B'WAY BABIE: Hello and welcome to the Resident Evil Cabaret! You may remember me and my brother, Jeremy, form the Silent Hill Cabaret.

JEREMY: Hello, you may remember me as B'way Babie's brother Jeremy. Vincent still should have been Benny.

B'WAY BABIE: Oh my g-d shut up already!

JEREMY: (Grumbling.)

B'WAY BABIE: So, this is a dedication to the theatre. Yes readers, we are theatre urchins. There's nothing wrong with that! Most of the songs are—

JEREMY: Songs we ripped off from Broadway, altered, and made for you're liking.

B'WAY BABIE: Yes. (To Jeremy.) Can't we get sued for that?

JEREMY: Of course not!

B'WAY BABIE: Oh…okay! The first song, the opening number, isn't technically a Broadway song but close enough. I sung it in theatre camp. It's called Magic to Do by Don Pippin. We—

BROADWAY GUY: (Knocking on the door.) Hey! I know you brat's are in there! Come out here so I can sue you're asses off!!!

B'WAY BABIE AND JEREMY: Crap!!!

B'WAY BABIE: Anyway, uh…please…enjoy…the first number…Ruuun!!!!

(The stage is lit up to show five characters with their backs turned to us. They are all dressed in white suits with tails, canes, and white top hats. The music cues and they start to snap with one hand while holding the cane in the other.)

WESKER: Join us, leave you're peers to cower.

SADDLER: Join us, come and view our power.

ALEXIA: Join us, come and waste a lifetime or two.

NEMESIS: Doodly-doo.

(Ada, Claire, Sherry, Alyssa, Jill, Rebecca, and Annette all enter from stage right while Leon, Chris, Steve, William, Luis, Carlos, and Hunk enter simultaneously form stage left wearing the same white suits and accessories. Salazar, Bitores, Ben, and Nicholai all enter from behind the big platform, waving their hands.)

ALL: Journey, journey to a spot ex-citing, cool, and horrifying. Journey, come to our opening night debut. We've got magic to do, just for you, we've got monsters and zombies to slay. We've got things to deform, hearts to warm, kings and things to take by storm as we go along our way.

(Ada and Carlos both do cartwheels across the stage.)

CLAIRE, JILL, ASHLEY: Intrigue, plots to bring disaster.

(Claire, Rebecca, and Annette all meet Leon, Billy, and William in the middle.)

ALFRED, LUIS, BILLY: Humor, handled by the master.

(Leon, Billy, and William each lift their designated date onto their shoulders as the woman perform splits in the air.)

EXCEPT THOSE SIX: Romance, love presented pastorally.

(Six split, and scurry off stage.)

NEMESIS: Doodly-dee.

SALAZAR, BITORES, NICHOLAI: Illusions, fantasy to study.

BITORES, NEMESIS, SADDLER: Bosses, barbarous and bloody!

ALL: Join us, sit where everybody can see! We've got magic to do, just for you, we've got monsters and zombies to slay. We've got parts to perform, songs to make you squirm, kings and things to take by storm, as we go along our way!

B'WAY BABIE: Are they gone?

JEREMY: I think so. Move over, you're feet smell!

B'WAY BABY: Sshh! Anyways people, I hope you enjoyed the first number. Come back for the second song sung by Wesker, Birkin, and the zombies! Oww!

JEREMY: Please don't sue us!!

A.N.-Seriously, the next chapter will be mucho better. The opening is the hardest.