He had been drinking, a lot... but this time alcohol did not numb his conscience and he was feeling like breaking apart.

He would have given his right arm not to see the shock in her face, hurting her had left him frozen. Of course he had not intended it...so what.... the result was that he was a danger to her; the most precious thing he had ever had. He could not risk to wake up at her side and hurt her again, therefore the best for her was to stay away. It did not matter how hard it would be for him, but it was for her own good; and nothing was more important that her well being... damned scotch! Why wasn't it making any effect tonight? He really needed to forget.

Funny that he had been engaged before. He could not understand how he ever thought that what he felt for Beth would be enough to build a marriage upon. He would have been faithful, of course, and would never have looked back, but he would have been missing something in his life. But he would also have missed the pain of seeing her hurt; and the heartbreak of knowing that it had been by his hand. And the angst of having to get away from her. Well, get away from her if she ever tried to get close... which was doubtful. No way an apology would ever solve this situation. There was no way it could be solved at all....maybe he should look for help. Cristina had mentioned the psychiatrist from Meredith, maybe..

And then; the knock on his door. "Who the hell????..." Nobody had his address, except for the hospital records, of course. "Bad moment to come and try to sell me explorer cookies" he swore... "let them knock, and do not embarrass yourself any longer... The caller is not to blame..." He kept talking to himself as the knocking continued... and continued... "Damned cookie sellers!"... they were on for a freight... so would they learn...

He went to the door, and slammed it open... to find Cristina standing on the other side.... holding a half-empty bottle of tequila like a lifeline

"Cristina, I..."

But she didn't let him continue;

"Shut up!, Do NOT talk until I am done!.... I've had a crappy day today; one of the worst in my entire life, and you are going to listen!"

"First, you pushed me away...It hurt Owen, but it did not hurt to be pushed physically. To be thrown half a room away was hard; but I'm tough, and I know you did not intend it. What hurt was seeing you go away from me, not letting me tell you that it was OK, that I knew you would never hurt me... it did hurt, you know... that after asking for 40 years around you did not stay for a month..."

"Cris.."

"Shut up! I said!.... but no... with such a start, how could my day go worse? Of course, God has his way of laughing at me... so the next thing I know is that one of my best friends has an inoperable tumor, no, is not Meredith and do not ask who it is..." she raised her hand to stop the interruption she felt was coming. "Maybe I am not the most sensitive person in the world" continued Cristina, "However, I do not have that many friends to be losing them over to Cancer.... and it hurt... specially not able to tell anyone... to be able to share the grief...and then, after this, I had to listen 2h to Meredith whining about his life and his missing brain surgeon!!! Of course without telling her that she was also about to lose another friend... "

She nearly sobbed but she stood still. Still holding her hand in front of her to stop Owen from speaking.

"So... I've had a crappy day... and I need two things tonight before I sink.... two things I am GOING to get... Tequila, and mind-blowing sex. No conversation, no nice words, nothing sweet; nothing except these two things. I have the tequila here.. have already begun with... so....do I get the sex here or should I be going somewhere else. ? Are you in?"

"...Yes, madam I'm yours for whatever you might need."

He said it after a short hesitation, the longest 3 seconds ever, his eyes staring into hers, absorbing her pain. His hesitation arising from the fear to hurt her, and the thought that he would rather hug and comfort her. He did not even know if it would be good for her. But there was no way in hell he could leave her standing at his door hurting. Whatever she needed he was there for her. Of course, he would not sleep; would not put her at risk again. But who needed sleep anyway?

He stepped closer, dragged her in, towards him, and directly kissed her hungrily against the door, closing it with the pressure of their bodies. He kissed her with the same hunger of their first kiss in the after; when he knew he shouldn't be kissing her. It was just that he could not resist.

Without breaking the kiss, he took her in his arms and carried her away to the bedroom, wondering if she was going to regret it in the aftermath. He would tell her tomorrow about the help....maybe there was a little hope after all...