AN: Okay, so this is my first post on this fantastic place! I'm sure my writing isn't nearly as fantastic as the majority of the people who post on here, but I saw someone mention something about the conversation Gail and Holly had about the Perick incident and Jerry's death on tumblr and since then I haven't been able to get the thought of writing that conversation out of my head.
It's wicked conversation heavy, but I feel like that is slightly appropriate. Anyways. Here it is.
Oh and I don't own Rookie Blue, its characters, or the heartbreaking story lines they come up with.
"We tell each other things, right?" Gail asks Holly one random Sunday afternoon. Holly cocks her head to the side narrowing her eyes at Gail a lopsided grin growing across her face.
"Of course we do," Holly replies kneading her fingers into Gail's calf.
"We've known each other long enough to get into the deep shit right?" Gail inquires letting a soft moan as Holly works out a knot in her leg.
"Deep shit," Holly echoes nodding her head, "I'd say yes."
"Okay," Gail says turning her head back towards the episode of Law and Order: SVU that is playing.
The two of them sit in silence for a couple minutes, Holly knowing better than to push for whatever Gail wanted to talk about. During a commercial Gail pulls her legs back into her, sitting up straight against the arm of the couch playing with the hem of her shirt. She presses mute on the remote clearing her throat before talking.
"Did you ever work with Detective Barber?" Gail asks.
"Uh, maybe once or twice, I was moved over to 15 a couple months before he passed." Holly says moving her glasses to the top of her head.
"He died saving me," Gail says her voice smaller than it has ever been. Holly turns towards Gail, pulling one of her legs underneath her. "I'm the reason he's dead."
"You're the cop that was abducted?" Holly asks her voice laced with concern. She scoots a bit closer to Gail.
"Yeah. I was the perfect match for this undercover assignment, and I was so excited that I was going to get an undercover assignment. Anyways, this college student who became an escort went missing, so we did this sting thinking we'd be able to catch the creep that kidnapped her." Gail chanced a look at Holly who was just nodding along listening intently to her.
"We made up a fake profile for me and Oli and Noelle helped show me the ropes before going out to this way swanky hotel. I remember getting dressed in the locker room before we left and I was standing in the mirror doing my make-up and Andy came in and started going over everything for the night. Reminding me that in order for anything to happen the guy has to pay me and when he does call room service. I was worried that I didn't have earrings and Andy was just like 'Oh take mine!' That's when I realized how nervous I was for this whole thing."
"I sat down at that bar and was just this bundle of nerves, I know I shouldn't have been nervous, but who wouldn't be in that kind of situation?"
"Oh, I definitely would have been, it's understandable," Holly states resting her hands on Gail's now restless digits.
"The bartender said I looked like an Appletini drinker. I laughed and just said Tequila. We had a casual conversation. Him lecturing me on drinks and saying that my nervous tell was playing with my earring to which I told him that they weren't mine and that I was staying with a friend, you know. Playing the part."
"Appletini. As if." Holly smirks.
"I know, right? So he tells me if I get stood up, to dump this guy. Before I know it this guy is next to me introducing himself buying me a drink. We talked, he told me that I was insecure and all this jumbo to which I just got more nervous and snarky Gail came out and just told him he's the one that's got insecurity problems. It was weird because at one point I actually kind of felt for this guy, probably because he always felt he needed to be to be one way, but that wasn't him. I know what that's like."
"So Andy and Nick make their way up to the floor that we were supposed to be going to and then right as we get to the elevators this guys is just like 'Surprise! We're not going up to the room,' and I just go with it. So I told him I needed the money and he was just like 'Okay, but get in the car.' So at this point I'm confident I'm going to be murdered or something because of how forceful he got. But lucky me, Sam showed up as soon as he wanted to pull away."
"Sounds pretty intense." Holly says her eyes scanning over Gail's face. Holly moves her hands back into her own lap and pulls her other leg underneath her, mimicking Gail's sitting position.
"This is where it all gets really intense," Gail states taking a deep breath in and letting it out slowly. She swallows hard continuing. "So after my debrief Andy and I were talking out by the row of cabbies in front of the hotel and she said that she was gonna stay with Sam and just wanted to make sure I would be okay by myself. I pretty much said 'Have a ball, I'm excited to have a night to myself,' and then asked the cabbie for a ride to Andy's."
"Nick and I were just getting back to the whole relationship kind of thing, but we weren't really, so I called him and left him a voicemail telling him I would be alone at Andy's and that he should stop by, while I was on my way there. I was in Andy's place for probably six minutes, I called Nick again, left him another voicemail and then hear a knock on the door. Without thinking about it I opened the door, expecting him to be on the opposite side but, boom, the door smacked me in the head and I was flung backwards and a person dressed in all black came after me. I tried my damnedest to put up a fight, but he was taller than me, and a helluva lot stronger than I was. The last thing I remember was him choking me."
Holly gasped placing her hand over her mouth pulling her knees up to her chin resting her head on them. She grabbed Gail's hands running her thumbs over the backs of them. "You don't have to tell me the rest if you don't want too."
"I do though. I don't talk about it, but I need to talk to you about it. You help make things easier, and even though I'm a hard person, this is the hardest thing about me," Gail inhales sharply pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. "When I woke up, I heard shoes clicking down wooden steps, but I couldn't see anything. I just heard someone moving around so I chanced asking where I was and what was in my arm. The voice said he was keeping me hydrated because the sedative that he gave me causes wicked headaches. As scared as I was I tried to help myself lighten the situation telling him that his shoes sounded like tap shoes. He told me that I woke up too early and I started to freak out as I heard him walk closer to me, and felt him lift the IV up. Then I was out again."
"There isn't anything like being tied to a metal table in the basement of some creep's house. Especially some creep whose voice tried too hard to be soothing and whose shoes clicked like he was part of some river dance ensemble." A few tears began to well up in the corner of Gail's eyes. Quickly she wiped them away and continued on with her story. "I was out of it when Jerry came to Perick's house. I didn't hear the commotion that was going on above me, but when he stormed downstairs freaking out, I started to come back to. Perick ripped the blindfold off my face and held a blood covered knife at me and got all pissed because I didn't tell him I was a cop and that he was supposed to be taking care of me."
"He told me to get up and put something over my mouth so I couldn't scream or talk and dragged me up the stairs. As soon as we got to the top of them Jerry launched himself at Perick and they went at it. I just sat on the floor and began sobbing. So much was going on. There was so much happening and I was still so out of it. I saw Jerry fall to the floor and Perick was next to me instantly pulling me to my feet and pushing me out of the front door. He put me in his trunk and began driving. I had no idea where we were going or what he was going to do to me."
"I felt the car jolt to a stop and could hear sirens. I pulled the piece of fabric from my mouth and tried to break the zip ties free from my hands, but I was just so weak. Nick and Chris opened the trunk and I honestly don't think I had ever been as grateful to see their faces ever in my entire life."
Gail wiped the offending tears from her cheeks as she finished up telling the story. She looked at Holly, her eyes just as red and puffy as Gail's were. Holly leaned forward brushing her thumb underneath Gail's eye catching a tear that was about to fall.
"This is why you wake up in the middle of the night sometimes? Why I've found you reading boring medical journals at three in the morning?"
Gail just nods a couple times, trying to calm herself down. "The nightmares get really bad sometimes. It's almost like they are so vivid and real. Perick stabbed Jerry and Jerry slipped his phone into Perick's pocket, that's how they found me. But he killed Jerry. I'm the reason Jerry isn't here. I'm the reason Jerry and Traci aren't married, living happily ever after. I owe my life to her. I took her life away."
At this point, tears are rushing down Gail's face and Holly can't help but to pull her close into her. Holly brushes her fingers through Gail's hair, consoling her, repeating over and over again "I've got you." Gail's body shakes as each sob erupts from low in her stomach. Slowly Gail's sobs turned into small whimpers, her face still buried deep in Holly's shoulder.
"All I wanted to do when I finally got my memory out of the fog was forget about the whole thing. But then Nick had to stop by and talk about it, and Luke wanted to go over my statement again. Then Traci stopped by." Gail pulled back from Holly's shoulder looking her deep in the eyes. "Then Traci stopped by." Gail whispered looking down into her lap.
"I was so mean when she knocked on the door because I was sick of people stopping in and asking how I was and constantly checking up on me. The minute she poked her head in the door my heart sunk. She looked so defeated. So unlike Traci. Her face was so solemn and she just looked so worn down. I couldn't look at her. I kept looking away, down at the bed, off into the corner of the room. She just stopped by to see how I was and I couldn't help but to think 'How does she even care how I'm doing? I'm the reason her finance is dead.'"
"I couldn't stop crying and she kept telling me it wasn't my fault and I just kept telling her it was, and that every single time she would look at me all she would see is the reason her finance is dead, she just said that every time she looked at me she would just see that he gave his life for something important. I felt that I was indebted to her. I needed to do something to show her how sorry I was for what happened to Jerry. We all went to The Penny later that night, to kind of spend it all as a family. Dov and Chris found Jerry's speech for the wedding in his desk when they were cleaning it out and Traci decided to read it aloud to everyone. Halfway through she became a mess, I had to finish reading it for her. To this day, I would jump over fire for her, because regardless of how much she tells me that she doesn't hold it above me that I'm the reason Jerry died, I still feel like she does."
"You can't do that, sweetheart. You can't keep blaming yourself for his death. He did quite a heroic thing for you." Holly says grabbing hold of Gail's hands again. "As a police officer you guys put yourself in danger all the time."
"I know that we do."
"So don't blame yourself," Holly took Gail's face in her hands brushing her thumb over Gail's lower lip. "Thank you for telling me this though."
Gail nods her eyes fixed on Holly's, "I told you that I needed to tell you." Gail takes a deep breath in trying to even out her breathing.
Holly slowly leaned in capturing Gail's lips with her own, "It means a lot that you trust me enough to let me know the darkest corners of you."
Gail lets a small grin grow across her lips, pressing another soft kiss to Holly's lips.