Life - "And for the first time in a long time, she felt beautiful. And she has to admit that she loves the feeling. EO
Disclaimer : Nuh Uh.
Summary : Olivia's feeling less than pretty, so she decides to make some changes.
Chapter 1 : Another Morning
Olivia woke up on a cold Saturday morning, and she felt as she always had - absolutely disgusting. She rolled out of her messy bed and treaded to her turned the shower on, then carefully examined herself in the mirror and sighed, irritated. It had been forever since she'd felt beautiful. Never had her appearance made such a difference to her. Since she had started to date Elliot, things arose in her that absolutely scared her. He made her feel like a woman, and she absolutely hated it.
As she hopped into the warm shower, she noticed that her butt had grown substantially, so that it jutted out from her legs, re-examining herself in the shower mirror. She felt as if it had grown suddenly. "Lay off the carbs, fat ass" she thought to herself aloud. Her stomach was still flat, sort of flabby but not gross. It had stayed this way her entire life, and it was something about her that she kind of admired. As she moved to wash her hair, she noticed that it had grown so that it touched her back. She silently pondered whether or not to cut it again.
She hated taking showers, they made her self-examine everything about herself. Whose smart idea was it to put a reflective mirror inside of a shower. She looked down at her ugly feet, huge thighs and fat arms. It was like they threw daggers at her. Elliot took it upon himself to remind her everyday how beautiful she was to him. But she couldn't take it upon herself to realize it on her own. Her self-esteem lowering shower came to a close and she threw the door open and padded over to her closet. Regrettingly, a walk-in.
Her cell phone begun to ring Elliot's specified ringtone, Bleeding Love. It made her heart flutter wildly. "Hello" she said into her much overpriced Blackberry Storm.
"Hey baby" his sultry voice rang into her ears.
"Hey Elliot" she replied quietly.
"Why do you sound so sad" he asked concernedly, hearing a sense of somberness in her tone.
"I'm okay, I'm just feeling a little bland" she replied truthfully.
"Why Olivia? You're so sexy" Of course he thought so. He says it everyday. She secretly thought he might be lying to get into her pants. That's a horrible way to think, but she is her own worst critic.
"Thank you, baby" she said dryly "Are you still coming over?" she asked him.
"Yeah, I was just calling to see what you were doing, but I gotta go" he told her.
"M'kay El, bye"
"Alright"
She hung up the phone and proceeded to her closet to find clothes for the day. Nothing. It was full of work attire. Androgynous sweaters and black slacks. There were a couple pairs of jeans amidst the storm of boring that is her wardrobe. She knows she has some sense of style, but it was what people were accustomed to. Boring Olivia, drab Olivia, completely unfabulous Olivia Benson. Standing naked in the middle of the closet, she had finally decided on a pair of light blue jeans and a camisole. Later throwing on a purple cardigan after coming to the realization that it was 13 degrees and also December.
She heard her apartment door open and close. And after a minute of absolute fear, remembered she had given Elliot a key seeing as how he'd drop by so frequently. "Olivia" his voice boomed in the quiet apartment. "I'm in the bedroom". She shouted as she made up her messy bed.
"Just where you should be" he said coming up from behind her and snaking his arm around her small waist. He kissed the back of her neck and moved his hand up her shirt. She stopped his hand from going futher. "This is unfair, it's a sneak attack" she said as he brung her ass closer to his growing erection.
"You know I'm sneaky" he said cupping both her breasts in his hand.
"No sex, baby, not now I can't handle you" he laughed softly "Give it to me" he grunted gripping her waist"or I'll take it". She was turned on. She loved his domineering attitude. It's so sexy to be held by a man who knows he can have you whenever he wants. Confidence. The same thing she lacked.
"Let's go out tonight" she smiled sweetly although he couldn't see her, or notice because he stood behind her working his magic.
"No" he groaned "let's stay in" he moved from his position behind her and sat on her bed. Licking his lips, he took her hands and led her between his legs.
"Please baby" she looked down at him.
"We can come back for dessert right" he said looking up into her eyes. She smiled and kissed him sweetly on the lips.
-------------------------------------------------------
As the two walked towards their table, Elliot noticed that Olivia filled out her dress in all the right places. When she walked, he became more and more turned on. He was an ass man now, and he liked it. It was the right size, round and firm. And it was now that he wished they'd stayed home. In all actuality, he thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world.
As they sat down at the table Elliot told her boldly "Eat fast, I want dessert". He smiled and she blushed so that her face was crimson. To him, she was a natural beauty. She almost never wore makeup. It was okay, because she didn't need it. She had the most beautiful bone structure, and the most beautiful pouty lips he had seen on a woman.
"What will you be having for dinner" the waitress asked. When they looked up from each other was when they noticed her. She was stunning. She had high cheek bones, gorgeous round eyes and her body was like a stick with two balloons attached. Implants probably. Elliot stared in amazing awe.
Olivia ordered for the both of them and crossed her arms over her chest to one, convey her anger and two, hide her non-huge boobs. Elliot looked over at her and Olivia looked away in anger. "What" he groaned.
"Dammit Elliot!" she hissed "Am I not good enough for you?" she was livid.
"Olivia, of course you are, you're absolutely stunning, but I am a man" he explained.
"I'm sorry, I overreacted" she told him dryly looking down at her lap.
"I love you" he said kissing her hand softly.
----------------------------------
The car ride home was silent. Olivia felt absolutely embarrassed at what happened at the restaurant. But she needed closure on it, she needed to confront him without feeling like some naggy girlfriend.
"Elliot' she started "this is going to sound crazy but, do you think that I'm pretty" she'd disgusted herself with what she had just said.
"Of course baby, don't be silly" he chuckled lightly.
"But do you ever wish I were different Elliot'
"No baby, don't be si-" she cut him off.
"Tell the truth please" she begged him "am I too plain".
"Sweetie, you're perfect."
She remained silent the rest of the ride. She knows that he's keeping something from her, and she knows what it is. She knows what it is. She knows what he wants to say "God Yes! Put some makeup on, throw on a dress, get your nails done, be a woman. Stop being such an androgynous bitch and be a lady. Or is that what she was telling herself. There are so many reason why she can't be a glamour girl or even feel pretty. It was because she is Olivia. The hard, tough detective. Someone who is supposed to be as tough as nails, can't be pretty or glamorous. But is it wrong that she wants to be.
"Do you want to come up" Olivia asked him, looking away. Her face was absolutely barren and suddenly she felt naked and empty.
"No baby, not tonight" he replied. She knew why. But for fun she asked him quietly "Why?"
"You wouldn't be comfortable, because clearly you're having doubts about us yet again" he replied, sounding irritated and tired.
"I only wanted to know, to see if you were getting tired of me"
"Whatever Olivia, you give me a beautiful woman and I'll give you a man who's tired of fucking her!" He shouted. She winced with pain at his harsh words. Her lips quivered, as if she was about to cry."So you're tired of fucking me, Elliot!" she screamed "Well that's just fine you don't have to fuck me. I am so sorry that I am boring you with my insomnia pussy" she screamed loudly.
"Baby that came out all wrong" he sighed "let me come up".
"No, it came out right. I'm boring you Elliot" She said getting out of his Corrolla. "Don't come up, I don't want to put you to sleep" she slammed his door.
Before she had even made it to her apartment, tears rolled down her face. She made it in, and slumped on her couch and cried into her hands, but crying did nothing for her. She stopped crying right there immediately and went to bed, because she decided that tomorrow would be a new day. Olivia Lorraine Benson is making some changes.