A/N: This is a sequel to Suddenly.
Vali has grown over the centuries, his then short black hair becoming longer and ending up to his shoulders, his blue eyes still shining with mischief even after being told off for it so many times. He's far too stubborn to listen, like his fathers, and Loki finds it endearing (though a bit annoying, at times). Though he takes up Thor in strength, the magic that flows with him is Loki's, and thus he spends many mornings training with his brutish father and many nights practicing magic with Loki. He is skilled, powerful, and he is already in that point in time where he does not need his fathers' sheltering anymore.
Through it all, Loki has made sure that Vali is loyal to him. When he fails in strength, or in his magic, he is there to comfort him. When he aches, and Thor is too much of a blithering idiot to notice, Loki is there to brush that pain away. When he first learns how it is to have his heart break, it is Loki who teaches him to never let that become a weakness; instead, a learning point. When he is scared, or he does not know what to do, it is Loki who guides him subtly until he finds his answers. Though he loves his fathers equally, it remains that Loki is the one who he relies on the most. He is not dependent (Loki knows better than to let him become so), but he knows who it is that he should go to when he needs help.
Thus, Loki's plan is complete. He has a son who may take his place in reigning over Asgard and a protégé who will continue the flourishing of his magic. All that is left is removing the spell of false love on Thor, then ruler of Asgard, and Loki may finally find his peace in solitude. His place in Asgard has already been ensured through Vali, and decades more of pretending is unneeded. His lies are growing better by the years and though he knows that it is good practice, he does not find it pleasing whenever Thor comes to him at night for carnal pleasure merely because he is blinded by the spell. His body is exhausted enough as it is with the usage of many charms.
"Thor, please," Loki sighs as he tries to brush away the hands on his arms, "I am exhausted. Can you not find any concubines to ease your heat?"
"I only want you, Loki," Thor says before nipping at Loki's earlobe. "You always say that you are exhausted, yet I have not seen you doing anything that could lead to such fatigue. Tell me the truth, brother," he scowls before biting into the skin of Loki's neck and making the black-haired god gasp in pain, "are you not pleased with me? Have I not done everything you have wished for? Why can you not let me have this?"
Loki scowls inwardly, not wishing to lower his defense any longer. Yet it is all he can do, because Thor only believes Loki's tears and not his words. After the passing of the centuries, Loki had come to realize that Thor was and will forever be weak to his tears, merely because he does not wish to see him in pain. But has that ever been true, or was it only Loki's sorcery that made him think so?
"Thor, I'm sorry," Loki murmurs, bowing his head and forcing his eyes to shed tears, "I just- I can't. It's too painful, and I don't want you to have me when I'm only forcing myself to want it."
Thor weakens instantly when he tips Loki's chin up with a hand and sees the tears shining in his eyes. It's humiliating, yet Loki can do nothing else. Thor has never learned how to listen to anyone but himself. "No, Loki." He sighs and takes his hand away to wrap his arms around Loki, embracing him with a gentle force. "I am sorry, for not understanding."
Loki acts out a hesitant nod, pressing his forehead into Thor's shoulder. "We are both at fault, my brother. It's fine. But, I need to ask something from you." Loki pulls away to look up at Thor's face, seeing the confusion clouding the god of thunder's blue eyes. "It will be but a short moment, I swear."
"What is it?" Thor asks.
"Close your eyes, and I will try something on you." Loki says. He sighs when Thor looks askance at him. "I assure you, brother, this is not another prank. Trust in me."
Thor hesitates, yet he nods in the end. He has been made far too trusting because of Loki's spell; something Loki will miss when he finally removes it. Yet it is better than having to endure days and nights of Thor's advances, or his maddening possessiveness.
He begins by placing his hands on Thor's temples, laying soothing touches on Thor's skin until he is comfortable and pliant. Once Thor eases into his touch, he closes his eyes and mutters the spell under his breath, searching Thor's mind for traces of the former spell he had put on him. In the golden caverns of Thor's mind he picks apart the dark tendrils of his magic, taking them away one by one by the tips until there is nothing left but gold and joy and strength and everything that Thor is.
He slips his hands away once the spell reversal is done, and Thor blinks his eyes open. There is nothing left of the former cloudiness in Thor's eyes, only clarity, and he looks in confusion at Loki. Loki sighs, preparing himself with a teleportation spell if ever Thor becomes violent.
"What did you do?"
"Nothing of consequence," to you, Loki says. He pulls away from Thor completely, arms crossed on his chest as he says, "It is a healing spell."
Thor nods in understanding at that, blue eyes shining under the glow of Asgard. "Ah, that would explain the disappearance of my headache." Loki quells the urge to say headache?, not wishing to reveal his confusion at the side effects of his spell. There weren't supposed to be any pains when the spell is cast, only bouts of dazedness at the most. But the reversal is done, Thor is not blinded anymore, and Loki knows the time will come sooner or later when Thor will punish him for his lies.
Yet he is surprised, once again, when Thor kisses him. Loki blinks at the movement, hands automatically moving to push Thor away when Thor doesn't let up. "What?" Thor asks in confusion when Loki keeps them both at arm's length. "Is there something wrong?"
Loki stays silent for a while, searching Thor's eyes for any sign of the charm he'd undone. There's nothing there, nothing different from the Thor of the past, and Loki becomes confused even more. Thor wasn't supposed to kiss him. He was supposed to get angry. (It's pathetic that he thinks an angry Thor is easier to handle than anything else.) What went wrong?
"Nothing, nothing is wrong." Loki murmurs. Thor stares at him, eyes roaming around Loki's form as though searching for something different, before nodding. He cups Loki's cheek, thumb rubbing circles into pale skin before he smiles once again.
"Whatever it is, you may confide in me. Lacking in knowledge as I may be," Thor admits with a mirthful chuckle, "I don't want to be completely useless to my spouse, do I?"
Spouse.
Thoughts run haphazardly in Loki's mind (He still remembers, that can't be. There's something wrong. Why is he calling me his spouse? He's laughing. What went wrong? Is the spell not removed completely yet? Is it a side effect? Something, something must have happened that affected the spell. Remember, Loki. Was there something you didn't notice when you cast it? Were there no interruptions? What if…), and he realizes, through the muddle of ideas, that it must have been Thor. Thor must have ruined the spell itself, because there was nothing else he had done wrong. All of his spells are always perfect.
Thor was already in love with him before he cast the spell.
Loki is already set to leave, never to look back when he dons his more formal garb and Gungnir. Yet Vali stops him just as he is about to perform the teleportation spell by barging into his room, as he is accustomed to, and Loki stops the urge to berate him for being up so late. Vali knows something, Loki can tell from the determined look in his eyes, and he does not want his son going on a rampage as he is wont to do whenever he doesn't get the answers he wants.
"Where are you going, father?" Vali asks.
"Somewhere." Loki says blithely. "Why do you ask, my son?"
Vali squints his eyes at him, his mouth pressed in a firm line before saying, "Liar. You plan on leaving us." He comes closer, eyes downcast and saddened (Loki tries to ignore the ache in his chest at the sight of it; it wouldn't do to be derailed from his plan of escape.) Vali looks up at him with shining blue eyes, "Why? Are you not happy here in Asgard?"
"I am. I am happy with you." Loki places a firm hand on Vali's shoulder, pressing warmth into his son before letting go. "But that is not enough. I need to find something else of importance."
"I'm not important enough for you to stay? Is that it, father?" Vali says. He frowns with hurt, arms crossed on his chest. Loki can see that he is acting though there is truth in his words, and he does not know whether he should feel proud that his son is becoming a great silver tongue or annoyed that such skills are being used against him. He fears that it may even be working. "I thought you loved us."
"I do love you." Loki says.
"What about father Thor, then? Do you not love him enough to stay?" Vali says.
Loki contemplates on telling him the truth, that he never loved Thor in the first place and he only used him to ensure his safety in Asgard, but he knows it is not yet time to reveal Vali to such pain. He is far too young. "I love him as well. But there is something I must do." He says instead.
"Swear that you will return, then. I won't bother you any longer if you promise." Vali uncrosses his arms to place them on his hips, and Loki finds it undeniably annoying(/amusing) that his son has acquired not only speech patterns but mannerisms from both his fathers as well.
"I swear." Loki nods in acquiescence and Vali nods back. Vali turns on his heel, marching out of the room without a sound as Loki conjures up a transportation spell that will send him to the Bifrost without anyone tracing him there notwithstanding Heimdall's all-seeing sight.
Loki is already halfway into the teleportation spell when he hears, "Know that I will trust you no longer if you break your promise, father."
His Jotun form disgusts him. Be it that it is his true form, that his Asgardian glamour was only pretense, he cannot deny that he is repulsed with it. It shows far too much of the monster that he knows he is, not Loki the Liesmith but Loki the Frost Giant, and he hates it. He has strived for far too long to earn Odin's love, to earn some sort of place beside Thor, and this monstrosity, this blue-skinned beast has ruined it. He could have made it all perfect, he could have stayed in Asgard without resorting to lies, but he is a monster.
And nobody can ever trust a monster.
But he has to make do with this form to make it work, as desperate as his plan sounds, and all sacrifices must be made if they are for one's own good. He divests himself of his clothing easily, folding them and hiding them in a hole he finds by the dead trees of the frozen lake of Jotunheim. It's uncomfortable for him, yet his Jotun body works as though it were made for the chill of the realm.
It is. He knows that it's made for this, this freezing temperature and deathly chill. But that's not what he's here for. He needs to find a suitable Jotun, someone not only of strength but of intellect as well. How he'll find someone like that in a span of one week is troubling, but he'll find a way. He'll adapt easily, as he always does, and he'll find a Jotun of his liking somehow.
Two weeks later, after enduring many aches and scars from his activities with a Jotun whose name he did not bother to know, he finds that he is with child. He's a healthy one, androgynous as his own half-Jotun father, and beautiful even if Loki has yet to birth him. He lays still, quiet, in Loki's Jotun womb; and Loki knows he should be disgusted because it is another monster that he will bring into being. But he isn't because the child is his; completely his, his own, and no one can steal him away. Loki won't let them.
He endures two more weeks with the child in Jotunheim, letting him grow until his belly is more prominent with his nakedness. He will humiliate not only Thor but Asgard as well with his betrayal, he knows, but it is the only way. He will be, once again, the villain in Thor's story; but, lest he be seen as such only, he will bring back a gift.
Thor doesn't need to know how he achieved a peaceful agreement between Jotunheim and Asgard. He'll have to accept the gift as it is, be it that his own spouse is dirtied by monster's blood. A blessing is a blessing still no matter how it looks, and Thor knows better than to look a gift horse in the mouth.
If Thor can accept him as he is in Jotun form, Loki doubts that he will when he finds him pregnant with another's child.
He spins a tale of being used when he returns, and though he knows that Heimdall sees through it all, he is certain that he knows better than to reveal the liesmith now. The all-seeing one has already hidden him from Thor's eyes when he escaped; to reveal such treachery too late would only cost him even more of Thor's powerful anger.
The tears he sheds when he speaks are not meant for the 'unwanted' child in his belly but for a greater cause; it is for the freedom that he cannot gain because Thor still loves him, monstrous as he is, and for his son that does not know any better. He's sickened at the realization that he is being like Odin in this aspect, hiding truths from his son for no justifiable reason. But Vali will find out soon enough because he is Loki's son, intelligent and quick-witted as his father, and he will hate him. His own spawn will hate him because of his selfishness, but there is nothing he can do now.
The tale has already been spun, and nothing Loki does will be enough to take it all back. He has already let all of Asgard see him for the monster that he is with another monster in his womb, a pitiful image that it makes when he kneels down in front of Thor and begs for forgiveness. The apologies are all lies and Loki can only hope that Thor's hardheadedness will work for him now as it did when they were younger; when Thor would always do the opposite of what he'd tell him to do.
"You could not use you own sorcery to fend him off?" Thor's voice bellows over the chatter of many Asgardians. Loki shudders at the power of it though he keeps his head bowed, not wanting to see the anger in Thor's face. He has already enraged him enough.
"I could not, my king," Loki lets his voice tremble, the fear he has hidden from Thor slipping out from his tongue, "I was too weak, too frozen with the cold and fear. I would have-" he stops to choke back a sob, "I would have stopped him if I could, would have killed him, but I didn't- I didn't do it, because it would ruin you. They gave me a bond in exchange for this treachery, a peaceful agreement between Jotunheim and Asgard, but I- I know, I know that I have already shamed you with this child in my womb, and I…I don't think it an injustice if you wish to kill me, now. Let what must be done come about, my lord." He bows his head further as a sign of submissiveness and ignores the shout of "father!" from the crowd. "For all who have dirtied the name of the ruler of Asgard may perish in the fiery realms of Hel." He mutters softly.
There is silence for a while, only the soft mutterings of the idle gossipers in Asgard reaching Loki's ear as he keeps his head bowed. He looks up when he sees Thor's feet before him, flinching away when he sees the golden hand reaching for his face. "Don't!" He gasps as he inches away, "Don't, my lord. I might- I might hurt you." He looks away when he sees the pitying look on Thor's face, not wishing to let his own anger and disgust show with it. "Please. Banish me if you must."
"Father, please," Vali pleads as he runs toward both of his fathers. Thor looks at him blankly, as Loki remembers Odin would when they were both little, before letting him speak. "He did not mean any harm. He is hurt just as much as you are, and he did not wish for this. Please." His blue eyes shine with tears and Loki tries what he can to ignore the ache in chest with it. "Forgive father."
Thor is silent through it all, blue eyes looking from Vali to Loki. Loki is tempted time and again to stand up and scream at him, "Just let me go, you horrid oaf! You don't need me here when I have already ruined your name, you never needed me! Let me go!" But he resists, because the plan would be ruined if he succumbed to his impatience.
"This is not an elaborate plan to anger me, Loki?" Thor asks. Vali shoots an incredulous look from him to Loki, remaining silent all the while.
Yes it is. "Of course not, brother." Loki shakes his blue head in denial.
"You did not wish for this child in your womb?" Thor asks again.
Yes, I did. I've always wanted a child of Jotun, a child that I may treat as my own and not yours, Thor. "No. But make no mistake," Loki looks up at him in defiance, red-orange eyes blazing with anger, "if you try to kill my child, I will wreak chaos far worse than Ragnarok on Asgard."
Thor stays silent at that, blue eyes looking at Loki unblinkingly. He knows that Loki is telling truth at that, that he treasures any child he has no matter how monstrous they are because they are still his. His, and his alone.
"Then it is settled." Thor says. Loki blinks in confusion at him, a hand covering his belly as though to protect it. Vali does the same, wide blue eyes staring at his father in confusion. "You are still my spouse, no matter what adversity may come, Loki," Thor says and Vali relaxes, a relieved smile playing on his face while all else of Asgard erupts into complaints, "because I love you, and no Odinson breaks his vows."
"The child?" Loki asks.
"He will be treated as any son of Asgard." His blue eyes shine (disgustingly so, Loki thinks) with love as he speaks, "Because he is your son, and you are my spouse. As such, I shall treat him as my own."
Loki swallows down his own complaint. His plan has backfired on him, it seems. "This is the most idiotic decision you've made yet, Thor." He says instead.
Thor looks down at him with a quirked brow. "Are you challenging me, Loki? Did you not wish to stay?" He sighs and shakes his head before kneeling down in front of Loki. "I don't want to let you go just because of this. You're worth more than that."
Any century before and Loki would have appreciated that, would have taken it to heart and changed for the better instead of turning into a manipulative and selfish silver tongue that he is now. But Thor is too late, always too late, and Loki does not know how to care anymore. "Of course, brother. But what of Asgard's people? They do not seem to appreciate this generosity of yours."
"That is only because they do not understand." Thor says. Vali watches the two of them silently, blue eyes filled with knowledge that this is something that only his two fathers can share. No one else can truly understand. "I love you. They'll see that you've changed someday, I know it. It just takes some time." Thor smiles before wrapping his hand around Loki's wrist, not showing any surprise when he is unhurt. Loki stares at the hand silently, inwardly thankful that his inner turmoil is not showing through his icy skin. "Trust in me."
Loki has heard those words too many times and he knows a lie when he hears one. "All right," he says anyway, because who would he be if he did not lie just as well? He lets Thor help him up, playing the pitiful act up when he sighs and nuzzles into Thor's touch. "If I may rest, your highness?" He murmurs tiredly.
"Of course." Thor nods with a comforting smile. Vali stops him just before he tries to leave, earning him a confused look from Thor. "What is it, Vali?"
"My lord," Vali says with a quirk of his brows, "I think you ought to handle the crowd first before anything. I'll help father to his chambers."
Thor smiles sheepishly at the reminder and gives Loki to his son, Loki leaning easily into Vali's touch as he is helped away. "I'll visit you later, Loki." Thor promises before turning to handle the hordes of angry Asgardians. They both watch him go with identical wry smirks on their faces before turning and making their own journey through the halls and to Loki's chambers.
"How much do you know?" Loki says just as they enter his chambers. Vali jolts at the sudden acknowledgement though he quickly relaxes, or some semblance of it, when he answers.
"I know that you took this journey to deliberately anger father. But I don't know why." Vali says before joining his father in sitting on the bed. Loki notices quickly that his former room is still clean, as though it weren't abandoned in the first place, and he knows instantly that it is because of Thor. "Will you tell me?"
"Someday, I will." Loki looks from the floor to his son's blue eyes, seeing his reflection in the endless pool of azure. He swallows down a groan of despair. "I can't tell you now." When you're old enough to understand, I will, Loki implies subtly.
Vali hesitates, looking at his hands in nervousness and worry before nodding finally. "All right. I trust you, father." Loki squashes the urge to cry then and there because Vali is him at that moment, scared and worried about what's wrong, what if he was the one who'd done something wrong, why is this happening? "But," he says softly, "it isn't because of me, is it?"
"No. Of course not, my son." Loki raises a hand to brush the hair from Vali's face away, ignoring the way that his son flinches slightly when he reaches out. It hurts, but it serves as a good reminder of what he is at that moment. "You have done nothing wrong. This is something between your father and I, and you will do no further to trouble yourself with it." He sighs, letting the mask fade away in that moment; letting his son see just how scared and tired he is like they both are. "I'll fix this somehow."
Vali nods, and all is silent. Loki will find a way sooner or later to get things right, or as right as they can be.
"My son," Frigga murmurs softly as she enters Loki's chambers days after his return. "I wish to have words with you."
Loki looks up from his study table, pushing everything aside properly and swiftly rising to accommodate his mother. "Mother, come in. What is it that you wish to speak of?" He lets her sit beside him on the bed, his hands clasped in his lap as he watches her struggle over her words. He understands that, though Odin may not have given him his favor for most of his life, Frigga has always treated him better. He wonders if it is because he is lacking in the violence that the Allfather always sought, or if it is because they are both more of wit instead of raw strength.
"I have watched you grow ever since you were brought into our family." Frigga begins with soft brown eyes looking into Loki's sharp green ones, "And, though we are not of the same blood, I have treated you as my own nonetheless. I have guided you for as long as I can remember, I have loved you as I would my own kin. And, it is not because of Thor that I say this but because of you, my son." She breathes deeply before placing a hand on Loki's blue one, watching the contrast of their colors. "I want you to be happy."
Loki is silent through it all, watching their hands clasped around each other in wonder. It has been so long since Frigga has spoken to him, so long since he has heard the common lines of a mother that she "has watched you grow since you were little." He has missed it, more than he can remember.
"How?" His voice cracks around the edges when he says it, his eyes suddenly brimming with unshed tears as he lets his mother place soothing touches on the back. "How can I be happy, after everything I have done?"
"Let things be." She says. She removes her hand from Loki's back to clasp it on top of Loki's hand, thus enclosing his blue hand in her golden ones. "Do not plan everything that you wish to happen. Let the Norns do as they wish. Though I understand that you have done many wrongs, and that you have hurt people," Frigga smiles dryly at him through shining eyes, "you are still a child in my heart and the Norns', and we know that the only way to soften your streak of mischief is to keep you content. You are innocent, Loki. You have done many things, good and evil, but you only wanted what was best, did you not?"
Loki chokes back a sob before nodding in agreement. "Yes," he closes his eyes and lets the tears flow down his cheeks, "yes." He whimpers in the back of his throat when Frigga tugs him closer, until he is held firmly in her embrace. "I wanted them to be happy. I never wanted the throne, or rule over the realms. I wanted- I wanted to be Thor's equal, I wanted," he sobs as Frigga soothes his back with a touch, "I wanted to be recognized by father."
"I know, darling. I know." She pats his hair down with a soothing whisper, a gentle smile playing on her face. "That's why I want you to stop this foolishness." Loki looks at her with confusion before she chuckles at him. "Stop rejecting love when it is being offered to you on a golden platter, my dear. There's a reason why it's rude to decline a gift."
"But I don't know how to accept it." Loki says.
"Then learn." Frigga says with a brighter smile. "I'm certain that Thor can help you in that aspect."
Loki pauses, pulling away from Frigga's embrace completely to see her better. He is silent, mulling over her words in his head as he looks from the floor to their hands and to Frigga's brown eyes again. Frigga remains silent, letting her son think as she smiles patiently at him.
Loki nods in finality when he stands up. He wipes away the tears from his eyes with a renewed courage. "We will see, mother."
The first inkling they have that Farbauti has magic in him is when, after he is born, his usually blue skin becomes golden under Thor's touch. Loki is startled at the change but doesn't take the glamour back, not wishing to let him be seen as a monster under Asgard's burning gaze. He'll tell him when he is of age the truth that he isn't Thor's son, and he'll do it without the lies that he is accustomed to. He'll tell him far earlier than Odin had told him about his own origin, because he doesn't want that hurt to pass on. He wants his Farbauti happy, and if Asgard objects to that….
Well then, we'll just have to see how soon Ragnarok will truly come.
Vali grows up well, his soft edges turning harder and more defined. Many women of Asgard are attracted to him but Vali chooses to set his sights on other things; studies, training, magic, and Loki has never been prouder of his son. (It's embarrassing but, Loki knows as well that Vali is far too attached to his sorcerer father to even think of women. He'll grow out of it, hopefully.)
Farbauti grows just as well, green eyes and golden skin with black hair on his head. He is quick to recognize his family, treating Loki, Thor and Vali with happy gurgles but crying instantly at the touch of anyone else. It is troublesome, but Loki loves him nonetheless. He is certain, either way, that this child will become stronger as he grows. It is clear from the firm hold he has on Loki's thumb when he first learns how to see through the golden lights of Asgard, and though Loki finds it regretful, there's some part of him that tells of Farbauti growing up and becoming more a warrior than a sorcerer or anything else. How ironic it is that Loki is his one true parent, but he will take after his foster father. Yet the possibility is quite real and, from what Loki has observed, the Norns will do what they must without a care for others' plans.
For now, he endures being with Thor. Thor still lavishes him with adoration, with gifts and trinkets from his journeys with the Warrior Four as though he were still under the spell, but now Loki knows better. This is not because of a charm, or magic, or any form of sorcery. It is something that is purely Thor, something from the caverns of Thor's golden heart, and something that only Loki can see. It's regretful that Loki does not know how to reciprocate the affection, after going through all that heartbreak for Odin. He has been hurt for far too long and played with far better than he had played anyone else, and his heart is already exhausted. He doesn't know if he can love anymore.
But, maybe, Loki thinks with a wry smile as he watches Thor approach him with Farbauti in his arms and an eager Vali beside him, I can learn how.
Just maybe.