Now Loading: Kids Next Door Mission
Operation: J.O.K.E.
Joking
Obtrusive
Klown
Evildoer
Prologue: The Man Who Laughs
Benedict "Father" Uno was not in a good mood.
In fact, the ultimate authority figure was as far from a good mood as humanly possible. He was on his way to pitch his idea to the school board about year-round school, when the meddlesome Sector V of the Kids Next Door had intercepted him. To make things worse, the kids were armed with new inventions; ice weapons, specifically designed to counter Father's fire powers. They left him battered, beaten, and cold, promising to do worse if Father attempted to continue his plan to force kids to go to school all year.
"Stupid, annoying brats," Father grumbled as he walked into his enormous estate and slammed the door behind him. "Foiling my plans, blasting me with ice – I'm probably gonna catch a cold now..."
He went to the living room and took a seat in his favorite easy chair. He up the fireplace with a snap of his fingers, and called for his Delightful Children. "Children! Bring me some hot cocoa; I've had a long day, and I need to unwind!"
Father got comfortable and waited. And waited... and waited... and waited... and waited...
"Children!" Father called again, much angrier now. "Where's my cocoa?"
He waited again. But his Delightful Children still hadn't come with his drink. He groaned and got up out of his chair and marched upstairs, towards his children's room. "Children, you had better be sick or dead up there, I kid you not!"
As he stomped down the upstairs hallway, a little voice in Father's head suggested something; his Delightful Children never disobeyed him, let alone ignored him. If they weren't replying to his demands, then something must be wrong...
Unfortunately, the little voice was overshadowed by Father's blind fury. He reached his children's bedroom and kicked the door open like a cop on Law and Order.
"Children!" he roared. "Would you care to explain to me why – BWAH!"
The Delightful Children from Down the Lane sat propped up against the foot of their king-sized bed. Their bodies were stiff, unmoving. Their eyes were wide, unblinking. And their lips... their lips were curled up, frozen in five twisted, deranged smiles.
"... Children?" Father asked, his angered replaced by shock, and just a bit of fear. He stepped towards them slowly, like they were contaminated with some horrible disease. "Are you okay?"
He waved his hands and front of them. No response. He snapped his fingers in their faces. Still no reaction. "Childr-"
It was then that the laughter started.
"Hehehehehehe!"
It was a high-pitched, demented laugh, like a cross between a rabid hyena and a psychotic circus clown.
"Who's there?" Father asked, his eyes darting around the darkened bedroom, trying to pinpoint the source of the laughter. But he couldn't find it.
"Hehehehehehe!"
His anger returned, and two fireballs formed in his palms. "Show yourself!"
"Very well," said a voice that Father didn't recognize, and a figure stepped out of the shadows.
He was a tall, lanky man, dressed in a tacky purple tuxedo, with black loafers and a green undershirt. His hair was emerald green, his lips were ruby red, and his skin was whiter then Frosty the Snowman. A wicked smile was plastered across his face, just like the Delightful Children.
"Hi there," the stranger said nonchalantly, as though he were an invited guest, which of course he wasn't.
On a scale of one to ten, Father's anger jumped to fifteen. No one – no one broke into his mansion and harmed his Delightful Children! No one!
"Who are you?" Father asked, the fire in his hands growing to the size of beach balls. "How did you get in my house?" he cocked an arm back, ready to barbecue this intruder. "And what did you do to my Delightful Children?"
"Uh-uh-uh!" the stranger said quickly. He opened up his dress shirt, and Father froze. The stranger had dynamite strapped to the inside of his shirt; a single spark would blow all seven of them to kingdom come. "Let's not blow things out of proportion! Hehehe!"
Father narrowed his eyes in anger, and the fire in his hands died down. The stranger smiled and closed his shirt. "Good boy. Now, as for your questions...
"I am called the Joker. I came in through the front door. And as for the children of the corn over there, they got acquainted with my Joker Venom."
Father felt uneasy at the mention of this "Joker Venom". He didn't know what it was, but judging by the looks of the Delightful Children, it wasn't something pleasant.
"Don't worry though; the toxin will ware of in a few hours." The Joker casually took a seat in a nearby chair. "Joker Venom isn't fatal... At least, this batch wasn't. Hehehe!"
Father crossed his arms and glared at the Joker. "Okay, that answers my first three questions," he said. "Now for my next question; what are you doing here?"
"Glad you asked, my good man," the Joker got up and strolled over to a window. "I've been watching you from some time now; you and your little friends. And I must say, you're all pathetic!"
He chuckled and shook his head. "I mean, at least when my schemes fail, I get beat by a grown man! You all get your asses handed to you by children on a regular basis!"
"I'd like to see you do better!" Father challenged.
The Joker did not reply. Instead, his grin grew wider, and he started to laugh again.
"Hehehehehehe..."
That laugh is going to give me nightmares, Father thought, a chill running down his spine.
"I was hoping you'd say that," the Joker finally said. "I have a plan; a plan to eliminate both of our enemies in one brilliant move. But I can't do it alone, I'll need your help."
Before Father could respond, the Joker turned and looked out the window. "I don't expect you to trust me. After all, I broke into your home and Joker-fied your kids – who are very creepy, by the way. So, I'd like to show you exactly what I'm capable of. Tell me; where can I find these Kids Next Door?"
Father rubbed his chin in thought. He did have information about an upcoming Kids Next Door meeting, but mentally debated whether he should tell this Joker fellow. On the one hand, the Joker may be able to hold his own against the KND, and Father would gain a powerful new ally. On the other hand, the Joker might get the crud beat out of him, and Father would get a good laugh.
Either way, it was a win-win.
"Well?"
Finally, Father gave the Joker an answer; "The Kids Next Door are holding their annual ice-cream social right here in town. They're having at the playground down by the elementary school, and-"
"That's all I needed to hear," the Joker interrupted. With no hesitation, he jumped out the window, laughing that insane laugh of his.
"Hehehehehehe!"
Flabbergasted, Father raced over to the broken window and looked out. He did not see the Joker's body sprawled out in the grass below, as he had expected. In fact, there was no trace of the Joker; he wasn't running across the lawn, and he wasn't climbing the walls of the mansion.
He was just... gone.
Slowly, Father backed away from the window. He put the Delightful Children into bed, and went down to the kitchen to fix himself a much-needed cup of hot cocoa.
The Joker's laughter echoed in his head.
Hehehehehehe...
Transmission Interupted
And thus ends the first chapter of my Kids Next Door/Batman crossover. I was going to file this as a KND/Batman Crossover, but I thought that if I did, no one would ever see it. So, this is just a Kids Next Door story for now. I'll put it in the right section when Batman is actually introduced, which won't be for a few chapters.
Next Chapter: The Kids Next Door have their first meeting with the Clown Prince of Crime himself!
P.S. Does anyone know why the site won't let me put an exclamation point next to a question mark? For some reason, whenever I type it and save, it always takes out the second symbol...