Author: AbbyGibbs

Pairing: Gibbs/Abby
Rating: T or FR13

Classification: Romance
Spoilers: None
Summary: Abby learns some bad news from the one person she trusts the most.

Warning: none, well not yet.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to CBS and the people who created NCIS.

Feedbacks: well, I'd love them, of course – who wouldn't? But please, only if you respect my work because it takes a lot of time and energy to get a story together. I love writing; I wouldn't allow anyone to discourage me from doing so, never. I don't have any problems at all with readers who choose not to go for this, but I decidedly do with those who write disrespectful mails just because they didn't get the ending they would have wanted. If you want to tell me what I might have done better within the story I made up, you're always very welcome to let me know. But if your only concern is to rant about it, then please, do it in private, okay? Thank you.

No copyright infringement is intended

A/N: I haven't forgotten my other WIP's, but my muse is rather stubborn... Probably, certainly OCC for Gibbs, but that's how it has to be for this story. Don't like it, don't read it.

"I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.
 Javan

Why is it that no matter what I do I can't stop thinking of him? That's her last thought before she falls asleep.

And when she wakes up with a start in the middle of the night and she looks to her left, he his lying half naked on his back, his head turned to her as he slowly opens his eyes.

As his eyes finally focus completely on her, he realizes she's all sweaty, and she's obviously scared. He sits up and reaches for her, pulling her closer to him. As she lays her head on his shoulder, he asks:

"That nightmare again?"

All Abby can do is nod her head, still choked after the events that had taken place in her nightmare.

"Hey, I'm here, safe and sound, Abby." He tells her softly, placing a kiss on the top of her head, and rubs her shoulder softly.

After a few moments, Abby manages to murmur what she wants to say, though as she tells him her dream, her voice is shaken and tears fall from her eyes.

"I had just found out something crucial about the case we were working on, and wanted to tell you to be careful, because Hart had helped the Drug Cartel to get you, and that they meant to kill you, I ran out of my lab , and took the stairs to warn you, but when I arrived at your desk, you weren't there and when I tried to call you, I could hear your cell phone ring, meaning that you hadn't take it with you. Listening to it, I figured you left it in your desk drawer and when I checked, that's indeed where it was... " Abby's voice trailed off as she took a few deep breaths of air in order to calm herself.

"Sssh, it's okay, Abbs, I'm here..." Gibbs soothed her.

She had told him the nightmare she'd had several times already, but he knew she needed to tell him what had happened in order to get over the shock. Abby had been having those nightmares since she'd discovered the truth about Gibbs's past - especially about the death of Gibbs wife and daughter, though they'd become very vivid and horrid when Gibbs told her he was engaged to Margaret Hart.

The moment the words had registered into her brain, Abby's heart stopped. All she wanted to do, at that very point, was hide and cry all the tears she could. His words were breaking her heart into so many pieces that she was sure no glue in the world would be able to put it back together. Why was he doing this to her? Okay, she could understand, that he had needs and that she herself, Abby Sciuto lab rat of NCIS and favorite of the boss, knew she was not the one for him, but for him to be engaged to Mallison was a too big step for Abby to get over.

Abby loved and respected him too much for that. Now, the question was, would she be able to continue working at NCIS? Margaret would not always be there, but she would be there on some occasions and Abby would know and think about it all the time, that the lawyer was sharing her boss and best friend's bed. She wasn't sure she would be able to handle that.

Abby felt her eyes brimming with tears as she looked at the man she had fallen in love with since the first day they met and that loved had only grown as the years passed by, and now all her hopes and dreams had had exploded into so many pieces in two seconds. He had ruined everything with his words.

Gibbs's eyes widened in surprise as he saw the normally over enthusiastic, and joyful Abby, shutting down completely, her heart was visibly crushed. At that precise moment Gibbs realized the years of flirting hadn't been as meaningless as he thought they were - well he had suspected there was more to it than just the flirting, but as Abby hadn't made the first move, he had given it up - and he realized what a fool he had been, not to make a move first or even simply tell her or, as he was a man of few words, show her how he felt about her.

He hadn't planned on telling her anything about his plans to protect her, but his heart couldn't bare the sight of seeing her so devastated, so he made up his mind and told her:

"Abbs..." He started softy, taking a step toward her.

Abby took a step back; she didn't want to listen to what he had to say. He had already hurt her beyond repair. - At least that's what she was convinced of.

She had turned around now and was refusing to look at him.

Gibbs took another step toward her then another and another until he was finally standing behind her. So focused in her pain that she was, Abby hadn't even realized where he was and jumped slightly when she felt him place his hands slowly on either of her shoulders.

"Abby..." Gibbs started very softly.

The way her given name sounded in his mouth made her heart break even more. Love wasn't always a joyful thing - definitely not when your heart has fallen for a man that is out of reach because he belongs to someone else.

God why did I have to fall for him so badly? Was what she was thinking when he started talking to her in the same tone of voice he had used to say her name a second earlier.

"Abbs, please don't cry."

Don't cry? You don't want me to cry when I just heard you tell me that you're engaged to that second rate lawyer? Well you better find something else then, because telling me what you did ain't gonna do the trick, Mister.

"Abby, please ... Listen."

Listen to more hurtful things you have to say to me? No, I don't think so.

Abby hadn't shown any reaction yet, and was apparently determined to keep watching her shoes as if they were suddenly very interesting to look at.

Her stubbornness made Gibbs even more determined to tell her that she had nothing to fear.

"Abby, look at me," he asked her.

I won't look at you, Gibbs, I don't want to see your face right now, and certainly not your eyes or I'll forgive you, like I always do when I see those icy blue pools of yours - all I want to do then is to drown in them.

As he sees that she doesn't move, he makes her turn around in his arms. Now, she's facing her boss, but is still not looking at him. Gibbs lets out a frustrated sigh.

"Look Abby, I know you are mad at me, and I can't blame you for it. I also understand that you don't want to talk to me anymore, I don't like it, but I can live with it. I did it because it's the only right move. Abby, you know far too much about the Hernandez case, far too much about my past. You know about the part of my past I never wanted anyone to find out and most definitely not you."

Abby's head lifted up slowly and her eyes full of unshed tears looked at him now.

"Abby, it's the only way for me to protect you. I don't want to do it, but I have no choice. Can't you see? Don't you understand?" He took a breath and looked elsewhere for a minute because Gibbs felt tears forming into his eyes now.

"SEE WHAT? UNDERSTAND WHAT, GIBBS? SEE THAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE? UNDERSTAND THAT YOU SEEM TO LOVE BREAKING MY HEART? THANKS BUT I KNOW THAT ALREADY! " Abby yelled at him, struggling to keep new tears from falling.

"That you mean so much more to me than you should."

At his words, she calmed down a little and when she asked her next questions her voice was softer. "What does that mean, Gibbs? Who am I to you? A daughter? A toy with which you can play? What am I to you, Gibbs? Tell me, please" She begged him, as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Gibbs forced himself to look at her when he answered her questions.

"Abby, I don't want to lose you too to the drug cartel, I've already lost too much because of it, and the cartel even, almost, killed me. Sure not physically no, but emotionally, and mentally. When I learned that Shannon and Kelly were dead, I felt as if someone had stabbed me in the heart and then pulled it out of my chest. Nothing made sense anymore - the reason why I lived, what I was fighting for, nothing. I swore to never give my heart to anyone ever again..." He paused.

Gibbs needed to take a breath. That wasn't easy because he was starting to get overwhelmed by his own emotions. When had he become this emotional? Knowing Abby had definitely changed him.

Why had he felt the need to tell her in the first place why he was doing what he was doing? That was a complete mystery for him. All he knew was that he hated seeing her crying and that it made him undone, he would give her the world if he could and do whatever was in his power to protect her.

Abby was looking at him now and she could clearly see the distress painted on his face, she had never seen him like that before and he made her heart break into a million piece all over again. She took a small step toward him then.

Gibbs looked at her again after a little while and continued on:

"The world didn't make any sense anymore, and I thought I would never know the meaning of the word happiness again even when I remarried - there was still something missing and it has been the case with my three ex-wives, though it might not look that way. I had a strong bond with Stephanie, but still I felt incredibly empty. A huge part of my heart was still missing because it died with Shannon, and then one day, a young woman with huge expressive green eyes and lots of energy entered my life and rapidly became essential for my team and me. She made the sun shine again, she made the empty feeling fade until it completely disappeared. That person brought me back to life and that person is *you* Abby" He murmured, the end of his sentence.

Abby's eyes were brimming with fresh tears, although this time they weren't meant for sadness, they had a bittersweet taste. Then her eyes widened as realization set in.

Wait a minute, wait a minute!

Did I just yell at him and say horrid things to Gibbs for nothing? Did I just jump to conclusions while I shouldn't have? Am I decrypting his message wrongly or is he actually telling me that his *engagement* with Mallison is a set up? OMG what have I done?

"My life wouldn't be the same without you; I can't picture it without you anymore. Abby I would do anything to keep you safe even if it means pushing you away. And right now, I think it's the best thing to do, and if you hate me for it well so be it, but at least I know you'll be safe and alive."

Abby closed her eyes understanding now why he was engaged to that lawyer she hate so much herself. Now she knew that Gibbs cared for her more that she had ever hoped he would, but if she had to give him up to her then there was something she needed to do, to share with him...

END OF PART ONE

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