It was Christmas and I was on my way to rail my wife in the ass. I was speeding through the Seattle freeways, which were filled with cars that were driven by dudes who were on their way to rail their own wives in the ass. As you'd expect, it was like you were driving in Italy: cars swerving and crashing into eachother, some flying up in the air ass they hit shit, and some driving off the bridge.
I refused to end up like them. I had Jack Johnson blasting through my car stereo, and it motivated me right in my nuts. I was not going to die with Jack Johnson being the last thing I ever listened to.
I scream as I floor it through the anarchy, ramming through cars and eventually making it off the freeway. I wipe the sweat off my forehead. I just need to make it to the island before I miss my ferry. But alas, I have to destroy a toilet.
I swerve into the Alderwood Mall parking lot and run into the building and into the bathrooms, the shit literally touching my sphincter. I pull down my pants and just let it pour out my ass right in front of a kid, who just watched with a blankass expression like he had zero clue that I didn't make it to the stall.
Not wanting to grab unwanted attention I slide——yeah, I used my shit to slide——-into the stall, where I slam the door shut to wipe my ass.
Alas, I trip into the toilet and it flushes, transporting me like it was Harry Potter(god I fucking hate myself for making a Harry Potter reference).
I wake up, butt naked, in this field in a cartoon: I recognize those, skies, I'm in Equestria!
I instantly sit straight up and say to myself: "I'm gonna fuck Twilight Sparkle in the fucking ass."
I run as fast as I can to Twilight's castle, and when I reach it I knock.
Twilight opens the door to see my thick, throbbing penis staring her right in her eyes. Shocked, she slams the castle doors, snapping my erection.
"Suck it." I growl ferociously.
She hears my loud, gargling scream muffled through her doors, and she opens the doors to see MY FUCKING DICK LOOKING LIKE THIS
IT FUCKING HURT. BUT I STILL WANTED TO FUCK HER IN THE ASS.
She takes me inside and snaps my dick back into place and fixes it with magic.
She asks me where I'm from and I reply by showing her the music of my people, which is "Toxic" by Britany Spears.
I tell her I come from the land of superintelligent monkeys(the other monkeys can go fuck themselves) and that I wanted to insert my erect penis into her anus.
She looks at me like she just saw Christopher Lloyd's nudes and asks what my problem is. I tell her that I'm a married man and that I need my sex, and that it's not cheating if it's a cartoon horse.
She tells me we just met like five minutes ago. I tell her welcome to the human race.
I'm not backing down from my wish, and she understands that, so she gives me her idea: if I can fuck her friends, then I can fuck her.
Given that just gives me more ponies to fuck, I happily agree. She gives me a list of her friends, from easiest to fuck to hardest:
-Pinkie Pie
-Applejack
-Fluttershy
-Rainbow Dash
-Rarity
-Starlight Glimmer
-Twilight Sparkle
Rarity's hard to fuck?
"You'll see," Twilight replies.
I roll up the paper and I stick it up my ass. If I can fuck these ponies I can fuck Twilight. They're like the nicest motherfuckers ever, how hard can it be?
TO BE CONTINUED
End Credits Song: Sufjan Stevens-Death With Dignity