage the tense muscles around her neck.

"Does this hurt?" I ask.

"No," she moans and for a split second I am afraid I hurt her. Then I realize it wasn't an in pain kind of moan. . Way to go, Hammer!

"It's great."

I smirk to myself – thrilled that she seems to be enjoying this type of contact. I lose track of how long we stand here like this – but I'm sure she would be able to tell you the exact second. Finally, I force myself to stop so she can finish changing and we could go home.

Home.

I stop myself and mentally remind myself that I have to take Mac to her home. We do not share a home.

"Oh, does it have to end?" she asks, and I'm not sure if she is teasing me or being serious.

Confused, I offer the first response to mind. "I see more of those in your future, Mac."

Maybe I'm just being hopeful that we're on the same wavelength.

Then, I leave the bathroom so she can finish changing and we can leave.

TBC