Appreciation
Author: MoonStarDutchess
Fiction Dedicated to Serenanna
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.
AN: This fiction is dedicated to Serenanna. I wanted to honor her memory in some way and this fiction is for her. I wish I would have told her what an impact she had on me while she was living.
Appreciation
Roy stood like a handsome stone statue: epitome of the perfectly composed soldier. There was nothing about his outward appearance that would betray that he was more than just associates with Maes Hughes. However, the woman that stopped behind him with a coat on her body and another one draped over her left arm, his coat, knew better. Maes was his best friend, his confidant, the person that he could talk to about almost anything in the world. Now, that person was gone forever and Roy could never tell him how much he appreciated him for everything he did; for basically saving him from himself.
"Sir, it's getting cold. Do you want to get going?" Riza asked, taking a step closer to him. She felt an invisible boundary around the man before her and knew that it would be difficult to scale it or crack through it.
Roy began rambling about how foolish alchemists were; how even then he was trying to remember the process of a human transmutation. She knew that he was more than willing to give up his soul to bring his best friend back, and she knew that she could never let him. Perhaps she was selfish for not allowing him to try; perhaps she was selfish for not wanting to lose him. It didn't matter. He wouldn't be performing a human transmutation; at least not as long as she could still inhale and exhale the air around her. As long as her heart beat in her chest and her blood pumped through her body he would be performing no taboos.
He turned to take his coat, and then turned back to the stone bearing his best friend's name engraved with Arial lettering. She watched as he put on his hat and muttered about there being rain that day, his sorrow displaying through the shuttering of his words. She smiled sadly, knowing what he meant. It had nothing to do with the weather coming from the sky. This rain was coming from inside him, from his clouded soul and grief soaked heart. It flowed out of his eyes that were flooded with tears and spilled over his pallid cheeks and down to the fresh earth that his feet rested upon.
She took another step closer and stopped: realizing that it might not be the best course of action for her to take. Roy turned to look at her, small crystal drops of saltwater still moving down his cheeks in small streams.
She withheld a shiver as the cool wind whipped around them; further unneeded evidence that it was getting cooler and cooler.
"Let's get back Lieutenant," Roy said. His current voice pitch would sound steady and strong to everyone except Riza, who knew how to read every word he ever spoke and feel every emotion through every pitch that the words took on. "It's getting cold out here."
"Yes sir," she said.
They both made their way down the hill and out of the gates without a word. Roy was deep in thought about Maes and who murdered him; Riza was in thought about how to best protect Roy from both enemies and himself.
She hadn't known Maes Hughes that well: not even enough to fully mourn his passing. An amount of her pain came from seeing his wife and daughter crying over him; reminding her of the way she cried over her mother. However, the most substantial form of her anguish came in the form of Roy's abject grief and his attempts to hide his feelings about losing his best friend, from the world surrounding him.
Roy got into the front of the car on the passenger side, surprising Riza for a moment and causing her to pause from her actions; he usually sat in the back seat when they drove. Roy gazed at her emotionlessly not directing her to do anything with words or with his gaze. She tensed slightly and went over to the driver's side. She started the car and made her way to the hotel where they were staying until they had to go back east in two days. She knew Roy had some business he wanted to tend to before they went back home.
They arrived at their temporary residence and went up to the room that Riza managed to book: the last room it the hotel due to a convention that was in town.
"I'm sorry they only had one room sir," she said. "I tried other hotels but this was the onl-"
"It's fine Hawkeye. I don't bite," he said, cutting her sentence short. He shrugged off his coat and threw it on a Victorian style chair, paying no attention to the way he did so. The royal blue of the jacket almost blended in with the blue upholstery of the chair, making it unnoticeable to anyone that didn't have Riza's keen eyesight. She walked over to the jacket, lifted it, folded it, and laid it on top of the dresser.
"You should try to get some sleep sir. I know it is early but we had a long ride here and it's been a draining day for you," she said as she watched him go over to the window and move the curtains to look out over the city and the setting sun; the fiery sphere casting a heavenly glow on the broken man standing before her.
"I wouldn't be able to sleep."
"You should give it your best effort sir," she responded and walked across the room to stand a few feet behind him. He turned his eyes to her and stared at her in much the same manner as he did before they drove here. Once again, it made her feel quite uneasy that she was unable to read him at all.
"Go ahead," he said, "I'll try to sleep in a little while. Take the bed; I'll sleep on the cou-"
"The bed is big enough for both of us, Sir," she said, this time being the one that cut him off at the end of his sentence.
He smiled softly but the expression was so hollow and his eyes were void of the shine that they usually possessed when quirking his lips.
"Very well," he said and turned back to stare out the window. She watched as he effortlessly pulled a chair up to the window with one hand and then took a seat upon it to watch the sunset.
Riza opened her suitcase and removed a pair of pajamas before going into the bathroom and changing, opting to take a shower in the morning. She got under the covers and laid on her right side so that she was facing Roy. She stared at him until he seemed like he was behind a lowering stage curtain as her eyes closed slowly and her body relaxed upon and under the fresh linen scented bedding.
Bit by bit, the sky grew darker and darker and one by one the stars began appearing. They twinkled like tiny sparks of white liquid fire as the moon finally made its appearance over the city, lighting it with a pale glow. Roy let go of the curtain and let it fall, changing the lighting of the room from bright moonlight to a dimmer overcast. He stood and unbuttoned his white dress shirt, then let it fall to the floor carelessly. He then fell back into the chair. He heard a mumble and turned his body around to look in the direction from which it came.
His eyes gazed upon Riza's sleeping form. Her brows were furrowed and her expression looked worried. She groaned in what seemed like pain and entangled herself tighter among the blankets around her.
He almost jumped when he heard his name whispered in an angst ridden tone. Was she worried about him? If it was, she had no reason to be. He wasn't worth all of the dedication that she put into helping him to the top. He wasn't worth her risking her life for him every single day without so much as a thank you. He wasn't worth…he lost his inner voice for a moment as if he was speaking allowed. He wasn't worth Maes dying over his goal, wasn't worth all the pain that his death caused Gracia and Elecia.
Apparently, Maes and Riza thought differently. Everyone that was working under him must have thought he was worth it. Maes lived his life, risking it everyday, thinking it was worth the risk to get him to the top.
He never got to thank the man for everything he did for him. Now, it was too late, one couldn't tell a corpse how much the dedication meant to him, how much his sacrifice meant. However, he could tell the living, breath-filled person in the room before she possibly met the same end.
No, she wouldn't die like Maes. He'd let himself be killed in the most grotesque way before he saw her lifeless. Maes dying damaged him irremeably; if Riza were to meet the same fate, he would kill himself.
Roy stood and walked over to the bed. He slipped off his shoes then his pants and crawled under the blankets. For a moment he felt like they were still children, sharing a bed like they did so long ago when there was a horrible storm outside.
He pulled her into his embrace, causing her to wake up. It wasn't the normal, slow awaking like most people would go through. It wasn't a casual process. This was a wide awake and ready to go out guns blazing type.
"Sir! Are you alright?" she asked, sitting up.
"Shuss…lay back down," he said, guiding her back down to rest on her side. He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head.
"Sir? Are you alright?" she asked again, not satisfied with the answer. She knew he wasn't alright on the level of things being good, but hopefully he was coping and not thinking of destroying himself.
"Riza, I think you know how much I care about you. You already know all the words that I just can't speak."
"I do," she said.
"Well, I want to say…Thank you. I appreciate all of the sacrifices that you've made for me. That all of the team has made to try to get me to become fuehrer."
She moved her head so that she was able to gaze at his face and study his expression. He didn't wear a smile on his lips and there were no gentle touches or strokes coming from his hands. All he had was a strong embrace and visual expressions of his loyalty and love toward her. She was thankful his face was readable now and not the cold mask that hid his feelings.
"You are welcome sir," she said simply. She kissed him softly on the lips, and closed her eyes, slowly falling back to sleep. Her steady breathing making Roy relax slightly.
Roy moved a hair away from her face and smiled. The lesson he learned that night would stay with him for the rest of his life. Always let someone know how you feel about them or how much you appreciate them because you never know when the twists and turns and unpredictability of life, will see fit to take them out of this world and away from you.
AN: As most of you are probably aware, one of our very own Royai fan fiction writers as well as a writer of Naruto and Ed/Win, has passed away. Serenanna has passed away of acute pneumonia. In the Royai realm her best known fictions were Of Ballet and Bullets and A Betting Crowd. I had the pleasure of talking to her several times and she was a source of inspiration and encouragement for me when I was down on my writing. I will miss seeing what other wonderful fiction she would have given us and I will miss being able to chat with her once in a while as well. Of all the writers on , you can ask several people this, I have always recommended her fan fiction and that will not change now that she's passed. Her fiction still deserves to be read and I hope her family decides to leave them up on this site so that many people for years to come, can see the pure fun and talent that she possessed. She's played a big part in my writing and me striving to get better and I will never forget her and never stop being eternally thankful for that.