22nd November 1986
There are things which are out of our control. It does not matter how much we want to be in control, how much we care. We have no say in all of it, any of it.
If I did, I would not be sitting here under an olive tree, writing my diary. Maybe I would live in a place such as America or Europe. Maybe I would choose not to go to school everyday. I do not know. Sometimes, that is best.
I start this diary today because I am extremely bored. And because it is my little sister's birthday. Okay, she has not even been born yet, but I know that she will definitely be born today. I can hear Ima screaming from all the way out here; okay, so she's not my Ima either. But she is Rivka, and that is close enough.
I wish she had decided on a hospital birth, I would much rather wait for news inside the house rather than out here. All those pregnancy books told Rivka that a home birth would be better for the baby so that is what she decided and once she makes up her mind about something, that is it. It is very boring out here. I do not even have anything interesting to write about, I am just writing things as they come.
My little sister, Ziva, is sitting beside me. She was talking to me about the baby a minute ago but now she has gone silent. There is always something wrong with Ziva when she goes quiet; even at four, you can just tell. I think she is worried that the baby is hurting Ima, which it is, but not in the way that she thinks. I am not about to tell her all of that stuff.
Ziva is a very strange child. She is stubborn and will not always do as she is told yet if someone says 'that is an order' she will follow it without protest. I think she is worried about this new baby as well. Rivka hardly noticed Ziva during the pregnancy and I think she is worried that it will continue to happen. I would love to reassure her that it will not, but I cannot. Not in this world we live in.
It is at times like this that I think about my Ima. I have not seen her in over a year. It might sounds very strange but I do not miss her that much. Rivka is a very good Ima and I love her. She is good to me and treats me as if I were her own. She is an amazing cook and is always so friendly. I am not sure if I can remember what my Ima looks like anymore. If I close my eyes and try hard enough, I can see her black, straight hair, I can see her kind, albeit crooked, smile. Is that enough to love her?
I am really not sure what to write in a diary. It is confusing because it is not a story and I prefer stories. You can manipulate the ending, change it if you do not like the original. A diary is real; you cannot change the events that make your life your life. I have a feeling that these rough pages will become something of a list; filled with the names of the dead. I can name three of my family off the top of my head right now:
Uncle Abraham
Uncle Ishmael
Sareena
These are just the people in my family. The first two were my father's brothers whom I liked very much. They never treated me like I was worth nothing and they always brought Ziva and I treats until a year ago. Ziva never understood where her two favourite people went. She would ask for months until Aba snapped at her that they would never be coming home. It was I who had to comfort her all because Aba couldn't have used some tact.
Sareena was Ziva's cousin, my step-cousin if you like. She was the same age as Ziva and the two would always get up to all sorts of mischief (I believe that is the correct term). She was killed a year ago. Ziva cried for days. I did too but I can't say that because Aba says that men do not cry. Though the beauty of this diary is that he will never read it. Hopefully. If I hide it well enough.
I really do not understand Aba sometimes. Oh, here he is now. I better stop writing this because here he comes. I don't want him to know I'm writing a diary, that will make him angry. I think he thinks it is a girly thing to do. One thing is for sure, Ziva does not keep a diary.
לדבר בקרוב (Lehitra'ot) - See you later
Ari
A/N - So? What do you think of my new story? These chapters will be short but they're diary entries do what did you expect? We wouldn't spend our time writing three A4 pages in our diaries but if you find someone who does then feel free to point me in their direction. I go on holiday tomorrow and I will have no internet until Friday so if you PM me and I don't reply then please do not think I am ignoring you because I am not. Please leave a review and tell me what you think. Pretty please.
Disclaimer: So I had this awesome dream that I owned NCIS and I was rich and famous and wrote fanfictions all day long...then I woke up.