giggle...
Remus sighed and shut his transfiguration book tightly, tossing it to the end of his messy bed. He reached up with both hands and rubbed slowly at his eyes, moving out to his temples and taking a deep breath. 10...9...8...
"ooh...giggle...if you don't stop now, I won't be able to wear white at my wedding and my father will kill you!..."
Remus rolled his eyes. White. Good luck with that one, Lily. If James gets his way, you will be walking down the aisle seven months pregnant pushing a toddler in a stroller.
"I know, I know...but that doesn't mean I can't..." came James' hushed whisper from behind the pulled curtains of his bed.
"what are you...OOH!...giggle..." came Lily's not-so-hushed response.
5...4...3...
Remus felt awkward. James and Lily knew he was in the room, he had been studying on his bed when they entered twenty minutes ago. They had drawn the curtains to James' bed, but obviously forgot the silencing charm. Silencing charm! Remus leaned to his night-side table and grasped his wand. With a flick, the occupied four-poster glimmered for a split second, and the room was immediately engulfed in blissful silence. Remus smiled to himself and picked up his transfiguration book once more.
As he flipped through the pages to find where he had left off, he noticed James' bed rocking ever-so-slightly. God damn-it, he thought as he slammed his book shut once more, tossing it back to the end of the bed again. Remus ran a hand through his thick sandy hair before sighing and collecting his stack of parchments and writing implements from around the bed and making his way out of the dorm.
Ignoring the group of 6th years in the common room who were cheering on Frank Longbottom and Henry Brewbakers cauldron cake eating competition, Remus made his way through the portrait hole up up to the Room of Requirements.
Remus made quick work of pacing in front of the blank wall space he knew held sanctuary, trying desperately to keep his over sized stack of parchments from slipping out under his fingers and sprawling across the floor. When a large door appeared, he mumbled 'patefacio ianua' under his breath, causing the door to gently slide open. Remus pushed his way through the small opening mumbling 'propinquus ianua' and tossed his stack of work on the nearest chesterfield situated next to an empty fireplace. Hearing the click of the door closing, and the soft creaking of the door dissolving, he sighed and plopped down next to his parchments. Blissful silence...
Remus pulled his wand from his robes and illuminated the room with the glow of a quiet fire. He slid off of the soft cushions and onto the floor, propping himself up against the seat of the chesterfield. Rubbing his hands together, he pulled his knees up to his chest and let his mind wander.
He was happy for James. For years his friend had been chasing the firey red-head, and this year he finally caught her. Lily had claimed that James had matured, but Remus suspected that it had more to do with the fact that James had sprouted a couple of inches and discovered the wonders of a good hair-brush. Peter had started dating, under the guidance of Sirius, and had discovered that being one of the infamous Marauders had its perks – fan girls. While many of the girls were just using him to get to one of the other boys, Peter had managed to find a few girls who were interested in the 'cute' Marauder. More than a few times, Remus had passed by a fan-girl group in the corridor to hear them giggle and coo about stuffing little Petey in their pocket and taking him everywhere. At first it had been endearing to think that Pete was becoming a man, but the constant verbal reminder that the girls thought of him as a small puffskein was more than enough to make his eyes roll.
Remus had his fair share of fan-girls. He was the 'brooding intellect' that all of the older girls found attractive due to his 'maturity'. Diana Carmichael of Ravenclaw had developed a particular taste for Remus since he spent a large amount of time in the Ravenclaw common room with some of his study mates from that house. She had large blue eyes and wild brown hair that was identical to James' cut and style. She wore thick, black rimmed glasses that were strangely attractive, and sensible brown trainers that she said allowed her to quickly make her way to and from classes to maximize her study time. Her nose and cheekbones were dashed with freckles which she wore proudly on her makeup free face. Remus found this to be her most attractive feature despite all the other girls around her teasing her for them. Outside the Marauders and Lily, Diana had become Remus' confidant. They spent countless hours in the astronomy tower huddled up under a blanket and talking about their studies and problems.
Diana had confided in Remus that she was picked on because she was the only girl in her year to not have had 'relations' with a boy. Remus had chuckled and responded with his similar problem of being inexperienced, but attributing it to the fact that most girls were silly and he wasn't ready for anything serious. Diana kissed him that night – it was awkward and mechanical at first, but once they relaxed it took a turn for the better.
Remus' confidence began to raise as he and Diana spent more time in each others company. James had become suspicious of the amount of time they were spending together, but Remus would just huff and exclaim that they were friends who understood the need for intellectual conversation. James would invariably get pissy and retort with something idiotic like "I'm smart, why can't you talk to me about smart-people stuff?!", to which Remus would respond with a calm "The wonders of green eyes and the in-depth article in Quidditch Weekly do not constitute as a good conversation outside of your twisted little mind".
Sirius had also picked up on the increasingly frequent visits with Diana, and took to stalking his good friend in attempts to catch him 'with his pants down'. He found this task difficult when Remus' heightened senses allowed him to pick up on his stalkers presence, and send him a particularly hilarious jinx or hex to let him know that he knew he was being followed. Every single night Sirius would stalk back moodily into Gryffindor tower with something new; pink hair with purple ribbons, red sparkly high heeled shoes that made xylophone sounds with each step, rainbow colored robes, etc.
Sirius had been the most admired of all the Marauders. In fact, he was the most admired wizard in the school. Even the girls of Slytherin had a hard time finding something unattractive about the disinherited Black. In his first few years of school, he had been quieter – small, lanky, almost malnourished looking. But over the years and after countless feasts he started to fill out nicely. He cut off his trademark long locks in favor of a shoulder length style. The decreased weight of his thick hair allowed it to bounce up into beautiful curls and waves that he allowed to fall where they desired after a shower. Being a pureblood, he had grown up on the ideals of royalty – pale skin is the sign of a life of leisure. Even though he had discarded just about everything his parents had taught, he found he looked rather silly with a tan. The slightest bit of exercise caused a small flush to dust his cheeks – a lovely contrast to his dark locks, icy grey eyes and ebony tresses. He always had this 'deliciously shagged' look to him, which could be why the girls found him so attractive. In fact, if they had bothered to get to know him, they would have found out that Sirius was in fact, a virgin. He had, truthfully, snogged about half of the girls in his year, and a few from the year above and below, but only a few were brave enough to attempt second base. And even fewer of those girls stuck around when Sirius would stop them from groping him through his trousers to tell them that maybe they should go on a date first, or slow down. In fact, none of them did. It seemed all of Hogwarts thought Sirius was a rogue, a dangerous dark wizard, too good to fit in with his family, and too bad to fit in anywhere else. Once anyone discovered he was just a boy with a pretty face and fear of rejection, he became unattractive. Of course, he was still revered by the rest of the student population, so after jilting Sirius and leaving him desperately alone in a dark corridor somewhere, they would usually end up telling their friends that things got really heated between them but were interrupted and decided to continue later.
The Marauders knew the truth about Sirius, but never let on to anyone about it. Girls would corner them in the hallway, cooing over 'Sexy Black' and wondering if he was available. The boys would just laugh and say that they really didn't know much about his love life, or just tell the girls to talk to Sirius themselves to find out. Sirius would smile at them, with those gorgeous lips and bright white teeth and the girls would melt into a puddle at his feet. Charm came naturally to Sirius, but the smile never quite made it to his eyes. His grey eyes always looked dull and forlorn when he smiled at the girls, but being the silly little fan-girls they were, they never seemed to notice anything that happened above his lips. In fact, they were doing good if they made it as high as his lips – most stopped at the ass, and only a select few made it as far as his chest and broad shoulders before drooling and babbling incoherently.
By the time Remus had grown into his form and became desirable to the ladies, he had seen enough idiocy from the female population who drooled over Sirius and cooed for Peter that he found it rather easy to just tell the girls that he was too busy for dating. The girls would sigh and move along to either Sirius or Peter – as handsome as James was, he was never on the market and everyone knew it – leaving Remus to ponder why the boys even bothered with girls while in school... until he met Diana.
Diana seemed to defy all his preconceived notions about female idiocy. She was quick witted and possessed an intelligence and levelheadedness that he was admittedly jealous of. She seemed to sense when Remus was having problems at home, or with friends, and could accurately pinpoint the problems occurrence when he would recount the story to her. She could explain feelings to him that he couldn't understand, even though he was feeling them himself, and always kept a stash of chocolate in her tote for when they met up after his return from the moon. Ironically, for being so much smarter than his friends, who had accurately guessed his condition so early on, she had attributed his monthly bouts of illness to diabetes, a Muggle condition she said her cousin suffered from. She did find it odd that his sugar level would drop at 4 week intervals, but just laughed it off as one of those weird things life throws at you. Remus never admitted to having diabetes, but never said he didn't either. In fact, all he said when she told him she knew about it was "you caught me! I have an incurable disease." and laughed. He knew that she was incredibly smart, and probably knew all about the truth of werewolves – they were friendly, loyal, completely harmless 352 days out of the year, and just a person outside of that – but he didn't want to risk one of the few friends he had, especially when he knew that this friend was holding his hand, giving him the most human contact he had ever received outside of his one friend who seemed to need it as much as he did. That friend was Sirius.
Growing up in a pureblood family of dark wizards and witches, bonding was not a priority. In fact, even when receiving a punishment, the parents never hit you with their own hand, they would come at you with a belt or a stick instead. Hugging was definitely out of the question, let alone any sort of comfort. Remus had often felt that way with his own family. His parents loved him, and hugged him whenever he seemed to need one, but it always felt cold, like they couldn't touch him without feeling guilty about his lycanthropy, about being the reason why once a month his bones break and his skin rips and tears, causing pools of blood from their own child to grow around him as the beast he is cursed with claws it way to the surface to kill and maim in the name of his parents mistakes. Remus understood why the hugs always felt hollow and cold, but it didn't take away the hurt.
Christmas of second year, Sirius came back early. Remus had stayed at Hogwarts as he was transforming over the holidays and Poppy agreed to take care of him. Sirius entered the dorm room, holding tightly to his chest a book He had a black eye, and a bruised face. Remus could only guess by his appearance that the bruises did not stop there. Sirius dropped his bag to the floor, and strode over to where Remus stood dumbstruck. The small pureblood wizard turned out the book and handed it to Remus with questioning, sad eyes. Looking down at the book, Remus realized that he couldn't hide anymore. Sirius had figured out Remus' secret – he was a werewolf.
Remus took the book entitled 'Half-breeds and Creature Diseases' in his shaky hands and immediately felt his shoulders slump in defeat. He looked down at the floor of the dimly lit dorm room and mumbled "I'm so sorry, Sirius," as his eyes filled with tears. Sirius would hate him, and he would tell James and Peter to hate him too. He had friends for two years, and they were the greatest friends a boy could ask for, but nothing lasts forever. Remus began to shake with sobs as he realized that he was going to lose the love of his friends. Before he could turn to run from the room, Sirius had grabbed the book from his hand and tossed it angrily across the room.
The book slammed against the cold stone wall, tearing Remus' attention away from the red and gold rug beneath his feet and into the eyes of the wild looking little boy in front of him. Sirius was panting hard, his eyes almost silver and filled with an emotion that was foreign to Remus. Sirius grabbed Remus by the hand that had held the book, and pulled him into a fierce hug. The feel of Sirius' warm, shaky breath against his ear, and to be able to feel the pulse of another being beating rapidly beside his own caused Remus to break down. He wrapped his arms around Sirius, clutching him by the shoulders and back, grasping violently at his pristine robes as if he would die if torn away. He sobbed into his neck and shoulder, feeling confused at what was happening. Surely Sirius was repulsed by him, scared of him – but he willingly pulled him into his embrace, Sirius was clutching and pulling Remus into him as urgently as Remus was reciprocating.
Sirius sniffed back his own tears and whispered "I don't care. You're still Remus. I. Don't. Care."
Remus felt his knees weaken and buckle underneath him. Sirius lowered them to the ground, never letting go of his frantic friend. They sat in the middle of the dorm room, clutching each other and letting their tears flow freely like boys weren't supposed to do. Remus' whole body was shaking and shivering as he cried for the first time in as long as he could remember. He never allowed himself to cry in front of his parents for he feared them feeling even more guilty about being the reason he was what he was. He never cried in front of his friends for he didn't want them to think he was weak and unworthy of their friendship. But Sirius knew all about him, and he said he didn't care. Remus believed him, how could he not? Sirius was crying too, holding him close, brushing back his hair and soothing him with his warm breath and even pulse. Sirius knew what he was, and he touched him anyways, held him like he was truly cared for and was whispering in a cracked voice that everything would be ok, that he was still Remus, and that he wouldn't be alone.
Remus sighed and closed his eyes, picturing a tray of tea and biscuits. He hadn't even noticed his hunger as he reminisced about his years here at Hogwarts, but it was too urgent to dismiss now. Opening his eyes, a tea tray appeared on the floor next to him. Remus smiled at the convenience of the room as he surveyed the chocolate biscuits and butter scones. Picking up bowl of berries, he began to munch through them as he wandlessly charmed the teapot to pour him a generous glass. Tossing a juicy looking current into his tea, he sipped away at it and let his thoughts revert back.
Since the day that Sirius told Remus he knew, their relationship changed. They still had pillow fights, snuck into the kitchens late at night and pranked whenever they could muster up the time and means to do so, but it seemed that Sirius was slowly detaching himself from James and becoming better friends with Remus. For the first two years, it had been James and Sirius, with Remus and Peter too. But mostly it was James and Sirius.
Now, Remus was becoming closer to the eldest Black; an arm casually slung over the others shoulder as they strolled the corridors, draping their legs over one another on the common room couch, sitting arm to arm on a bed or up against the wall somewhere while chatting. Numerous times, in the midst of a last minute prank gone awry, Sirius would reach out and grab Remus' hand to pull and drag him through the corridors to escape Peeves or Filch. Sirius would pull Remus into a darkened corner or alcove, still holding hands as their hearts beat wildly and smiles graced their faces, all the while watching a disgruntled looking Filch swear under his breath mere feet away, none the wiser. They would laugh and rumple each others hair playfully as they made their way back to Gryffindor, arms linked and whispering to each other as students looked on.
Everyone knew that Sirius and Remus were always touching, but it didn't seem odd. In fact, it seemed like the kind of friendship everyone wanted, but was too sheltered to ever attempt. There was the occasional gay slur, to which they shrugged off and ignored, but for the most part they were left to their own devices. Sirius rationalized this by saying the hierarchy of the 'Sirius gives a rats ass' was as follows; friends, family, then random people. He cared what his friends thought, and didn't care what his family thought. Because his family is more important than random people, and he didn't give a hoot what his family thought, why should he care what anyone else assumed about him?
Remus laughed and called Sirius a weirdo, and Sirius would just shrug it off and laugh. They had only been called fairies once by a group of Slytherins. Remus and Sirius hexed the group into pink tutu's and ballet slippers that couldn't be charmed away. The hex lasted 12 hours, and was incredibly amusing. They were still forced to attend classes, despite the fact that they could only move in ballet steps. James literally choked on his pumpkin juice upon seeing a pink frilly Snape dance into the great hall. He later recounted that if you looked carefully enough, you could actually see a little angry storm cloud above Snivellus' head as he went about his day. It took a long time for Snape to lose the nickname 'Death Fairy' and get back to 'Snivellus'.
Remus knew his friends cared for him. They told him at every opportunity that he was the best mate in the world, and being a werewolf just made him more awesome. They would joke around and say that they were the lucky ones because they knew someone who could turn into a raging beast once a month. Remus couldn't quite understand what they meant by this, and only became even more confused when Peter referred to his 'raging beast' as the 'Monster Truck Rally' of the Magical World. Sirius and James looked dumbfounded, as if Peter was speaking Greek. Peter explained that it was a new American sport that his Muggle uncle took him to last summer. According to Peter, all the tough boys liked Monster Trucks. Sirius and James coughed and put up their tough boy facade, "Oh! THAT Monster Truck! Yeah...I know what you're talking about now. Just forget, s'all." Peter shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Hopeless, you lot."
Remus knew just how much his friends cared for him, but none so much as Sirius. Late at night, the dark haired wizard would often be found inside Remus' bed, snuggled up with plushy black dog toy that he received for Christmas from Andromeda in his first year at Hogwarts. He would have woken up from a terrible nightmare, and padded his way across the cold stone floor in the darkness, finding Remus had woken too, and pulled back the blankets for his scared friend. Sirius would crawl inside with his plushy dog, and Remus would wrap his arms around his friends shoulder as the the shaken wizard would mumble his usual "Th'nks..." before nodding off quickly in the comfort of the human contact. If Remus woke first, he would usually find Sirius drooling on him, to which he would scoff and scream "Gross!" and push a sleeping Sirius out of the warm bed and onto the cold floor. Sirius would whine and brood for a minute until Remus would toss 'Snuffles' - the plushy dog – down to him. Seeing the dog would cause Sirius to smile hazily and rub the sleep from his eyes before getting on with his day.
Yes, James and Peter would tell Remus they cared for him, but Sirius loved him. It wasn't hard to see. Sirius relied on Remus for comfort. He would jump playfully into Remus' arms and kiss him dramatically on the cheek when Remus would agree to help Sirius with his homework. Remus would roll his eyes and drop Sirius onto the floor with a loud 'THUD', eliciting laughs from the occupants of the common room, then when he picked himself up off the floor, he would quickly give Remus' hand a squeeze and would smile at his friend to say thanks in the most honest way he knew.
Everyone always thought that the eyes were the window to the soul. For the most part that was true, people get caught in lies when you look into their eyes. For Remus, Sirius was different. One touch from Sirius would let Remus know everything was ok, or that trouble was on the way. It was impossible for Sirius to lie to Remus when they touched. It was something completely unexplainable; it wasn't so much the firmness of his grip, or the gentleness or stiffness of his touch, it wasn't the way his fingers would twitch, or the position he would grip his friends hand with, or the way he would touch his friends cheek when he could sense his distress – it was something more. Sirius would laugh at him, tell him he was like the old men who could feel the weather change in their bones. Remus would laugh right back, but figured there could be some truth to it.
The transformations were getting worse. Poppy attributed it to the fact that he was going through puberty. The body was constantly changing, therefore with each change at the full moon, the body was still naturally stretching and reforming. Then the wolf would break loose, and the bones crack, the skin stretches and tears, the internal organs squish and move and twist up and when he wakes up in the morning, the bones have returned to the state they were before the moon. But with each moon passing, he missed hours of natural change, resulting in extreme pain during the moons as the wolf doesn't know where to retreat to. She would coo over Remus in the morning and tell him that in a few years the transformations would become easier.
Sirius would sneak in chocolate for him after the moon to the sick ward to hold him over until he would be able to leave his bed and meet with Diana later on to receive the rest of his sweet treat. Sirius would ask him about how much stuff he could remember destroying while the wolf. If anyone else had asked, Remus would have felt slightly put out, feeling like he had 'ambulance chaser' friends. But Sirius thought it was cool. He would snuggle up on the bed next to Remus and stroke his thick sandy hair and talk about how awesome it must be to be able to take out all your frustrations once a month on a furnished house and not have to worry about getting in trouble for it. He said it was like the ultimate therapy; it must explain why for the rest of the month Remus was so calm and collected. More than once Sirius had told Remus he wished he could be there with him when he transformed, so they could destroy the place together, go crazy and not get in trouble for it. He figured it would mellow him out the way it did Remus. Remus would snort playfully and tell him he would rather be frustrated for a month straight than have to go through the pain of transformation. Sirius would sigh and kiss his friends forehead lovingly and leave it at that. Remus wasn't looking for sympathy; he knew that – it was just the simple truth.
Then came the day that the Marauders showed Remus what they had been up to while he was off with his Ravenclaw lady. Practically jumping out of their skins, they rushed up to the astronomy tower and stole Remus away from a disgruntled Diana. They were talking a mile a minute as they ran back through the corridors and into the Room of Requirements, James and Pete leading the way, while Sirius held Remus' hand. He would glance over his shoulder as he pulled him along, giving him a reassuring smile before laughing gaily and turning back to watch where he was going.
Inside the room they locked and warded the door. Sirius pulled Remus into the middle of the room as the boys lined up in front of Remus. Remus was laughing and asking what this was all about. Sirius' grey eyes sparkled a silvery color briefly, the same color he thought he noticed that Christmas in second year when Sirius told Remus he knew and didn't care.
The boys looked to one another silently, smiling before one by one transforming into their animagus forms. James went first, turning into a brilliant proud stag who stomped his hoof and looked to Pete. Peter changed into a rat and quickly climbed up James' leg to rest on one of his antlers. Then Sirius laughed and transformed into a great shaggy black dog. His tongue lolled out and he barked playfully before transforming back with a brilliant smile and sparkling silver eyes looking into the pale, tear filled eyes of his dear friend.
Remus looked at each and every one of his friends. He should yell, he should scream at them, tell them how idiotic what they did was, not to mention how highly illegal it was. He opened his mouth to reprimand them, but Sirius cut him off.
"Isn't it fantastic? We can be together when you transform!" he exclaimed. Remus looked into the eyes of his best friend and couldn't help but feel a little giddy about what they had done. It was brilliant magic; becoming animagi takes years of complex magic and dedication to the spiritual aspects of transformation. It was still dangerous, and illegal though. They could get kicked out of Hogwarts for this, they could go to jail! But...did they do this...for him?
James pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "Yeah mate! Mum says that the reason you get so banged up every moon is because the wolf is bored. He tears at the walls to get out and run free; he needs something to occupy himself with. We don't know for sure, but we think that maybe if we are there when you transform, then the wolf will play with us instead of trying to attack itself! It's worth a shot, anyways, right? If it doesn't work, and the wolf freaks out, Pete can scramble to our wands and we can stun you long enough for us to get out."
Remus looked to James, "But...what if I bite you?"
"A werewolf bite doesn't infect other animals, it's like a regular wolf bite," Sirius explained, grinning madly. James clapped Remus on the shoulder and smiled brightly. Pete continued to transform back and forth between rat and man, laughing wildly at his own achievement. James looked at the gleeful Pete and laughed along with him, impressed at his friends ability to become an animagus despite the boys doubts in his own magical talent.
Remus reached up and patted James' hand which still lay on his shoulder. He looked to each of his friends as he processed the information. It seemed plausible; the wolf did seem to be bored during the moons, perhaps having a pack would ease his cabin-fever. Would the wolf recognize them as a pack though? Would the wolf know the difference between the human and the animal? He suspected that he would, as the human scent was quite different from the animal scent of his friends. The possibility of waking up after the moon with fewer gashes and pains was appealing; even more appealing was the thought put behind this event.
His friends did love him. He had always felt rather temporary in their friendship, as if one wrong move would give them a reason to toss the werewolf aside without having to feel as if they were being prejudiced. Remus couldn't help but feel like a fourth wheel in this group, never quite fitting in due to his being absent for days on end each month. But his friends did this for him, to help him, to spend more time with him. They really did love him.
Remus cleared his throat and shuffled his feet on the red and gold rug of the magical room. Sirius, James, and Pete were all looking at him with wide eyes, just waiting in great anticipation for the next thing that Remus would say. Would he approve? Would he disapprove?
Sirius took a step forward and reached out to grasp Remus' hand. The instant their hands met, Remus knew the truth. There was no personal glory in the touch, only devotion and need to be closer to Remus. Need to share in his life, in all of his life, even the wolf. There was no fear in the touch, only desire to befriend the wolf, the most dangerous and scary thing in Remus' world. There was no mistaking that touch. That was the touch of a true friend, the touch of a kindred spirit, of a guardian.
Sirius gave Remus' hand a gentle squeeze and smiled at his lycan friend. Remus felt the first of a stream of tears break free and glide down his scarred face. He choked back a sob and smiled with all the honesty and brilliance he had inside of him. Clapping a shaky hand over his mouth, he laughed and cried tears of joy. Sirius laughed along with him, pulling his emotional friend into a tender embrace, one hand around his back holding him close, while the other found the back of Remus' head. Sirius felt Remus shake and tremble in his arms as he gently swayed them back and forth, whispering excitedly "we can be together! I promised you that you wouldn't be alone! We can be together!"
Remus woke up from his first moon with his friends with a smile gracing his face. His bones and muscles ached as usual, but found he had enough energy to shift his limbs and stay conscious. Laying on his back on the wooden floor of the Shrieking Shack, he turned his head to survey the nights casualties. The furniture was shifted and moved as if having been played on, but the damage was minimal; no broken desks or chairs, no torn fabric, no shattered glass, no blood...
Sirius was curled up next to Remus, gripping his friend tightly by the over-sized nightgown he was wearing. How did this get on me? Sirius shifted and blinked his eyes open lazily, yawning deeply and pulling Remus tighter into his embrace unconsciously. Remus nudged Sirius lightly, causing the dark haired wizard to slip back into reality. Realizing he was gripping Remus to him in a death grip, he cleared his throat to mask his embarrassment and pulled his arm back.
Remus smiled and looked at his sleepy friend. He looked happy, peaceful almost. The days after the moon previously Sirius would smile and plop onto his hospital bed, acting as if everything were alright. But really he was terrified, he wasn't there during the moons and therefore couldn't watch over his friend. What if Poppy hadn't made it back in time to Remus after a bad moon, and Remus didn't make it? What if Remus had gotten loose and attacked an innocent? Remus would never forgive himself for something like that, it would destroy him, and consequently, it would destroy Sirius as well.
The look on Sirius' face on this particular morning told Remus that Sirius was no longer afraid for his friend, he was there to look over him and protect him from the wolf.
"I always wondered what the wolf looked like. He's brilliant, Remus! He's huge! He's scary and wolfy and... and so wonderful. Last night was fantastic!" he whispered excitedly to Remus.
Remus chuckled, "I feel great, I mean...I ache, but I don't think I'm cut up or anything."
Sirius blushed lightly and cleared his throat, "You're not. I checked after you transformed back. Jamie took Pete to Poppy, got an antler in the eye, nothing serious." Sirius rested his head on his arm, and played with the fringe of Remus' messy morning hair. "I never knew how bad that transformation really is. I know you told us it was painful, but... I've never heard such..." Sirius sighed and felt his eyes mist over, "I'm so sorry that you have to go through this Remus. I'm so sorry..."he whispered, pulling Remus back into his embrace, shaking slightly in the lycans arms. "I'm so sorry..."
Remus sighed and hugged Sirius back. He should be embarrassed for knowing that his friends had seen him naked, and had taken the time to dress him before they fell asleep. He should feel embarrassed for knowing that his friends heard his screams of pain and anguish as his body was torn apart. He should feel embarrassed about a great many things that his friends had seen and heard, but he couldn't when Sirius' touch told him that he was loved.
"Don't be sorry, Sirius. This is the best I have ever felt after a moon. What you guys did for me... I can never thank you enough for it. Everyone wants to cure me, but no one has ever cared enough to just help me."
Sirius pulled back from the embrace and smiled. He got himself up off of the floor, and extended a hand to his lycan friend. Remus smiled and took his friends hand, allowing himself to be helped up from the makeshift bed of blankets. Still weak from the moon, Remus felt himself shake and his knees buckle. Sirius grabbed hold of him around the waist and help him back to his feet. Remus steadied himself by putting one hand on Sirius' shoulder, their faces so close he could feel the boys warm breath on his cheek. Remus blushed and smiled, looking into Sirius' oddly silver eyes. Sirius caught Remus' gaze and felt himself blush as well. They stood there for a moment, caught up in one another, before Sirius took a deep breath and kissed Remus lightly on the lips. Remus hesitated, unsure of what to do. Sirius was kissing him. It was unlike all of the loving kisses he had received before, this was not a gentle peck on the forehead to soothe his weariness away, this was not a dramatic kiss on the cheek in front of dozens of other students to make his friend blush and agree to what Sirius wanted just to make him stop; this was so much more.
It was a strange feeling. It seemed so natural – passionate, yet not overtly sexual. It was as if Sirius was trying to tell Remus that he was loved, in the most honest way he could find, and that way was through his kiss. Remus responded, letting his lips dance over Sirius', ghosting his flesh with his warm breath. Sirius' hand trailed up to cup Remus' cheek gently, kissing him sweetly once more before pulling away to look into his dear friends eyes. Sirius let his thumb glide back and forth over the brunette's cheekbone, his brow furrowing with dreaded anticipation of his reaction.
"Remus?"
"Don't be sorry, Sirius" he responded, taking his friends hand in his own with a shy smile and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I understand."