Disclaimer: Ohimesama hasn't, doesn't and won't own Gundam Wing or Smile by Olive, off their CD Trickle.
Warnings: Angst, blood, pain…
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Duo stared moodily at the screen.
Smile
You'll steal away my soul
He felt the familiar clutch of pain around his heart, squeezing the love and life out of him.
Smile
I'll hide away and cry
He pulled a gun out and shot the screen straight through the center. No more. Footsteps in the corridor outside his room warned him of approaching Quatre. He knew what the sympathetic pilot would tell him, and he didn't want to hear it. Duo might be dying of pain, but his skills hadn't deserted him yet. In one smooth motion, he vaulted over the windowsill and ran along the rooftop. He slid down the drainpipe, and in a flash of black, had disappeared down the street. He ran and ran, trying to escape his own feelings and the breaking of his heart. He stopped finally in the park, but the sights of happy couples only stoked the fires of his misery. He slumped down between two trees, hidden by a bush, and sobbed.
My mind's made up
I was shattered to see your eyes
The images he had seen burned their way through Duo's mind, forcing him to admit it. The picture—the news announcement, the sight of…him…and her. Her. Duo spat. Her very name was a torture and a torment to him. Once she was his friend, and the one he had helped protect and rise to the rank she held now. But she had stolen…him…from Duo, and that was unforgivable. A tiny thread of truth rose in his breast, whispering but she loved him too. When you had him, she felt like this. It was true, and it scorched his heart. And that picture…his face, her face, their eyes, locked together in a timeless silent communication. Duo buried his face in his hands and wept again.
Smile
No doubt I'll keep my pride
But it may be hard to find
Duo forced himself to look up, to smile at the people passing by, his false smile convincing them that the ragged boy sitting among the thorns, oblivious to their ripping touch and the blood slipping down his arms, was all right, that he was not in need of help. Duo's iron resolve tightened. No one would ever know his anguish. It would be his secret, just between his mind and his heart. The face he raised to the world was a mask, hiding the truth, but it saved the one thing left to Duo—his pride.
There's nothing left
Handed down your legacy
But more regret, painted on with empathy
What would he do now? A silent sigh escaped the torn and bloody boy, and his emotions flinched. What was left to him? The war was over…she ruled in peace, and now the one thing that truly mattered had left him. What was left to hang onto?
Smile
Don't complicate my time
Smile
Footsteps Duo knew pounded through his turmoil-filled mind, and in a second of hope, he looked up. The tentative smile of Quatre filled his vision. No, no, he only wanted to be alone. Quatre was kind, but his sorrowing and apologetic words could not heal Duo's heart. Quatre had tried, but…he…had shown that Duo was no longer important. To be shrugged off killed the boy…but there was Quatre to deal with now. A hesitant figure behind Quatre caught Duo's attention. Trowa smiled slightly, the best he could offer, and unconsciously placed a hand of Quatre's shoulder. Quatre looked up, and echoed Trowa's smile. Those tiny gestures brought Duo's world crashing down around him again. Why hadn't he ever noticed the fragile love that now blossomed before his eyes? Why wasn't there a warm hand on his shoulder, the touch of the one he loved? Duo forced another smile, and tried to make them leave, but his violet eyes, almost black with the strength of his pent-up emotions, could not deceive the other ex-pilots. They nodded slowly to him, and seated themselves some distance away, watching Duo silently.
Don't ask me if I'm fine
My world won't doubt
There's nothing that words can say
Time and again they ventured to him, asking the same words over and over, trying to get a confession or a plea out of Duo so that they could comfort him. It never worked. The steel wall pulled close around the boy locked all others out, and the easy lies his curved mouth told discouraged them. His eyes were the only outlets for them to use as judgment, for he never spoke. There was nothing that words could form to express the depth of his suffering.
Smile
No doubt I'll keep my pride
But it may be hard to find
There's nothing left
Handed down your legacy
But more regret, painted on with empathy
Pain filled the body of Duo Maxwell. He didn't feel it, so wrapped around the aching hole in his inner heart that he couldn't spare enough attention to realize the condition of his body. Why, why, why…what did he have now? Broken thoughts ripped any attempt he made at healing himself. Regret…what had he done wrong? What had he said, done, not done… what had made his one love leave him? Nothing his two silent watchers could express matched his hurt, and so they merely watched him writhe in his own, mentally conceived torment as waves of regret wracked his body.
There's nothing left
There's nothing left
Duo felt the reality slip away from his grasp; no matter how hard he tried the sanity and reason of the world drifted away from him as sorrow took over, dragging him into its dark, deceptive depths. Over and over, three little words, packed with woe, repeated in his head. There's nothing left.
Smile
You'll steal away my soul
Smile
A sudden congregation of people finally yanked Duo's attention away from himself. The visitors of the park had gathered around its one major screen. Duo looked up, and wished he hadn't. He…was smiling, a smile that only Duo had seen, the smile of love and compassion, and truth. Not the smile of destruction and insanity, but the smile of warmth and life, like a tender kiss in its sweetness. That smile, gracing…his…face, shoved Duo back into his own world of hate and pain.
I'll hide away and cry
There's nothing left
Handed down your legacy
Smile
Quatre and Trowa were looking too, their mouths open in shock and astonishment. Duo seized this precious second of distraction to pull his broken body up out of the seeking thorns, and limped away, to find someplace where he could be left alone to review what he had and what he had lost. Nothing and everything, respectively. That smile…those eyes…oh, god, why…
No doubt I'll keep my pride
But it may be hard to find
The self-proclaimed God of Death smiled grimly as he forced his exhausted body away from the tortures of help. Quatre and Trowa should leave him be, they should enjoy their love while it lasted…nothing lasted long in this world. Duo's lips, cracked and bleeding, parted in another, more frightening smile. The maniacally laughing Shinigami was in him somewhere, and it was desperate to take this chance to prove that, yes, it did still exist, even in times of peace. Pride was one thing death clings to.
If only you would try
Gonna leave you far behind
Crystal drops of pure sorrow coursed their way down Duo's cheeks, fell into the cold air and spun into ice fragments that shattered on the cruel, pitiless Earth. Why hadn't…he…ever told Duo the truth? It would have been far easier then learning it on his own, confronting…him…and taking from silence the truth. If only…he…had tried…even now, as Duo wrecked himself over his lose, the one the God of Death loved had forsaken him, deciding to try and ease his castaway lover's pain. Duo staggered through the empty streets, his eyes empty and somehow distant, his mind focused on one thing.
It may be hard to find
If only you had tried
I'm gonna leave you far behind
Where did Death lurk? Inside your soul, by your shoulder, behind you, ahead? Where did it wait patiently for you to give up and join him in the icy torments of hell or the sweet pleasures of heaven? Duo knew his destiny. He had killed far too many innocent boys and men fighting because it was their job, murdered far too many innocent bystanders to expect a place in heaven. Duo knew his religion and he knew Satan and God together held a special place for the pilots of the Gundams. Where was Death? Why did he have to actively seek it, why didn't it come on its own? If only he had tried…if only the lover that had broken the last of Duo had tried…if only Death tried to come… It might be hard to find, but Duo knew he would meet the black robed figure of Death soon. Forsaken, alone, hurt, Duo was prepared to leave everyone and everything behind. He turned a corner and fell against the frosty stones, his chest heaving as a little more blood left him. He looked up and relief spread across his face as he fell willingly into the open arms of Death…
Good bye Heero.