Part 4 of the "Are You the One?" Series
Based on the song "Human" by Christina Perri
A/N: True story: the anxiety attack that Inigo experiences in this piece is heavily based on one I had myself. I can't remember how I was able to calm down, it's a blank in my mind so I improvised that part for Inigo. And I don't think I could ever truly capture how terrifying that experience was, but I wrote everything that I felt and thought anyway. It nearly sent me to the hospital/ER. Only reason I didn't go was because I declined the offer of the campus medical team's assistance in getting there. I couldn't afford a trip to the hospital. Instead, they instructed my friends/roommates (who found me in that state) to watch over me for the next few days while my boyfriend half-carried me to my bed for the rest of the night. The funny thing about the whole situation is that I accidentally broke up our neighbor's drunken party because they mistook the medical team for the campus police xD
I don't have a Beta so all mistakes are mine. Please inform me of any and I'll fix them right away. Please R&R! Thank you. Still don't own Fire Emblem Fates or any of these characters.
He once wondered, long ago, if a curse still held power if its castor no longer lives? He had thought initially that the case wasn't so. That he was free to speak of his travels and regale everyone with tales of his heroic deeds abroad. But the more he thought about it, the more he learned that his initial feelings were wrong. He's still cursed. Except instead of disappearing, he's forced to exist. Forced to remember.
Inigo's eyes cast down from the window to the small trinket in his hand. The chain is a bit rusty, having never been taken off. Weathering rain, baths, and sweat. Though the little star ornament hanging from the end is still as pristine as when he received it. As if time had not touched it.
'If you wear it you'll have the divine protection of the stars, or at least that was what the catalogue said.' Pressure builds behind his eyes as familiar amber eyes cloud his mind. 'If you like it then take it. I got it especially for you.'
He clutches the ornament in his hand tightly. The little spikes of the star dig painfully into his palm, but he doesn't care. Tears he hadn't meant to shed run down his cheek as he leans against the window panes. His shoulder chills at the touch, a rare rainy day in Ylisse. He furiously wipes his tears away and overlooks his city. His home.
Despite the rain, Ylisse is just as beautiful as he remembers. The war's effects are hardly visible anymore. Two years. Had it really been two years? It never felt it. He still couldn't believe he had been away for so long. And much has happened since he heeded Anankos's call. His father had managed to find Robin again after the war. Last year or so. Dubbed the man a hero and asked him to be his chief adviser which Robin had accepted a bit dubiously. His wife reassured him that she had no issues staying in the capital. Not to mention, baby Inigo of this time has officially been born. Just a few days before his return. He even has the brand in the same exact place. It was an odd experience attending his own blessing, but he couldn't forget the image of his parents' smiles. They looked so happy. So blessed and at peace.
It's all he ever wanted. But he can't help but wonder if he still has a place in this world? All of his friends from his realm have moved out of the city. Moving on with their lives and starting afresh in the brand new world they helped forge. Even his sister has left the palace, traveling the world with her husband. He's not sure why he finds it odd; she's not really Exalt anymore. There's nothing tying her here. Her previous title will be passed on to this world's Lucina and baby Inigo will be by her side, helping her just as he did for his own sister. A prince in his own right.
The little star ornament almost falls to the ground at the sound of a knock. Inigo reclips the necklace and tucks it out of sight, against his bare chest. Just a tiny bit closer to the man he left behind. He can feel the tightness in his chest form once again, but he squashes the feeling down. It's a miracle he manages to pull himself together just as his door swings open. He looks away, not feeling up for any sort of conversation, let alone the conversation he's sure is about to happen.
"I'm really not in the mood to talk Owain."
He can hear his cousin's sigh from all the way over where he sits. Inigo briefly wonders what Owain is doing here. After they returned, Owain took his family and left to settle down some place within Regna Ferox; within close proximity of his parents if he remembers correctly. The sound of the door clicking shut doesn't bring him much comfort. His unwanted visitor is still here.
"Then I guess you can just listen to me." Owain sighs as Inigo returns his attention back to the city. "If I had known you would be like this, I never would have forced you to come back."
He scoffs. His breath fogs up the glass.
"You didn't force me to do anything."
"Even so…"
Owain takes a deep breath. He really doesn't want to talk about this. It's painful enough to see Xander everywhere he goes and know that he's not really there. That he's probably happily married by now with an heir. Completely oblivious to the torment he is causing him. He's not surprised when he feels the cushion he's sitting on dip low from another weight. Inigo looks away from the window coming face-to-face with his cousin. He redoubles his focus on the cityscape outside.
"There was a time when I asked Lord Leo to send me on more exciting missions. Like he did when I was first in his service. He said that he only did that to try to get rid of me." Owain chuckles at the memory. Inigo tries not to listen, but fails spectacularly. Though he won't give Owain the satisfaction of looking interested. "It was only later that I learned he wouldn't send me on those kind of missions because they were too dangerous. He...didn't want to lose me."
Owain chokes a bit on his words. A sudden intake of air. He turns his head to find his cousin looking at the ground. His hands tightly coiled into fists upon his knees. His naturally dark brown hair covering his eyes. If he squints, he can see the small tremble in his hands.
"Leaving Lord Leo...it was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life."
"What are you trying to say Owain?"
"I'm trying to say that if it was painful for me, I can't imagine what leaving Xander is doing to you." Inigo swallows pass the lump in his throat. "Inigo...cousin...everyone is concerned about you including me. I mean, I'm not even being overdramatic or theatrical about it."
"I'm fine."
Owain's face contorts into frustration.
"You are not fine. You're wasting away in here. When was the last time you left the palace let alone your room?"
He looks away, no longer wanting to hear Owain's accusations. He's right. He's wasting the life he fought so hard for by remaining here, but he just doesn't care. How could he care anymore? He can't stop thinking of that moment. When Xander's hands were exploring his body and everything felt right in the world. When he felt needed. Gods, he made the worst mistake in his life. And if he's honest with himself, his self-imposed imprisonment these past three months is his own cruel punishment. A way for him to somehow atone for the sins he committed. In Xander's name that he would gladly repeat if it meant the man didn't have to suffer alone. In his own name.
"Inigo...if you could go back, would you?"
Yes. In a heartbeat. He'd give anything to be able to return. But he shakes his head at Owain's question. He's not worthy enough to return to Xander's side, especially after the spell they had use. His king wouldn't even recognize him.
He decided to prove Owain wrong for nothing more than the sheer purpose of spiting him. It's such a petty thing to do and yet it gives him a sense of satisfaction as he traverses the halls of his childhood home. Owain isn't even here anymore. He left to return to Regna Ferox nearly as quickly as he came. There's a bit of emptiness at his absence. Even if their conversation had been jilted and brief, it nearly felt like old times again. Before the first war with Grima. Before he lost his real parents.
He takes back ways and unknown routes to avoid seeing anyone. Passages that the servants use to travel incognito between spaces. A thing he learned early on in his childhood that caused quite a stir among the staff and his parents. The dimly lit passages are, thankfully, empty. Everyone is most likely getting ready to sleep at this point.
Taking a left, he pulls the tiny lever to his right. A small crevice appears in the dimness, allowing more light into the space. He pushes the panel open a little more, stepping out into his room. Or baby Inigo's room. It looks much different then he remembers though not too different. Really, only the baby furniture warps the vision he's used to.
Quietly, he steps over towards the crib where his younger self sleeps. Damn. He must admit, he's a cute kid. The little tyke holds stead fast to the white teddy bear with the blue belly and paw pads in his hand. Inigo can't seem to remember what happened to his own. Probably was burned in the fire that engulfed the palace. Baby Inigo's body is splayed out and taking up as much space as possible. He chuckles a bit to himself; some things never change.
Part of him knows how creepy he's being. Spying on a himself, just barely a toddler, but he was compelled to visit the little guy. Is he jealous? He swore to himself that he would never be jealous of his younger self. But it seems he's breaking a lot of his personal vows lately. This child will have everything he never had. He'll know peace instead of war. His parents won't be recklessly taken from him at such a young age. He'll have a proper family. He won't have to travel in time and rescue people who he knows and yet doesn't. He won't defeat a Fell Dragon. And he won't heed Anankos's call. His life will be...normal.
Inigo knew, he knew, coming back would not change what happened to him. As his sister said during the first war, they were going back to secure a brighter future for their child selves. They can't change their own past. It had hurt and he thought he had come to terms with it, but he was wrong.
With peace reigning over Ylisse, what is he meant to do? There are no objectives. No goals to work towards. No purpose. His mind flashes to that day in Xander's study. The week Xander had locked himself away and Inigo literally forced his way into his liege's life. Sitting there, side-by-side, he knew what he had to do. He knew his purpose
Inigo's breath picks up. Quick painful breaths that make his lungs constrict in pain. Gasping for air that was there and yet wasn't. Panic overwhelms him as the tips of his fingers begin to tingle. Pins and needles that turn and feel like a thousand ants marching across his skin. It spreads up his arms and throughout his body, enveloping his head and making his mind fuzzy from the feeling. He can feel his muscles tighten and strain. Clenching together painfully to restrict his movement.
Tears well in his eyes as he tries to tell a part of him to move. Any part really. A toe. One of his legs. He even tries to move his head, but no such luck. The signals in his brain aren't reaching their destinations for some reason. His breath quickens. Blackness forms around the edges of his vision. His pulse speeds up as his mind registers that he's about to pass out. He frantically tells himself to keep awake. To keep aware. Too terrified to figure out what would happen if he lost control of his mind too.
He hears the creak of the bedroom door and he nearly cries in relief. Someone's by his side immediately calling his name. He tries to respond, but he can't. The words not being able to leave his tongue which now feels as if it's swollen. Somehow, the person manages to get him lying face up on the ground. He continues trying to speak, but his vocal chords won't respond. Their grip tightens on his hand.
"Breathe Inigo." Can't they see he's trying? His pulse speeds up as his vision starts to fade again. The blackness forms a thicker rim. Images he can see blur beyond recognition. "Look at me."
His eyes search for the person, relying more on his hearing then his actual sight to find them. Inigo focuses what little vision he has on them. Their features incomprehensible to his brain, but he knows they're there.
"Focus on me."
Inigo wants to scream at them. He is focused on them! The tears fall from his eyes as his vision darkens a little more. No! His breathing hitches faster. The person's silhouette slowly fades. He can barely feel their grip anymore.
A loud but gentle noise fills the room. His hearing focuses on the familiar yet out of tune song. Its comforting melody soothes his frightened nerves. He latches on to it. It's the only thing he can do. The melody continues on. Some parts made up, other bits he can recognize. This person is clearly not a singer, but he doesn't care. Suddenly, he blinks. He blinks and blinks again and again as his vision slowly starts to restore itself. His pinky finger twitches. Then his ring followed by his middle finger until he manages to move his whole hand. The ants crawling across his skin languidly retreat back to where they came from freeing his muscles from their confinement. The knot in his chest loosens bit by bit. He breathes so deeply upon the easing in his chest that one might think he had just drowned.
Inigo remains lying on the floor. His eyes trained on the cieling. Both his feet tap out the rhythm of the melody still being hummed. Tears prickle his eyes. He can move again. The song ends just as suddenly as it started. His eyes cast around for the figure only to come face to face with the last person he expected.
"Father?"
Chrom smiles at him, squeezing his hand. He doesn't say anything and Inigo's grateful. Not sure if he could answer any questions he might have right now. The dizziness in his head subsides only to leave a throbbing pain in its place. He can't help the moan that passes his lips. His father stands and offers his hand. Inigo looks between it and the ceiling still unsure if his legs would actually cooperate this time. Thinking intensely, he wills his legs to move. Relief floods him as they do. Chrom drags him to his feet, only to wrap an arm around his waist to keep him from toppling back over.
"Let's get you to the kitchen shall we?"
Inigo doesn't have the energy to protest. His entire body too exhausted to even walk making his father practically carry him there. He's deposited as gently as possible on a bench off to the side. Inigo pretends to play the piano as his father walks off. Mimicking the notes in the tune that was just sung. Joy overflows him as his fingers move effortlessly once again. A glass of water appears in front of him stopping the mental rehearsal along with an unpeeled orange.
"I know you may not feel up to it, but you should probably drink something. You don't have to eat the orange if you don't think you can."
Inigo nods as he takes the glass from his hands, a slight tremor in them. It doesn't bother him too much right now. He downs the whole drink in one go. His father chuckles a bit as he takes it back and refills it, sitting beside him once he knows Inigo has a firm grasp on the cup again. They sit in silence. It's not awkward, but his body remains hyperaware of the situation anyway. He's surprised he can even be so aware considering he just wants to close his eyes and sleep for a thousand years.
He finishes the glass, not as hastily as the first one, before tentatively reaching out for the orange his father had offered. His shaking hands fumble to peel off the skin. Chrom chuckles before taking it back. With little effort, the man manages to take all of the peel off. He hands it back to him, a small smile on his face.
"I know, not everyone eats oranges the way I do."
Inigo manages a grin at that. He takes a bite of the orange. The juice that slides down his throat perks him up a bit. A little less groggy. Allowing him to think over what had just transpired. He swallows hard before looking at his father.
"Why were you in Inigo's room?" he asks.
Chrom's smile vanishes as he turns thoughtful. Inigo braces himself for the discussion soon to follow.
"I was checking up on him before heading to bed."
Of course he was. It makes sense. His father tended to work later then his mother. And a baby needs a lot of rest so naturally his mother put baby Inigo to sleep first before retiring herself. Its only natural that Chrom would want to check on him before going to bed himself.
He looks away, waiting to hear the questions about to come. But they don't. No "why were you?" or "what happened back there?" Now, the silence is awkward.
"Don't you have anything to say?"
Chrom shakes his head.
"I want you to tell me Inigo, but on your own time."
He jolts at the unexpected words. Since when was his father so...patient with him? Inigo flounders for words, unsure of what to say. And if he did know what to say, he wouldn't know where to start. So he opts for staring at a crack in the wall instead.
"Do you want me to give you some place to start?" He shrugs. His father takes it as a sign to continue. "How about a story?" Inigo merely nods causing a grin to spread across Chrom's face. "Once upon a time, I met a woman who was immensely shy. She couldn't stand the thought of anyone watching her despite being a dancer. Our meeting was quick and sudden due to a war that had broken out over the land, but I took a fancy to her. So much so that I married her almost immediately. But the idea of being queen terrified her. She was concerned about what others had to say about the hasty relationship and anxious that the public eye was now fully trained on her. She was so frightened that she could hardly move from where she sat. So I took her hand in mine and I hummed an old tune. I never sang as I know I'm a terrible singer, but the melody managed to calm her down. Now, whenever she feels anxious or scared, I hum that little tune to quell her fears...I'm glad it does the same for you."
"Mother has experienced something like that?"
The thought alone sends chills down his spine. He wouldn't wish an experience like that even on his worst enemies.
"Not as severe, but close enough. To be honest, she had the same reaction when she learned that you were leaving. I assured her that you're a very capable man and know how to navigate your way around a fight. It didn't stop her from worrying altogther, but I think it helped."
He bites his lip at the confession. Aiding Anankos was a pretty spur of the moment decision. But...he had to do something. His fingers had itched to do something, another grand adventure. For a long time his life had been filled with nothing but fear, adrenaline, and close calls. It became the norm so when peace took hold, he couldn't sit still. In that way, he can understand his cousin a bit better.
"I didn't mean to make her worried."
Chrom holds up his hand in peace.
"We know you didn't." He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck again. Inigo's heart tugs at the familiar nervous tick. Xander... "I know I don't say it a lot. And I doubt the father you knew said it much at all, but I'm proud of you Inigo. Not every man is capable of what you have done. You have been through more than even I myself have and I admire you for it. The hardships you had to overcome has made you a remarkable and selfless young man."
Inigo can feel the muscles in his neck stretch as he shakes his head back and forth in denial.
"I'm not a selfless man." Chrom pauses. "I've made a terribly selfish mistake."
His first mistake was to accept Anankos's proposal. His second was getting close to Xander. And the third...Honestly? There's been too many, in his mind, since then. His latest mistake was just icing on the cake. A sob escapes him before he can stop it or even register it. Chrom puts an arm around his shoulders and squeezes. A half hug. He can't help but lean into the comforting embrace.
"This is about King Xander isn't it?" Inigo's muscles tighten at the question. "Sorry that was tactless in this situation. But I'm right aren't I?"
He pulls away to look at his father properly.
"How do you -"
"Owain told me everything after I invited him back to talk to you." Traitor. "Hey now don't pull that face. Your mother and I were growing worried. We thought he could enlighten us and help you. I must say, I'm amused that you managed to obtain such a position in the first place."
"Because I'm clueless?"
Chrom winces at his retort. Inigo berates himself. His father is trying to comfort him and here he is throwing salt on an old wound.
"No, because your not the best at taking orders."
Inigo pauses. He would have been offended had his father not put on a cheeky smile. A laugh bubbles out of his throat at the teasing insult.
"True," he admits.
His mind recounts his various exploits. He hardly ever listened to Lucina when they were children. She's his sister after all. Sibling rivalry is good for the soul every now and then. And he was too busy flirting with the townsfolk to take his duties during the war too seriously. Too relieved to not have to watch his back at every turn. Though, he feels a bit guilty about the amount of trouble he caused Robin. Not to mention, the amount of times he was placed under house arrest by Xander for disturbing the peace was too high to count.
"But I remember a few times Robin berated you for running head first into a situation," he retorts.
Chrom barks out a laugh.
"He still does. That man continues to worry despite the danger having passed."
"I think you manage to create your own danger father. Or do you not remember when you accidentally walked into the female baths after that one skirmish?"
His father pales a bit at the memory. Everyone was so exhausted after that battle with the Risen and all anyone wanted to do was eat, bathe, and sleep. Not necessarily in that order for some. His father had been so out of it that he managed to wander into the female bathing tent. The shrieks from the occupants inside were loud enough to be heard throughout the camp. His father ran out of there covering his head as the girls threw whatever they could find at him. He had an imprint of Sumia's shoe on his back for days. No one ever let him live that down.
"I'm lucky Tharja never cursed me into oblivion."
Chrom's lips twitch upward before he laughs. Inigo joins in. Despite the harsh times, he can't help but miss those days. Everyone crowding round the fire enjoying a good meal. Stories being exchanged and laughter being heard. Friends and family enjoying the time they got to spend with each other. After all, they never knew if it was their last.
Their laughter peeters out after a few minutes. Silence descending once again. Inigo suddenly frowns, remembering the question Chrom had asked before they reminisced of times gone by. His father must have sensed his change in mood and waits patiently for him to continue. He takes a deep breath.
"You remind me a little of him you know?" he manages to say. "He even has the same nervous tick as you do." He knows he doesn't need to explain who the 'he' is. "When I agreed to help Anankos, I made a vow to myself not to get attached. We all did. After all, we were meant to leave once the war was won. But it didn't take me long to break it after meeting Xander."
Another deep breath. Even the very mention of his name hurts him. His father shows a considerable amount of patience.
"He hides behind this cold exterior because he thinks he must as Crown Prince, well king now. Yet underneath that exterior is a kind, caring, and selfless man who will put anyone above himself. He only wants what's best for Nohr. Wants only what's best for his people and his siblings. But he neglects himself in the process. And...I don't know...I had to reach out."
Chrom hums at his confession and his skin prickles in response. He had claimed long ago that Naga would forgive him. That Naga would see his reasoning and deem it a noble cause despite murdering innocents in cold blood. Admitting to it out loud now to his father makes that claim sound like a child's fantasy.
"Inigo...what does he mean to you?"
His body heats up at the question. He's pretty sure his face is as red as a tomato. There was a night when he pondered this question on his own. Sat for nearly two hours in contemplation until coming to a conclusion. A conclusion that had him drinking from the meade reserves late at night. It was not his proudest moment when Xander managed to find him, but he remembers being held in Xander's arms. The cradling warmth and the husky chuckle following his desperation to seek more of it. It was in those arms that he surrendered to his findings.
"I thought so," his father murmurs.
He can't help but wonder what his father must think of him. His only son to fall in love with another man. And not just any man, a king from another realm entirely.
"Then, why did you leave?" Inigo startles at the unexpected question, locking eyes with him. Steel meets sapphire. His expression is gentle, but with a hint of amusement in his gaze. "If you feel this way about him, why did you decide to come back?"
He's flustered. His mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.
"Why did I - did you not want me to come back home?"
Sadness creeps over him at the very thought.
"No, perish the thought. I'm overjoyed you came home son, but…" He tilts his head in curiousity as he waits for his father to continue. "You've done so much for me and your mother already. Traveling through time. Helping in the fight against Grima. Even looking after your sister in our absence in the future past. You give so much of yourself to a cause you believe in. To the people you love and care for that I fear you neglect yourself."
A frown forms on his lips as Chrom uses his owns words against him.
"I'm fine."
"You're still a worse liar than your mother."
His father stands from his seat on the bench as his hand reaches into his pocket. Inigo watches curiously as he draws something out of it. He freezes. The little opaque ball dances between Chrom's fingers as he stares at it. Even without any bright light source it still manages to glow. Probably a side affect of the magic contained within. Chrom scrutinizes the object a bit before holding it out in his palm. Inigo's hands tremble as he takes the tiny sphere. This shouldn't be possible. His throat goes dry as he gapes at the thing. Its weight telling him that this is real and not some cruel joke or dream.
"How?" he manages to choke out, searching his father's face for any kind of answer.
"When Severa decided to stay, she gave Owain her ticket home."
His gaze drops back down to the ball still not believing it.
"Why?"
"I don't know. Owain never explained to me why she gave it to him, but he did say, and I quote, 'Now it's for the man who can't find his way but knows which path to take'."
He looks up at that statement, eyes wide and baffled. Chrom gives him the warmest smile.
"Inigo...you're mother and I love you. We want nothing more than your happiness and it's ok if that happiness can't be found here. You've already given and dedicated your life to us once, now it's time to take it back."
He's speechless as he clutches his hand to his chest, the ball of magic resting neatly inside. His eyes mist over at the declaration. At the underlying blessing within his words. Chrom hugs him, pulling him tighter and closer. Inigo can't help but cling to him. He can physically feel his father smile in response. Hear the soft rumble in his chest as he laughs. Chrom gives one last squeeze before releasing him, keeping him at arm's length to look him in the eye.
"No matter where you are, you will always be a prince of Ylisse...and my son."
A/N: Is Chrom OoC? I feel that he is a bit, but I'm chalking it up to the fact that he's been a father for the past two years. Also, the way Inigo talks about his father has me believe that futurepast!Chrom was not the most supportive or understanding of parents to Inigo. I'm not saying he never loved Inigo. I can't imagine any version of Chrom never loving his kids because his father was hardly a father himself and Chrom would want to be better for his own kids. I'm just thinking that he still had some expectations that I think Inigo never felt he could live up to hence him being quite the momma's boy we all love so much.