Title: Oops (The 'Clothes Make the Man. Or the Woman' Remix)

Author: Evil_Little_Dog

Rating: Teen

Disclaimer: This is a derivative work, and, as such, I make absolutely no money writing this. Darn the luck.

Summary: Tony and Pepper and Wardrobe Malfunctions.

Notes: Written as a remix of Ruuger's ficlet, "Wardrobe Malfunction" as part of the Remix Redux challenge for 2014.

"You are an exhibitionist."

Tony Stark, genius extraordinaire, blinks twice before glancing away from his project and up at Pepper Potts. The way she looks at him, tapping the toe of her Christian Louboutins on the edge of the metal grill of the work room, lets him know he's in trouble. Again. Why did this woman make him feel like a school boy sometimes? He is decidedly older than a school boy. "Am not," he retorts. And frowns. "Wait. What are we talking about?"

"An exhibitionist." Pepper edges her way down the stairs. Tony wonders how she balances in those heels on the risers. Reaching the ground floor, she minces across the room to him. He tries to keep from watching the way her hips sway and fails, completely. Pepper, being Pepper, tightens her mouth, but doesn't say anything about him watching her. "You like showing off your body."

Tony considers arguing, but really, what can he say? Instead, he leans back, running his palm over his t-shirted stomach. "It's a good body to show off."

Narrowing her eyes at him, Pepper finishes her walk across the work room floor. "Mr. Stark," she says, in a particular way to let him know he's out of her good graces, "are you aware of just how many versions of your naked backside – and front side - I've seen blotted out in so-called personality magazines?"

"Personality magazines?" Tony scoffs, spinning on his work chair. "Is that what we're calling them?"

"That's a polite euphemism, yes."

"Polite. Euphemism. They're tabloid rags, and I wouldn't even use them to clean up a mess on the floor." He raises his brows. "Or let Dummy use them to clean up a mess on the floor."

Pepper brushes at her bangs and huffs. To all intents and purposes, she's calm, collected, and not going to bite his head off like a preying mantis does her mate. "Tony. This discussion isn't about the magazines. It's what's being printed in the magazines. How do you think this looks for Stark Enterprises?"

"I think I don't really care. I think the people we sell to don't really care." Tony picks up a screwdriver, twirling it in his fingers like a baton. "So may be we should do the world a favor, and all of us just stop caring?"

"Fine," Pepper says, with a hint of a growl in her voice.

Tony's pretty sure he hasn't heard the end of this.

X X X

"Here, let me - " Tony slips out of his jacket and flings it around Pepper amidst the cheers and flashing lights of camera phones going off. She's gritting her teeth and trying to hold up the front of her dress. He shields her with his own body, blocking photographers with his arm. "Come on, come on."

Happy's holding the door open to the limo, and Tony ushers Pepper into the back seat. He climbs in after her, and Happy closes the door before slipping into the driver's seat. "What happened?" he asks, starting the car, glancing into the rearview mirror. "Whoa! Sorry!"

"Happy!" Pepper cries, yanking Tony's jacket tighter around herself.

"Happy, just keep your eyes on the road, all right?" Tony asks before turning his attention to Pepper. "Honey, are you okay?"

"Do I look okay?" Her voice isn't quite shrill, but it's awfully close. Pepper tosses her head, tears spangling her lashes. Tony's pretty sure those are angry tears rather than the opposite. He fishes a handkerchief out of the breast pocket of his jacket, using it to wipe her eyes. Pepper bats at his hand, snatching the handkerchief out of his fingers and swipes it over her face. "I'm not okay, Tony!"

"What can I do to help?" His hands hover uselessly over her shoulders. Their knees bump against each other, even with Happy's skills as a driver. Tony runs his eyes over Pepper, trying not to stare, but her dress. Janet Jackson's wardrobe has nothing on what happened with Pepper tonight. In front of all those people.

"Can you build a time machine?" she whispers, ducking her head into his shoulder. "Take us back just a few hours?"

Tony kisses the top of her head. "For you, honey, anything."

X X X

"I thought you were past this kind of thing."

Tony blinks a couple of times. He spins around in his chair, cocking his head at Pepper. She looks a lot better in comfortable clothes, he thinks, maybe because now she doesn't tower over him in her Jimmy Choos. Maybe because comfortable clothes make her look…approachable. "I'm sorry, what are we talking about again?"

Pepper holds up a tabloid magazine. "This."

Pursing his mouth, Tony says, "That's not my fault." He points at the photograph of him pretty much naked in front of everyone at the Stark Expo. His Iron Man suit smolders in the background. Pepper does, too, though she, at least, is wielding a fire extinguisher. "I told you there was a problem with the wiring. It's not a big problem." Okay, so he spreads his hands to the appropriate length with the last sentence, but who could blame him?

"I should roll up this magazine and smack you with it." Pepper usually follows through on her threats.

Tony winces. "Please don't? I abhor violence."

"That's not what you said - "

Holding up his hands to cut her off, Tony says, "Not in front of the kids!" He nods at the bots. "Besides, what can I say? I'm fickle."

Pepper glares and snaps the magazine open, reading aloud. "'Guests of last night's Stark Expo were treated to a sight not seen for some time in this paper, namely, a naked Tony Stark.'"

"I was still in my underwear," Tony protests. The corner of his mouth pulls down. "Mostly."

"Barely," Pepper says.

Tony waggles his eyebrows. "You weren't complaining."

"Oh, my God. I was complaining! I'm complaining now!" Pepper rattles the magazine like she wants to tear it to pieces. "Tony! You promised you weren't going to be doing things like this again!"

"Pep, it was an accident. Faulty wiring on my part." He spreads his hands wider now in apology. "Even I make mistakes. I know just how hard that is to believe." Ignoring Pepper's snort, Tony continues. "But even I have an off day, once in a while."

Pepper shakes her head, tossing the magazine onto Tony's workbench. "You, Tony Stark, are an exhibitionist."

"You've had some clothing mishaps in the past, as I recall."

She points at him, the tip of her finger trembling. "You – you – aigh!" Spinning on her heel, Pepper stomps out of the workshop.

Tony can't help but watch her go. He clicks his tongue. "Exhibitionist. Right." Though maybe a quick-release design needed to be implemented in his suits from now on. Totally for safety purposes.

It's as good as excuse as any, right?

"Right."

~end~